


Forward Without Seeing

by queen_insane



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angel the Series Spoilers, Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Non-Canonical Character Death, Odd Parings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 21:12:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 111
Words: 130,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9289784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_insane/pseuds/queen_insane
Summary: At the start of Season 3 Cordelia comes back, Xander does not. The more things change, the more they stay the same.





	1. Into the Woods /Changing of the Guard (1)

**Author's Note:**

> This is an exploration of season 4 and onward with the idea that it's Cordelia who joins the Scoobies at the start of season 4. The point is to get to the end of Season 7 with the same outcome. However there are moments in the middle that look very different, and the characters end up reacting to things in different ways. This fic exists to look at those changes through short snippets and dabbles, in no particular order.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riley is convinced to stay.

**Time Stamp:** End of Episode

She stopped in front of him, face flushed - her breathing sharp and jagged from running too long. Behind him the helicopter blades whirled, cutting through the air and creating fuzzy white noise, “Don’t, don’t go.” She said, but the words were lost between her attempts at gathering air into her lungs and the wub wub of the helicopter.

“What did you say?” He asked.

She took a breath, and then another, and another. As she breathed her focus narrowed and her body slowed, fatigue tapering off. Finally when she had gotten her bearings back and her words would no longer be impossible to understand, she spoke again, “Don’t go.” She said with greater strength in her voice, resolved and steady.

In that moment as he stared at the woman across from him - he loved her. He didn’t know if the moment or the feeling would last but his gut told him that it would. Something in the last few months had lead up to this, forcing his heart to choose between two very different kinds of love. One was passionate, and like a whirlwind - the other was steady, and perhaps a little quieter but no less valid and no less beautiful. It should not have surprised him how easy it was for his heart to give itself over to that steady love. Maybe he had always been traditional in the way he viewed love, and maybe it was time that he acknowledged that in himself. He had always wanted something equal, had wanted something that he could protect and that would protect him in return, “That’s quite the tall order.” He told her.

“Shut up.” She said and the patch of skin atop the bridge of her nose crinkled in the way that it did when she was playing around with him.

Mind made up he walked over to where she stood and cupped her face. There was a beat and then her hand came up to hold onto his wrist and she squeezed it gently. The squeeze was done in tandem with her smile and he knew that it was her way of telling him yes, that his next action would be okay - reciprocated even. So he kissed her, sealing his fate as he did so. It looked like he would be staying after all.

Above them, a little ways away Buffy looked down at them from the hill she was on, hidden by the darkness of night and the shadows cast by the tree she was under. Watching the new couple she knew she had made the right choice, even if it had been difficult. To let go, to understand the fading of her relationship with Riley hurt more than she was willing to admit. Maybe she hadn't loved him as much has he had wanted or desired, but she had loved him. For a little while anyway. So to see him so happy made her chest ache painfully. But her own friendship had won out, platonic love over romantic love. To watch the way Cordelia smiled with him did bring her a little joy. Bittersweet as it was.

A shadow stepped next to her, “That was quite a kindness you did for your friend there Slayer.” It said.

“I wonder if you were expecting a different outcome Spike, something with more heartache.” She snapped back at him.

“I wasn’t expecting anything." But his voice betrayed that perhaps he had been, although Buffy wasn't sure what it was, "Are you okay?” He asked.

“You’re asking me as if you care.” Buffy said angrily, expecting him to snap at her. When he didn’t she sighed, “Yeah it hurts.”

“Why’d you do it?”

“Because love has to be selfless sometimes.”

“And that’s what this is? Sounds like a bunch of bollocks if you ask me.”

“Think whatever you'd like. That's what this is. It's not like you'd understand selfless love anyway.”

"I might someday Slayer." He sounded upset when he spoke to her but Buffy ignored it, her own gloom at what she was watching bellow her coloring her mood.

"I'll believe that when I see it."

With those words she pushed herself away from the tree and, with a deep breath to steel the part of herself that did want to cry despite everything - walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've changed the titles of some episodes since with a few of the old titles the content in them didn't fit with the old titles. I also choose this as my starting point since it felt very much like a good example of what to expect.


	2. Beer Bad (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy and Cordelia bond (ish).

**Time Stamp:** Mid-Episode

Cordelia looked down at the puddle of water in front of her and sighed, working at a bar for meager tips had not been what she had been expecting at all. Maybe movies really did glamorize the working bar woman. Hell, dealing with rowdy unattractive men who would not stop hitting on her made Cordelia miss Giles and his books. That wasn’t something she wanted to admit to herself of course, she was supposed to be above those sort of things after all. But ever since her brief acting stint in Los Angeles had failed, she had been doing things that she hadn’t really been expecting to do. Like this bar job for example, which was nothing like the movies. There were no hot men to fall head over heels in love with, no sense of family, or music that played in the background that people danced around to when creating drinks. In fact it was all rather cheerless.

Instead it was just her and the puddle of water, which served as a reminder for how lonely she was. Most of her friends had gone on to more elite colleges. Some had gotten in legitimately but others had brought their way in using their daddy’s money. Money she no longer had. It was so depressing what her life had become. As she continued her staring contest with splotch in front of her a rather despondent Buffy slowly sat in a seat down the counter from her. The Slayer looked despondent, and while Cordelia wanted to find some sort of happiness in Buffy’s depression she could not. She got scummy guys, and she got men not being who they said they were. Plus, Buffy and her friends were all Cordelia really had now so she was trying her best to get along. Putting a rag over the spot on the bar she walked over to where Buffy sat, “Buffy?” Buffy hardly looked at her so she braved on, “Rough day? Want to tell me about it?”

Honestly what Cordelia really wanted to talk about was how awful working here was, but seeing how downcast Buffy was Cordelia knew that sort of complaining was off the table. The good news was that her needling seemed to work and Buffy looked up at her, “It's just, Parker's problem with intimacy turns out to be that he can't get enough of it. And knew it. I knew what he was.” Buffy paused and considered something, “If he were tied and gagged and left in a cave that vampires happen to frequent it wouldn't really be like I killed him, not really.”

“Men are stupid honestly.” Cordelia told Buffy, “I mean, the only person who broke my heart was Xander and clearly he’s not a great example…” she stopped, “Sorry rambling.”

“I’m a slut.” Buffy told her.

“If you’re a slut then I’m a whore house. There’s nothing wrong with sleeping around sometimes. Having a little fun.” Cordelia said.

“You don’t really strike me as the type.” Buffy told Cordelia honestly.

Which was… true. While she had in fact had, a long list of boyfriends back in high school before meeting Xander she hadn’t exactly slept with any of them. But no one had to know that, and truthfully she was trying to cheer up Buffy so why was she thinking about fighting Buffy on this, “Whatever. And you’re not a slut.”

“Idiot.” Buffy said.

“Hey. I’m trying to perk you up here.”

The snappy tone of her voice seemed to cause Buffy to do a small double take of sorts, “Sorry.”

Their conversation, was interrupted by another bartender who seemed to have decided that their conversation had gone on for too long, which Cordelia thought was a little rude. If he had been paying attention he would have noticed that the two girls were bonding, “Hey.” He told Cordelia, yelling to her from the other side of the bar they were behind.

“Sorry!” Cordelia yelled back but didn’t really mean it.

“I am feeling better, this has helped.” Buffy said, but Cordelia could tell she didn’t really mean it.

“Listen, just… find a guy and let loose a little bit okay. Have fun, forget about idiot Parker. If you need anything just holler.”

Done talking, Cordelia walked back over to the rag and picked it up. It hadn’t really done a good job at cleaning up the spot of water, so with nothing else better to do she continued to stare - and continued to question just what she wanted to do with her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “If you’re a slut then I’m a whore house." - I love this bit of dialogue, it's rather fun and I'm very proud of it.


	3. Where the Wild Things Are (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willow and Cordelia argue, but the fight doesn't end the way they expect it to.

**Time Stamp:** Beginning of the Episode

The college library was quiet for the most part, save the sound of pens writing on paper and hushed whispers as students talked about projects they were trying to complete. Willow loved it. The library here was much bigger than the one they had turned into their meeting space in Sunnydale High School. Of course she missed how quaint that library was, but she adored how much knowledge one could find inside this one. And she didn’t have to worry about a shelf getting knocked over onto her here either. Despite the many attacks that had happened on campus recently she highly doubted that the Sunnydale College library ranked high on the list of places that baddies wanted to attack. Especially since it didn’t serve as Buffy’s place of training anymore. No, everything was all good in this place of book learning and it pleased Willow to know that.

Walking over to the reservation desk she smiled at the woman behind the desk, “I’ve come to return my book please.”

“Very funny Willow.” Cordelia told her glancing up at her from the book she had her nose buried in.

“I mean it! I’ve finished this one, and am looking for something new.” She held the book out for Cordelia to take causing Cordelia to finally pay attention to her.

Cordelia took the book and glanced at the title, “Poetry of William Shakespeare. First Edition. Which poem is your favorite?”

“You read Shakespeare?” Willow asked ignoring Cordelia’s question in favor of her own.

“Giles has like a million different works of Shakespeare in his house. When he’s not lecturing me on some sort of demon biology I take time off to read whatever else he has in his stuffy home.”

Of course Willow knew that Cordelia had been doing a lot of work with Giles when it came to translating ancient demonic and mystic texts, and whatever other sort of supernatural book related proclivities they got up to when Cordelia came to visit him. But Willow hadn’t known that the brunette had expanded her reading materials, “Oh.” She glanced down at the book Cordelia had put aside, “What are you reading now?”

“A book about demons who warp reality. Ever since Jonathan’s spell I figure better to be prepared than not right? It’s kind of boring, but the parts about vengeance demons I like.”

Sometimes Willow couldn’t believe the Cordelia who was seated in front of her. She was a far cry from the Cordelia she and Xander had started the “We Hate Cordelia Club” about. She devoured books faster than Willow had back in High School. Also, it wasn’t that Cordelia didn’t have any friends exactly, it was just that she was a bit of a shut in. Hearing herself think that made Willow feel mean. But it was true, and college was for making friends and new experiences. Like her relationship with Tara for instance. Cordelia should be allowed to have those experiences too Willow decided, “Big party at Riley's house, you should come. It's gonna be fun.”

Cordelia laughed, “I’m not really part of that group. Chances are it will be lame.”

“But think of all the research we could do! All those initiative men to grill for information.” She paused, “Oh! Or other things, you know - if it’s a different grilling you’re into.”

“No thank you.” Cordelia told her.

Willow didn’t know why but hearing that made her mad, “Come on. Did you used to, I don’t know sneak into a ton of parties with college men back in high school? This is just like that, but you’re of age now.”

“That was back in high school Willow. We’re not exactly in high school anymore.”

This was true of course, but sometimes it felt like they hadn’t even left what with all the drama and the demons, “I know but doesn’t the thought of all those men get you all, hot and bothered or something?”

“No! Is that all you think of me? Have the past few months of our relationship meant nothing?”

“Of course not!” Willow didn’t know how all of this had gotten out of hand so quickly, “You’ll like it. I promise. And I need a sleuthing buddy.”

“Listen, if you want to go - you can go. Just count me out. There will be no sleuthing for this girl.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

As Willow spoke she knew she had raised her voice too loudly, and her fears were confirmed when not a few seconds later a spectacled woman came out from the room behind the two of them, “Listen, if the two of you want to have your little friendship squabble you can have it elsewhere, just not here.” Having said her piece the woman retreated into the back of the room.

Willow was left a little stunned and she could tell that Cordelia was too, “Is… is that what we are? Friends?” Cordelia inquired.

Over the past few months the two of them had gotten closer but Willow hadn’t really thought of it like that before. After all, as much as she hated to admit it - she had been part of the two party group that had broken up Cordelia and Xander. It was hard for her to imagine that Cordelia had just gotten over it so quickly. What was the correct length of time to hold a grudge anyway, she wondered. A week? A month? A year? Did it depend on the crime? Realizing her thoughts were wandering she tried to reign them in a little, “I… I don’t know. Do you think we’re friends?”

“I hadn’t really thought about it honestly. I mean, what was there to think about.”

Willow let out a small laugh, and then a snort. She didn’t really want to talk about this, she didn’t really want to think about this. Her whole high school career had been centered around hating Cordelia after all, and this... this was way too much, way too fast, “Right?” Willow agreed, “Nothing to think about! Just… two acquaintances, talking about a party.”

Cordelia nodded, “You should take Tara.”

“You think so?” Willow asked a little shocked by Cordelia’s suggestion.

“Yeah. You two are… whatever you are and it will be good. I think.”

“Oh, well… good.” Willow said and then finally handed Cordelia the book she had come to initially return, “I’m just… I’m going to go look at books.”

“Perfect!” Cordelia shouted after her as she turned, and fled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the past two chapters have been based in episodes that people don't usually rate so highly, but they have moments that work so well for this fic.


	4. Shadow (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spike gets caught out by Riley at Buffy's house - with a little twist.

**Time Stamp:** Beginning of the Episode

The door slammed open startling him, but it was too late to do anything about it. He had thought foolishly, that with Buffy and Joyce out of the house and the niblett in school he would have been able to sneak around in the Summer’s house unnoticed. No such luck. He had a moment to duck out of the way as the sun cast a harsh streak of light inside the kitchen. The cup in his hand almost slipped out of his fingers as the very edge of a stream of light brushed up against his knuckles. Tea sloshed onto the ground around his feet and he grunted aloud. Now it would be hard to hide that he had been here, although maybe it wouldn't matter in the long run because a quick flick up of his eyes revealed the very last person that he wanted to see, “Mpfh.” He grumbled putting the cup down and attempting to dab tea off his already burnt fingers.

“What are you doing here?” Riley asked, giving him little time to collect himself.

“What me? I was just…” He looked down at the now almost empty cup on the counter and wondered just why Solider Boy had to catch him doing something so undignified as having tea. Of course the flavor was Buffy’s favorite, and it did smell like her but the indignity was still there, “Uh.” He tried to grasp for an answer, his mind working in overdrive. Although now that he thought about it, what was Buffy’s current flame doing at her house? There was an opportunity for deflection and damn him if wasn’t going to take it, “What are you doing here?”

“Looking for the girl who's going to rip your arms off when she finds out you were in her kitchen.”

Which okay, the plonker did a have a point about Buffy ripping his arms off but her tea was so warm and so hot. Just what he imagined being with Buffy would be like, just like he imagined slipping into her - he looked up and Riley was still looking at him. Right, had to deal with this first, “Oh, yeah? Well... me, too.” That wasn’t the comeback he had been hoping for.

“Are you drinking Buffy’s tea? With her favorite mug?”

“No!” He tried to move to hide the mug behind him, but it was clear to see that the answer was actually yes. If only Riley hadn’t interrupted him. Drinking Buffy’s tea always made him smell a little like Buffy too, a little something for him to take home with him - to wrap around himself when he went to bed. In front of him Riley crossed his arms, “Yeah, alright. I was.” He admitted, “It's a predator thing. Nothing wrong with it. Know what your enemy likes. It helps clean the palette for the hunt…” Spike picked up the cup and polished off the tea in one final sip, “Yeah that’s the stuff. Buffy’s tea, inside my mouth. Down my throat. Grr.” He couldn’t help getting a few digs in.

In front of him Riley's narrowed eyes told him he might have gone a little too far, “Out.” He marched towards Spike and grabbed his leather jacket and tugged him towards the front door.

As the two of them moved closer to the front door Spike tightened his grip on the cup. If he was going to be thrown out he was for damn sure not going to let go of his merchandise. Plus it seemed like Riley had completely forgotten the mug so he had to take advantage of the situation as it was. Riley gripped his coat a little too tightly, “Watch it! Easy! You're bruising the leather.”

Breaking free in front of Riley in front of the door he poked the finger of his free hand into Riley’s chest, “I know for a bleeding fact the Slayer wouldn't mind me being here.”

Riley looked down at the finger and Spike could tell that he was unimpressed. The way the boy looked at him frustrated Spike, what did he have to do to get a little respect around here? Riley clearly was never going to give him any, “Right. What's a little tea drinking between sworn enemies?” He told Spike sarcastically.

“Your girl in the habit of buying her enemies drinks? Cause she spent the better part of last night with me - doing just that.” Spike shot back but Riley clearly wasn’t phased. Still.

“Cause you two are such tight pals. Tell me another.” He said rolling his eyes.

And yeah okay, now Spike was a little miffed because he and Buffy weren’t super close but they had shared battles and Buffy had come to him for help a few time, “'Kay. How 'bout this one? Twice in recent memory, she's had the loverwiccas do a de-invite on the house, keep out specific vamps. Ever ask yourself why she's never taken my name off the guest list?” He told Riley.

That one seemed to work because Riley seemed to stop and look at him, a little blown back. He knew he would eventually end up on his ass outside, but to have this small victory under his belt - it felt nice. Latter when he was in his crypt, sipping out of Buffy’s mug he would think back to that moment and let it and the tea - warm his belly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season 5 has a lot of scenes that are changed in this way - not largely, but enough that the difference will matter in the end. Also this is the first chapter without Cordelia which was a nice change of pace.


	5. Pangs (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willow runs into Angel and he warns her about a threat against Buffy. Feat. Odd friendships.

**Time Stamp:** Mid-Episode

Watching Riley and Buffy be lovey-dovey with each other made Willow’s heart hurt. She was happy for her friend, after what had happened with Parker it was hard not to be - but the Oz shaped hole in her heart wasn’t mending like she had hoped it would. She wished it was as easy as taping and gluing everything back together. Turning the corner away from her friend and her new boyfriend her head rammed into something hard, and unmoving, “Ow.” And something that spoke.

Glancing upwards Willow was shocked at what she saw, “Ang-” before she could even finish that thought she noticed the person next to him, “And Xan-” She didn’t have much time to think before Angel’s hand was over her mouth and he was leading her a little further away from where Buffy currently was, “Evil. You’re all evil again.” She attempted to speak through his hand muffling her mouth.

Willow was about to continue talking when Angel finally removed his hand and stared at her, “I'm not evil.” He attempted to calm her down.

“Oh sure, because good Angel would totally hang out with Xander. That makes sense.” Willow told them.

In all her years of knowing him Xander had rarely said more than a few sentences of good things about Angel, there was no way that he and Angel would ever hang out together, “We’re here to help Buffy.” Xander told her.

Which okay that sounded honest, and it sounded like Xander. And now that she was thinking about it okay, maybe this was Xander. Which should have comforted her but instead left her feeling, bereft. Xander had left them after all, with nothing more than a phone call to say that he was sorry but that he didn’t plan on coming back. It had felt like a bad break up, but even worse because Xander had been her best friend, “Oh.” The fact that he was coming back to help Buffy and not see her, that stung a little too, “What’s going on?” She asked trying to put on a brave face.

“My friend had a vision. Buffy's in danger.” Angel told her.

Looking back at Buffy, Willow stared at her in alarm - anger at Xander momentarily forgotten, and then back at the two men in front of her, “So tell her. Help her.”

“If she sees us we’ll just make it worse.” Xander told her.

“And me seeing you? That’s okay? Like you leaving didn’t hurt at all. Sure things got tough here but I’m your friend. You only ever called once. You can’t give up because things get hard.” Willow told Xander her words not hiding how bitter she felt.

“Will -” Xander tried to speak but the words got caught in his throat, “Let me make it up to you?”

It shouldn’t have gotten to her, having him call her Will again but it did. Huffing she tried to let go of the anger she still clearly felt, “Fine. But you have to explain everything mister. And no wiggle room.” She turned to Angel, “And you -” but Angel cut her off.

“You know how I feel about her. If there was any way…”

“Yeah. I know.” She had made headway with one stubborn man, that would have to be enough.

“It's just, everything's different now.” Angel continued on, perhaps unaware that Willow had already given into his choice to stay away.

“I can see that.” She gestured to Xander, “This proves it. It’s weird and strange and I honestly don’t get why or how, but clearly something has changed. Of all the people I expected to work together.”

“We still bicker all the time if that helps with the picture in your head.” Xander said.

“A little.” Willow admitted.

“Guys, we’re here to protect Buffy. We don't have a whole lotta time for personal stuff.” Angel told them trying to get everything back on track.

“Right.” Willow had almost forgotten, “How can I help?”

Her own personal drama with Xander would have to wait for a little bit. And now that she thought about it she wondered if she could get Xander and Cordelia to talk to each other as well. It might do Cordelia some good, although she was sure that Cordelia would object to it at first. Honestly, the things she did for Cordelia - and they weren’t even friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly the idea of a Xander and Angel friendship amuses me. It's a bit absurd but I really love it in this fic.


	6. Listening to Fear (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara and Willow visit Joyce in the hospital. Tara brings a gift.

**Time Stamp:** Start of Episode

As they walked through the hallways of the hospital Tara could feel her nerves acting up. She hated hospitals, but perhaps even more than that she was terrified of her upcoming social interactions with Dawn, Buffy, and Joyce. It was hard to know what to say when someone was sick, and laid up in a hospital bed. Did you crack jokes? Did you offer sympathies? Or did you act like everything was normal even when it wasn’t? It was impossible to tell. But Willow had wanted to show her support and had told Tara that no if, ands, or butts about it - she would be coming along. Now that the two of them were more open and forthcoming with their relationship in front of Willow’s friends, Willow wanted her to be part of the group. Tara wasn’t sure what that meant exactly but she was sure that she was going to find out.

Together they stopped at the door that the woman at the front desk had directed them too, in her smooth hospital voice. Without hesitating Willow pushed the door open as if she belonged and Tara felt a spark of pride at her girlfriend’s lack of fear, “Care package! Special delivery for the Summers girls.”

The three women on the bed looked up at them and Tara waved a little hesitantly, “Hi.”

Buffy smiled, “It’s good to see you.”

“Thanks.” Tara told her, Buffy’s smile going a long way to soothing her nerves.

“Now let's see what I have in this sack of mine...Oh, I feel just like Santa Claus. Except thinner, and younger, and female, and well, Jewish.” Willow said.

“And witchier.” Tara joked along.

“And witchier!” Willow agreed as she put the sack on the bed.

Dawn leaned over her mother and grabbed at the bag opening it up and pulling a few things out, “What's that, a vacuum cleaner?”

“Hey, watch it, Missy, or it's coal in the socks for you. This is something extra-special for your mother. 'Cause I knew she would need a …” As she spoke she pulled out a hat, and then more tubes until it became clear what the item was, “Beer hat! See, it's got cup holders and straws that go straight to your mouth and you can fill it with other things than beer... and somehow when I was in the store this seemed like the most important idea and now there's this whole part where I'm crazy…” Everyone around Joyce’s bed laughed and Willow looked at Tara, “You got her something too right?”

Put on the spot Tara fidgeted but eventually nodded. Opening her purse she pulled out a small bracelet, “It’s… it’s not much. B-but, the stone in it is… is used for well wishes.” She finally stammered out hating herself for how she sounded.

Joyce took it and turned it around in her hands, “It’s perfect.”

“Oh.” Tara said, she hadn’t expected the way warm way Joyce had looked at her, “Good. Thank you.” After she finished speaking she wanted to kick herself - in this situation you’re welcome would have worked better.

Next to her Willow started rummaging around in the sack she had brought again, “Let me see, who's next? Dawn, I believe I have something in here for you.”

As she was her next gift out Joyce put her hand to her forehead and groaned, “Headache?” Buffy asked.

“A little one. A biggish little one.” Tara could see that both Buffy and Dawn looked a little upset at what had happened but Joyce waved their concerns away, “I'm fine. Now go on, what else is in that sack of goodies?”

“Right. This next one was also a little bit of Tara’s idea. Dawn, to keep you busy …” As she spoke she handed Dawn a spellbook that both she and Willow had picked out. The spells in it were basic level at best but the two of them had thought that Dawn would get some enjoyment at looking them over at least, if not trying one or two under Buffy’s supervision.

“Spells! Wow, cool. Thanks!”

Buffy stared at them face a bit askance before speaking, “You got her a book of spells. The girl who can break things by looking at them now has a book to teach her how to, you know... break things by looking at them.”

“I- I think it will be okay.” Tara said, “They are just small spells that, that don’t take much energy to use. Most of it is just stories and historical uses.” Her stuttering had gotten a bit better and for that Tara was glad.

When Tara finished speaking Willow pulled out the final thing she had brought and handed the books over to Buffy, “Homework? Ugh. I don't believe in tiny Jewish Santa anymore.”

“Witchy Santa.” Tara corrected.

“Witchy Santa, Jewish Santa - they both bring me homework.” Buffy huffed.

Despite her original misgivings Tara was glad she had come. As they continued talking, and even after Joyce’s later outburst - Tara continued to be pleased. It had been good to get to know Willows friends. They had stood up for her against her family not so long ago, this was the least she could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the things I found that was necessary for this story to work was giving Tara a bit of a more prominent role. This scene from the episode is relatively unaltered save the addition of Tara - thus why it's from her perspective. I plan to post a small bit from Season 6 (finally!) next, which I don't think spoils too much.


	7. Life Serial (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy proposes an idea to Giles in order to escape her money woes.

**Time Stamp:** End of Episode

Walking out of the bathroom, hand over her mouth to cover her burp Buffy wanted to die. Getting drunk with Spike to forget the absolutely mess that her life currently was had not been the way to go about feeling better. Sure the banter had been good, and he had helped her figure out what to do for money but the accompanying stomach ache almost didn’t feel worth it. There must have been other things that she and Spike could have done to get themselves to the final money conversation surely. But then again, maybe the idea had only come about because they had been so drunk. Buffy wasn’t going to swear off alcohol, but this much? Never again. As she slowly, and carefully descended the staircase as to not jostle her stomach she was greeted at the bottom by Giles who looked not judgemental but - a little disappointed.

It made her angry. It shouldn’t have of course, he didn’t know that she had been yanked out of Heaven or that every single goddamn day felt like a chore - but it did. He was supposed to be her guiding figure dammit, “Feel better?” He asked.

“For a second there I actually turned completely inside out. But yeah I’m getting there.” She told him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t find this demon with my research. I’d like to have saved you the fight.” He said.

So okay now he was sounding reasonable and less disappointed so Buffy was finding it hard to be angry at him. Plus she still had to talk to him about things. Adult things, like money and life and feelings. So maybe she should try to go into this with an open mind instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop, “That’s okay. It wasn’t much of a fight. I got lucky.” They walked into the dining room and sat down to continue their conversation, “If you haven’t noticed my life is a bit of a mess recently.” She continued.

“You were being sequentially tested by an unknown demon. I think you’re doing rather well for yourself.” Giles said.

“I wasn’t talking about the demon and you know it.” She told him softly, “The demon was… busy work.”

“No I suppose you weren’t.” He pulled off his glasses and rubbed them clean before returning them to his face, “Buffy I don’t know how to tell you this but you’re going to be alright.”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about actually. The being alright thing.” Buffy said.

“Oh?”

“Yes.” She nodded her head a little too vigorously and it felt a little too much like lead, “About money?”

“You’ve been trying to get a job. Which I give you commendable effort for attempting. If it hadn’t been for all the mishaps today I’m sure someone would have hired you. Go easy on yourself, won’t you? You don’t need to figure it out all at once, what you want to do next. You’re pushing yourself too hard.”

He was trying to comfort her which Buffy found sweet, but that wasn’t what she really wanted to talk to him about. Not really, “I think I should get paid by The Council.” She ended up blurting out, better to rip the band-aid off now instead of waiting for it to fester.

“Buffy the Council has never paid any of their Slayers.” Giles explained to her, confusion in his voice.

“Well maybe they should.” She shrugged, “At least hazard pay right? I do the fighting for them, and all the dirty work. They pay you. So why not me? I mean it doesn’t make sense really. Where’s my slice of the money pie?”

Giles blinked and she could tell that he was seriously considering her words. Spike had been right, this was a good solution. It was better than his first suggestion at least, which had been to go to a demon bar and gamble for it. She wasn’t sure if The Council would go for it but she at least deserved to try. She had died for them twice now so they sort of owed her for the trauma. And it wasn’t like her life was bad enough as is, the least they could do was help ease her money woes, “I could try to talk them into it.” Giles eventually told her.

“So you’ll take care of it?” She asked.

It was nice to have Giles back Buffy decided. He was so good at taking care of things, at being there for her when she needed it. Having someone who would just take over when her life got to be too much. She didn’t have to worry about anything when he was around, she could just let herself go - let herself float away. And floating felt nice, because when she was floating she could almost forget that she had been in Heaven, almost forget that everything had made sense. That this world wasn’t harsh, and terrible, and unkind. She didn’t blame her friends for what they had done, it wasn’t their fault and they hadn’t known but sometimes she hated life here, “Well, I wasn’t much help in the job search originally. I will do my best to try to do this for you.”

“Thank you.” She almost whispered, “This is great. More than great. Like, I don’t really know how to say this... I guess, but you do so much for me. It’s great having you back to take care of me.”

“Buffy…” Giles spoke but then trailed off while he collected his thoughts, “I won’t always be around to take care of you.”

Buffy stared at him, of course she knew that was true but honestly that was so in the future, “You left because I did the whole underground nap thing. I know you won’t always be here but let’s not worry about that now.”

For a moment he almost looked like wanted to say more but eventually refrained and choose something else to say, “Yes, yes of course. The more I think about this idea the more brilliant it is.”

At his compliment Buffy felt a little spark of warmth flood through her. A warmth she hadn’t felt often since her return from Heaven. Things were going to be good from now on, now that Giles was back - she decided, “I’m gonna tell this to Dawn. She loves it when stuff gets, like, easy.” As she got up from her chair she smiled what almost felt like a genuine smile, “Just to let you know. This... it really makes me feel… safe. Thank you. So much.”

Walking up the stairs Buffy almost felt, lighter. The weight that had been pressing down on her all day alleviated by the drinks with Spike and then the promise of a real job, with real money. Despite everything, it had been a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I respect the idea of the whole Doublemeat arc, as it relates to making Buffy hate life and also feel trapped - it doesn't really fit in my version of Season 6, and it doesn't work thematically. 
> 
> Season 6 has a lot of changes and you can find the new episode order and episode changes [HERE](http://queenie504.tumblr.com/post/158975841610/forward-without-seeing-sneak-peek). I'd at least take a small glance at it, because while some changes are minor some are pretty large (such as two episodes switching places and some episodes not even existing anymore).


	8. Buffy vs Dracula (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riley drops by Cordelia's with pain medication.

**Time Stamp:** End of Episode

Riley gripped the small bag in his hands and wondered if this was really a good idea. He hadn’t meant to get so rough with Cordelia before, shoving her away from him while he attempted to go after Buffy in Dracula’s ostentatious mess of a castle but she had been under Dracula’s thrall and he had been desperate. Desperate and unnecessary it seemed - Buffy had already slayed Dracula by the time he had arrived. The thought that he hadn’t been able to do anything gnawed at him, and pissed him off a little. He was her boyfriend and yes she was the Slayer but sometimes he wanted to protect her too. Relationships were supposed to be give and take and with his army days behind him, well this is what he had now. However there still was one way he could be useful, and that way lay in front of him behind the red door.

He knocked and there was the sound of things being put away and then a peephole being opened before a lock was removed and the door swung open. Cordelia stared at him eyes blinking up into his, “This is a surprise.” She told him.

“Is it?” He asked.

Riley supposed she was right though, he hung out with Buffy’s friends occasionally but rarely without his girlfriend by his side. Maybe it was more of surprise than he had originally anticipated. But he had felt helpless all day so here he was, “I brought you the good stuff.” He held up the plastic bag he was holding.

Cordelia looked down at the bag, “Hard drugs? Leave it to a government agent to come prepared.” She teased him.

“It’s for the -” He gestured to the small bump on her head, “and the-” Riley pointed to the back of her shoulder, where he knew she had gotten scraped up.

“Buffy picked quite the gentleman didn’t she? Well come on in, might as well put your gift to good use.” Cordelia stepped back and allowed him to enter.

As he came in Riley hazarded a glance around. Cordelia’s living room was pristine and he found comfort in that. A large bookshelf was pushed against one of the walls filled about one fourth of the way full with tomes. A red sofa sat beside it with a table and a lamp tucked away in between the small square the two made when they met at the corner of the room, “Do you want tea?” Cordelia asked gesturing over to the kettle on her kitchen stove.

“Nah. Do you want to take a seat? I can check out that scratch on your back?”

The moment he asked her he knew the sound of his voice was odd. It was too tentative, which rarely happened to him. Hardly. It had happened when he had met Buffy but that felt like ages ago somehow, “Sure, just don’t take so long that I die of old age.”

At her comment Riley snorted and then went back into her bathroom pulling out a few cotton balls and rubbing alcohol. He returned to find her sitting on the couch and sat down behind her, “I’m sorry, by the way.”

She laughed, “No! I’m shocked. Because you’re actions clearly don’t show an ounce of forgiveness.” There was sarcasm in her voice, but also something warm.

Twisting off the top of the bottle of rubbing alcohol he covered the top of it with the cotton swab and then tipped it backwards. Once the cotton ball was covered well enough he dabbed it on the wound. For a moment Cordelia tensed as the bite of the alcohol worked to clean her wound. Letting out a short breath she dropped her shoulders, relaxing into his touch. Her skin brushed his fingertips and Riley had a moment to marvel at how soft it was. But the thought was fleeting and he did his best to push it away - he had a girlfriend after all.

Still, when the deed was done and Cordelia patched up and Riley on his way - the moment floated back to the surface of his mind, unbidden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Riley's issues with Buffy start later in the season but here things kick into high gear a little earlier. I think it works better in the long run.


	9. Fool For Love (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy ruminates on words not said.

**Time Stamp:** Near the End of the Episode

As Buffy left The Bronze she could feel her anger cooling. She was a little ashamed at herself for what she had done. For what she had wanted to do. The words “you’re beneath me” had hovered on the tip of her tongue but something had stayed her mouth. Maybe it had been how decent Spike had been recently, what with punching Tara to prove to her that she was actually human or - well no that had only been it, and he had pulled the stupid stint with trying to get the chip removed. Now that Buffy thought on it she wondered why she hadn’t said it. He certainly deserved it for the words he had spoken to her. And! And! Buffy was pretty sure he had tried to kiss her. Which was… odd to say the least.

But she hadn’t told him he was beneath her. Instead she had floundered - which was just bad form, thrown the money at him in a huff of anger - and stormed off.

The indecision made her want to fight a vampire. She was wounded but punching someone or something felt like it would help clear her brain. The small mock scuffle she had shared with Spike didn’t count she didn’t think. But Buffy didn’t have time to do that. Instead she had to go home and check on her mom, and make sure that she was okay. So far her mother seemed well enough, and her condition hadn’t worsened - but she still worried. The thought that it could get worse, that it could be something instead of nothing - lingered in every interaction they had. Compound that with Dawn being The Key - she just wanted a break. Some sort of light at the end of the tunnel.

That light should have been Riley. Or he should have been there to add some sort of relief, but instead he felt almost - distant from her and Buffy didn’t really know why.

Maybe that was why she had gone easy on Spike - they were clearly both a little broken.

That thought made her pause - and then want to swallow bile. She couldn’t start feeling sorry for him. He was an undead creature of the night, he was evil and that would never change.

She really should have told him off tonight. Next time, she promised herself. Next time she saw him she would let him have it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter than a lot of the others that came before it, but I think it works best that way. It was originally going to be a lot longer but I just didn't like the way it was turning out at all.


	10. Who Are You (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara meets Willow's friends for the first time, and Cordelia makes an entrance.

**Time Stamp:** Mid Episode

“Tara. Tara this is Buffy, only really this time.” Willow said.

Tara waved shyly and hopped that she wouldn’t have to talk much. Willow had dragged her here so she could tell her friends what they had discovered, and introduce her but Tara wasn’t really sure what the point of it all was. It wasn’t like their relationship could last. At least not with the secret she harbored about herself. Instead wasn’t it easier for the two of them to keep the relationship to themselves, so when it was all in shambles less people got hurt? “Hi.” She said.

Their conversation was interrupted by a door being knocked open and a woman that Tara had seen a few times around Willow walked in as if she owned the place, “Buffy isn’t Buffy. I talked to her and I think she might be Faith? That or she’s clearly lost her marbles. It was like Buffy didn’t even remember the last few months.” She glanced up finally taking in the room, “I’m late on this aren’t I.”

Tara watched as Buffy nodded, “A little bit.”

“Well I’m just glad it wasn’t you. She was very rude.” She dropped her bag on the couch.

“What did she say?” Willow asked.

“Well first she called me a bitch, and then she went off on some sort of tangent on how she knew Xander and Faith slept together. Rubbed it in my face. I don’t like her.” Cordelia finished.

“X-x-an-der?” Tara stuttered, she didn’t understand any of this.

“My ex. He left. A while ago. It’s not that important.” Cordelia said.

Next to her Willow didn’t seem to agree, “Xander slept with Faith?” A look of disgust passed over her face, “Gross.”

“Yes, because you’re one to talk.” Cordelia reminded her.

“You slep-t with Xander?” Tara said.

“Almost! Almost slept with Xander. And it was a mistake and it’s in the past, and I never want to talk about it again.” Willow finished.

Despite wanting to know more Tara decided to let it go. She could ask later after all, and now didn’t quite seem like the time to hash out old relationships. Willow had picked her over her last boyfriend, and whoever this Xander person was Tara liked to imagine - or hoped that Willow would do so again. Although she didn’t want to deal with another ex of Willow’s. One had been stressful enough, “Fine.” Cordelia said and it was clear by the tone of her voice that whatever had happened before she was just as glad to never talk about it either.

“So how did you know it wasn’t me?” Buffy asked Willow.

“Tara's a really powerful witch --” Willow said and Tara flushed.

“Not really.” She tried to tell everyone.

“No really, and she knew right away that you weren't you so we connected with the nether realm and found out what had happened and then we conjured this.” Willow forged ahead with her comments.

As Willow talked about her Tara felt a little unsteady. Everything Willow had said about her didn’t feel right. Her powers felt small in comparison to what she felt stirring in Willow. And power wasn’t everything either. It felt like Willow’s friends might get the wrong impression of who she was. It was clear no one in the room was perfect but Willow had a habit of believing that Tara was when she wasn’t. It was going to break Willow’s heart when she found out just how not perfect she was.

Pulling out a small green glowing stone Willow showed Buffy what the two of them had created with their magic, “Does that --” Buffy asked a little unsure of how to phrase her question.

“It's a Katra -- or, the home-conjured version. It should switch you back, if you can get hold of Faith.”

“Oh thank God. I was afraid I… you guys rule.” Buffy told them and Tara felt herself shrink a little under the praise.

“I for one will be happy to have regular nice Buffy back. Nicer.” Cordelia said.

“Thanks Cordelia.” Buffy told her, a small bit of teasing in her voice.

Hearing it made Tara a bit envious. To have a friendship where you could joke like that. She shouldn’t want it of course, but it didn’t stop her heart from wanting what it wanted. Maybe someday she would have a friendship like that too. Even if she didn’t think it possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think overall Tara is a happy character, but she has so many insecurities. Originally this was going to be Cordelia's POV but I found it more interesting to do it in Tara's.


	11. Bargaining, Part One (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dawn goes to school with "Buffy"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find the timeline for Season 6 [HERE](http://queenie504.tumblr.com/post/158975841610/forward-without-seeing-sneak-peek).

**Time Stamp:** Early Episode

Dawn watched as what looked like her sister, fiddled with the necklace she was wearing. Of course it wasn’t Buffy - if you looked hard enough you could see Tara’s mannerisms clear as day. The whole necklace thing was so odd to Dawn. But it had been the only solution to the very tricky subject of what to do after her sister had passed away. Thinking about Buffy made Dawn’s heart ache, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it. Because of who her sister was, or had been - Dawn figured it would be impossible not to think about her. Impossible for her brain to go one day without the memory of her sister leaping from the tower imprinted upon her eyeballs. She hated it, and she hated this stupid farce that Buffy’s friends wanted to play. She hoped that the illusion would end soon, she didn’t care about the consequences, “Okay. we'll make a quick lap so people can see you're here, then we'll-”

As she spoke Tara looked down at her, “You really don’t want me to be here huh?”

Here was Dawn’s school where it was parent teacher day. Dawn had suggested that Tara and Willow come as themselves, but Riley had insisted that one of them go disguised as Buffy. Everything and anything to keep up the idea that her sister was alive. Riley was a good guy but sometimes Dawn questioned his motives. The way he had gone so quickly from her sister to Cordelia still rankled, “Nope.” Dawn said.

“I think it’s nice. Your school, I’m glad I’m getting to see it.” She stopped at an exhibit their class had made, “What’s this?”

“This is our city of the future. I made the hover cars. They're orange juice cans, it’s dumb.”

“I think it’s nice Dawnie.” Tara said.

As she spoke Dawn glared at her, “Don’t call me that.”

Tara looked at her startled and Dawn wanted to take her anger back, but it was too late. Hearing someone call her Dawnie while wearing Buffy’s face - it made it all too real. It was easier when she could remember that the person next to her wasn’t her sister. Part of her wished that her sister was a robot instead - but she had gotten stuck with this. Such was her lot in life, “I’m sorry.” Tara said, “I didn’t mean…”

“I know. You’re just trying to be nice. It’s not your fault.” She looked down at the display in front of them, “We're reading Walden. This is the our version of a utopian society. No school and lots of pizza, that’s the dream really.”

Tara counted the number of pizza places, “Maybe too many pizza places? What happens when you get sick of pizza?”

To that Dawn laughed, “Who would get sick of pizza?” Dawn asked, “Pizza is the food of the soul!”

“That’s what everyone says until the stomach ache kicks in from too much cheese.” Tara told her.

Dawn laughed and then shook her head, “Alright, I think we’re done here. Classrooms are next and so far people seem to be buying this.”

Later Dawn stretched as the last class presentation fished, “You all should be very proud of your children.” The teacher said, “They done very well.”

As Dawn stood she rubbed her back and looked at Tara who yawned, “That was good. I’m glad to hear you are doing well at school.”

“Thanks.” Dawn told her.

The two of them wandered outside and into the school halls. As they walked down the hallways Dawn couldn’t stop looking at Tara. Today had almost felt - normal, and Dawn berated herself for feeling comfort at Tara wearing her sister’s body. It was unnatural, the whole thing. Later, when she had the time she would sneak out and tell this to Spike. He at least seemed to understand her feelings a little bit. Before her sister had died it had almost seemed as if her sister and her sister’s friends had started to accept him, but now that Buffy was gone that progress had evaporated, “So what’s your next project?” Tara asked.

“We’re reading The Great Gatsby next so I’m hoping they will ask us to throw a party.” Dawn quipped.

“You’ve read it?” Tara asked.

She was right that it didn’t seem like book that Dawn would read, “Nah. Mom loved the film. She loved a lot of old films. So I’ve seen bits of it. I usually would fall asleep though.”

“It’s a good book. I think you’ll like it.”

“Yeah.” Dawn nodded.

Tara pulled the door in front of them open and together they walked out into the late afternoon sun. Without much said between them, which Dawn didn’t particularly mind - they made it to the car in relative safety, “We survived.” Tara said.

“We did.” Dawn told her.

With little forethought Tara stepped forward and swept Dawn into her arms in a hug, “I’m proud of you, you know? I think Buffy would be too.”

For a moment, and just for a moment Dawn let herself be consoled. But then she glanced into the car mirror and saw what other people would see - herself, hugging her sister. The realization hit her like a gut punch and she stepped back, almost as if stung. She couldn’t believe how easily she had let herself be comforted, how easy it had become to pretend. How awful was she that she would hug the visage of her sister like this. It didn’t matter that she knew it was Tara, shame washed over her in such a way that she was drenched in it, “Take the necklace off next time you hug me.” She snapped at Tara.

“Oh. Ah, right.” Tara said pulling the necklace off, “Sorry.”

Dawn stormed around to the other side of the car, before pulling the door off a little too harshly, “Apology accepted.” She said but she couldn’t shake the trace amount of anger in her voice.

She would never get fooled this easily again, Dawn promised herself. Not just to keep her sanity, but for Buffy’s sake as well. Nobody could replace her sister. Nobody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with another pretty significant change and I think marks the first time I've done Dawn POV? Anyway, I'm pretty pleased with how the voices in this one came out. As a peak into the future of this fic, I'm currently reworking almost every song in Once More With Feeling to fit in where the story is by that point - only one song didn't need a rewrite and only one song was completely removed.


	12. Where the Wild Things Are (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cordelia and Willow rescue their oversexed friend and her oversexed boyfriend.

**Time Stamp:** End of Episode

Cordelia watched as Willow stood across from the door palm pressed against it. Her eyebrows were knit and she was concentrating pretty heavily. There was pain on her face and something else that was utterly indistinguishable, “What do you feel?” She asked.

“I don’t know, why don’t you tell me? You say you don’t want to go to the party and then show up anyway? And then when I do try to talk to you, you get all cagey.” Willow shot back at her finally moving away from the door.

Cordelia rolled her eyes. In the end guilt had made her decide to go to the party - guilt at blowing Willow off, guilt at the fight they had at the library. But then she had seen Willow and Tara being all cozy together and maybe she had felt just a little angry even though she shouldn’t have. It had been her idea for Willow to bring Tara after all. If she was honest with herself she could admit that she had wanted Willow to feel a little bad that she hadn’t come,“I mean about the house. Project much?”

Even though the light outside the house cast Willow in a yellow light Cordelia could see Willow’s cheeks flush, “Oh. It’s still a big haunty mess.” Willow told her.

“Well what are you waiting for?” Cordelia asked.

“I don’t know. Not to go in the big creepy haunted mansion?” Willow said.

Which of course was very valid, Cordelia agreed - but Buffy was in there and they had a their friend to rescue, “Oh my god, just stand aside.” Cordelia huffed frustrated.

Surprisingly Willow didn’t put up a fight and stood aside. Cordelia marched forward and twisted the door handle, pushing the door open. It creaked into the silence of the empty house and echoed back at them. That single creak quickly deflated her momentary courage and Cordelia berated herself for it. It was times like these that Cordelia wished that Xander had stuck around. He was a coward of the finest order but he was also very good at charging into things like an idiot when it mattered. But no he had to be off in L.A. being a big goddamn hero. Willow looked at Cordelia, “Well it’s clean. So that’s good.”

“Let’s go.” Cordelia agreed, “You first.”

Willow let out a small awkward laugh, and then swallowed. Despite what was clearly fear she stepped into the house. Cordelia followed behind taking in the house. The floor was a mess, beer cans, paper plates, empty chip bags, and all sort of party goods that had been abandoned as people fled the house were strewn about. Taking care to step over one of the beer cans she almost ran into Willow’s back. Stumbling backwards she glanced upwards at what had caused Willow to stop in her tracks. In front of them the whole staircase was covered in thick bramble and vines. It did not look pleasant at all, Cordelia decided. In fact it made Cordelia even less excited to be here, “You think you can just magic this whole thing away? Burn it all up?” She asked about the bramble.

“Not without burning the whole house down. Maybe on one vine but this mess? Fire magic is a temperamental mistress. One wrong word and kablooy, everything goes up in flames.”

“Not that then.” Cordelia said, and hoisted her ax over her shoulder, “We need to work fast. Never know how long before the little hellions come back.”

“Or until Buffy and Riley get all sexed out and dead.” Willow said.

“You know that’s not going to happen right?” Cordelia told Willow who looked worried for her best friend.

“I know. We won’t let it.” Willow said, “Let’s get to work.”

Together they begun chopping through the vines, and making their way up the staircase. It seemed like easy work at first but the further they went up the more prickly the vines became, and the thicker they got until even their weapons were having a hard time working through them, “There are thorns everywhere!” Cordelia complained, “Watch out. They are ruining the shirt I just bought.”

The rest of the trip up to the room was difficult but uneventful. Standing in front of the door where Riley and Buffy were, Willow let out a small puff of air, “Phew. Now the rest.”

She begun to cut down the vines at the door while Cordelia watched on. Finally a hard chop cut down the last vine, “You okay?” Cordelia asked.

“Yeah.” She answered, “Not too bad.”

As she spoke she reached over to grab the door knob. At the same time a breeze fluttered her hair and Cordelia instantly knew that something was amiss, “Willow!”

Running forward she pushed Willow out of the way. As she did so she had a small moment to be happy that Willow was safe and then a vine wrapped around her leg and yanked her backwards. She screamed as it dragged her into the bathroom. She made a desperate attempt to grab at the doorframe as she went past it but her hands didn’t connect. In the back of her mind she could hear Willow screaming but she was too worried about her current predicament to really comprehend what Willow was saying. Then she was pulled into the bathtub and underwater and all she could think was - I don’t want to die like this. Not when her death would be an ugly one. Not when she had finally realized that okay, old animosity aside - Willow might be her friend. She let out a muffled shout of anger under the water and started to try to fight with the vine that had pulled her under to no avail. It seemed the more she struggled the more powerful their hold on her became. Slowly she felt her conscious fading.

Above her there was a flash of red light - magic, Cordelia’s addled mind provided - and then a hand shot down into the water and pulled her up and away from death. So shocked by what had happened she didn’t think twice about throwing her arms around her rescuer in a powerful hug, “You saved me.” She said.

“Yeah well, that’s what friends do.” The words slipping unnoticed from Willow’s mouth as she helped Cordelia up, “Come on.”

Willow helped her up and wrapped arm in arm they struggled to the door. They would have to talk about that friends comment, but for now Cordelia was happy to let it go. Maybe it was time they admitted they were friends after all, maybe she didn’t care to fight it anymore. It was time they buried the hatchet, so to speak. God, she hardly recognized herself sometimes. As Willow swung the door open Cordelia schooled her face into a masterclass in disappointment, “You two are in so much trouble.” She told Buffy and Riley who glanced up at them from what could only be described as marathon love making.

Surprise and a little mortification colored their features. Good thought Cordelia. Let them have the shame for a little bit. Maybe she and Willow could go out for ice cream later and wash away this whole mess. Let Buffy and Riley stew in it while the two of them enjoyed themselves. They deserved it, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendship!
> 
> I meant to have this out a little earlier in the week but life got in the way. This marks the first time I've returned to an episode I believe.


	13. Wild at Heart (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cordelia and Willow hash it out, and Willow is finally emotionally honest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two different episodes with Wild in the title in a row. I do a lot of my editing at work (bad of me I know) and work has been very busy lately. I'll try not to go away for such an extended period of time again.

**Time Stamp:** Mid-Episode

Willow shifted back and forth in front of the door. She was nervous, but she didn’t have too many people to talk to about the whole Oz situation. Buffy had been helpful, but hadn’t done much to make her fears go away. Like, she had been great - really great, but something just felt wrong. The most wrong. She knocked again and hoped that they would answer. Eventually she heard things being moved about inside and then the door opened. Staring at the person who blinked back at her Willow found herself unsure of what to say - maybe in this case, it was best to be simple about it, “Cordelia!” As she spoke she couldn’t stop wanting to beat herself up - how awkward did she sound?

“How can I help you?” Cordelia said leaning against the door.

“Are you available to talk?” She tugged down at edge of the sweater she was wearing.

“I was in the middle of some very difficult and stressful homework, but I think I can make a little time for you.” She pushed the door open the whole way allowing Willow to see into her dorm room.

Overall Cordelia’s dorm was rather plain. There were still a few small unpacked boxes on the floor. There was a picture frame on her bedside table of her and her father smiling while on some sort of boat, probably back from when her family had a lot of money. A stack of books was piled on her bed, and a notebook lay close by unopened. It was much less personal than Willow had been expecting. Almost as if Cordelia wasn’t really comfortable with her living situation, and wasn’t sure if she was going to stay or not, “It’s nice.” Willow said anyway, “If you want help unpacking I’m your gal. Well, Buffy has the super strength so she’s really who you’d want - but I can still help out.”

“It’s ugly and I hate it.” Cordelia said as Willow stepped around her and sat on the chair used for Cordelia’s desk.

“Oh come on it’s not that bad!” Willow insisted even though it was, “You can spruce it up a bit - make it more homey. I know Sunnydale isn’t exactly where you wanted to be, and college isn’t the high life but I’m sure we can make it work.”

Willow had no idea why she was trying to appease Cordelia’s nicer side. Maybe because she needed her help - desperately. The whole situation sucked, “So I know why I’m in my college dorm room, but why have you decided to grace my tacky abode?” Cordelia asked.

Right - that, “I just... Things with Oz are weird. I talked with Buffy, and she was helpful but she’s got her own guy troubles and sometimes I feel like you get guys more? I don’t know, I thought you could help?” Willow tried her best to explain.

It was ridiculous really because what did Cordelia owe Willow after what she had done with Xander? What did Cordelia owe any of them recently? But Buffy had said that Cordelia had helped her out during the whole magic beer debacle, so maybe if Willow begged enough Cordelia would do the same for her, “I’m not some sort of magic decoder, but go ahead - it’s not like I have anything better to do.” Cordelia said and walked over to sit on the bed.

“What does it mean when a girl wants to... you know…” Willow flustered - and god none of this was coming out right.

“Have sex? It’s okay to say it you know.” Cordelia edged at her, easily reading her flushed face.

“Make love…” Willow corrected her.

“Oh that’s cute, okay continue.” Cordelia said leaning back against the wall the bed was pushed against to give Willow her undivided attention, and okay having Cordelia’s look at her like that was a little intense.

“Right. So what if the girl wants to and the guy doesn't? That's a bad sign, right?” Willow asked.

“Usually.” Cordelia said, “Xander once told me that all he thought about was sex. Something about linoleum?” She made a face saying that, “But Oz could be different, he’s one of those silent types.”

Oz usually was different, Willow knew this - but hearing Cordelia confirm what she had been worried about made her question everything she knew about him. Willow hated it, and hated feeling this way “Okay so then let’s say I’ve been noticing certain things.”

“Certain things? I’m not mind-reader and you could be less clear right now.”

“Oh. Okay so, say I've been noticing Oz notice somebody else. A woman.” Suddenly Willow didn’t feel good talking to Cordelia about this.

“You mean you’re worried that he’s going to do to you what you and Xander did to me?” Cordelia snapped at her.

Right - that was why something was telling Willow not to talk to Cordelia about this. But it wasn’t like she could talk to Giles about these sort of things, and as she had already ruled Buffy out. That had left just one person. One very hurt, and vengeful person, “Yeah.” She whispered a little defeated, “God we messed up.”

“You did.” Cordelia told her and then took a breath, “But Oz took you back, god knows why. Listen, talk to him or not - it’s clear you think he might be cheating on you.”

“I did think about talking to him. But I’m worried he’ll think I’m a jealous rage monster or something.”

“You’re already are jealous. But you deserve a chance for him to come clean to you. A chance I never got. You might not feel better after - but you deserve to know.”

As she spoke Willow felt very small. Cordelia had never been nice to her growing up but no one deserved to be hurt the way she and Xander had hurt her. Now that shoe was on the other foot Willow knew exactly how much it hurt to know that the person you loved the most could stray because maybe you weren’t enough. Just the thought that Oz might be thinking about another woman who wasn’t her made her chest feel tight, “I’m sorry.” Willow said and her voice cracked when she spoke, “About Xander. About all of it. God we were so stupid.”

When she had said sorry to Oz she had meant it, but this was the first time speaking to Cordelia that she thought she might be saying it not because they got caught but because she was really sorry. With Xander gone she only had Buffy and Oz. Maybe it was time she got to know Cordelia? Just a little. They might never be friends - but if they were going to fight demons together more often it was the least she could do, “Yeah you were. Maybe you’re story will have a better ending. Who knows.”

Willow hoped it did too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally this chapter was going to be Willow, going to see Giles and finding out Cordelia was there - and Cordelia then being the person to give her the advice. But that didn't end up working out with the actual script of the show, which I don't want to nudge that much. So this was born. I think I almost prefer it. 
> 
> I've also made up my mind to post one of the biggest canon change points soon, mostly because it's making it hard to write later chapters and I need to get it out so I can. You'll either love it or hate it, but it's coming.


	14. The Replacement (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One half of Cordelia greets Riley at her apartment for coffee.

**Time Stamp:** Near the End of the Episode

Cordelia opened up the door to Riley’s smiling face and a matching grin spread over hers. She shouldn’t have been so glad that he was here, but she was. As she let him in she took in the sight of him, how broad his back was. Riley truly was a specimen of a man and Buffy be damned, Cordelia hadn’t dated anyone in so long and Riley was clearly into her so didn’t she deserve him? Ever since Sunnydale High School Buffy had hogged the men she had originally be into. Angel sprung quickly to mind and sure she had gotten over him once she had found out that he was all fangy, but it wasn’t time for Buffy to give a little? Cordelia deserved to receive after all, “Every time I come to your apartment I’m impressed.” Riley told her.

“Good you should be.” Cordelia told him walking past him and touching his arm just so, as she passed, “Coffee?”

Cordelia watched happily as Riley touched his arm, clearly overcome by her touch. Recovering he nodded, “Sure.”

Walking over to the counter Cordelia started coffee in the coffee pot and turned to look at him, “I’m thinking of updating my apartment.” She said.

“Oh?”

Nodding she turned to face him, “I’m going to be paid more money at the library. It’s not much, but for a student it’s more than a lot of other people make.”

“That’s good.” He said.

“It should be shouldn’t?” She tried to keep the bitterness from seeping into her voice but dammit it felt good to be bitter.

“You don’t sound happy.” Riley commented.

“It’s stupid.” She said to him, putting a bit of woe-is-me into her tone.

From the way his eyebrow raised Cordelia knew that she had him, hook line and sinker, “I’m sure it’s not.”

“I mean, I have a good life right? I’m smart, and I’m pretty and those things can’t be denied. I know more about demons than Buffy that’s for sure - and yet a few days ago when Tara hurt her arm in front of us all I could think was - god I’m really helpless aren’t I? I couldn’t do anything to protect her.”

“You’re not helpless. Like you said - you’re smart. This apartment is filled to the brim with books that you’ve read cover to cover.” As he spoke Cordelia felt herself flush with pride - but it wasn’t enough. She still hadn’t gotten what she wanted out of him.

“Sure, I can read a book. Wow, go me! But Willow and Tara have their magic, and you have your muscles and so does Buffy - hell even Giles can cast a spell or two. But I’m nothing.” Cordelia pushed a little harder, continuing her fishing. r

The coffee pot’s light went off and Cordelia turned back to her counter. She pulled out two cups and removed the pot from the machine to pour them two cups. Having gone to many group meetings, and knowing how Riley liked his coffee she handed it to him with a small amount of milk but no more, “Thanks.” He gestured to her couch and she followed, “You need to stop being so down on yourself.”

Cordelia joined him, their legs brushing up against each other as they sat on her couch. She remembered the way his hands had felt against her back when he had patched her up after their altercation with Dracula and couldn’t help herself in wanting that - all the time, “I’m sorry - you’re right. God how lame do I sound?”

“You don’t sound lame.” He cleared his voice, “Honestly, and I hate to admit this - I get it.”

“Mister strong army man gets it?” She teased him a little.

“I do. I might be strong right now but it’s just the drugs pumping through my body. Without them I’m just a regular guy. I’m terrified of finding out what happens when that clock runs out. Everyone else - their powers are part of them, they don’t have that pressure.”

Taking a sip of her coffee Cordelia considered his words, which were true. She didn’t want to blame Buffy, or Willow, or Tara even but part of her wanted to. Admitting that felt good, “Sorry.” She laughed, “You’re right. We are similar like that aren’t we.”

“We are. A bunch of humans stuck in a world where humans tend to find themselves as a monster's back alley treat.” He followed up.

“With my figure I think I would make a very delicious snack.” She put her coffee on the table in front of them, “At least you have Buffy.”

“Will I?” He inquired, “I mean I have her now - but when I’m all breakable, and easy to kill - what use will I be to her? Sometimes I wonder if I’m even enough for her now.”

Knocking her shoulder against his Cordelia gave him a little nudge, “You’re enough to me.”

“Because I patched you up after the attack?”

“Among other things.” Cordelia couldn’t help herself, in saying. The she paused realizing she might have gone too far, “I’m glad you’re my friend.”

“I’m glad you’re my friend too.” Riley said, “We should make a pact. We did this kind of thing in the army all the time. Not a blood oath, but a promise. It’s kind of a dude thing but -” He stopped, “Anyway, we should always remain reliable with each other. So if things go bad, we can always lean on each other for advice. No matter what.”

Even as he said it Cordelia knew that there was more to it than that, that there was more to the relationship between them than that - but it felt good to at least have someone to lean on who got it. Who understood what it meant to feel powerless among those who had so much power, “Deal.” She stuck her hand out for his and finished reeling in her line.

“Deal.”

Riley’s hand met hers and she wanted oh so badly to rub her thumb on the underside of his palm but was able to withhold the urge. Just as they were shaking on it the door to her apartment was knocked open and someone who looked very much like her, but… nerdier? Stormed in hair a bit of a mess, but with eyes that were ready to fight, “Get away from her!”

Could her day get any weirder, Cordelia wondered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured it was time we got at least some Cordelia POV on this situation, even if in this case it's only one half of her. 
> 
> I found writing this chapter a challenge because I wanted to make Confident Cordelia a little sly like she was back in HS but not so sly that I ruined what character development she got/gets in Season 4.


	15. Fool For Love (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is no gun.

**Time Stamp:** End of Episode

Spike paced back and forth in his crypt. He was furious - what the Slayer had done to him, how she had treated him - humiliated him, it burned through him like he burned through his cigarettes. From how she had looked at him as he lay beneath her before throwing the money at him and storming off in a silent huff - she had wanted to say more. It had stat in the back of her eyes, in the way they had glared at him. But something had stayed her tongue. He didn’t know what it was, but her eyes had screamed of pity. His feelings for her gnawed at him, causing him loathing and love in equal measure. He stalked over to one of trunks and thrust it open staring at the shotgun that sat there. Behind him Harmony watched both worried and upset, “Okay, I'm trying to be supportive here, so don't drive a stake through my heart like last time, but…” He picked up the gun and stared at it, “...You can't kill Buffy. She's the Slayer. She is so gonna kick your ass.”

Harmony was right of course, she had moments of lucidity and this was one such time. Spike wanted to use the gun on Buffy, he wanted to use it so badly it screamed at his soul and clawed at the back of his brain. But the look on Buffy’s face as she walked away, as she held the words she wanted to say in - he couldn’t shake it. Couldn’t stop it as it blossomed at the back of his skull over and over again. Instead he threw the gun past Harmony where is met the wall loudly before falling to the ground. Thankfully, no shots went off - he hadn’t had time to load it. Harmony shrieked and ducked away as it sailed past her, “You think I don’t bloody know that you daft bint?” He raved at her.

“Argh! I knew you'd take it personally. You're so sensitive.” He stalked past her and picked up his coat, which he had also discarded in a rage as he had entered the room, “At least you’re thinking this time. God could you imagine what would happen if you actually tried? The second you actually pointed that gun at her you’d be rolling on the ground, and then you'd get bitch-slapped up and down Main Street until she'd had enough and just staked you.”

He put on his coat and pushed her aside perhaps a little too roughly, “Move.”

At his shove Harmony looked at him, “Are you still going to see her? What are you going to do? Talk her to death? Seriously?” He didn’t answer her, “Oh that’s fine, just ignore me. Do you even have a plan? I hope you have a plan.”

It was true he had been trying his best to ignore what she was saying but the screeching of her voice made it pretty much impossible, “Harm.”

“Don’t you Harm me mister. We’re beyond that right now.” She paused to shake her head, “Whatever it doesn’t matter, you’ve never listened to me anyway.”

“Are you done?” He stopped to look at her, paused halfway out the door.

“You know what - yes. I am done. Thank you. Don’t come crying to me when whatever happens doesn’t work out. You’re being a big dumb head and I’m tired of it. She’s going to stomp on you with her designer boots and I will be on the sidelines cheering her on.” She walked up and held the second door to his crypt open, “Go on, go. See if I care.”

He stormed out, and into the graveyard. As he walked he felt his temper slowly cooling and the closer he got to Buffy’s house the more he realized he really didn’t know what he was going to do. He entered her backyard tentatively, frustration subsided. The sight of a distraught Buffy, sitting on her porch all by her lonesome answered the question for him, “What do you want now?” She looked at him, but the venom he was used to wasn’t in her voice.

They in front of each other naked emotion between them, “What’s wrong?” He asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She answered.

In that moment he was glad he hadn’t brought the gun. Was glad that the walk had cooled his anger, and was glad that whatever Buffy had wanted to say she hadn’t. The tension that has been between them all night drained away, animosities forgotten. He wandered over to the stoop and sat down next to her, “If you need anything.” He reached out to pat her leg unsure if anything else would be warranted.

Her head as she leaned against his shoulder - was a welcome surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unrelated, but this chapter was going to be something different. However I didn't think it quiet fit into the story yet. I think it will end up being chapter twenty. I'm going to try to post big moments of change every 20 chapters or so (although with how changed season 6 is we shall see how long that lasts).


	16. Primeval (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy, Cordelia, and Willow find healing in their friendship.

**Time Stamp:** Mid-Episode

Buffy approached Cordelia tentatively, unsure of how to start or what to say after the huge argument in Giles's house. She was sitting on a group of steps in the middle of the College Quad, and was reading a book. But her heart didn’t look completely into it. She didn’t seem to see Buffy approach which Buffy was thankful for - god, they had made a mess of things, “Demonomicon volume two huh?” She said and this caused Cordelia to finally look up at her.

“Come to mock me and my life again?” Cordelia questioned, frustration in her voice.

“Nah. I was being bitchy Buffy and I’m sorry.” She moved over to sit next to Cordelia and then bumped Cordelia’s shoulder once seated, “Move, you’re crushing me against the bar.” At Buffy's words Cordelia scooted over just a little so the metal handrail wasn't pushing up against Buffy's side.

Hearing Buffy calling herself bitchy Cordelia couldn't help but crack a smile, “You were being bitchy Buffy. Although that’s not totally unlike you -” Cordelia said with a grin on her face.

Under any other circumstances this would have caused Buffy to maybe be a little upset. But as it was, Cordelia needed to be able to get a few digs in. Plus she couldn’t help but find it a little funny because as much as it hurt to admit, it was true. She still had a habit of judging Cordelia based on the past. Since Xander had left she had tried her best to get rid of those notions but had struggled with them all the same. They all had, she thought. Maybe it was time that they let those feelings go. So she laughed, “Hey, it wasn’t just me.” She said in mock defense.

“So we all said some things we now regret. Things that were not true at all.” Cordelia admitted.

“So where did the sudden lack of confidence come from?” Buffy asked, “Even bookish Cordelia is brimming with it.”

At that Cordelia laughed, “I don’t know. I was helping Spike with the whole soldier outfit, and he just went on and on about how I had changed and how being friends with you had dulled me and -”

“This is all Spike’s fault!” Willow said loudly causing Buffy and Cordelia to jump.

The redhead was standing behind Buffy and Cordelia, hands on her hips looking down at them. Buffy squinted up into the sun to get a better look at Willow’s face, “What do you mean?” She asked.

“Spike made me feel like you were all unaccepting. Of Tara. Of me.”

Cordelia moved over a second time and gave a pat to the concrete step next to her, “Sit.” And Willow did, surprising Buffy with the ease of how quickly she gave into Cordelia’s demand, “When did we ever give you that impression?” She asked.

“I don’t know.” Willow answered honestly, "Everyone was being distant and I just thought -"

Buffy leaned forward to look at Willow, “We were all being very dumb. Dumb and distant.”

“So dumb.” Cordelia agreed, “I mean, Willow - not to dismiss what you were saying but I distinctly remember pushing you to take Tara to a certain oversexed party.”

As she said this Buffy flushed a little, “And then you got jealous and we fought about it. Not exactly a glowing review.” Willow replied.

“I always forget about that part.” Cordelia told her, “Can’t we all just make up and hug or something?”

“Hugging on while sitting like this? No thanks.” Buffy told them, “But I’m okay with the making up part.”

“Me too.” Willow answered.

All three of them laughed and it felt good Buffy thought. When it really came down to it they really only worked best when they were a team. She had survived this long because of her friends, not despite them. As she thought this Cordelia shaded her eyes and yelled at the approaching figure, “You missed it old man! We’ve made up. It was all Spike’s fault.”

At that they all dissolved into laughter again, and Giles finished his walk to them, “Very good then. You know, Spike can be quite convincing when he -- I'm very stupid.”

Buffy shrugged, “He played us. He wanted us to fight. To split us up. He didn’t - we won. I think that’s all that matters.”

“So - why do you think Spike made with the head games?” Willow asked, putting the thought out into the world.

“Because he’s bitter? I don’t know. He’s a chipped vampire who clearly feels the world owes him something.” Cordelia said.

“I think it's more than that. I think it's Adam.” Buffy said and the moment she said it - she knew it felt right.

The rest of the time sitting there was spent working through what had happened to them, and sharing information. The whole time, watching the people around her all Buffy could think was how good it felt to be working together again.

Later while they were rappelling down an elevator shaft Buffy came to rest up next to where Willow was. Here after all the planning, Buffy was able to make up with her properly. At the bottom the two of them laughed and Buffy looked over at Cordelia who had landed next to them on the elevator, “Cordelia!”

Willow smiled, “Cordelia. My favorite Cordelia in the whole world.”

She looked at Buffy and Willow oddly, both confused and a little unsure of where this was going, “Cordelia - you know we love you, right?” Buffy said with warmth in her voice.

From the look on her face Cordelia had not know this. Buffy suspected that Cordelia knew that they were friends, and knew that Buffy and Willow cared for her but it was clear that she hadn’t expected it to extend so far. But it did Buffy thought - it was time they all admitted it, “We totally do.” Willow confirmed to cement what Buffy had told Cordelia.

“So we’re dying right? That’s why you’re saying this.”

“Nah.” Willow said, “You’re our friend. We love you.”

At that Buffy reached over and drew Cordelia into the hug they had missed earlier in the day and Willow joined her. Together the two of them squeezed Cordelia and in that moment Buffy swore she almost felt Cordelia shaking in an attempt to hold back tears, “Shut up. I love you guys too ok.” She told them and then yelled up at Giles who still hadn’t made it, “Giles! Get down here we’re being sappy and icky and you are going to miss it!”

Giles’s grunt and then sigh, was their answer. And what an answer it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love these three girls (and Giles!) so much.
> 
> Originally this was going to just be the one scene but I then I remembered the second one and thought "why not" it's rare for me to do two scenes instead of one, but they both fit together so well that I felt like I had to.


	17. Triangle (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cordelia and Riley are dating. It's causing a few bumps. Tara and Buffy discuss those bumps.

**Time Stamp:** Early Episode

As Tara packed her books away as her teacher finished talking. Free of the lecture, her mind drifted to the fight that Willow and Cordelia had taken part in that morning. She understood the reason for it of course - Willow was upset that Cordelia was dating Riley, and Cordelia was upset that Willow would think that she was callous to do so. Buffy’s approval or no. It hurt to see Willow fight what was essentially one of her best friends. But Buffy always came first to Willow when it came down to her two friends and Tara knew that stung Cordelia as well. They would make up eventually, they always did - but for now Willow felt comfortable in her righteous anger. So Tara, for her own health and safety had decided to stay clear.

Book bag overstuffed she looked up to find Buffy already packed and waiting for her. It was nice Tara thought to have people waiting for her. Before Willow she had been alone in her loneliness. Now she knew that she had friends. People she could see if the solitude ever grew to be too much, “That could have been worse.” She said.

Buffy nodded as Tara stood up and the two of them exited the classroom, “New semester. New classes. Whole new vistas of knowledge to be confused and intimidated by.” Buffy replied.

Ever since the disaster that had been Professor Walsh Buffy had been a little cagey and distant when it came to getting too close to any sort of learning. It made sense but Tara was still frustrated by it, learning was good she thought, “I think this one seems kind of fun. Greek art is going to touch on so many things, mythology and history and philosophy…” She tried to argue.

“The professor spit too much when he talked. It was like being at Sea World. The first five rows would get wet." Buffy stood firm.

“That was just, you know, enthusiasm.” Tara tried to counter but it was a losing argument she knew.

“It seemed very much like saliva.” Buffy said.

“We'll sit farther back next time.” Tara conceded.

“Good plan. Because I need to keep this course. The only other thing that fits my schedule is Central American Geo-Politics and no thanks. I even hear the word "jungle" and all I can think of is Riley. Like, it’s too soldiery - too co-oops. Every time the the professor would talk I think I would want to throw something.” Buffy said.

“Is he taking that course?” Tara asked.

“I don’t know and I don’t care to know. Seeing him and Cordelia swap spit in the Magic Box is enough for me. The way he looks at her makes me want to yell at him and storm out of the room. It’s ridiculous. I’m sure he used to look at me like that but I don’t remember it. If I block out the noises and try to focus on the fact that Cordelia looks happy it isn’t as bad.”

That shocked Tara. Of course it had been Buffy’s idea to get Cordelia and Riley together, and she acted like she was okay with it - but Tara had thought that Buffy might have been faking it. Just a little, “You’re not mad?” She asked.

“Not at Cordelia. I wish I could be. It would be easier that way you know? I could have girls night with Willow and shout about it to get it off my chest, but I’m not. It’s Riley that’s the issue. I hate him for falling in love with someone who is not me. I hate myself a little for not caring as much as I should. Maybe this was the way it was always going to be you know?”

“Willow says things always happen for a reason.”

Tara didn’t always believe it of course, but it felt nice to hold it to her heart and dream about it being true, “But Riley and Cordelia?” Buffy sighed, “It’s all so tangled. I’m upset but I’m not. I want to cry but I don’t. I think Cordelia deserves happiness but that Riley should burn in the basement of hell. I want to find a love that means something. Maybe I’m looking in the wrong places, all the men I fall in love with seem safe at first and then they break my heart. What’s the opposite of that?”

There was one person that Tara knew even though she thought Buffy wasn’t going to like hearing the name, “Spike?” She replied.

“Very much no.” Buffy said, “How about we go collect Willow and maybe indulge in a little after- school hamburger or something?”

“I guess we could. She might still be at the magic shop. I was there earlier and she and Cordelia got in this kind of little squabble. Riley and I sort of cleared out. She was pretty upset.”

“Is Willow and Cordelia’s friendship in danger because of me?” Buffy asked, her voice gone a little soft.

Hearing Buffy’s voice break made Tara want to take what she had said back but, “Oh! No. I said that all wrong... it was nothing. It was just a little spat I promise. I’m sure they will make up. It’s what they do right? Argue and then patch things up?”

“What… what if they don’t this time? What if this is what breaks up our friendship?” Tara noticed Buffy’s voice get wobbly, “What if Cordelia breaks up with Riley to please Willow? They just got together. I mean I’d love to see Riley’s sad face but it would break Cordelia’s heart.”

“It was only a little thing. Really.” Tara tried to soothe Buffy.

“But that’s the thing about little things. First it’s patching someone up after a fight, then it’s coffee at a coffee shop, then it’s coffee at Cordelia’s house, and then it’s dating. A whole little things big adding up pile.” Buffy’s face cleared, her worry turning into something that looked like angry resolve, “I’m going to fix this. Even if it means Riley is happier for it.”

This wasn’t what Tara had been expecting at all - but a resolved Buffy was pretty assuring. It was better than what Tara had feared would happen which would be Buffy being depressed about the whole thing. Maybe that would come later. As the two of them now matched through the halls Tara sighed mentally. She didn’t like meddling in general but, “If you’re sure?”

“Very sure. Willow and Cordelia’s friendship won’t end over some stupid man. This… this isn’t how it ends for them.”

“Well then -”

Medding it was it seemed, “They have a beautiful friendship.” Buffy told her.

“They do.” Tara agreed for lack of anything better to do.

“A beautiful friendship!” Buffy declared again.

Tara didn’t need to be told twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't write Tara very often, mostly because a lot of her bigger changes are later on - but I really liked this scene and wanted to explore it from the slightly changed perspective of my fic-verse. Also Tara having expanded friendships is good!


	18. Triangle (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riley and Cordelia discuss how to act in front of Buffy now that they are together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the first time I've done the same episode in a row. But it just fit.

**Time Stamp:** Start of Episode

Cordelia sighed contently as she lay against Riley’s chest. They were holed up in her room, laying on her bed and he was playing with her hair. It had only been a few days since they had gotten together and they were doing their best to play chicken when it came to Buffy and Willow. Cordelia knew it was going to be tough, seeing both of them for the first time and she didn’t want to deal with either of them. The spell would have to break eventually though. There were only so many times she could force Riley to get up to make her coffee, and the Chinese takeout boxes were starting to pile up. Of course there were other reasons for their self imposed exile. To finally be able to touch each other without fear, with the knowledge that they were together and it wasn’t a dream - that was good too, “I can’t stay hidden here forever.” Cordelia said, “Giles has called five times in the last twenty-four hours. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know how to manage The Magic Box without me. He’s good with the accounting but he’s far too easily overwhelmed by all the people.”

“Do you think you’re ready to face the world?” Riley asked her.

“Nope.” Cordelia answered honestly, “But then will we ever be ready? At some point we are going to have to look Buffy in the eyes and face what we did.” She turned to look at Riley although she found the angle at which she had to tilt her head uncomfortable, “I still don’t understand why she did what she did but I think we owe it to her to at least show up and help out.”

In her mind Cordelia could picture Buffy’s doe eyes - and she did have doe eyes, staring at them sadly. It made her sad. But Buffy had given them this and they needed to prove to her that it had been the right thing to do, “Magic Box it is then. Time to rescue your boss from the throngs of people trying to buy his goods. The horror.” He paused, “Do you think Buffy will be there?”

“Maybe.” Cordelia answered honestly, “I think we should prepare for that. How to act, what to say.” She laughed, “Back in High School I had this thing for Angel. Of course once I found out he was all fangy it was a big fat no, but I wanted to win him over. I wanted him to date me and not her. I had all these big plans to rub it in her face, and I did my best to try to make her as insecure as possible in hopes that she would break up with him. Now that’s happened with you and I only want to make sure her feelings are not hurt. Is that weird? That’s weird right?”

It felt weird Cordelia though, “That’s not weird.” Riley told her.

“It’s a little weird.”

“Nope. No weirdness.” He countered.

“You are only saying that because you love me.” Cordelia poked his very naked chest.

“So what if I am?” He told her.

As he said that Cordelia sat up to look at him, the shirt she was wearing slipping down her shoulder, “See! This is what I’m talking about. This you and me thing. Is this too much? What if we end up doing this in front of Buffy and she flips? I mean Buffy is good with fighting vampires but the second emotions are out she has a habit of running away from them. Which is fine whatever, it’s her way of dealing - but I don’t want to be the reasons she flees the room you know? I don’t want to have to see Buffy tears first thing in the morning.”

Riley sat up too to look Cordelia in the eyes and it felt nice. Like his eyes were strong and steady and grounding. She didn’t want to be thought of as weak for needing it, but god it felt good to have something in her life like this, “I’m sure it will be fine.” He told her.

“And if it’s not?” She asked.

“How about this - you and me, we act like we did before this thing started. Casual touches, just like friends. We ease them into it slowly over the next week. If we’re tactical about it I’m sure things will work out. Make a plan - follow through. That’s how we did things in the army.”

“How is it, that you always know what to say to me?”

“Maybe I have some of Willow’s magic. Being around you people rubbed off on me - mystical mind reader Riley. That’s my new superpower to replace the super strength - Cordelia vision. It tells me just what you want at all times.”

Cordelia couldn’t help but crinkle her nose at that. Riley wasn’t perfect, she knew this just as deeply as she knew she wasn’t. But he was good to her and Cordelia thought she deserved someone who was good to her, “And what do I want right now?” She pried.

“Me to kiss you.” He said in such a straightforward way that it caused Cordelia to break out into laughter.

“How did you know?”

And truthfully, that was what mattered - he just did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know people are not huge fans of Riley but I find I enjoy writing him, I especially enjoy writing him with Cordelia.


	19. Forever (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy finds comfort in the unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added a new tag to this fic specifically for this chapter.

**Time Stamp:** Mid-Episode

It was just a small mound of dirt. Just a small patch of earth. Just where the body that used to be her mother lay. Just another place people would eventually walk over in an attempt to treat a graveyard like some sort of shortcut in the middle of the night. Buffy’s mind was pleasantly numb. The dam would have to break eventually but it felt good to not feel anything. To not think and just float upon the ashes of a life slowly falling apart. She had been so happy a few days ago, so happy with where her life was heading and now - it was all in ruins. All good things could not last, not love and not life. Especially not for the Slayer who had an expiration date stamped on her coffin the second she was chosen. What a life she lead. Behind her she heard leaves crunching - whoever was approaching was doing a bad job at being stealthy. She had a small buried glimmer hope for who it was, but didn’t turn around. Let them come to me she thought, I have done enough moving for a lifetime. If was a vampire well - she was ready for it to end anyway, “I’m sorry I’m late.” The person spoke into the dark of the night.

It hadn’t been who Buffy had wished for but this was almost better, “Xander.” She said to him as he came to stand next to her.

He looked nothing like the Xander she remembered. Gone were the overly large shirts. Instead he wore a black button-up shirt and well fitted jeans. He was leaner too. She had missed him last year during her visit to L.A to deal with Faith, and seeing him now felt odd. His eyes spoke of stories untold. They were sadder too, “When I heard I had to come. Joyce was a nice lady.”

“No Angel?” Buffy asked.

“We didn’t want to overwhelm you. Angel told me to come.” He shrugged.

It stung a little bit that Angel wasn’t here, but maybe it was for the best. Maybe it was Angel’s way of letting her go - for good this time. He always had a habit of giving her gifts she didn’t want, but were better for her in the long run, “the funeral was… It was brutal…” She told him for lack of anything better to say, “I miss you.” She finished lamely.

“I miss you too. Every day. But it was good, that I left. When I’m afraid I wonder - what would Buffy do. And I do it. But I do it because it’s the right thing, every time. No more trying to impress people.”

“Angel has rubbed off on you.” She noted, “You did the right thing. Sunnydale isn’t a happy place.”

“Neither is L.A.” He said honestly, and Buffy could almost read something in his eyes - something had happened recently, very recently but what that something was Buffy doubted he would ever say, “The world isn’t going to get another person like Joyce.” He continued like the previous conversation hadn’t happened, “She wasn’t my mother so I didn’t get to see her faults but she was always good to us when we came to visit you. She gave everyone their fair shake, unless they hurt you. Then they never earned back her forgiveness.”

“You remember when I found my mom making hot chocolate for Spike?” Buffy said, “She didn’t know he was the person who she had hit with the ax back during the attack on the high school.” She paused, “I don’t think she ever hated him like she hated Angel.”

“She wasn’t totally wrong about Angel.” Xander said, “But she wasn’t completely right either.”

“I still can’t believe that the two of you are friends.” Buffy sighed, “I’m sure you’ve heard that a lot.”

If she had to picture two people who would ever find common ground Xander and Angel were not them. But based on the fact that Xander hadn’t returned from L.A yet the two of them must have found some sort of comradery, “All vampires have their good points and their bad points, most of the bad but those ones that have the chance for good - I guess I finally saw what you saw in him.”

“Give vampires a chance?” Buffy asked.

“Give some vampires a chance.” He rebuffed, “Some can never be fixed.”

That sounded like the Xander she remembered. The advice was sound though, and Buffy stored it away to look at closely later, “I don’t even want to think about tomorrow.” She admitted, “ I'm good at sticking wood in vampires, but Mom was the strong one in real life. She always knew how to make things better, what to say… I found her. I didn't even start CPR until they told me to. I fell apart.” Her voice became quiet the longer she spoke and Buffy hated how weak she sounded.

“Everyone falls apart at some point in their lives. I know you’re not going to completely understand what I’m going to say, not like you would if times were better - but you are the strongest person I know. I left because I wanted to be strong like you, and I couldn’t do that with you around to save me each and every time. And you can’t forget that you have friends here, I know that because I was one of them. You don’t have to do this alone - Willow and Cordelia will be there for you. If you let them.”

Somehow, even now after so long Xander knew exactly what to say to make her feel better. It didn’t ease everything, but there was a truth to his words that made their home deep down inside of her. Where they nestled there, like it or not, “Do you have to leave soon?” She asked.

“Tomorrow morning. I don’t want to be on the road this late at night, I’d fall asleep at the wheel and then you’d have to deal with squishy Xander.”

“Want to go patrolling with me? For old time's sake.”

“I think I could do that.”

Xander held out his arm to her and she looped hers in with his. With a glance back at her mother’s grave, Xander slowly but surely lead her away the call of death - and all that it entailed. If only for a little while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun writing this chapter because it gave me a chance to write Buffy and Xander and examine how they had both changed but also stayed the same. Writing them interacting again after so much time - yes! I also had to do research into crossover episodes for this chapter to find out the last time they had seen each other and what episode of Angel came before this (it was Epiphany which put Xander at an interesting place with Angel emotionally).


	20. Harsh Light of Day (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Giles offers Cordelia an (unpaid) job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Giles POV - finally!

**Time Stamp:** Somewhere Near the End of the Episode

Giles watched as Cordelia paced back and forth in his apartment, the book she had been shelving clutched in her left hand fluttering about every time she turned. She had been in this state for well over a few minutes and it was making Giles dizzy just watching her. The tea he had been planning on drinking lay forgotten on the table in front of his couch and he wondered just what had the girl in front of him in such an agitated state. She had been coming to his house more and more often recently, which was the first sign that something was clearly wrong - but this was the first time he had seen her like this. Finally she slumped down in the chair across from his, “I quit.” She announced.

“You quit the job I gave you? I think it was a rather simple task shelving my books. You even seemed grateful to do it a few days ago.”

“That was then. This is now.” Cordelia paused, “And it’s not about your books. It’s… everything. School, this job, my utter lack of any sort of social life. I mean, Harmony is doing better than I am right now. And she’s a skanky vampire! I should just become a hermit.”

Ah, so that was the problem, “You feel like you don’t fit in anymore. There isn’t space for you here.”

Cordelia glared at him, “That’s not what I said.”

“But that’s what you mean.” Giles wasn’t going to pull any punches with her, he never had.

“I don’t know. Maybe. It’s not fair that Xander ended up in L.A. and I ended up back here in this hellhole.”

Now she was just being silly Giles thought, “You can’t blame Xander for your own failures.” He hold her bluntly, “You went to L.A. and you fizzled out. So, what do you plan to do now?”

The true crux of the problem Giles though, was that Cordelia didn’t know what she wanted to do. Her whole life had lead up to her leaving Sunnydale. He could remember many a day spent in the library while she nattered on and on about how she was going to leave and become a star. It hadn’t happened, which was obvious when she had arrived back at Sunnydale with her tail tucked between her legs and properly enrolled in college - on what he could only assume was a scholarship. Giles didn’t hate Cordelia, he was the adult in this relationship so to dislike a child would have been petty of him. But he did think that there was a lot of wasted potential when it came to her. Cordelia was smart. In school, despite her best efforts to hide it - she had gotten good grades. She knew her way around his library and had been fond of sneaking in to borrow books when Buffy and her group of friends were away. No, if anything Giles was rooting for her, “Go to school? Die young and pretty? Hope that whatever is written on my grave isn’t some old people speak for how great I am?” She provided.

“You could help me with research.” Giles suggested and waited for Cordelia to react.

“What and be stuck in here with your stuffy books all day?”

It was the answer he had been expecting but that didn’t mean he was going to stop trying to convince her, “It would give you something to do. I know my apartment isn’t your cup of tea, but I think a little structure would do you good.”

“What’s school if not structure?” Cordelia asked.

“A hellscape of excitable young adults all packed together like sardines.” He replied.

That got a laugh out of Cordelia, and Giles was glad to hear it, “What would helping you out mean?”

Leaning forward so he could look at her Giles thought about what to tell her, “A lot of translation, learning demonic languages, learning arcane symbols, researching different types of demons and monsters, discovering what texts to research for the information you think you might need, and a little bit of spell work. I can’t promise it will all be fun but you’ll learn a lot. And it will definitely give you something to do.”

When he mentioned spells he could see Cordelia’s eyes light up a little, “Spells you say?”

“Some spells. But mostly theory." He paused and then added, "And why high level arcane work isn't always safe to dabble in.”

He didn’t want to lie to her. The work he did could be hard, but Giles found that there was reward in it. He didn’t know how he had gotten to a point of wanting Cordelia to accept, but he had. It would be good to have someone to talk to about the research that he did, someone who could understand it. Even if it was Cordelia, “All right.” Cordelia said eventually, “But I reserve the right to leave if I feel like I’m dying of boredom.”

“It’s a deal then.”

Giles briefly wondered just what he was getting himself into but it was too late. He would worry later, if it came to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter awhile ago - but it seemed to close to the dabble from Life Serial so I held on to it for a bit. However this relationship is too important in the long run to hold on to it for any longer.


	21. The Initiative (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cordelia confronts an old friend.

**Time Stamp:** Mid-Episode

Cordelia clutched the books she had checked out from the library in her arms as she crossed the campus. It was dark and the stake in her bag smacked against her leg reminding her of where she was. It had been a gift from Buffy, something of a “you’re my friend now, don’t die” statement. Cordelia had laughed when Buffy had given it to her but she was glad that she had it now. She wondered if Willow owned a stake from Buffy, if Giles did too. A whole network of people with “you’re my friend now, don’t die” stakes. The trees pressed around her as a raucous sound invaded her ears. Part of her wanted to ignore the noise but she knew instinctively that she couldn’t. There was the off chance that it could be a monster or demon doing harm to hapless human, and she had to investigate. A few months ago she would have walked away, but not now. Bracing herself she stormed forward only to come across Harmony throwing things into a pile - t-shirts, records, boots, and books. Then she dumped gasoline on the pile and struggled to light match. As she did Cordelia thought she heard crying, “Harmony?”

Her old friend turned around to look at her, quickly wiping tears from her face and stepping closer to her, “Cordelia.”

“Vampires must stay a few feet back at all times.” Cordelia said, freeing one of her hands to reach into her bag to touch her stake and take it out, “I’m armed and dangerous and I’m not afraid to use it. Don’t think I won’t.”

Harmony stopped and tilted her head, “No love for old friends? I could kill you where you stand.”

At that Cordelia couldn’t help herself and let out a laugh, “Kill me? You couldn’t even out maneuver me back in High School.” She knew she was edging Harmony on but she couldn’t help it.

“Oh, that’s it.”

Harmony leapt at her and okay, she moved faster than Cordelia had thought she would. It was a good reminder that while Harmony was still Harmony she was also well - a vampire. Ducking out of the way Cordelia dropped her books, curled up her fist and then with her free arm punched Harmony square in the face, “I learned that from a friend.” Cordelia told her.

Angry now Harmony vamped out and growled at her, “No fair you play dirty!”

This whole thing was rather ridiculous honestly, Cordelia thought. However Harmony would not be stopped and charged at her again. This time Cordelia couldn’t get out of the way in time and the subsequent slap to her face made her have to blink a few times to get her bearings back. When she did she glared at Harmony, “What is your issue? Honestly, I didn’t come here to fight you!”

“You punched me!” Harmony accused.

God, had her friends in High School always been this stupid? It really made her wonder sometimes, “You attacked me first!” She shot back.

“I’ll stop if you will.” Harmony told her.

“It’s a truce then.” Cordelia agreed.

The two of them stood there looking at each other silently trying to find something to say. As they did Cordelia could see Harmony’s eyes roaming about as she took in what she had missed before they had come to blows, “I see you’ve embraced your inner nerd. That’s what? A pile of at least three books? How boring.”

Not looking at Harmony, Cordelia walked over to her boring pile of books and picked them up. As she did so she tucked her stake back into her bag, it would be bad if she lost it. Once she had gotten herself together she leveled her greatest glare at Harmony, “At least I’m not out here crying about some guy and struggling to light a match. Do you know how sad you look?” As Cordelia talked she picked up one of the items that Harmony had been trying to burn - it was a Sex Pistols album and her mind quickly put the pieces together, “Oh no, I’m Harmony and my dumbass vampire boyfriend doesn’t love me. Boo hoo, cry harder honestly. And this nerd just punched you out girlfriend, so back off.”

“How about you just leave okay?” Harmony said walking forward and snatching the album back, “What is it they say? If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it?” She turned towards the fire she was trying to light and finally struck a match.

“Wow. That might be the best advice you’ve given me all evening.”

As Cordelia walked away she heard Harmony talking to herself - and then, if Harmony said anything else - Cordelia was not there to hear it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was something just so satisfying about writing this chapter. I know Harmony gets shit on a lot during both Buffy and Angel but there was still something so fun about writing a Cordelia with a little more bite to her.


	22. Triangle (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spike and Riley verbally spar about the women they love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode is so pivotal in my fic. I feel like it's WAY less important in the TV show so for it to be so important for my story is really inserting I think.

**Time Stamp:** Mid-Episode

The Bronze was safe Riley though. No Willow and Cordelia fighting. He felt like a bit of a coward for running away, but Cordelia could hold her own and he didn’t want to piss off Buffy’s best friend. Not when he knew Willow would report whatever he said back to Buffy. No, this was safe and away from the explosions and shrapnel. He sipped from the beer he had grabbed from the bar and looked toward the stage as he walked over to where the tables were, “Oi. Watch it.” A voice told him as he collided into a solid mass, “Oh - it’s you.” The voice continued.

“Hey sorry man I didn’t.” He paused and finally got a look at the person he had run into, “Hostile Seventeen.”

Calling Spike that was a low blow but Riley couldn’t help himself. He reached the table he had been eyeing up and sat down. Spike stared at him for a moment, “Where’s the girlfriend?” He asked rocking back on the balls of his feet, hands in his pockets.

“Are you trying to egg me on? Because it won’t work. Cordelia is off doing… I don’t actually know what. But she can handle herself.” As he spoke Spike stopped rocking.

A second later he watched in horror as Spike sat down across from him. Riley felt his teeth clench. There were few people he hated more. Sure Spike’s attempt to come between Riley and Buffy had worked out in Riley’s favor, but the vampire was like a tick - once he was on you he was impossible to shake, “You should be in the honeymoon stage with your sweetheart and yet here you are - alone drinking beer.” Spike reached into the bowl of nuts that was on the table and ate some, “Are you sure you’re not here hiding out in fear? Don’t want to face your original honey?”

“If it’s a stake to the heart you’re looking for I can provide that. I’ll even gift wrap your ashes and give them to Buffy.”

At that Spike held up his hands in what was clearly mock supplication, “Not here to fight, just here to eat enjoy myself.”

“And are you?” Riley asked, “Enjoying yourself?”

When he finished speaking Riley knew he had said the wrong thing. A smirk so wide split Spike’s face, “It’s not too bad. Good music, good food -” He paused to look directly at Riley, “Good entertainment. Can’t complain.” He seemed to consider something for a moment, “How is the ex?”

“So this is about Buffy then.” Spike had tipped his hand too easily, “What makes you think I’ll tell you anything about her?” Riley inquired.

Perhaps realizing his blunder Spike attempted a different tactic, “I don’t know Soldier Boy, if I beat you in pool why don’t you tell me? Give you a chance to work off all that pent up aggression.”

Spike leered at him eyes shining wide and Riley hated it. Riley knew he should say no. But Spike was right, he was pissed off and the idea of showing Spike up at a game of pool was something that he couldn’t turn down, “You think because you have so many years on me you’ll win - but if I can’t stake you at least I can show you how to actually play.”

“I thought you might say that.” Spike said smirk still firmly in place, and god Riley couldn’t wait to wipe it off his face.

A few beers later and Riley knew he had made a mistake, Spike was kicking his ass. Riley had lost the first game and was in the process of racking up the balls for a second go round. He was also pretty sure he was about one beer too far in. Spike had drunk a few beers as well but being a vampire left him less buzzed than Riley. It was disgusting how unaffected Spike was by it all, “A deal is a deal so I’ll tell you this - Buffy is doing all right. Pissed off at me, but overall she’s fine. I don’t think she really loved me anyway. Not like I thought I loved her.” He took a sip of beer, “But you need to leave her alone. She’s not a prize to be won. Whatever game you thought we were playing - it’s over.”

“I love her.” Spike told him not afraid to be honest in front of Riley - it wasn’t like he was going to tattle, and Spike knew that, “I know you don’t think that I can but I do. You need to accept that.”

“You think you love her.” Riley said the conversation slowly sobering him up as he took aim to knock the ball into the pocket in front of him, “But you can’t. You will never be able to - not the way she needs you to. When you realize that it’s going to change you life.” He knocked the ball into the pocket, a clean shot.

“I loved Dru.” Spike told him, “People seem to ignore that little fact, and it’s bloody inconsiderate if you ask me.”

“Yes, because I’m sure what you had with this Drusilla was anyway at all comparable to what loving Buffy will be like. Buffy’s not a vampire, Buffy will never be a vampire. She’s strong and powerful and has to put slaying above everything. Being with Buffy is work, and I just don’t think you can crack it. I couldn’t.” He shrugged.

Spike growled at him but Riley didn’t care, “Listen here mate-”

“No, you listen here,” Riley interrupted, “I’m not going to try to come between you and Buffy anymore and you want to know why? One, you’re not anything resembling a threat. Two, all your plans backfire - Cordelia and I are walking proof. And three, the second you ask her out and she turns you down you’re going to do something monumentally stupid. I don’t know what, but you will. And I will be there to laugh at you in the background while she kicks your ass.”

What Riley didn’t say out loud, and would most likely never say out loud is that he felt like a bit of a hypocrite when it came to dictating Buffy’s love life. Even if was Spike. He didn’t feel like he had any sort of ground to stand on. He had fallen in love with someone else while claiming that Buffy was the only one he had cared about. And then Buffy had been stupidly selfless. He made to walk away from the pool table - he was ready to wash his hands of this whole conversation, but instead collided with what had to be the biggest man he had ever seen, “Bloody hell.” Spike said.

And Riley couldn’t help but agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Riley does some pretty hinky shit in my fic but I find myself fond of him? Especially in this chapter.


	23. Blood Ties (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spike and Buffy deal with Dawn's disappearance after her discovery of Keydom together, but in their own ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter based on two scenes instead of one!

**Time Stamp:** Mid-Episode (Generally)

His crypt doors banged open and Buffy stormed in. For a moment she stood in the frame of the door eyes hard, furry in her face. In that moment Spike thought she was beautiful but the thought was short lived, “Hello pet, what can good old Spike do for you tonight -” His words were interrupted by Buffy’s fists that slammed into the concrete of the tomb he was sitting on, “What’s got you all bothered?” He finished after her outburst.

“I thought I knew you better. Being there for me when my mom went to the hospital, helping out with Troll Mchammer Guy, but you let Dawn find out like this? From books and papers? You hate me that much?”

Ah, so this was about the littlest Summers. Spike swung his legs over the edge of the tomb to get a good look at her, “It’s not like I knew pet. It’s not like anyone came running to good old Spike to let him know that your sister was a glowing blob of magic. No one keeps me in the loop do they?”

He watched as the anger grew in Buffy’s eyes and then died out, instead replaced with something more steely - not angry but, determined, “You should have come to me. The second you found out. You want to know how to build trust? That’s how. You don’t slink off to your crypt to paint your nails. You could have stopped her.” She gestured to his hands.

That he had no recourse for. It hadn’t even crossed his mind to let her know. Maybe they all had problems with communication. That last bit though, that stung, “This isn’t my fault and you know it. Don’t turn this into a blame Spike party just because you couldn’t get up the courage to tell your little sister the truth. She was going to find out eventually. Better she has someone with her when she does.”

Buffy’s hands which had been curled the whole conversation, slowly unfurled - fight done out of her, “She shouldn't have found out like that.”

“You didn't think you could hide the truth from her forever, did you?” He paused, “Why are you here playing shout at Spike when you should be out there searching for her? Getting angry at me isn’t going to find her any faster or make you feel any better.”

He watched as her fists quickly turned back into balls - which, good. She was going to need that fire to find her sister, even if it was at the cost of what little peace they had just enjoyed a few seconds ago, “You have no idea how I feel.” She told him.

Turning on her heal she marched out of his crypt as quickly as she had come. Still, in the flurry that had been their exchange Spike thought they had made some progress. She hadn’t tried to do him bodily harm after all. It was the little things he had to be content with.

That night as they stood in one of Sunnyhell’s graveyards, Spike thought back to their previous conversation. He thought about the small inch of progress he had made with Buffy. In the moment he wanted to be sarcastic about finding Dawn, but sarcasm had gotten him nowhere in the past. His mother, bless her - had always told him that he would catch more flies with honey. So he stowed his sarcasm away for later. Plus, he remembered what Riley had said about messing things up with Buffy and he wanted to prove the bastard wrong, “You’ll find her Buffy.” He said.

“And if I don’t?” Buffy looked drained, her face tired from worrying.

“You’re the Slayer. It’s what you do right? Save people? Plus the nibblet scampered off to get away from you. She hears you bellowing she'll pack it in the opposite direction.”

Buffy’s shoulders slumped, “You were right. I should have told her. It's my fault.” Spike could hear the defeat in her voice and he found he hated it.

“She probably would have skipped off anyway, even if she never found out. She's not just a blob of energy - she's also a fourteen-year-old hormone bomb. Which one's screwing her up more right now? Spin the bloody wheel.” He paused and came to stand next to her to look up at the night sky, “You'll find her, just in the nick of time. That's what you hero types do.” He found himself meaning it sincerely.

“And then what?” Buffy asked.

“You’ll save the bloody day.” He told her.

What he didn’t say of course - was that he would help her in anyway possible. This stray thought had him wondering just what was happening to him, where the monster he thought he had been had gone, “Thanks.” Buffy said softly.

How Buffy replied, somehow made it all worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene ends a little less bleakly than it did in the show. This scene is another one with minor differences but where the minor differences matter a great deal.


	24. Hush (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out he does care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A rather short chapter. Since Hush is what it is, there isn't too much dialogue to lengthen what is generally a short scene.

**Time Stamp:** Mid Episode

The sight that greeted Cordelia when she opened her eyes shocked her. Giles stood near-by, Spike pinned against the wall, stake about an inch away from plunging into his heart. For a moment all she could do was stare at it. This was not what she had expected to wake up to when she had fallen asleep reading the book about today’s current monster. A book that Giles had hoisted on her, upon their return from their meeting informing Buffy just what baddie they were facing. She had complained - but thanks to the spell it had fallen on deaf ears. It wasn’t like there was much more to know anyway. Also, Cordelia was getting very sick at looking at pictures of people with their hearts ripped out.

As wakefulness crept in it took Cordelia a moment to figure out what she was looking at. However her mind was able to slowly put the clues together. A tipped over mug of blood was on Giles’s table top, with books scattered around it. Spike had blood smeared across his face and Giles was staring at Spike with a look that could only be described as devastated. Clearly he had thought that Spike had killed her - what with the her being asleep and all.

Actually it was rather exciting - that Giles was defending her.

Recently she had felt like everything she had been saying to him was falling on deaf ears. A few days ago Giles had thrown Spike at her to take care of so he could have time with a visiting female friend. And like okay Cordelia got it, he wanted time to be romantic that was important. But sometime between that first hand off and today he had gotten it in his head that Spike should stay at Cordelia’s indefinitely. At least until they could figure out what to do with the chipped vampire. Which was ridiculous because Spike was a slob and Cordelia just knew he would be the worst roommate ever. However, watching Giles defend her like this, well - Cordelia was struck suddenly by the fact that he cared for her.

He had done a good job of hiding it by piling book upon book, upon homework assignment on her but Cordelia could see now how her death would affect him. And the fact that yes, he would kill someone in her honor - it felt good.

She was brought back to earth by a pained look on Spike’s face and she finally got up to touch Giles’s arm. As she did so his head turned to look at her and she could see the fear there slowly melt away. He dropped the stake he was holding and turned around to wrap her up in a big bear hug. Cordelia found herself too astounded to really do anything but let him hug her. A moment later Giles realized what he was doing and he moved away from her clearly flustered. Rolling her eyes Cordelia’s internal frustration at the past few days activities vanished and faded. If this was how Giles truly felt then it really wouldn’t hurt to watch Spike for him.

That was if he even let Spike stay with her after this.

Unfortunately Cordelia discovered, he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited to finally be writing more for these two. It's such an important friendship for both of them. This chapter also makes reference to the plot point of Spike staying at Cordelia's apartment. It's something that I wanted to cover but found rather inconsequential in the long run for this story (maybe I'll write something small for it one day).


	25. Crush/Consummated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words once spoken, taken to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ready or not, here it comes. 
> 
> No time stamps for this chapter as it takes place over the whole of the episode. This chapter is also the first with more than one POV! It's also very long compared to every chapter that came before it.

**Cordelia:**

Cordelia walked down the aisles around her staring at the empty leather seats and sighed. So far this whole outing had been a bust of epic proportions. It wasn’t that she hated the field work - it could actually be very rewarding in its own right when done correctly but walking around in a blood splattered train car was not her idea of a good time, “What are we looking for again?” She asked.

“Clues” Buffy answered her.

It was not a helpful answer, “Okay thank you for that intense vagueary. What kind of clues?”

Buffy shrugged, “I don't know. Something. Anything. Just want to make sure this was a vamp attack. And if it was, how many are we talking about?”

Cordelia glanced at all the blood and the way it coated certain surfaces. It was not a pretty sight and she prayed it didn’t get anywhere on her. Tonight was supposed to have been a date night, but Buffy’s phone call had pulled her away from Riley. Now she was standing here in some of her better clothes and hoping for a miracle, “If it is vampires - it’s either one very powerful vampire or a few less powerful ones.” She speculated looking at the amount of damage around them, “If I were you I’d hope for the last option.”

Looking up she saw Buffy staring at her, “Can I ask you something?” Buffy asked.

Leaning on the one seat that seemed free of the blood and gunk around them, Cordelia gave Buffy her full attention, “Go for it.”

Buffy hesitated and then swallowed, “You know what - never mind.” She paused again and seemed to be considering her last words, “Okay so Dawn said -”

All this going back and forth was driving Cordelia crazy, “Just spit it out already.”

Perhaps she had said the words to harshly because Buffy withdrew into herself a little bit, “Forget it.”

Softer tactics were needed then, Cordelia realized, “Please?”

“Dawn thinks... She says that.... Spike might be in love with me.” When she was done Cordelia could see a bit of trepidation in Buffy’s eyes. If she was expecting Cordelia to be angry at her or laugh about it, well she was barking up the wrong tree. Riley would have laughed, but Cordelia was thankfully in that moment - not her boyfriend, “Are you going to say anything?” Buffy asked after a moment of silence.

“I don’t see what the issue is.” Cordelia told her truthfully.

Buffy blinked at her, “I'm serious. This is serious.”

“So am I. What does it matter?” Cordelia tilted her head, “I mean, okay it’s Spike which is kind of wiggy. But he’s also sort of hot? In a bad boy sort of way. Plus it’s not like you’re interested right?”

Now Buffy was looking at her as if she had two heads, “Did you just call Spike hot?”

“I mean - you have eyes right? It’s seriously not a big deal. Again, how upset can you really get over Spike's night fantasy if nothing happens?”

“I guess.”

Cordelia narrowed her eyes at Buffy, because that wasn’t the answer she had been expecting, “Are you into him? Because that’s the answer of someone who thinks something might actually happen.”

“No! That’s just - a big world of no.” Now Buffy was looking at her as if she had two heads and a tail, “Are you trying to set us up? Is that what this is?”

Cordelia wasn’t sure where Buffy had gotten that idea. But there was a little truth to it she had to admit. It wasn’t like she wanted Spike and Buffy to get together per-say, but Buffy had been down ever since Cordelia and Riley had started dating - which, Cordelia got it. But Cordelia also knew that holding onto the anger Buffy felt at Riley’s betrayal wouldn’t do anything but cause her more pain and more hurt. At some point Buffy would have to let go, “No.” Cordelia replied.

“Well… good. Because you’re right, it’s not going to happen. Because it’s Spike and that’s just gross and wrong.”

“What I am saying -” Cordelia stopped to think about how to phrase this, “Is that maybe nothing will happen with Spike - but that you should keep yourself available. If you’re looking to get into a relationship.”

“So not go for it, but not not go for it?”

Okay so she wasn’t sure how Buffy had gotten that from her, but sure. Cordelia pushed herself off the seat, “Let's go. There's nothing here.” She wanted as far away from this conversation as possible.

It was an effective end to the conversation but Cordelia wondered just what Buffy had gotten out of her advice. If anything at all.

**Spike:**

He was brassed off. He knew this. The whole reason he was here in the club dancing with Drusilla at all was that Buffy had pissed him off. As they swayed to the beat, his vision swam red with how angry Buffy had made him. She had turned him down, she had. Of course a smaller voice whispered to him that she hadn’t exactly turned him down - just his idea of what an date between them would look like. And as the night wore on that voice got louder and more persistent. So did the the voice of one Riley Finn who had told him that this exact bloody situation would happen. As he and Drusilla danced she kept looking up at the faces of a woman and a man snogging on the balcony. A couple that she planned to kill for them.

Their dance continued but the spell the music had cast over them started to dissipate. It was time, Spike realized. Slowly as if Spike was a lost lamb, Drusilla led him up to the balcony. The walk was torturous. Every step and every moment a chance for him to reflect - for his mind to distance himself from Drusilla’s sway - for Riley’s words to haunt him further. Because Riley, as loathed as he was to admit it had been right. Buffy had rejected him and now he was acting out. But it wasn’t just Riley’s words that tormented him no - Buffy’s words the night she had given up Riley rattled around in his skull too. It was such a conundrum, selfless love.

At the top of the balcony Drusilla walked forward with purpose and in that moment his hand shot out as a reflex. Spike’s eyes wandered down to stare almost agape at Drusilla’s wrist in his hand. She looked back him - face a mask, unsure of what he was doing. For a moment he didn’t know himself either and then he took in the couple standing there. The apprehension in their faces made the music faded around him. Then he knew, “Run.” He told the couple almost stunned by the words that came out of his mouth.

Drusilla looked at him, her face broken wide open betrayal written on every line, “No! Bad Spike.”

She pulled her hand free, backhanded him and made to attack the couple. Finding his center after Drusilla's smack, he grabbed her shoulders and turned her back around to face him. When her eyes met his they were already golden, ridges out. He punched her and missed, but their fight had given the couple time to escape. She slapped him again, sending him on his back. By the time he looked up Drusilla had fled.

He had to find Buffy and warn her.

**Buffy:**

Her eyes felt like lead but Buffy fought through her body’s attempts at telling her that if she just closed them, just for a little bit - there would be peace there. She tried to fragment together what she remembered from before getting knocked out. She had found the bottom half of Spike’s crypt, she had found his love shire - which was really just a few pictures, her favorite tea cup, and a mannequin head that - with the right wig - looked sort of like her. The shrine was honestly a little creepy when she thought about it. However somehow she was relieved that he hadn’t stolen any of her clothing or anything that screamed pervert. The items - save the wigged head were oddly… sweet? It was still creepy, very very creepy - but… sweet. Most men stole panties but Spike had stolen tea. How British of him. As she thought this she couldn’t help laugh which must have alerted the person in the room with her. The dark form loomed closer which reminded her of the other thing that she had seen before she had been knocked unconscious, “Right. Drusilla.”

Drusilla looked at her, swaying to some sort of beat that Buffy couldn’t understand nor did she ever want to, “Little light thief is awake. I thought for sure you would sleep through the party. And we wouldn't want that. That would be rude.” The vampire tilted her head stopping in front of Buffy but keeping just a safe distance away.

It was a reminder of course that Drusilla wasn’t just crazy, she was smart. Smart enough to chain her up to allow Drusilla whatever sort of freedom she needed. And smart enough to stay just far enough away on the off chance that Buffy escaped her bonds. Although Buffy was a bit surprised she wasn’t dead yet, it would have served Drusilla more to kill her surely. Tugging at the chains she glared at the vampire in front of her, “What is going on?”

Drusilla smiled, “My baby is on his way, can’t start the party without him. We’ll drink our sup and then be a family again. Won’t decline the drink this time little boy.”

Buffy rolled her eyes at that, because honestly understanding Drusilla was almost impossible. The woman needed some sort of Drusilla to English translator, “What?”

“I told you, you’re a little light thief. I’m going to put it back where it belongs, in the sky where it can dance with all the other stars. Round and round and round and round.” Drusilla’s voice was oddly angry Buffy realized, there was a deep hurt there.

Also now that Buffy was more awake she felt the lack of Spike rather acutely. The other vampire was nowhere to be found which didn’t sit right with her. Spike had been obsessed with Drusilla for such a long time, wouldn’t he want to be here doing whatever Drusilla planned to do with her? Unless everyone was right and he thought he loved her which Buffy didn’t even want to think about. Sure Cordelia had told her to go for it, but Buffy was about seventy-five percent sure that had just been Cordelia’s “I stole Riley from you” guilt talking. The other twenty-five percent nagged at her of course but Cordelia had always been a little bit more open with her heart, a little bit less afraid to go for the controversial choices in her dating life. Which is not to say that Angel hadn’t been controversial - he had been, Buffy couldn’t deny that. But Cordelia had lost friendships over Xander, had fallen in love with Riley while he had been dating Buffy.

Buffy looked at Drusilla, “So where is your famous plus one?” She asked.

“He’s being naughty.” She growled.

“Brain bleach much?”

Drusilla glared at her, “If only my little thief. He won’t touch me. Cut off his hands and feed them to the hounds. Stitch them back on so they work properly, so they are not afraid of his princess.”

“I’m sure if you just beg him he’ll come crawling right back.” Buffy said, and then wondered why was she giving dating advice to a vampire.

“But it's so funny... I knew... before he did.” Drusilla said, ignoring what Buffy had said, “I knew you would steal his light from me. The pixies in my head whispered it to me... I thought they would fly away.”

“Okay.” Buffy said rolling her eyes, clearly Drusilla wasn’t going to listen to her.

“You have to let it go pet. This is just a mood she gets into sometimes.” Spike said from where he had appeared silently in the bottom of his crypt.

Drusilla flitted over to him, twisting herself around his body, “You came.” She said excitedly, “Let’s cut it out.”

Spike looked down at her from where Drusilla was curled around him and it made Buffy want to shudder, “Cut what out pet?”

“The light.” Drusilla told him tapping his chest, and wow Buffy couldn’t believe they were back to this again, “Let’s cut it out and dine on it together.”

“Gross.” Buffy told them, reminding the two of them that she was there in the process.

When Buffy spoke Drusilla’s head whipped back to look at her and put her finger on her lips, her eyes narrowed, “Hush. Adults are talking.”

“Is that what you’re called? Because I thought the word was vampire. Immortal sure but adults? Hardly.” Even as she spoke Buffy knew it was a bad comeback.

Spike unwound himself from Drusilla and walked over to where Buffy was strung up. Walking around her he sighed and then turned back to look at Drusilla for a moment before focusing on Buffy again, “What was it that you told me again Buffy? When you gave up Captain Cardboard so that your cheerleader friend could find her happily ever after?”

Buffy looked up at him quizzically, “That love has to be selfless.” She paused for a moment realizing what she had said, “Which is not what you feel for me by the way.”

He blinked at her and then walked away from her again, and over to the table where Drusilla had placed the silver key to the cuffs. Picking it up he twirled it between his fingers while both Drusilla and Buffy looked on, “Spike.” Drusilla said a slight wobble to her voice, “What is that for?”

But he didn’t answer her, which worried Buffy but also intrigued her. Instead he walked back over to where Buffy was currently chained up talking as he approached her, “I can’t get that out my head. What you said pet. It comes up all the time when I’m doing the most bloody boring tasks and when I’m not. It’s made me do some things I never thought I would during the last few days, the last few hours. But it’s in the back of my mind now Slayer and I can’t get it out. I don’t even know if I want to.” Finally he reached her and stared her dead in the eyes, “I want you to remember that pet.”

Before he could reach up to unlock her, and that was what he was about to do - Buffy could hardly believe it, there was a shriek from the corner of the room where Drusilla had been, “No! Bad puppy.”

A moment later her body collided with Spike’s sending both of them to the ground in a heap. She knelt above him her face already fangy, chest heaving in anger. The two of them looked at each other for a second and then Spike knocked her away, her body flying off him almost like a rag doll in the way that it reacted to him. But Drusilla was a Master Vampire in her own right so as quickly as Spike was able to get up Drusilla was able to recover. As they began to tussle trading barbs as they went Buffy began to realize what was happening in front of her eyes. Spike was fighting Drusilla, to free her. The thought was bizarre and hard to swallow. Because he was an evil undead thing, and the idea that he could even have an iota of whatever his idea of love was - for her, was almost impossible to swallow. But here she was, watching them fight and part of her - an astonishingly small part of her, was almost starting to believe it.

Buffy pulled at the chains again but they still refused to give, “What kind of heavy chains are these!” She shouted at him, “Dumb vampires and their commitment to aesthetics. I’m going to kill you when I get out of these.”

Of course her heart wasn’t in it when she told him that she was going to kill him and it was clear he didn’t buy it either. But Drusilla, who smirked - seemed to actually believe her, “See my Spike? What a rude little Slayer going to kill you for doing so little.”

“As if I’m the only one who has a heavy set of chains. I decidedly remember a few long weeks in a certain watchers bathtub.” He told them while dodging out of the way of one of Drusilla’s angry swipes, her fingernails already showing small traces of blood from where she had landed at least one strike.

“Those chains are for bad people!” Buffy yelled back, muscles straining against the metal that continued to keep her constrained, “Not kinky sex games.”

A particularly angry hit from Drusilla sent Spike flat on his back and the key he had been holding clattered to the floor, and disappeared off into the darkness “Interesting that’s where your mind goes.” He coughed the words out as he attempted to stand up for the second time.

“You’re a vampire, where is my mind supposed to go?”

“Hanging people up to bite them?” Spike provided.

“Yeah because your chip impotency screams: I can tie people up and bite them now.”

“Low blow Slayer.” He said.

Spike knocked Drusilla away from him and then cast his eyes around trying to find the key. But wherever it had gone he couldn’t find it, and sadly Buffy realized - neither could she. Spike would never stake Drusilla, not if he didn’t have to Buffy knew. Or at least, she didn’t think he would. So the fact that the vampire was strong and resilient made her circumstances a bit of a problem. For the most part she had given up on breaking free of the chains sans key, which sucked. The good news was that she was actually finding it rather fun to banter with Spike despite herself. It wasn’t like she wanted to be in this position but he had always given back just as much as he took and banter seemed to be no different. Buffy didn’t want to say she was enjoying herself, but she was enjoying herself.

In front of her Spike and Drusilla circled each other aggressively and Drusilla snapped at him, “I’m going to have to tie you up! That’s how naughty you’ve been.”

“I’ll struggle the whole way.”

“Good. I love it when they struggle.”

Drusilla’s next attack was aggressive, or would have been if she hadn’t had to dodge out of the way of a crossbow bolt, “What the heck is this?” Harmony asked stepping into the light, bringing their party numbers up to four.

As she did Buffy saw a bit of silver glint between the crack of her palm and the crossbow handle. It was the key. She didn’t know why Harmony had it but she was very glad someone had found it, “Oh great!” Spike complained.

“Does anyone remember me? The actual girlfriend? No? And why are you complaining, I’m here to help you doofus. I’m on your side, not that you ever remember that ever. And you were an ass to me this afternoon and-” she paused as she considered her words, “And now I’m wondering why I didn’t aim this at you in the first place!” As she said that Harmony leveled the crossbow at Spike - changing her target.

“Love, consider what you are about to do.” Spike implored her.

“No! Don’t you love me. The last few months it’s just been Buffy this, Buffy that. Harmony can you pretend to be the Slayer just for a few minutes. Can we play weird sex games! Well that stops now. I’m taking back my life. From all of you, I used to be a princess. Well I want my crown back.”

“That's right, little girl. Teach our naughty boy a lesson. Such a disappointment to all of us, he is.” Drusilla egged her on but that only seemed to draw Harmony’s ire in her direction.

“Did you not hear when I said from all of you? Or are you tone deaf? I can’t still be yelling into empty space can I? I mean hey, who’s holding the crossbow? Oh wait, it’s me. I have the power here, for once in my life and you’re not going to take it from me.”

What had started off as mildly terrifying was now, well - Buffy couldn’t help herself if she started laughing. Spike’s life was a mess. There was no denying it, but the humor of the situation she found herself in was hard to deny. And god had she needed something to laugh at recently, especially with what her life was currently. Dealing with Dawn and her mother’s illness, everything to do with Riley - this was an odd breath of fresh air. Having heard enough Buffy spoke, “Unlock me and I can help you kick his ass?” She intreated to Harmony.

“How do I know you won’t stake me?”

“You don’t. But if you want someone to help you stake Spike I’m your girl.” Buffy bluffed through her teeth, maybe if Spike had been part of his inane plot to truss her up but he hadn’t been.

“You promise?” Harmony asked a bit hesitantly.

“Yes! I promise.” She tugged on the chains in an attempt to emphasize her point.

Harmony begun to edge towards where Buffy was being kept and Drusilla laughed at Spike’s crestfallen face, “This will be fun.” She said.

Finally Harmony reached up and unlocked Buffy’s shackles. As Buffy came down she rubbed her wrists and then turned to look at Harmony, “Now give me that crossbow and get the hell out of here.”

“But -” Harmony said, “But you said -”

“I said I wouldn’t stake you and I kept my promise. But give me that crossbow and get the hell out.”

Harmony could have fought but somewhere in her small brain Buffy was sure that she had figured out that she was outnumbered so she handed over the crossbow thrusting it into Buffy’s hands in a show of force, “Fine.”

Then with all the purpose of someone who had clearly been outsmarted marched over to the ladder and climbed out of the room. Now holding the crossbow Buffy came to stand next to Spike and aimed the crossbow at Drusilla. Buffy could tell by the way he looked at her Spike was decidedly confused, which she allowed. Telling him she would kill him a second time under slightly different circumstance must have stuck harder than the first time. Drusilla across from them, was even more confused, “I thought there was going to be a party.” She sulked.

“No party.” Buffy told her, “For Spike’s sake, and I cannot believe I’m saying that - you have one chance to leave before I shoot you with this crossbow that Harmony so kindly gave me.”

Like Harmony before her Drusilla also understood that tide had turned on her, “I hope your light burns and burns until it’s just rot and ashes in your mouth, and you choke on it until it kills you. May it end in ruin and death. May the cave crack above your heads and bury you.” Turning she scrambled up the ladder that lead back to the upper level of the crypt.

Once she was gone Spike turned to Buffy, “I thought you were going to kill me.”

At his words Buffy snorted, “Decidedly no. Well, okay - I thought about it. When I saw the -” she pointed over to the mini-shrine, “Which is gross by the way, please destroy it. But then you did the trying to free me thing and the remembering what I said about Cordelia thing and I couldn’t. So no, no staking today.”

“I love you.” He told her, catching her off guard - after everything she hadn’t expect him to say it.

“Spike.” She said to him a bit softer than she intended.

“No, listen I don’t care what you say or if you deny it or what have you. I love you. You're all I bloody think about... Dream about... You're in my gut, my throat...I’m drowning in you.” He continued on.

Hearing him say it made her angry, but something about how he said it - not expecting anything from her, it felt nice. It felt decidedly unlike what she had shared with Riley, and she didn’t want to like it but she did, “Drusilla knew. The light she was talking about -”

“It’s why she left me.” Spike admitted, “What I feel for you Buffy - it's not pretty, but it's real. There’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t just shut it out. Do you think I want to feel this way? That I want you inside of me like this? Crawling around until there’s nothing left? You’re the bloody Slayer.”

“If -” Buffy stopped to think about what she was going to say, “If it came down to it, would you have killed her? Drusilla? To free me?”

“I don’t know. Before Dru, I was nothing. A speck. But when she bit me, she delivered me from mediocrity. I was a lucky bloke, to touch her, to love her.” He answered and Buffy was glad that he could at least be honest about it, “I’m glad you let her go.”

“I know.” Buffy looked around sort of awkwardly, hearing him talk so honestly was making her antsy. He was so open about it, it almost hurt her to hear him talk about it. Although she wasn’t sure why it should, “I should go too.”

“Let me show you out?” Spike asked.

“As long as you promise to destroy the shrine.”

“Cross my unbeating heart.”

“Good.”

They both climbed the ladder in relative silence. Once back upstairs in the upper layer of the crypt Buffy knew she should go - everything in her body screamed that she should leave, but she also didn’t want to leave without doing or saying something. Like a goodbye or a “I will see you soon” but everything about that felt fake to her. The whole evening had been a mess but she had still had managed to have fun somehow. It had been - a release. The last time she had felt this free was the night she and Riley had been together after her mother had been given the okay. Before everything had gone to shit and she had realized that he was in love with one of her best friends. But that was behind her now. Mostly.

It didn’t make the awkwardness of the moment go away though and as she looked around the room and met Spike’s eyes she suddenly knew what she wanted to do. Somehow he had ended up only about a foot away from her, probably waiting for her to leave or say something, “Buffy?” Without so much as a warning she leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, leaving him gasping at her, “What the bloody hell was that?” He asked eyes a bit wide.

It took a moment for her to process his question, “I don't know.” She answered honestly, "A start, maybe. A mistake, possibly."

The mistake comment she knew was true, however a start to what she didn’t know. As an answer went it was the best and most truthful one she could give him. She didn’t love him, not nearly - not at all, but something about tonight made her want to take the risk. Even if he was a demon, both for the freedom and release that it offered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very happy with the way my Drusilla voice is written here. 
> 
> I consider this chapter the end of what I've unofficially dubbed "part one" in my mind. Part two will start next and while we will continue to dip into season 4 and 5 - it will take us into season 6 in a far more official capacity than previously written.


	26. Into the Woods/Changing of the Guard (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy puts it all on the line for Cordelia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The start of part two finds us in a familiar place.

**Time Stamp:** Near the End of the Episode

Buffy killed the vampire in front of her and as it turned to dust thought: good, now it knows how I feel. Like someone had taken something sharp and pointy to her heart. The vampires had jumped her in the back alley, part of the nest that Riley had attacked in Cordelia’s honor. That stung - knowing that he had done it for Cordelia and not her. But then Riley had been doing a lot of things for Cordelia recently, now that Buffy could look back on it with clear eyes. Coffee dates, helping her heal when things got tough, falling in love with her. He hadn’t said anything back in the Magic Box but looking into his eyes, Buffy knew. She might have been blind before but oh, oh how much she could see now. It was amazing what perspective did to clear up any sort of confusion.

Cordelia loved him too, it was clear. The Cordelia from when there had been two Cordelia’s had been more than forward about that, but Buffy had tried to pretend that it had just been friendship between the two of them. What sort of girl didn’t want her boyfriend to be good friends with one of her best friends? It made group engagements easier, it meant that they could trust each other when fighting back to back. But it hadn’t been friendship. It had never been friendship. She couldn’t deny the looks they had been giving each other when Spike had taken her to Cordelia’s home to watch them have what should have been a friendly cup of coffee. The way Cordelia laughed around Riley, the way she moved around him - it wasn’t the laugh of someone who just wanted to be friends, “Buffy?” A voice called out to her tentatively from the darkness.

Speak of the devil - Buffy looked up right into Cordelia’s sorrowful eyes, “Cordelia.” Buffy sighed, trying her best not to sound angry.

“Nothing happened. Between us I mean. Riley tried once but - I pushed him away.”

From how she spoke, to how her body was - devoid of confidence, Buffy knew that Cordelia was speaking the truth, “I’m not mad at you.” Buffy told her and when she said it, she knew it was the truth.

Maybe if it had been a few years ago, Buffy would have been furious at Cordelia. But Cordelia was her friend. Cordelia was a good person, and none of this was Cordelia’s fault. Cordelia had stomped down on her feelings over and over again. Hidden them deep, deep inside of her. She would have been content to go on like she and Riley were good friends forever. The way she had reacted to replacement her was all Buffy needed to see that, “What?” Cordelia seemed shocked.

“I’m angry at Riley, I’m angry at god - everything else. And I’m hurt and in pain, because I loved him and I thought I knew him. But I’m not mad at you. I can’t find it in me to be mad at you.” She admitted.

“Well we can all go home then. Put this whole thing behind us. I can disappear for a little while, I’m good at that.” Cordelia attempted to tell a joke.

“Don’t be stupid.” Buffy told her, “I’m not going to have you turn into a hermit just because of Riley.” It didn’t hurt to look at Cordelia the way it hurt to look at Riley.

“What?” Cordelia seemed shocked.

Buffy shrugged, “He’s leaving anyway.”

As they talked a lot of Buffy’s rage was beginning to fade. Instead a bone weariness was taking its place. A sort of numb feeling. Riley was leaving and he had told her that only love would keep him here. And she wasn’t planning on running after him. Buffy didn’t love Riley anymore. Not as much as she had claimed to. But she still cared for him deeply, in a way that she didn’t think she would ever shake. To know that it was all going to end - it was devastating. Even though it shouldn’t have been. When she looked up at Cordelia though, Cordelia looked wholly different. Cordelia looked like she was on the verge of tears. Which for Cordelia was odd enough. But beyond that, it looked like Cordelia’s heart was about to break in two, “He can’t leave.” She insisted, “We need him.”

Buffy knew she wasn’t very good at reading between the lines but in that moment it became one of the easiest things in the world, “You need him.” She said.

“I need him.” Cordelia admitted, “I’ve worked very hard recently, if you haven’t noticed - at being less judgemental. Less, me me me all the time. It’s very hard - but I think I’ve gotten better.” She stopped to consider her words and said then spoke with conviction, “I know I’ve gotten better. But he’s really leaving? And he didn’t tell me?”

God Buffy thought - men really were idiots. She had yet to date a man who wasn’t some sort of stupid. She and Cordelia were the same in this moment, but Cordelia loved Riley - really loved him in a way that Buffy never had and Riley was about to walk away from all of that because he couldn’t stand the way Buffy felt about him? It pissed her off, “That doesn’t sound like the Cordelia I know.”

“Yeah well, news flash - the Cordelia you know doesn’t exist anymore.” Cordelia glared at her, “I can’t deal with this.” She finished and then turned her back on Buffy marching away from her.

Realizing her mistake Buffy walked after her, chasing after her into some sort of abandoned warehouse which - perfect, if this didn’t scream demon hideout nothing did. But the place seemed clear of monsters so Buffy rounded on Cordelia, “I don’t care if you can’t deal with this. Yes, the two of you hurt me - yes Riley plans to leave but running away from me won’t fix this. It won’t fix me or fix you. This is a whole big dumb stupid mess and Riley and I are done, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a fight to be had.”

Cordelia gestured to herself, “In case you haven’t realized, I’m not the Slayer. I don’t have your superpowers.”

“Good!” Buffy told her, “Because it’s not Buffy the Slayer that Riley fell in love with. It’s you.”

That seemed to put a halt to whatever Cordelia was going to say next and Buffy was very thankful for that. She wasn’t good at giving advice and even worse at giving advice when she was mad, “Riley is in love with me?” She asked.

“Of course he’s in love with you. It’s the whole reason he’s leaving. He can’t stay with me and be in love with you, and he can’t stay with you and wonder if leaving me was the right thing to do. But if you really love him -” Buffy paused.

“I do.” Cordelia told her honestly, “I really do. How did you know?”

“I just knew. It’s been on your face the whole time we’ve been talking. I know I don’t always see things, but give me credit where credit is due.”

“Oh.” Cordelia intoned.

“You should go after him. In about twenty minutes Riley's gonna disappear -- maybe forever -- unless you do something to stop him.”

“But what about the two of you?” Cordelia asked.

“What am I supposed to do? Beg him to stay?”

“Something like that.” Cordelia answered.

“I’ll find a way to deal. He didn’t lie to me, but while my back was turned he fell in love with you. He put his life in danger by fighting a whole nest of vampires by himself to avenge you. Not me - you. It’s clear he would do pretty much anything for you. That’s pretty easy to understand.”

“So you’re just going to let him go?”

Buffy nodded at her and wondered just what in the hell she was doing, “One Cordelia and Riley relationship, signed and sealed by me. Buffy Summers.”

“You’d do that?” Cordelia said almost amazed.

“Not only would I do that. I’ll drive you. You don’t have my Slayer speed so no way you make it if you run.”

“You can’t drive.” Cordelia told her honestly.

“Well. I can’t drive well. But I can get people places fast. I’ll even park far enough away that I won’t be a bother. I wouldn’t want to watch anyway. Someone deserves to get a happy ending, even if it isn’t me.”

She was doing the right thing, Buffy had to tell herself even as she felt desperation set in. This wasn’t the way she had pictured her relationship to Riley ending. She hadn’t even imagined it ending at all. But this was the right thing to do. For Riley, for Cordelia, and for herself. The earlier pain blossomed in her heart but Buffy squashed it down. Cordelia had done as much for as many months. Now it was her turn, “And when I get there? What do I do?” Cordelia asked.

“Run.” Buffy answered her simply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One thing that I do that I haven't talked about often is that I count lines between the scenes that I write and the episode that it's from. That way the scene can actually slot into the episode and stay on time. Sometimes I add a bit more or remove a line or two but I try to keep both generally the same length. That's why some scenes end up longer compared to others.


	27. Checkpoint (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cordelia defends Buffy's honor.

**Time Stamp:** Mid Episode

The woman sat in front of them, fidgeting with her papers but doing her best to try to seem professional. She was frazzled, Riley knew. But she didn’t really have any reason to be he thought. She was the one about to prod into their brains after all. Not the other way round. However Riley was sure that this interview was going to be… interesting to say the least. If she was frazzled now he worried that she would be even worse later on. He and Cordelia had briefly talked about what they might say, but no amount of prep could really prepare them, “Your names?” She asked.

“Riley Finn.” He answered.

“Cordelia Chase.” Cordelia said next to him.

“And your relationship with the Slayer?”

“Friends.” Cordelia answered nodding, “Really good friends. Sometimes I ask myself how I ended up with a friend like her really. She’s sacrificed a lot. She’s the reason Riley and I started dating.”

“And you?” She asked looking at Riley.

“A work in progress.” He said.

“My notes here suggest you used to date the Slayer? Considering your last answer, what happened with that?” Their interviewer blinked up at him.

And okay, how in the hell did she know that? In fact he was going to ask her, “How the hell do you know that?”

“We read though some of Giles’s diary notes.” She said, “He complained a bit but it was necessary to assess where the Slayer had been and where she is now. They were a very provocative read if I do say so myself.”

That made a lot of sense actually and Riley couldn’t argue with it frustratingly enough. Next to him Cordelia bit her lip and then said, “Do you know how many women become Watchers?”

“Excuse me?”

It sometimes amazed Riley how quickly Cordelia could turn a conversation on its head. In less than a few words she had turned the conversation away from how he and Cordelia had started dating to a topic that would work to distract, “Do you know how many women become Watchers? It’s not a hard question.” Cordelia inquired again.

“A few. Not many though.” Their interviewer answered.

“Interesting.” Cordelia said and then Riley watched her grab a notepad off the table next to them, “What’s your favorite volume from the Mystics and Magic collection?”

“Can, can we get back on track?” The woman asked.

“Maybe that would be for the best.” Riley said and watched as Cordelia’s face fell.

He knew that she saw this as a big opportunity to understand Watcher culture away from Giles, and to nerd out - but he also knew that they needed to put on their best face for Buffy, “How do you help Buffy in her duties?” The woman prodded, her previous question about dating seemingly forgotten.

“I fight by her side sometimes. We make a good team I think. I can’t match her strength but I can kill a vampire or two. Government training has taught me how to fight, at least and you can’t lose that.” Riley told her.

He was rather proud of the fact that he was still somewhat helpful in a fight even without the super strength serum, “So Buffy needs help Slaying? Is that what you’re telling me? She’s not strong enough to fight vampires on her own?”

As she spoke Riley felt like he had walked into a trap, which was ridiculous because his answer had been a good one, “No.” He said, but the way his voice spiked made it sound like a question.

“Then you don’t help the Slayer.” She used his words against him.

“Of course we help Buffy!” Cordelia chipped in, “I do a lot of research. If Buffy needs to know what she’s up against you can bet I can find it for her.”

“So she needs help with research and slaying demons.” The woman wrote down more notes in her book, “It also calls into question how necessary Giles is as her Watcher.”

Next to him Riley could see Cordelia’s hands turn into fists as she became very frustrated with the woman across from them. He reached out to touch her arm but she yanked it away from him and stood up to glare at their interviewer, notebook still clutched in one hand, “Listen here. The Demonomicon is a hard book to understand. It has twelve appendixes, and almost over forty chapters. Which is not to even mention the fact that sometimes you need a secondary text to even read some of it considering that at least fifteen of those chapters are in other demonic languages. And that’s just that book. The Mystics and Magic collection that I just asked you about? Sixteen volumes. Sixteen. Sure they aren’t the page monolith that The Demonomicon is but god - it’s like you expect Buffy to be able to do everything. Can you do everything? How many vampires have you killed with your dainty hands?” When she was done Cordelia sat back down, a scowl on her face.

The way the woman’s face went sheet white told him that she had not expected Cordelia’s outburst and honestly, even though he had tried to stop it - Riley was very proud of his girlfriend. No one could put someone in their place for good or ill, as Cordelia could. The woman they were talking to deserved it for how she had been talking about Buffy, “Very nice.” He told her.

“Thank you.” She replied back face flushed but slowly coming down from her previous outrage. His compliment having done a lot to steady her anger.

Their interviewer blinked at them and then angrily started writing in her notebook. She did not look up at them and stopped acknowledging them all together, effectively ending the interview with her actions. They would have to deal with the consequences of their actions later he supposed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing smart Cordelia.


	28. I Was Made to Love You (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spike tries to befriend Buffy's friends. It goes poorly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tara is becoming my defacto "Outsider" POV when I want to look at a scene and gauge reactions from all the characters.

**Time Stamp:** Mid Episode

Tara stepped back quickly as Spike pushed his way inside the building. She, Riley, and Willow had been on their way out when Spike barreled past them. The shock of his arrival left her off kilter and she wondered just what he was doing here. It wasn’t like he had been invited, and it wasn’t like there were that many people in the room who would be welcoming of his presence. Even now Riley’s eyes were beginning to narrow as Spike yelped and tried to brush off his smoking body. Giles didn’t look happy to see him either, “You’re not welcome here.” He said.

“Oi!” Spike complained, “I haven’t done anything wrong mate. Don’t be so quick to try to force me out.”

At that Riley spoke, “But forcing you out is half the fun. Giles is right - you’re not welcome here. Now scram. Don’t you have a cave you can hide in?”

The way Buffy’s friends swarmed around Spike like ants was interesting Tara though. And a little mean. It wasn’t like she had a glowing opinion of Spike but he had been helpful recently she thought. She wanted to speak up but wasn’t sure anyone would take her opinion seriously. Thankfully Cordelia was there to speak for her, “Come on, the robot already threw him through the window last night. And as funny as that was to watch and god it was enjoyable, let’s not sink to robot levels.”

Well, mostly speak for her Tara thought. When Cordelia had finished speaking Tara observed a change in Spike’s posture, “Robot. That what she was? Knew that wasn't right. I've still got a limp, look--” He mocked a limp and then noticed Dawn, “Hey, someone who's glad to see me. Aren't you, Little Bit?”

Dawn smiled at him, “Sorry I haven’t come to see you recently. Been a bit busy with school work.” As Dawn said this she giggled and Tara smiled - it was clear that Dawn wasn’t completely over her crush of Spike.

Emboldened Tara spoke, “I mean he has been kind of helpful recently. Didn’t - didn’t Buffy say he helped drive away Drusilla?”

At that Spike nodded, “See!” He gestured towards Dawn and Tara herself which okay Tara wasn’t completely comfortable being singled out like this, “Some people are happy to see me. You can’t keep me away forever. Little witch is right, Buffy and me - we worked together to drive out Dru. Who was up to no good, I don't mind telling you. I don’t know what Buffy told you but -”

At that Giles held up his hand, his eyes hard and devoid of any kindness. It was a little frightening Tara had to admit, “Spike. Listen to me.”

However Spike continued on and Tara wondered if maybe that was a mistake - ignoring Giles when he looked like could kill a man and walk away remorseless, “We’ve been doing good things together. Fighting off the troll, saving the little bit, and other things too. I just wanted -”

While Spike rambled on Giles had moved from where he had originally been standing to advance over to where Spike was and now Giles stood in front of him, almost towering over him. Tara wondered where this Giles had come from, what sort of man he had been before to make him so good at instilling fear. The moment Giles appeared in front of Spike she watched as Spike quieted, the mere presence of Giles stunning him into silence, “We are not your friends. We are not ever going to be your friends. Buffy isn’t your friend either, so stop these childish games.” Giles backed away from him and walked over the the blanket that he had dropped when he had arrived and threw it at him, “Now clear out of here. And Spike, this thing... get over it.”

“You should go.” Willow said quietly but with purpose.

Tara wanted to disagree with Willow but she got it. In that moment Willow was just trying to ease tensions. As much as Tara hated to admit it, it was best Spike left. It was becoming clear that further arguments would only escalate the situation. Tara nodded, “It’s for the best. For now.” And wondered if she had said the right thing.

The look on Spike’s face was almost hard to read but Tara thought it looked like acceptance. And maybe heartbreak. She wasn’t sure how the two matched up, because she hadn’t known Spike to ever accept anything but there it was - plain as day. It was clear that losing her support in that moment had done something to his resolve. He nodded grabbed the blanket, and then with as much grace as he could - stormed out of the shop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly feel a little bad for Spike here? You can't win them all though. Even if the Slayer did just kiss you.


	29. Fear, Itself (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cordelia tries to get Giles to go out more.

**Time Stamp:** Near the Start of the Episode

Cordelia shelved the book and then pulled out another and flipped it open. She noted a few symbols and then nodded, this is what she had been looking for. Halloween demons, ahoy. It wasn’t ideal but Buffy and Willow were finishing off whatever they needed to finish off for Halloween so she had walked over to Giles’ to keep him company. She wasn’t the only one who was dealing with displacement. He put on the costume - sombrero and all, and made a show of being excited about Halloween but she could tell that he was a little lonely, “What does -” Cordelia said something in the current demonic language that Giles had her studying, “mean?”

Giles glanced up at her, “You know better than to say words that you don’t know the meaning of Cordelia.”

It was true. The first time she had opened one of his books and read the words on the page without understanding their meaning the whole room had been filled with moths. She had done it once more after that too. Still, sometimes old habits died hard. She went to sit on the couch and pulled over one of the other texts she had laid on the table upon arrival and flipped through it trying to find text that matched the one in front of her. Once she did she could begin translation, “You should try getting out tonight.” She told him.

“Why do you say that?” As he asked Giles unwrapped a bite-sized candy bar and popped it in his mouth.

“The outfit is clearly a cry for help. Nothing says ‘I’m a lonely bachelor, help me’ than a sombrero and a limp poncho. This is Halloween, not Cinco de Mayo.”

That seemed to offend him, “I’ll have you know I got a great deal on this poncho.”

“But not the hat?” She arched her eyebrow at him, “Because if you didn’t get a deal on that, well I hate to tell you but someone was ripping you off.”

Putting the book down she picked up the notepad she had left on the couch and scribbled down the translation she was working on. As she did so she sighed, it was looking more and more like she had picked literally the most boring text of all time, “I won’t have my fashion choices besmirched by your tongue.” Giles replied.

“God you really do need to get out. Do you even hear yourself? Besmirched by your tongue! This isn’t a Shakespeare play.”

That seemed to put Giles out of sorts, “Shakespeare was a cunning linguist.”

“For his time maybe. But we are not in Ye Old England.”

The moment after she spoke the doorbell rang and Giles walked over to answer it. A moment later Buffy’s voice filled the room, “Giles! And you’re wearing a sombrero. Interesting choice.”

Giles ignored her, “I take it you are not here for me.”

“Nope.” Buffy looked over Giles’s shoulder and at Cordelia who had stood up and was putting her school bag around her shoulder, “You ready to go?”

Cordelia nodded and put both books and the note pad the translations were on into her bag, “Yep!’ She answered and then looked at Giles, “I’m borrowing the books I was working on. I doubt I will ever need to use the information on this little bit of terror, but better to finish the translations anyway.”

“Oh. Yes - quiet. Have a good time.” He looked at Buffy, “You too. You have the night off so don’t do anything too out there.”

“I will try.” Buffy said with mock seriousness and then broke out into laughter.

As Cordelia met Buffy at the door she looked at Giles and then said seriously, “I mean it. Get out of the house. Do something - anything. Don’t just sit around handing out candy to grubby children.”

“Grubby children?” Buffy’s laughter continued, “I really do think Giles is rubbing off on you.”

Together she and Buffy walked outside, behind them Giles waved, “Have a good time then.”

“We’ll try!” Buffy said, glancing backwards to look at him one last time.

Then she and Buffy were out of his front entrance and out of sight. She really did hope Giles took her advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is something really important and good to me about the relationship between Giles and Cordelia.


	30. Bargaining, Part Two (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A demon ponders the slayer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very short chapter today. The next one should be a bit longer.

**Time Stamp:** Mid-Episode

The demon biker was ecstatic. Beyond ecstatic actually. He almost felt as if he was in a blood frenzy. The Slayer was dead. The Slayer had been dead for awhile now in fact. There was no other reason her friends were going around wearing an amulet pretending to be her. As he walked through the streets of Sunnydale he felt the blood pumping in his veins. All around him things burned and died. It was like harmony to his ears. Bloody chaotic harmony. He stopped in front of a dress shop and stared at the mannequin in front of him. A blonde wig was affixed to its head. As he stared he looked harder and realized that all the mannequins in the store looked that way. Like a small army of plastic Slayers. He roared in anger and another one of his demons walked up to him, “Disgusting isn’t it?” His demonic friend asked of him.

“Even when she’s dead she’s taunting us.” He brought his fist through glass, and it shattered around him.

“They do look like her don’t they. Too bad they’re not the actual Slayer. Then we could have a grand old time.”

He nodded but then the words that his partner had said really reached him, and he chuckled, “Nothing to say we still can’t have fun ripping the bitch apart.”

The demon next to him tilted his head, “Boss?”

“Grab a few of the mannequins. We’re going to have a party.”

If he couldn’t hurt the Slayer at least he could hurt these damn mannequins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of an odd chapter that exits to plug what I felt was the biggest issue that this episode would face in the wake of the changes made to the episode Crush.


	31. Intervention/Secret Keepers (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy and Spike's relationship grows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two scenes for this chapter.

**Time Stamp** : Start of Episode/End of Episode

The doors to Spike’s crypt banged open as they were wont to do, and he watched as Buffy marched in with determination. This wasn’t new to him, over the past few months Buffy had gotten more and more comfortable with storming into his crypt. However, the way she did it now - casually and with little fear that he would complain made something in his belly stir. He had always had something for women who could command a room and Buffy was no different. Striding over to this couch she flopped down on it and looked at him as he sat in his chair, his eyes now facing her. For a moment she didn’t speak and then she said, “I’m going on a quest with Giles. Something slayer related, so I’m leaving. I’ll be back but I don’t know when. Why telling you was my first thought I don’t know.” She wasn’t exactly babbling but Spike could sense nerves under the thin layer of confidence she was trying to project.

“Telling me was your first though?”

“Isn’t that what I said?” She eyed him warily.

Spike had a few ideas about why telling him had been her first thought but he didn’t want to press - they had shared all of two? Very chaste kisses. Neither of which had been on the lips. It didn’t help that Buffy’s mum had passed away recently. Despite wanting more he knew that at least for now, pressing what little advantage he had would only end up with him out on his ass in the cold so to speak. Instead he was almost treating their relationship, if that was what they even had - delicately. Better that than it blow up in his face, “I’m glad you told me pet.” He told her earnestly.

“Well.” Buffy stood up, “I’m going to go now.”

Of course everything he had said before was bollocks, and he was terrible at following his own advice, “Stay a little longer?” He pressed her, “We could do something before you leave.” Buffy’s eyebrow quirked, “Get you head out of the gutter Slayer, not that.” He finished.

“What do you suggest then?” She asked.

Now that Buffy had asked Spike wasn’t sure what they could do together. He knew his body’s needs and knew that in so many relationships before this - his downstairs brain had always been a foremost item. This was… different, “I donno.” He tilted his head at her, and tried to think - what he landed on was a bit embarrassing but Dru had liked it, “I could read to you.” He finished a bit lamely.

“Read to me?”

Buffy said it almost like none of her previous relationships had ever suggested it, although Spike was sure that Angel must have at one point. He was too broody not to. Maybe it was the suggestion coming from him that threw her off, “Oi! I read. I’ve got a small collection downstairs. Mostly old stuff, but it’s good.”

As he defended himself Buffy laughed, maybe finding humor in how quickly he had jumped to defend himself, “Maybe someday. But I really do have to go. I told Giles I had to do something before I left without telling him what so I’m sure he’s fretting as he usually does, every second I’m away is more time he spends imagining the worst has happened to me.”

Honestly he wanted to tell her to sod the whole thing and just stay with him for the rest of the day, but she clearly had plans and they clearly involved the sunshine. As much as he wanted to make her stay he knew that he couldn’t do that. So with as much earnestly as he could he nodded, “Right then. Let me see you out.”

Buffy looked over her shoulder and then at him, “The few feet it takes to get to your door?”

“It’s a long few feet.” He explained.

“Alright. If you want to gentleman me, go ahead.”

“That is not what I’m doing. I’m… okay maybe that is what I’m doing but you don’t have to rub it in like that.”

Buffy nodded, “Check. No talking about the gentlemanly vampire.”

He growled at her but didn’t really mean it. They stood up together and he did walk her the few steps to his door. This was the second time that he had found himself in this position, the first of course being Drusilla’s disaster of a visit that had ended better than he had originally assumed that it would. As they stood near the door, but just outside the sun’s deadly rays he looked at her and sighed, “Listen I know this is going to sound like a bunch of bloody sentimental talk but I’m glad you told me. It might not mean anything to you but it means something to me.”

“It was important to me that you knew.”

Somehow those few words made his undead heart want to swell and beat. He didn’t want to hope that there was something to this thing that they had but he was becoming more assured that maybe there would be. Someday, when everything with Glory faded away. He leaned forward and kissed her on the top of her head, and was awed when she she didn’t pull away. The move had been a bold one to be sure, “Thank you.” He said after he had stepped back to look at her, “Be safe on this quest that Giles has you off on.”

In front of him Buffy smiled and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, “Be on guard yourself. Glory has her minions skulking about all over the place. I won’t be here to fight them off while I’m gone.”

He knew it was a general warning but Spike decided that he would take it as her being worried about his well being and smirked at her, “Worried about me love? Afraid Glory’s minions want to get their tight hands all over my body?”

She smacked his chest but he felt no pain, the smack had clearly been done as a joke, “I worry ok. I just -” She shook her head, “Never mind.”

For a moment Spike was sure that Buffy had been about to say that she had lost or feared losing more people she cared about. But she had withheld the words and he let that sink in, and then let it float away into the ether of things he had almost been given but lost, “You best get out of here. I’m sure the Librarian has pulled out all his hair by now and has the witch crafting a searching spell as we speak.”

Buffy nodded and then squeezed his hand, “Stay safe. I mean it.”

Then she was gone. Out into the light where he could not follow. For a moment he watched her go and then turned away back into his crypt where the light could not reach. Perhaps he would patrol for her tonight. If she was going to be gone, someone would need to slay the vampires. He was sure her friends would try but he very much doubted their ability to get the job done. Closing his crypt door he went to sit down and finish the show on the telly that he had been watching.

Then he went through hell. The minions must have had been watching the two of them before Buffy left he mused. He wanted a smoke but his face was awash in pain. He couldn’t hold a cigarette between his lips if even tried. The doors of his crypt opened again, silently this time. And Buffy came in. She looked no worse for wear and Spike was glad. The idea of Buffy getting hurt because of his own stupidity - he couldn’t take it, “She really did a number on you didn’t she?” She asked.

“Feel like shit I do. You okay?”

Buffy nodded, “I’m okay. A few bruises but that’s normal for me. Should heal in a few days, and then it will be like nothing happened.” She walked closer to him to examine his wounds more closely, “I brought something.” She shook a brown bag at him that he was only now noticing

“Band-aids really aren’t my style pet.” He told her.

At that Buffy laughed, “Not band-aids.” Reaching into the bag she pulled out a bottle of whiskey and Spike’s eyes widened, she really did know him well, “Better than that.”

He took the bottle from her and uncorked it, “You sure do know the way to a man’s heart pet.” He took a swig, “Ta. Thanks for this.” He hissed as the liquor hit his cracked lips but at least it helped dull the pain.

“I hate that Glory hurt you the way she did.” Buffy said quietly, so quietly that if not for his hearing he wouldn’t have picked up on it.

“Would have done it all over again if it meant little sis was safe.” He replied.

“I know that’s why --” Buffy stopped speaking, seemingly stuck on what she wanted to say.

“Why what?” Spike asked.

“What we have. I’ve been afraid. That you would hurt me. Or betray me, like Riley did. But you won’t and this - I don’t know if I will ever love you, but it’s real.”

There were so many things running through his head while Buffy spoke. It wasn’t what he had been expecting when they had started whatever they had started, but to actually get something that felt like it was more than a crumb - his undead heart swelled, “You know I would never hurt you.” He promised her and hoped that it was a promise he could keep.

“That’s why I want to do this. For real. I know we can’t tell my friends but I want an us. If you want an us.”

“There’s nothing I want more in the world.” He said honestly.

“Can I kiss you? Is that okay?”

He wondered why Buffy was even asking permission but then the reason struck him as he felt his face throb in pain. Somehow their conversation had almost made him forget about his wounds - even as they talked about them, “You know it’s okay pet.”

Slowly, almost as if she was afraid - Buffy leaned forward and touched her mouth to his. It was simple, as far as kisses went - but to Spike who had dared to dream of this moment for a very long time - it felt like everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like this chapter because it works to compare two different kisses and how kisses can mean different things.


	32. Fear, Itself (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cordelia proves her knowledge mettle, and wonders just when people will start listening to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oz is actually in this chapter. I can't believe it.

**Time Stamp:** End of Episode

Cordelia stared down at the symbol on the floor painted in what she hoped was fake blood. It was very ominous, she decided. But it was also oddly familiar? She couldn’t completely place it, but it felt like it was something she had read about recently. Very recently. She really should start paying more attention during Giles’s sessions. It wasn’t that reading all sorts of demon books wasn’t interesting, it could be. But god it was tedious. There was so much text packed into each and every translation. She hated it. Letting out a sigh she continued to try to rack her brain, “Hey. I know this symbol.” Oz said, “When I was here hooking up the music they were painting it.” He walked over to a book on the table, “From this.” He shook it at Buffy and Willow.

Willow snatched the book from him and flipped it open, paging through it in an attempt to find what they were looking for, “I think this is in Gaelic.”

“Can you translate?” Buffy asked.

As she asked a voice boomed through the room, “RELEASE ME!”

The sound jolted Cordelia out of her thoughts and she glared into the the empty air, “God can you not? I’m trying to think!”

Buffy looked at her oddly but Cordelia brushed her off, she didn’t have time to deal with their judgement, “Will, give me something.” Buffy eventually said.

“Okay. Um um um, the icon's called the Mark of Gachnar. I think this is a summoning spell for something called…” As Willow spoke hearing the words Mark of Gachnar sparked something in Cordelia’s mind if only she could remember what.

“Gachnar?” Cordelia asked.

Willow looked up at Cordelia and nodded, “Yes! Somehow the beginning of the spell was accidentally triggered. Gachnar's trying to manifest itself. To come into being.”

“How?” Buffy asked.

That was it! That was what she had forgotten, “Fear! It’s a fear demon! It feeds on fear.” She snapped her fingers.

The other three occupants of the room looked up at her, “Our fears are manifesting. We're feeding it. We have to stop.” Buffy said, filling in the pieces.

“So then we just close our eyes and think of kittens. Or puppies. Or demons covered in marshmallow fluff. Too bad it seems all very real.” Oz deadpanned.

“It's feeding on us…if we can get everyone out…” Buffy tried to think of a solution.

That made Cordelia roll her eyes. It was an okay plan, but it wasn’t a very solid one, “Wow what a great plan, how about about instead -” She was interrupted by the sound of a chainsaw. Then the door they had come from fell down, as a man wielding a chainsaw stepped into the room. For a moment Cordelia felt fear grip her, but it was quickly replaced by relief, “Giles!” She exclaimed, rant forgotten, “You left the house.”

Giles turned to look at her, “I did.” He said rather proudly.

“Good for you.”

“The walls closed up behind me.” He walked over to Willow and took the book from her looking at the script in front of him, “Gachnar, of course. Its presence infects the reality of the house, but it hasn't achieved full manifestation. We can't allow it to come into being.”

“But… if it did, I could fight…” Buffy said weakly.

Shaking his head Giles turned the book so that Buffy could get a look at the demon, “Buffy, this is Gachnar.” Which reminded Cordelia of what she had been trying to say at the start.

Everyone looked terrified, “You don’t need to -” She started to say.

“Okay, let's shut it down.” Buffy said interrupting Cordelia for a second time.

Giles’s eyes flicked down at the book, “I have it: "The summoning spell for Gachnar can be shut down in one of two ways. Destroying the Mark of Gachnar… " Ignoring now both Cordelia and Giles, Buffy stormed forward and slammed her fist through the wood of the floor, splintering the symbol. Following her mighty punch she pulled back the floorboards, completely destroying the symbol. The moment the symbol was destroyed the sound stopped, "… is not one of them and will, in fact, immediately bring forth the Fear Demon, itself." Giles finished glaring at Buffy.

When he finished speaking a deep rumbling started, and Cordelia sighed, “I know I don’t ask for much, but letting me finish a thought would be great.”

Everyone looked at her and then walked closer to the floor where the demon stood, “This is Gachnar?” Buffy asked.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to say.” Cordelia told them looking down at the demon herself, “He’s very small. Can’t grow more than two feet, if what I read is correct.”

The demon shook his fist at them, “I am the Dark Lord of nightmares, the bringer of terror… Tremble before me! Fear me!”

“He’s very cute.” Willow said.

“Almost makes you want to keep him as a pet.” Oz agreed.

“Don’t taunt the fear demon.” Giles mocked making Cordelia laugh.

“Why? It’s not like he can do much.” Cordelia shrugged.

“No, it's just… tacky. Be that as it may, Buffy, when it comes to slaying…” Giles corrected her.

Which was true, but when had they ever shied away from tacky? If anything Buffy and her friends were some of the tackiest people she had ever met. Which didn’t say much about her either, but - at least Cordelia thought she tried, “Size doesn't matter?” Buffy asked - and yeah that was what Cordelia was talking about when she called them tacky.

“You all think you’re very funny, don’t you?” Giles shook his head.

“Yeah, yeah.” Buffy quipped and then promptly with little preamble stomped on the fear demon.

Later that night they found themselves in Giles’s house, eating far too much candy. Cordelia unwrapped a bite sized candy bar and popped it in her mouth, “So what did we learn here?” She asked.

“There is no problem that cannot be solved by chocolate.” Buffy joked making Cordelia stare at her, “And to listen to Cordelia.”

“Finally, the respect I deserve.”

Near-by she watched as Willow made a face, “I think I'm gonna barf.”

“'Ew, not on me please.” Buffy nodded.

As everyone laughed Cordelia watched Giles as he stared at her, “What?” She asked.

“How did you know? About the fear demon?”

“Oh.” Cordelia shrugged, “Read about Holloweeny demons this morning. Figured why not.”

“You knew more than me.”

Rolling her eyes Cordelia picked up the book from the table and pointed to the caption below the picture. Sometimes people could be so dense, “Always read the fine print.”

Giles squinted and then looked up at her, “Oh.”

Turning to look at them Buffy squinted, “What does it say?”

Giles cleared his throat, “Actual size.”

As he spoke Cordelia begun to laugh at them, causing everyone else to stare at her. Whatever, their reactions - Cordelia decided, had absolutely been worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never doubt Cordelia's commitment to knowing more than you.


	33. The Gift (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cordelia lets Riley in on a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this chapter a little later but I couldn't dance around it for much longer, especially since I have two upcoming chapters that make reference to it.

**Time Stamp:** Mid-Episode

It was dark down here in the basement of The Magic Box, surrounded by all sorts of books and magical items. Cordelia fiddled with the one she was holding and placed it back on the shelf. From upstairs Giles’s voice called down to them, “Any luck finding the sphere?”

“Not yet!” Cordelia yelled up the stairs, “Looking takes time.”

Cordelia pushed a few things around, glancing behind them in an attempt to find the sphere they had been sent down here to discover. It was all to no avail however, “We’ve combed most of the basement. If it’s going to show up it will show up soon.” She called up to him.

“Time is a bit of an issue.” Giles said.

“If you want to come down here with all the dust and grossness to help look, instead of yelling at people I’m sure we’d get it done faster.” Cordelia snipped back.

She heard Giles cough and rolled her eyes, “Right yes sorry. Carry on.”

As he finished speaking there was the sound of footfalls above them as he retreated. The truth was Cordelia hadn’t really been looking - not as hard as she should have been. Her mind was elsewhere, floating off somewhere. This whole thing sucked there was no if-ands-or-buts about it. Riley nudged up against her, “You okay? You seem like you're not really here right now.”

“It’s all a mess right now isn’t it.” Cordelia answered him.

“I mean, it’s not the cleanest basement but I’m sure we will find the orb.”

She shook her head, “That’s not what I mean. Dawn could die, the whole world could get sucked into hell and I’m just sitting here thinking that it used to be... easier. I mean the giant snake at the end of High School was bad but everything else - not as world ending.”

“That’s not what’s bothering you.” Riley said. How did he know? Somehow he always knew and Cordelia found she didn’t mind it much. She turned to look at him as he was pulling a cloth off something on one of the shelves, “Jesus!” He cried.

“It’s just a spider.” She looked at what he was staring at, “A very dead, big spider. But it’s just a spider.”

“I thought it was alive.” He confessed, “Why do we keep things like this down here? What could anyone possibly need with a spider? Seems very dark arts.”

That made Cordelia laugh, “Spiders can be used in good spells too. The hair on their bodies can be used for protection spells. And their eyes are good for spells involving deep scrying. It’s not all creepy crawlies and dark magic.”

“You’ve come a long way since I first met you. You wouldn’t have been able to tell me that two years ago.”

To that Cordelia rolled her eyes for the second time that night. At this rate she was going to get permanent eye damage, “You hardly knew me two years ago. You were all wrapped up in Buffy.” She crinkled her nose at him.

“Well I’m all unwrapped now and I’m all yours.”

It sounded corny to Cordelia’s ears but it still made her laugh, which she desperately needed, “I love you.” She told him.

“I love you too.” He replied.

“Just don’t scream like that again. We face demons every day and a spider does you in?” She couldn’t help teasing him.

“You said it was big.”

“It is big.” She shrugged, “After the battle is done I’ll talk to Giles about getting this room more organized. Big bugs and creepy things to back. Fairy dust to the front. No more rags covering spooky things to frighten my very easily frightened boyfriend.” She picked up a ceramic white bunny laying on the shelf next to her, “Like this.”

She was mocking him again, but she knew he didn’t mind. He liked it when she mocked him a little bit. It was just teasing after all, “And what is that used for? It’s in a magic shop so I’m sure it’s not just used for house decoration.”

At that Cordelia flushed, “You don’t want to know.”

“Come on tell me. I’m sure it can’t be as bad as big creepy spider guy over here.”

“It’s a fertility statue.” Cordelia said rather plainly, “It’s one of the modern symbols of Ostara. She usually represents spring but some people think that means she represents fertility and birth too. It’s a highly debated subject. You’re supposed to put it in your bedroom in front of your bed. If you perform well enough for it, it grants you babies. If you don’t they usually crumble and you have to buy another one. I don’t suggest using one though because people who do usually end up with twins.”

“Oh.” Riley said and swallowed, “Well, remind me never to buy one for us.”

At that Cordelia felt her blood grow cold and fear seeped into her heart, “Would it be so bad?”

“Would what be so bad?” Riley asked.

“If we had a child, of our own.”

“Are you thinking of having a baby? Do you want to have a baby?” Riley’s eyebrow raised as he questioned her.

“Not thinking per-say.”

This wasn’t when Cordelia had wanted to have this conversation. But it had been on her mind when they had come down here and it seemed like there was no avoiding it now, “Are we having a baby?” Riley said incredulously.

“I’m a couple of weeks in.” Cordelia admitted and it felt good to finally say that, it had been wearing on her all day, “It’s not a for sure thing yet because I haven’t passed into my second trimester but -”

“We’re having a baby.” Riley interrupted her, “We’ve been nothing but careful. Are you sure?”

“Five tests sure.” Cordelia said, “I was going to tell you after this but then the bunny and - you’re not mad are you?”

“Mad?” There was a light in Riley’s eyes that she hadn’t seen before, “I’m ecstatic. We’re going to make it through this Cordelia. And then we’re going to tell the team, and then we’re going to have our baby and it’s going to be the most amazing child in the world. We can’t die now - not when we have so much to fight for. You want to keep it right? Because if you don’t want to keep it -”

“Of course I want to keep it!” Cordelia wondered how he could even think that, “It’s our baby. So let’s kick this things ass for our child and then get to celebrating. Okay?”

She walked over to him and smiled up at him. As she did so she took his hand and placed it on her belly. The look of wonder in Riley’s eyes only grew and then he leaned out down kiss her and oh - this was a new sort of kiss. They had kissed before but there was something life affirming in this one. It filled her with vigor and and she reached up to hold onto on his arms to steady herself. Riley backed up against one of the shelves and the sound of something falling off it and shattering brought Cordelia back to the present. Doing her best she pushed him away, “The orb, we have to find the orb.” She looked up at him a playful smile on her face.

“Right. Damn that orb.”

She laughed.

Later, when she was staring at Buffy’s body she would look back at this moment and try to clutch it to her chest. To hold it precious and let it glow brightly, a moment of happiness to keep her warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who had just finished season 1 of American Gods while writing this.


	34. Life Serial (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy and Riley talk about Cordelia's pregnancy.

**Time Stamp:** Mid-Episode

Buffy looked good in the black outfit that he had to wear for his job Riley thought. She adjusted the belt and then looked up at him and then turned in a small circle. He clapped and she gave him a smile that didn’t completely reach her eyes. They had saved her from Hell but Riley knew that she was still adjusting. Coming back from the dead wasn’t completely easy. Buffy’s money had been almost completely drained, and it wasn’t like any of them had been completely static while she had been underground. Change was hard, “Come on, let me take you to the control center.” He told her.

They walked out of the break room and down a small hallway into a smaller room. TV monitors lined one of the walls and a control board sat in front. Buffy pulled out the chair in front of the control board, and looked up at the monitors, “This is going to be good right? I just sit here and look at the TV and if anyone takes anything I report them. No fuss no muss. Easy as pie.” She paused, “Where does that saying come from anyway? Easy as pie? Pie isn’t easy.”

He laughed, “It shouldn’t be too hard. It’s a pretty small art shop, and the art is local art so we don’t tend to get too many thieves. But with your strength they shouldn’t be much of an issue if they show up anyway.”

In front of him Buffy was fiddling with the controls of the screen, flipping between screens and generally getting a feel for how the camera system worked, “So art protection? That’s a bit of a downward career choice from busting demon chops.”

It wasn’t where he thought he would have ended up either but, “With the baby coming Cordelia and I agreed we needed another source of steady income. She makes a small salary at the College Library but it isn’t enough. I tried a few odd jobs before this one but this fit me best. I’m good at protecting things, and I know how to take down your average joe. It’s a good place for me to be. Even if it’s just art security.”

“It’s respectable.” Buffy shrugged.

“So,” Riley continued, “Do Giles or Cordelia have any idea what caused that fast forward snafu at the college? That couldn’t have been fun.”

The sigh that Buffy let out was answer enough for him but she elaborated anyway, “Giles thinks it’s stress. When he said that Cordelia snapped at him and told me she would look into it. She suggested a demon that could alter reality and then they started arguing about it. I think Cordelia believes me but - the fighting it was too much. When I left they were still debating about what it could be.”

“My girlfriend is hot headed like that. I’m sorry they got into it in front of you. You shouldn’t have to deal with other people's issues like that.”

He would have to talk to Cordelia about being over eager when he saw her next time. Clearly she had just wanted to show Buffy that someone was on her team, but fighting with Giles in front of Buffy wasn’t the way to go about it. Not when everything was so raw for Buffy, “It’s okay.” Buffy said, “She wanted to help. Everyone just wants to help. And I get it, I really do it’s great. But it’s also a lot. Cordelia has been great since I got back, really great. She’s going to make a great mom.”

“I think you just said great at least ten times.” Riley said.

“Did I?” Buffy tilted her head, “Maybe I did. I didn’t mean too.”

“Right.” He would ignore her blabbering for now. Instead he turned around and opened up one of the closets and pulled out a thick tome and slapped it down on the control panel next to her, “This is the great big book of instructions. Read it, get to know it, treat it as law. I know it’s big and that can come off as a bit intimidating but you’re a smart girl. I think you can crack it. You only have to read it once and then it’s done, no more pain.”

“That doesn’t sound all that comforting.” Buffy opened the book and coughed as dust rose from the top of the book, “This is all just peachy.”

Riley couldn’t help grinning at the face she made. As he did so the phone on the wall started flashing. He walked over to it and listened to the voice on the other side. He nodded a few times as the person spoke to him and then said, “I’ll be right there.” Placing the phone back on the hook he looked at Buffy, “We have a shipment coming in out back. I need to go and take care of it. Do you think you’ll be okay on your own?”

“It can’t be too hard right? I bet I could fall asleep and wake up to everything in all the right places too.”

It wasn’t that the quip wasn’t funny, it was - but this was his livelihood she was joking about. That and he was sort of her boss now, “Please don’t fall asleep.” Riley almost begged.

“Right, no art naps.” Buffy nodded.

“No art naps.”

The sigh he got from Buffy was expected but she nodded at him, “Go. Do your job. Make the baby supporting money. I’ll be right here with the monitors and the art, and the boredness.”

“Thanks.” He smiled.

As he left and the door shut behind him Riley thought that this might work out. He and Buffy had long since given up on romance but maybe friendship wasn’t too far off. They had almost gotten there before Buffy had died. Maybe this was their chance. Really, what could go wrong?

A desecrated locker room, and one smashed vase later as Buffy claimed demon - was his answer. Staring at the mess that Buffy had made he was very glad the art shop had good insurance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They might not make a great couple but I love the friendship between Buffy and Riley. 
> 
> Also - finding a job for Riley that paralleled Xander's job as a construction worker but fit Riley instead was really fun. Eventually I settled on art security because it felt true to his character and allowed me to use Riley in a way I thought would work with the story later down the line.


	35. I Was Made to Love You (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy and Spike discuss the boundaries of their new relationship.

**Time Stamp:** Near the End of the Episode

Spike walked alongside Buffy through the park. They had watched the robot, no - April, die together. He had thought he wouldn’t feel anything but somehow listening to her, it had stirred something in him. Made his undead heart beat a few times. He hated that he could relate to a robot but he could. To love something but know that things wouldn’t work out just like you wanted them to - it stung, “I hate to admit this, because admitting to it feels like defeat but you were right. We can’t tell your friends. The robot might not have been real but learned something from it I did. Can’t make people like you.”

Buffy looked up at him, her face painted with a bit of shock, “Yeah?”

“Yeah. They hate my guts they do. Dawn and Tara like me well enough. The witch and the cheerleader - I don’t think they have an opinion one way or another, but your ex and Giles they are a bit of a different story.”

She nodded and it felt like a punch to the gut when she agreed, he had been hoping that she would argue a bit. But Buffy had been the one who had told him her friends weren’t ready, so his agreement probably felt like a release for her, “It would help if you called them by their names instead of the witch or my ex. I’m not sure that will make them like you more.”

He shrugged, “Not trying to earn their approval anymore. I’ve got yours don’t I? Or what little of it you’re willing to give. It’s good enough for me.”

It wasn’t. Not completely, but he knew saying it would put Buffy at ease. Especially since this thing between them was so new and raw. No need poke the cat when she wasn’t afraid to claw back, “I shouldn’t have flirted with Ben in front of you but I was afraid my friends would just look at me and know. The whole thing was stupid. I was stupid.” She told him, perhaps spurred on by his last words.

The way she spoke got his hackles up, “Wasn’t stupid love. You were just doing what you had to. It’s not like what we have is official or nothing. Just a bit of a wait and see.”

They had moved from the park into the graveyard and they stopped in front of a large stone sarcophagus. Buffy pulled herself up and sat on the top of it looking at him analyzing him, “It still wasn’t great. Didn’t feel good at the time either.”

“If you’re looking for forgiveness pet, you already have it.” He shrugged, “Speaking of the berk - what are you going to do with him?”

His words made Buffy laugh but she did her best to try to sober up, “You can’t call him that. He’s a good guy okay. Not for me - but a good guy. And I’ll call him later to call it off.”

Stalking over to the sarcophagus he pulled himself up to sit next to her, “What type of bloke is for you?”

Buffy shrugged, “I don’t know. Not Ben. I want it to be Ben, I really do - but he’s like Riley. All squishy and breakable. And I don’t think he would get the whole Slayer thing either. I’m not sure what my type is, but I’m opening to finding out. No more pinning or being angry at Riley. Being so obsessed with love, it drove the robot - April, mad. I don’t want that to be me. I’m open Buffy - ready for whatever comes my way.”

Nudging her Spike said, “Even if that’s an undead vampire with no soul?”

Glancing up at Spike’s eyes now that he was sitting next to her Buffy nudged him back, “Don’t push it mister.”

“Oh no?” He arched an eyebrow at her.

Buffy’s actions didn’t mirror her words though. As she spoke her hand reached for his and she squeezed it softly. Softer than Spike expected from someone with Buffy’s strength. As they sat there in silence he marveled that they could do it at all. That someone as bright and beautiful and glowing as Buffy would even choose to attempt anything with someone like him at all. Finally she leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, just like she had the night she had decided to start whatever this was. Then she squeezed his hand one more time, “Come on. Let’s slay a few vampires and get with the staking.”

Now that was something Spike could get behind. Together they slipped off their perch and wandered off into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small little bit of fluff for the two of them :)


	36. The Replacement (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willow tries to enjoy movie night with her friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At least this is better than the muffin disaster.

**Time Stamp:** Start of the Episode

Willow smiled up at Tara watching as her girlfriend’s eyes were utterly engrossed in the film in front of them This was nice she thought, all of them hanging out together. Watching a really badly translated Asian action movie. Sometimes that was all you needed though, friends - and a bad movie. Cordelia finished whatever she was doing in her kitchen and walked back over to the couch to sit down next to Buffy who was hardly paying any sort of attention, and flipping through a textbook, “Popcorn.” Cordelia said, sitting down on the floor between Willow and Riley and then placing the bowl in her lap, “The bag said it was a fancy mix. Whatever that means.”

“I’m sure it’s fine.” Tara said, eyes flickering away from the TV her movie going experience interrupted by Cordelia’s return.

“It can’t be worse than what Buffy made us the last time we did this at her house.” Riley commented.

It was true, Willow remembered. Buffy’s attempt at making muffins had almost burned the whole house down. The ensuing cleanup had lead to them abandoning their plans, and ordering Chinese to-go. Having not heard what her boyfriend had just said Buffy flipped the page in her book wordlessly, “If we had eaten that we would have gotten food poisoning for sure. Can you imagine me sick like that? Because I can't.” Cordelia said.

In front of them the guy on the TV did a ton of tricky back-flips before striking a pose, “Impressive.” Riley commented.

Buffy finally looked up at the screen and then shrugged, “It’s not that impressive.” She said, clearly a little bored. 

Cordelia smacked Buffy’s leg which caused Buffy to glare at her and made Willow want to giggle, “Not all of us have super powers.” Cordelia let out a sigh, “Some of us have to rely on our wits and good looks to get us out of situations.”

As she said that Riley laughed, making Cordelia smile, “I’m sure you’ve got more skills than that.” He tried to reassure her, “Sometimes I think you’re smarter than Giles.”

Cordelia tucked a strand of hair behind her head, “Thanks.”

Behind him Buffy pouted, “Hey! I’m feeling very forgotten here.”

Pushing himself up onto the couch Riley left both her and Cordelia alone. Sitting next to his girlfriend Willow had to watch as he made moon eyes at her. It was something Willow would have mocked, if not for the fact that she knew she looked at Tara the exact same way, “Feeling forgotten are you?” Riley asked before placing his hand on her book.

“What are you going to do about it?” She asked.

“Sit down on the floor and I’ll show you.”

Below them Cordelia snorted, but it didn’t stop Buffy from shifting off the couch and to the floor. As she did so she reached over to grab popcorn out of the bowl on Cordelia’s lap, “Okay what now?” She asked popping a few in her mouth.

As she asked Riley leaned forward and began to massage her back, “This is what’s next.”

Buffy sighed in contentment, and okay now this whole scene was a little weird. In front of them on the TV the two fighting men had stopped their kicks and punches to argue, “Oh! Look - the fighting has stopped.” Tara commented in an attempt to get the focus off what was going on in front of her.

“What’s the point then?” Buffy asked and then let out a noise that Willow really didn’t want to classify, “Mm ... mm. That feels good.”

Cordelia ate a small handful of popcorn, “This almost doesn’t seem fair.”

Tara stared at her, “What do you mean? They’re not fighting right right now.”

Cordelia shook her head, “Not the fighting. The me, being smushed between two doe-eyed couples.”

Oh, well that was true Willow thought, “You’ll find someone someday.” Buffy told her, “Never give up hope.”

“I’m sure there is someone out there who sees you for just who you are.” Riley agreed.

Cordelia huffed as Tara gestured at the TV screen, “Look! The fighting has started again.”

“It has!” Buffy stared at it for a moment and then smacked Riley’s arms away, “Oh, give me a break! This is all wrong.” She complained at the TV, “See, first you would get the big guy, with a flying kick. Then you would take out all the little ones, bam, ba-” Buffy’s frustration grew as the scene continued, “see, now with the flying kick. From a dead stop! What's powering it, raw enthusiasm?”

Riley let out a grunt, “Hey Buff, maybe you oughta leave the work behind sometimes. You're not always on slayer duty, you know?”

Willow wondered if they were going to start fighting and hoped not. The night had been going so well with nary a muffin disaster in sight, “It would drive you crazy if we were watching an army movie and they were all saluting backwards and ... invading all willy-nilly.” Trying her best to think of a distraction to get Buffy and Riley to stop what looked like was going to be an argument, Willow cast her eyes around the room, “And anyway, I mean, you know, you can't blame me for being critical. Willow's the same way when we watch a, a movie about witches, right Willow?”

Despite Buffy’s attempts to get her to chime in Willow did not want to be part of this. Finally she spied her answer to freedom, “Hey! The popcorn bowl is getting kind of empty. Does anyone want any more fancy mix?”

In front of them the men kept fighting and Willow decided that the next time she and Tara did anything coupley, none of her friends were invited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of those chapters that was fun to write because there's a lot of layers to the action and dialogue between Riley, Buffy, and Cordelia that only makes sense when you know how it ends (which I've already written for this fic).
> 
> Also this is another chapter where I'm injecting Tara in a scene she didn't take part in originally,


	37. Shadow (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cordelia admonishes Giles for a sale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's play a game called: How many scenes can I add Tara into that she wasn't in originally.

**Time Stamp** : Mid-Episode

Cordelia stared the receipt she was currently holding and hoped upon hope that what her eyes were looking at wasn’t correct. But hoping didn’t seem to change anything, and the print of the sale glared up at her like the price tag of a dress that was too expensive, “Who in the hell sold this?” She asked looking up.

“Sold what?” Giles asked wandering across the room to join her at the cash register.

She waved the receipt at him. Across the room Willow shrugged, “Wasn’t me.”

Cordelia rolled her eyes, “Thank you Willow. Very helpful.” Then she shoved the receipt in Giles’s face, “You sold someone Khul's amulet AND a Sobekian Blood Stone.”

Giles didn’t seem perturbed, “Yes, I believe I did.”

Which just made Cordelia even more frustrated on top of the heaping, helping pile of frustration she already was. Why was she the one who always had to solve people’s problems for them? What made it worse was that she was pretty sure that Giles should have known better, “Are you kidding me?” She stared at him.

“Yes it’s all very funny ha ha.” He said.

“Maybe- maybe Cordelia you should explain?” Tara interjected, “And, and not just yell at Giles?”

Taking a deep breath Cordelia tried to cool down, but sometimes she felt like people were so stupid, “You never sell those things together! It's bad news. Don't you know about the Sobekites?”

Willow raised her hand, “Ooh. I do. It was an ancient Egyptian cult heavy into Dark Magic.”

Tara nodded and then added, “And the Khul's amulet... Wasn't that a transmogrification conduit?”

Cordelia smiled at both of them, “Thank you. At least someone…” She looked pointedly at Giles, “Knows their demonic artifacts.”

“Be that as it may, I still don't see any reason for concern. Sobekian transmogrification spells have been lost for thousands of years. And the young woman I sold them to would have to be someone of enormous pow-” Cordelia watched as Giles stopped speaking his brain finally catching up to itself, “Oh, dear God…”

“Oh dear god indeed.” Cordelia said.

“Do you think we?” Willow asked but the answer was already a given.

Of course it had been Glory. Sometimes, in rare moments like these - Cordelia thought she would make a better Watcher than Giles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every chapter I write where Cordelia gets to flux her brain muscles my heart grows three sizes.


	38. The Gift (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy and Spike find a moment of quiet inside a moment of chaos and consummate the feelings between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally earn my M rating.

**Time Stamp:** Mid Episode

They walked to her house hand-in-hand, Buffy’s head resting against the side of his arm. There was no one here to judge, so they could be as free as Buffy wanted to be in their affections. It stung that she still hadn’t told her little friends, but deep down Spike knew that it was still for the best. The way that Giles and Riley had treated him back in the gas station and inside the RV told him as much. When they got to her home Buffy unlocked the door and walked inside.

The moment they crossed the threshold Buffy was all business - their short moment of coupled bliss undone. Untangling herself from Spike, she turned to look him in the eyes, “Weapons in the chest by the TV. I'll grab the stuff upstairs -”

When she spoke Spike could hear the nerves in her voice. The way that even as she tried to be strong, it was all frayed at the edges and raw, “Buffy, luv -”

She ignored him, “We have a little time but we can’t wait around too much because -”

He reached out and touched her arm softly. The small gesture caused Buffy to finally look up at him, her words stopped mid sentence, “Breath.” He told her, “The nibblet is going to be okay. Couple of good axes should hold off Glory's mates while you take on the lady herself.”

Buffy blinked up at him and then he watched as she took a breath. Good he thought, they needed her level headed, “We're not all gonna make it. You know that.” She told him bluntly.

Seeing that she had calmed down considerably he nodded to her, “Yeah. Hey, I always knew I'd go down fighting. Sure as hell never thought it'd be on this side…” He felt his face flush oddly shy about the whole thing, “...or for this reason…”

“I'm counting on you, Spike. To help protect her.” The trust she put in him now elated him, but he hated the circumstances that had brought it about.

Well, he gave himself time to mull over what he had thought - most of them.

He let the hand that had been touching her shoulder drag down her arm softly and touch the back of her hand, “'Til the end of the world.” He promised, “Even if that happens to be tonight. Nobody touches the Little Bit while the big bad’s around.” A spark passed between them in that moment and it struck him in his gut with longing.

Buffy removed her hand quickly, maybe too quickly - but she had felt it too. He knew by the look in her eyes - by the way that she scrambled up the stairs, back to him, “I'll be one minute.” She almost whispered.

For a brief moment he thought about letting her go. But he had let Buffy go far to many times and he knew that tonight might be his last chance. Their last chance for anything, “I know you don’t know if you love me.” His words stopped her dead in her tracks and Buffy turned around to look at him, “I know that I'm a monster. But you treat me like a man, and that's…” He paused unsure of what to say, and then watched in godlike wonder as Buffy slowly and almost fearfully extended her hand to him.

For a moment he hesitated - they really were on the clock. But it was either now or never, and this small window of time had been afforded to them. Reaching out he took her hand in a daze and allowed Buffy to steer them to her room.

Everything after that was almost a blur. The frantic movement of their bodies. The way clothes fell on the ground, tangled in a heap the way he became tangled in her. How he felt inside of her, surrounded by her, enveloped in her heat. Everything in him narrowed to Buffy. Buffy’s eyes, Buffy’s hair, Buffy’s beautiful and glowing strength. He had said not so long ago that he had been drowning in her but now he knew that to be a lie. Something said foolishly, before he knew what it meant to be truly overwhelmed by Buffy. And god, it was good. Pleasure wholly unknown raced through him and he tasted her name on his lips, “Buffy.” He said, voice laced with passion and a love he could not deny.

In that moment he prayed that both of them would survive. That somehow they would all make it out of this bloody madness together. He should have know of course, that god had long abandoned him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone order angst with their feelings? Sometimes I feel very cruel to Buffy and Spike in this fic.


	39. After Life (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dawn adjusts to having her sister back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've done a Dawn POV before I believe, but this begins my use of Dawn POV in earnest.

**Time Stamp:** Near the End of the Episode

Dawn walked outside and took a breath. Today was going to be - well not perfect, but a day. A step, just like any other. Her sister was back and that was an adjustment to make but one that she was happy for. And then there had been that demon that had hitched a ride back with Buffy. Life wasn’t perfect, but then when would life on a Hellmouth ever be? She shook off her worries and stepped forward, as she did a voice called out behind her, “Dawn!” She turned around to see her sister coming out of the house carrying a paper bag.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, previous worries unshook.

Buffy waved the bag at her, “Lunch!”

Seeing Buffy happy made Dawn happy. There was still something a little off about her sister’s happiness, but there was progress and that was enough for her, “You made me lunch?” She took the bag from her sister, “Thanks.”

“I just wanted to do something for you. So lunch, for school.” Buffy said.

Dawn gave her sister a small smile, and Buffy smiled back at her, “Speaking of doing things for me. I was thinking - after the demon attack maybe you could…” She paused, “Never mind.”

She didn’t want to burden her sister with her request. She wanted her sister to train her, but not when things were so fresh. Not when her sister was just learning how to deal. Maybe later when things really settled down, “You’re sure?” Dawn nodded, “You better go then. Those of us who fail history? Doomed to repeat it in summer school.”

Dawn leaned forward and gave her sister a small hug, trying to give her sister all the positive energy she could, “Are you okay?” She asked and then wondered why she had.

“I'm going to start charging money for every person that asks me that.” Buffy told her.

Right that was why - it was a stupid question anyway. It wasn’t like Buffy was going to be completely honest with her about it. And hadn’t she just thought that her sister was slowly getting better? Sometimes she was such a dumbass, “Sorry dumb question.” She paused, “It's just that, everyone cares about you a lot. When you were gone ... it was bad when you were gone. But it'll be better now. You seem happier. That’s all anyone really wants.”

As she departed Dawn wasn’t sure she had said the right thing. But it was too late to take any of it back now. Stepping down the sidewalk she heard Buffy call after her, “Have a good time at school.”

Plastering a smile on her face Dawn swore she would. For Buffy’s happiness, as well as her own. Life had to go on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene is used generally as a thrust for plot much later down the line. The scene is ALMOST unaltered but the difference is enough that it's necessary.


	40. Forever (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cordelia and Riley take a break in the middle of getting frisky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't like the idea of Riley being sexy please advert your eyes now.

**Time Stamp:** Mid-Episode

Cordelia lay on top of Riley and sighed contentedly. Her body still tingled from the intense remnants of the lovemaking they had just finished. She kissed his chest and then smiled up at him as he smiled down at her. It was nice sometimes, she thought - to just forget yourself like this. Life had been too stressful recently. Being with Riley like this - it reminded her that she was loved, that there was someone who wanted her deeply and with a passion that wasn’t surpassed. She traced patterns on his chest, “That was nice.” She told him.

“Nice is putting it mildly.” He huffed, “I don’t think I’ve felt that passionate about anything since…”

“If you’re going to say the sex house you can forget about round two.” Cordelia warned him, she didn’t want to be reminded about her boyfriend and Buffy - ever.

“That must have been the most life affirming sex I’ve ever had in my life.” He promised her.

That made her flush and laugh, “Life affirming? I hope not. At least not when things are so damn crazy around here.”

He smiled at her and the way his smile lit up the whole room filled her with such unbridled joy, “Breathe. Not that life affirming. But maybe someday, in our future. When we are older and wiser, and have more money.”

“Now that’s a plan I can get behind.” She said.

Cordelia wondered if they were really ready for the sort of life they were discussing but found herself unafraid. If it was Riley, it would be okay she thought. They could make it work on the hellmouth, somehow, “You’re beautiful.” He told her.

She shimmed up closer to his face knocking their lower bodies together, causing him to groan when she did so. She smiled devilishly at him, “Want to affirm my life some more?”

He rolled them over so he was hovering above her, and leaned down to kiss her collarbone, sucking at the skin there and making her groan, “I thought you would never ask.” He told her.

After that, everything else sort of faded away into pleasure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _“Want to affirm my life some more?”_ is one of the greatest things I've ever written in this fic and I stand by that.


	41. After Life (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy tells a lie - and then a truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A study in the contrast between relationships.

**Time Stamp:** End of the Episode

The room was too loud and too shiny. But Buffy had promised herself she would try to be better for her friends. It would be hard, but they had done what they had thought was right. They had thought they had saved her. Every day would be a struggle now, but Buffy would find a way to make it work. Even if it felt like her body wasn’t her own, even if jumping from a high tower would be preferable. She was the Slayer and it was her job to protect people. It was her job to make sure the world was good and whole. Somehow she would find joy again. Somehow. From the table Willow looked up at her and her smile was blinding. It hurt to look at, “Buffy! Hey!”

Next to her Tara smiled too but her smile wasn’t as harsh, there were soft edges to it. Buffy appreciated how it didn’t take up the whole space, “Did you get Dawn off to school okay? I’ve been doing that, while you were gone so if you were having trouble? I’m sure you weren’t though.” Tara stumbled over her words as she spoke.

Buffy shook her head and swallowed her pain, “That’s okay. I got it. I’ve got a few things to say so I’m just going to say them.” Everyone looked at her with such expectant eyes and their stares itched, “You brought me back. I was in a place ... I was in Hell. I don't ... I can't think much about what it was like. But it felt ... I felt like the world abandoned me there. And then suddenly you guys ... You did what you did. Thank you.”

At that Riley nodded, “It was Willow. She did her magic mojo and here you stand.”

Willow nodded and smiled through tears, “You’re welcome.”

At their words Buffy did her best to smile, did her best to show them that she was ok, “And Cordelia. I should have said this earlier. Congratulations, on the pregnancy.”

That made Cordelia elbow Riley who made an oof sound, “I told you she’d congratulate me.” To Buffy she just said, “We’re glad you’re back.”

“Welcome home.” Tara told her.

In that moment it felt like everyone stood up at the same time, and one after another surrounded her to hug her. It should have felt nice, Buffy knew that - instead it felt empty. When they were done they stood around awkwardly, in the end Buffy broke the silence, “I just, sorry - I need a little time alone.”

“Oh.” Willow’s face fell, “Okay. Come back soon.”

Buffy nodded and then made a quick escape to the back of The Magic Box. A quick glance of the area revealed Spike sitting there, smoking a cigarette. He glanced at her but made no move to stand up, dare he accidentally step into the sunlight not a few inches away, “Buffy.”

“Hey.” She said softly, “You shouldn’t be out here the sun -”

“Sun’s low enough. Don’t worry, I won’t burn up here.” She nodded and then walked over to sit next to him, pushing him a little out of the way so they could share the same crate. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he reached over to hold her hand, “I was going to go in but I overheard you talking to your friends. Figured I should give you the space you needed to hash it out.” He threw the cigarette he was smoking into the sun where the smoke curled up, hardly visible, “Shouldn’t you go back in there and get with the hugging?”

“I wanted to be alone.” She told him.

“Oh.” He seemed hurt and made to withdraw his hand, “I can go.”

In response she held on his hand and used her other to point out the sun that loomed ahead, “No. This is okay.” She looked up at him, “When I’m with you things are quiet. It’s nice.”

“I can be nice.”

Buffy wasn’t sure if that was true, but she was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. The last few weeks with him leading up to her death had been - good. If wasn’t for the glaring barrier of her friends not knowing it was almost like the two of them had a proper relationship. The night she had died too, she didn’t want to admit it but it had meant something to her. To be with him, “I believe you.” She told him.

“Are you sure you are okay?” He asked.

Before, they had had moments of kindness between them but she knew that there had still been a lack of trust. She hadn’t completely wanted what was between them to be real, had just wanted something that felt good - even if it didn’t last, “I lied to my friends.” She admitted to him.

“And you’re not going to lie to me? That doesn’t sound quite like you pet.”

It didn’t. She was good at lying to Spike. It was - easy. Almost as easy as lying to herself. But recently she was finding that she didn’t mind being with him. Didn’t mind the silence or the quiet moments between them. So far he had gone the extra mile to not pressure her. Maybe that’s why she felt comfortable telling him, maybe there were other reasons too - other reasons she didn’t want to examine too closely yet. Not when everything hurt so badly, “I was happy.”

“Buffy?” Spike sounded confused at her confession.

“Wherever I ... was ... I was happy. At peace. I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time didn't mean anything, nothing had form... but I was still me, you know? And I was warm and I was loved... and I was finished. Complete. I don't understand about dimensions or theology or any of ... but I think I was in heaven.” She paused, “And now I’m not.”

“Luv -”

He seemed unsure of what to make of her confession and that was okay, she wasn’t expecting an answer from him. Still, she was shocked when his hand squeezed hers, gently as if to reassure when his words had failed him, “I was torn out of there. My friends pulled me out. And everything here is bright and hard and violent…Everything I feel, everything I touch... this is Hell.” She stopped to look at him, “They can never know.”

“You’ll have to join your friend in the light sometime.” He told her looking out at the patch of sunlight in front of them.

“Not right now.” She said as she continued to sit next to him, “Not for a little while.”

Spike didn’t say anything in return, and for that Buffy was glad. Content, to just sit in the silence for a little while longer. The dark could offer compassionate solace too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end scene is really the big rework of this chapter, writing Spike and Buffy as health(ier).


	42. The Freshman (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cordelia returns to Sunnydale, Xander does not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't read too much into the summary.

**Time Stamp:** Early in the Episode

Cordelia leaned against the bar at the Bronze and sighed. Only a few days back in Sunnydale and she already wanted to shrink into the crowd. Los Angeles had been a bust. A huge big pile of nothing. She had tried for weeks to get any acting gig but nothing as much as a call back had put a stop to that dream. About a month into summer vacation and Cordelia had found herself staring at the University of Sunnydale acceptance letter that she had put off answering. The good news was that due to the extremely high death rate in Sunnydale, the University allowed for very very late acceptances. One mailed in letter later and she had been accepted into the not so prestigious university, full scholarship - thanks to her parent’s recent bankruptcy. With the call made Cordelia had tried harder to get a acting job - after all, if she landed her big gig she could just drop out.

No such job had appeared for her. Another two months passed, and as money had dwindled Cordelia realized that her options had run out. There would be no dark knight to save her and sweep her off her feet. The return to Sunnydale had felt like a defeat, and sitting here at the bar staring out at people who seemed excited to live in such a hellhole, only made it worse. Someone sat next to her and Cordelia looked to her left. When she saw who it was she rolled her eyes, “Oh. Great - just what I need to cap off this terrible evening.”

Buffy turned to look at her surprised. Clearly, she hadn’t had any idea who she was sitting next to until Cordelia had said something, “Cordelia?”

“The one and only.” Cordelia said with as much sarcasm as she could muster.

“What are you doing here?” Buffy asked.

Oh, well this was going to be pleasant, “This is probably the only social place in Sunnydale, why wouldn’t I be here?” She didn’t attempt to hide her snark.

The way Buffy looked at her made Cordelia feel stupid, “I mean in Sunnydale. The way you left felt like a goodbye.”

Buffy was the last person Cordelia wanted to have this conversation with. But she was bored, and company - even unpleasant company - was better than none, “Turns out that I’m too good for acting. They were afraid I would outshine everyone.”

Next to her Buffy scoffed, “So you failed.” Seriously, what was Buffy’s damage?

“Thank you for rubbing it in.”

The way she snapped at Buffy, she could see that it had hurt her. Which - good, “Sorry.” Buffy paused, “You haven’t seen Xander have you?”

Is that why Buffy was here? To look for Cordelia’s shitbag of an ex? “Why would I have seen Xander?”

“I don’t know!” Buffy admitted, “He went to Los Angeles too. Thought you might have come back on the same bus.”

Cordelia had not in fact know that Xander had been in the same city as her. She had figured that, with how Xander was - he would have stuck around Sunnydale for the summer. It wasn’t like he had anything else going on, “I’m not his keeper. And Los Angeles is a big city. You don’t really get how big the city is until you get there. You hear about it of course, but hearing about it and living it are two totally different things. My chances of running into Xander? About the same as nada.”

She hadn’t expected it actually, how big the city was - how quickly it swallowed people whole. There was something sinister about it’s underbelly, “Willow’s nervous you know.” Buffy said.

What? Cordelia didn’t understand Buffy’s leap in logic, “About what?” She asked.

“Xander. He was in contact with her for the first month and then nothing. It’s like he’s dropped off the face of the planet.”

That made Cordelia laugh because honestly, she hoped he had. Still, “That doesn’t sound like him.”

“It doesn’t!” Buffy reached forward and nibbled on some of the nuts the bartender had just placed in front of them, “He’s not that sort of guy you know? He’s big with the shouting and the yelling. And the running away from danger.”

“So maybe he ran away from Sunnydale. Plenty of danger here.” Cordelia suggested.

“Don’t say that.” And okay even Cordelia had to admit that it didn’t sound like something Xander would do, “I’m sure he wouldn’t just leave us like that. He must have a reason for not being here.” Buffy looked like she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince Cordelia.

“Then what’s the reason?” She asked Buffy.

“I don’t know.” Buffy admitted.

Cordelia didn’t know why she was sitting here talking with Buffy about Xander of all people. She imagined standing up and just walking away. But she was lonely. Most of the people she had grown up with in Sunnydale had either died in the fight for their High School, or moved on. This is all she really had left, “Maybe a demon got him.” She supplied.

“Did you miss the part about him running away from danger?” Buffy asked.

“He was kinda brave. Sometimes.” Cordelia told her and okay now she was defending Xander and it tasted gross in her mouth, “Anyway, what have you been up to this summer? I hope it wasn’t anything fun.”

That wasn’t exactly the subject change she had been looking for, but it would have to do. Next to her Buffy ate another handful of nuts, “Stalking cemeteries, slaying vampires, you know - the usual.” Buffy answered.

“Well, that sounds deliciously boring.”

God, Cordelia was very glad that someone had had a summer that had been just as miserable as hers, “You don’t have to sound so excited about it.” Buffy groused.

“Well you were over here mocking me for being a failing actress, so I don’t see what the issue is.” She blinked at Buffy.

Next to her Buffy glared, but her harsh eye beams slowly softened, “Truce?”

That caused Cordelia to pause, because Buffy offering an olive branch seemed very un-Buffy like. But she wasn’t about to turn down an attempt to lay down arms, “Truce.” In front of her Buffy nodded and then reached for another nut grimacing this time as she did so, “What happened to you by the way? You look like you got into a fight with something and lost.” Cordelia gave Buffy the once over.

“Vampire. And I sort of did. Lose.” Buffy told her.

“You’re kidding right? How am I supposed to feel safe in this town if one lousy vampire takes you out?”

When she said it Cordelia realized she shouldn’t have. Because of course Buffy was more worried about this than she could ever possibly be. But Buffy seemed to take it in stride, which Cordelia was thankful for, “Or all the students. They don’t deserve this.”

“Well where is Willow? Shouldn’t you be calling all the troops or something?”

Or something alright, “Willow is in college heaven. I, I don’t want to bug her. She doesn’t need this.”

“Which just leaves you. To deal with it, alone.”

“You’re here.” Buffy shrugged.

“I am here.” Cordelia said and then realized what Buffy meant, “And no.”

“I’ll do all the fighting. You’re just - backup. I promise.”

“Tasty backup that the vampires will want to eat when they see how beautiful I am.”

“You’re the only one I have right now, as loathed as I am to say it. Please help me.”

If Buffy was begging her Cordelia knew it had to be serious. With Xander in the wind and Willow off doing god knew what, she really was the only one Buffy really had to help her out at the moment. She didn’t want to go, and she really didn’t want to deal with all the mystical crap that Buffy did - but she had come back to Sunnydale. And she was very, terribly bored, “It's a deal.” She stood up and put out her hand for Buffy to shake on it, “Let's put this bitch in the ground!”

Buffy stood up and shook her hand, sealing their little pact, “Thank you Cordelia. I mean it.”

Their hands dropped and Cordelia shrugged, “Well, don’t forget it.”

As they stood there Cordelia wondered what she was getting into. She had planned to come back here, get her degree - and then get out. Then, if she could - get a high paying job in some big city and never have to come back to Sunnydale or see it again. She should have known that the mumbo jumbo was something she couldn’t escape. Not with the people she knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love the dialogue in this chapter. It's also really fun to go back to see how Cordelia got roped into everything.


	43. All the Way/Until the End (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy comes to a realization about her relationship with Spike, and then decides to do something about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter name change for this one.

**Time Stamp:** Start of the Episode

Buffy almost stumbled as Cordelia waltzed by her holding what looked like a caldron full of clear crystal balls. It was Halloween and The Magic Box was full of customers to the delight of both Cordelia and Giles. Of course this made it harder for everyone else, but that didn’t seem to matter as long as money was being made. The box in her hands slipped forward a bit but she was able to rescue it from total floor disaster and grunted in frustration. She loved her friends, she really did but ever since her return from Heaven sometimes it was too much. The only one who allowed her any sort of peace was Spike. Who, Buffy had to remind herself - her friends still didn’t know about.

Realizing that she had almost knocked Buffy over Cordelia turned to look at her, “We’re running low on mandrake root. Can you go to the basement and grab some for me? Please?”

“Sure. But if everything repeats over and over again, you have to come and rescue me.”

“It’s a deal.” Cordelia said and then turned back to the rest of the group.

Buffy had no idea how Cordelia did it. The woman’s belly was full almost to bulging and she still found energy to make money and help run a shop. It was almost inhuman. Turning she struggled to open the door to the basement and then descended down the stairs. Once she was at the bottom she placed the box she was holding among a stack of many other boxes and upon turning let out a little yelp, “Oh.” She sighed, realizing who it was, “Spike. You really know how to creep up on a girl.”

He shrugged, “Sorry luv. Was missing you is all.”

Sometimes Spike was very adorable and Buffy wondered if he knew that he did it. Something about how he almost tucked into himself when he shrugged, it was very cute in a boyish way, “Well I’m right here. If you want me.” She told him.

“Oh I want.” He said stalking towards her.

A moment later his hands were around waist and she felt her body bump up against the shelf behind her. Then they were kissing. It wasn’t the first time they had kissed since her return but something about it, making out with him down here in the dark surrounded by items for spells and dust - felt wrong. She liked the thrill of it, but knew instinctively that it wasn’t right. As she moaned into his mouth she wondered was it was, “Buffy have you found the mandrake root?” Cordelia’s voice called down to her.

Pushing herself away from Spike’s mouth for just a moment Buffy managed to call up the stairs, “No still looking!” Before Spike refixed himself.

“Well come back upstairs when you find it. The party is dull without you.”

Buffy pushed Spike away again, and breathlessly answered Cordelia, “Yep!” And hoped that Cordelia wouldn’t be able to hear exactly what she had been doing in her voice.

Spike leaned down to continue to kiss her, “Tell her you're occupied tonight.”

Which was what prompted her revelation about why kissing Spike like this felt wrong. Not counting her death they had been together for more than a few months. And her friends still didn’t know. She was terrified to tell them of course, but it was becoming clearer and clearer to her that something had to give. She disengaged her lips long enough to tell him, “I want to tell my friends.”

That made Spike step back and essentially ended their make out session. Buffy could read the shocked look on his face, “Now?” He asked.

“Well not right this second. But soon. I’m tired of all this sneaking around. Of making out in darkened corners like I’m some sort of cheap ho.”

“You’re not a cheap ho.” Spike tried to assuage her feelings.

This is why she wanted to tell her friends, they deserved to know that Spike was good to her. They deserved to know the Spike that she knew. And if she didn’t tell them she knew that what she and Spike had would eventually spiral into something ugly. It would become almost unavoidable. Telling them would be the only want to avoid that. She didn’t want the one good thing in her life right now to disappear, she deserved that, “Thanks.” She looked around, “Do you know where the mandrake root is?”

He turned and rummaged around on one the shelves for a moment, “Here.” He handed her a jar, “Only three to a jar. Tend to go a bit wonky if you cram them too close.”

She held the jar and looked at him in the eyes, “Patrol with me tonight? We can talk about how to tell my friends about, this. Us.”

“It would be my pleasure slayer.” He told her and then pulled her close for one last kiss, “Ta. Up to your friends you go.” He gave her a teasing shove up the steps.

Departing from them Buffy stepped back into the light and wondered just what she had agreed to. The second she was upstairs Cordelia descended upon her and plucked the jar from her hands, “You’re the best!”

Unsure of what to do Buffy wandered over to Giles where he was ringing people up by the cash register. She glanced around the room and spotted her sister who had taken to wearing a crossbow on her back, “Someone is going to have to take that from her eventually.”

Giles looked up at her, “Hm?” He followed her eyesight, “Oh yes. Of course, the crossbow. I think it’s fine for now. She hasn’t pointed it at any customers. If it gets too out of hand I’ll ask Riley to take it from her.”

“Thanks.” Buffy said.

Buffy picked up something on the counter and begun to play with it. Next to her Giles rung up the customer in front of him as she looked on at her friends. Riley, dressed in full camo gear was hovering around Cordelia as she worked and Buffy could see that while Cordelia found his concern sweet she was also slowly getting annoyed by her overprotective boyfriend. Meanwhile, Dawn seemed to have taken to picking up knives and staring at them. She was dressed - Buffy thought, as a vampire slayer. It was sort of flattering in a weird way. As she stared on Giles’ plucked the item she was holding out of her hands, “We've got a ton of bagging to do here.”

“Actually I was thinking about patrolling. With Spike. Tonight.” She said testing the waters to see how he would react.

He didn’t, which made Buffy wonder if she patrolled with Spike too much for his name to actually phase her Ex-Watcher, “Buffy, you've been patrolling every night this week.” He rang up the person in front of him, “Besides, it's Halloween, it's the one time of the year that supernatural threats give it a well-deserved rest. As should you.”

Giles was making this harder than she had expected, “Yeah, but what about costumes that take over your personality? Or, wee little Irish fear-demon-y thingies?”

Next to her she could see Giles getting exasperated, “Yes, well, if anything calamitous should happen, history suggests it'll happen to one of us.”

“Right, exactly, so I should patrol to avoid any of that -” Giles placed something in her hands, rather forcefully, “and I'm bagging.”

Spike would have to wait it seemed. She hoped he was up for some very late night shenanigans and that he wouldn’t be too pissed at her for how late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't say this enough but thank you to everyone who is reading this fic.


	44. All the Way/Until the End (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It takes a moment for their lives to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've added another tag to this story :)

**Time Stamp:** End of Episode

The phone rang in the background as Giles walked over to talk to Dawn. To tell her something - anything about how reckless she had been that night. Buffy refused to deal with it. The world was awful - a grand old mess, and every time her mind wandered in that direction it froze up. Buffy knows she can't allow herself that luxury. Expectations about who she should be and how she should act kept climbing and climbing, and she had to meet them. No matter how much of a daily struggle it was. The only person she currently felt comfortable around was Spike, and she was glad she had him as a shoulder to lean on. Glad for a love that was the only thing that felt right at the moment, that felt like it wasn’t going to crush her to death. 

She picked up the phone, “Hello?”

“Buffy.”

Xander’s voice came through on the other end and Buffy found herself surprised. Xander didn’t call her that often. Instead, Buffy often went to L.A. to visit him in person. Her last trip had been a scant few weeks ago, as sort of a “hello I’m alive!” - but she had expected that to be the end of it. For him to call her so soon afterwards, set off an alarm in her head, “What’s wrong?” She asked.

“Oh, you know the usual. The end of the world.” He tried to joke with her.

“You wouldn’t be calling if it was just normal end of the world stuff.” She told him.

He paused - and Buffy could tell that whatever it was he was going to say, he didn’t want to utter it aloud. To give voice to the words in his head. But Xander pressed on, “Right that little thing. So you know how you came back from the dead?”

Of course she knew, no one would let her forget it, “Of course I do.” She answered instead.

“Well, it looks like something might have hitched a ride back early. We did a little research, and it seems like it was supposed to happen a few years down the line. But something about how you were resurrected gave it a clear path to freedom.”

Buffy’s heart almost stopped beating. It didn’t - but part of her dared to wish it so. A second creature her mind provided, a second demon had found a way back to this world thanks to her messy resurrection. The consequences for this event seemed never ending, “And it’s coming?”

“It’s already here.” Xander said seriously, “We don’t know where it is, but we know it’s already here. It might be too late to stop it from manifesting. The best thing you can do is stock up.” There was an unusual steel to his tone that chilled Buffy’s bones.

“What is it?” She asked.

“Do you know what The Powers that Be are?”

As Xander pestered her for an answer there was a scream from upstairs and the house was engulfed in a glowing white light. Buffy recognized the agonized sound as Cordelia’s voice instantly, “Sorry I have to go.” She told him.

She slammed the phone down on the hook, and didn’t have time to hear the rest of what Xander was saying, “Buffy? Buffy be careful. Buffy? Buffy!”

But it was too late. Buffy’s feet sprinted up the stairs, Riley already ahead of her. At the top of the landing they turned into the room where Cordelia had gone to rest. In the room Cordelia lay crumpled on the floor, a woman with dark skin and long brown curled hair standing above her. In that moment Buffy’s whole world was reshaped. In that moment Buffy forgot the nature of her purpose, and joy almost like touching Heaven filled her heart. It spread through her and for the first time in a long time she felt at peace. The woman turned, and her brown eyes stared into Riley’s, “Hello father.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter marks the start of what I consider this story's bridge and halfway point. The next set of chapters will all be in chronological order in order to not confuse the reader, since the episodes they are based on are not from the Buffy TV series. After that we may return to out of order or we may not (I haven't actually decided).


	45. Shiny Happy People (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riley finds nirvana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very short chapter.

**Time Stamp:** Start of the Episode

Riley stopped in the doorway to the bedroom and looked down at Cordelia on the floor. He had a moment to be panicked. A moment to think - what the goddamn hell. And then his eyes slipped up to the woman in front of him, his daughter - and he was caught. Peace unlike he had ever experienced rolled over him in waves and god it was good. Next to him Buffy smiled and stepped over Cordelia’s body, toward the naked woman who could only be described as their savior and he worried for a brief moment that Buffy intended to kill the harbinger of all their joy. The one he loved most all.

But she didn’t.

And so life was good. For life would always be good.

As long as his daughter was around, nothing bad would happen ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short. 
> 
> (thank you for reading)


	46. Shiny Happy People (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A name is chosen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters in order. I still can't believe it.

**Time Stamp:** Mid episode

Dawn’s hair was so long. So long and beautiful and it suited her perfectly. Tara ran her hands through it and sighed in contentment. Everything was just so beautiful, everything was so perfect. Her fight with Willow over magic and decorating for Cordelia’s baby shower just seemed so far away. So, unimportant. Of course she was still worried but for now she was willing to leave things up to the Goddess. To float on the cloud of happiness that was life under the mystery woman that Cordelia had birthed, “What about Demeter?” Tara said causing Dawn look up at her.

“Demeter?” Dawn seemed confused, “For what?”

Tara begun to braid Dawn’s hair, “For her name.”

“The goddess of the harvest and plenty. I could see it.” Dawn said.

That made Tara even happier, which seemed almost impossible since she was so happy already. How could joy this intense even exist within her own heart? “You’ve read up on your greek goddesses.” She praised Dawn, “That’s wonderful.”

“It’s no big.” Dawn shrugged, “What about Elizabeth?”

“That name seems a little plain don’t you think?” Buffy said from where she had been standing for the bulk of the conversation.

“I think Elizabeth is beautiful name.” Tara said standing up for Dawn.

Tara could feel Dawn straighten a little bit in pride,“It is a good name.” Buffy quickly backtracked as so not to seem ungracious.

“How about Anne?” Spike said appearing from seemingly nowhere in the entryway of the living room, “It’s a good strong name. Name of my mom.” He paused, “What are we talking about?”

Tara watched as Buffy perked up excitedly at Spike’s appearance and just what was that about? “Spike! Spike you have to come see something.”

Buffy walked over to him and grabbed his arm with little hesitance. Firm grip in place she dragged him across the room as everyone watched on unsure of what was going on, “Alright. No need to get grabby!” He told her but didn’t pull away.

But Buffy didn’t listen and walked him upstairs as everyone watched on trying to puzzle together Buffy’s actions. A moment later they were gone, “That was… something.” Dawn said.

“Something indeed.” Willow agreed coming in from the dining room holding glass of water, “What about Rose? Easily one of the top ten flowers.”

“Yes because I want my name to be one of the top ten flowers.” Giles's sarcastic comment took them off guard.

He had been mostly quiet the whole conversation so his quip caused Dawn to giggle. As she laughed there was a crash and then sounds from upstairs. Tara looked towards the stairs that lead to the second floor and a moment later Riley’s daughter came down the stairs in a ripped shirt stained with a small fleck of blood. Buffy followed with Spike in tow, “He didn’t mean to attack you. I don’t know what got into him.” Buffy said.

“It’s okay. It’s just a scratch, just a little bit of blood.” The woman said, “I will be fine.”

Underneath her fingers Dawn stood up undoing all the work that Tara had done braiding her hair, “I’ll take care of it.”

“You don’t have too. You are not my servants.” She replied.

Dawn shook her head, “No! I want to. So I can be useful.”

“Then come with me.” The woman held out her hand and she and Dawn went back upstairs.

“So - names right? That’s what we were talking about? For the lovely lady?” Spike interjected.

“Yes.” Tara said, “But we seem a bit stuck.”

“Jasmine.” Riley’s voice rang true as he too joined their conversation, “It’s what Cordelia would have wanted.”

It was a pretty name Tara had to agree and everyone nodded, “It is a flower though, are you going to be okay with that Giles?” Willow ribbed the older watcher.

“It’s not my decision is it?” He shot back.

“She’s my daughter.” Riley said, “And I’m naming her Jasmine.”

“Jasmine it is then.” The woman spoke having come back from changing shirts, she looked at Riley, “Come father. Walk with me while the sun is still high.”

Riley nodded and the two of them departed outside. As they left Dawn brought her hands up to her chest, bloody t-shirt gripped tightly in her fists, “It hurts doesn’t it?”

“What hurts Dawnie?” Buffy asked.

“When she leaves?”

And indeed it did Tara thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)


	47. Shiny Happy People (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dawn sees behind the veil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I took a short break while I tried to figure out how I wanted to tackle the back half of this fic. When I started writing I wanted to tell the story out of order but I don't think that's possible anymore w/o everything being too complicated. So starting from today I'm going to be telling the whole story chronologically, and we will see how that goes :)_

**Time Stamp:** End of the Episode

Steam misted into Dawn’s face causing her hair to grow damp and sweat to bead on her brow. It was such a small price to pay though. She wanted the dinner to be perfect for Riley’s daughter, for the woman who had brought so much light into their lives. She walked away from the pot and back over to the counter where the half chopped tomato lay, “Do you think she’ll like it?” She asked Buffy who was sitting at the counter watching her.

“It’s mom’s old recipe right?” Buffy asked.

It was. Dawn wasn’t as good at cooking as their mother had been but she remembered how much people enjoyed the meal when her mother made it. One of her mother’s best friends had once declared it the best thing she had ever eaten. So here Dawn was attempting to re-make it to the best of her abilities. Maybe if she never got good at fighting there would be a future for her in cooking. It was a small hope but a hope all the same, “It is. I really hope Jasmine likes it. If she doesn’t though it’s okay.”

As they spoke laughter as light as the sun greeted them and Jasmine walked in the room. For a moment Dawn forgot how to breath, Jasmine’s radiance was that overpowering. It almost sucked the life out of her, “The room you have prepared for me is lovely. The magic that witch works is pure art. When she did the spell though it seemed to bother the one she loved most and they started arguing.” Jasmine’s voice was deeply hurt and Dawn ached for her.

“You stopped them from fighting right?” Buffy asked her brow creasing in worry.

“Of course. There will be no fighting in this world. Only peace, and love. They shall never fight about magic again.”

That seemed to relax her sister and Dawn felt relaxed with her, “Oh!” Dawn said, “I uh, I’m cooking you dinner. I know you didn’t ask for it but I can’t slay vampires like my sister so I figured that I needed to find some way to be of use to you.”

The smile that Jasmine gave her pierced Dawn’s heart and caused it to flutter. She wondered if this was what true love was like. If this was what Buffy had felt for Angel. Of course her own love was a child’s love, not romantic at all - but it was as close to the emotion as she supposed she would ever get, “I am more than excited to try your dinner Dawn.” Jasmine said.

“Well, good. Because it might be terrible.” She laughed but her laughter felt flat compared to the the smile that Jasmine had given her only moments ago.

Sitting down at the table Jasmine turned to look at Buffy, “You are going slaying tonight? That’s what my father called it?”

“Yes.” Buffy nodded, “I slay the vampires that haunt the graveyards to keep the town evil-dead free.”

“How beautiful.” Jasmine commented, “I’m sure you’ve done a commendable job.”

At that Buffy laughed, and it warmed Dawn’s heart to hear her sister laugh. It had been such a rare sound since she had come back from the grave. But now, around Jasmine Buffy laughed freely and with so much happiness. Dawn wished Jasmine could be around forever to make her sister happy, “I do my best with what I've got. This town needs a little protecting.”

“Is this town dangerous?” Jasmine asked.

“Oh.” That question made Buffy paused and Dawn watched her sister as she answered, “Yes. I guess it is pretty dangerous.”

A sharp pain brought Dawn’s attention down to her thumb and she looked down to see blood trickling from its tip. She had been so enraptured by the conversation Buffy and Jasmine had been having that she had hardly noticed her own knife cuts. How clumsy she was. It was a small cut though, and nothing to really write home about. She stuck her thumb in her mouth and sucked the blood away, wincing at the sting. Glancing down she saw the small stream of blood had already been steamed for the most part and tucked her thumb into her fist. The pressure made the sting hurt less. When Dawn looked up from the thumb pain, it felt like the air had been sucked out of the room - a spell broken.

There had been peace and joy in her life a moment ago but all of that was gone. It was as if she had been pulled from heaven into a dark depressive world that she didn’t want to be in. A tear slipped down her cheek and she grabbed an onion and started to chop it, trying not to look at Jasmine. At the woman who in an instant - had transformed before her eyes. A maggot crawled out of one of the two empty eye sockets where Jasmine’s eyes had been and smacked itself down on the cutting board, “Are you okay?” Jasmine asked her.

“I just, I just cut my finger. Clumsy me.” She held up her thumb trying to hold back tears, “And now the onion. It’s nothing really, I’m fine. I’m sorry.”

“Are you sure?” Buffy stood up and started to rummage through the cupboards, “Let me get you a band-aid.”

Buffy grabbed a box of band-aids that Dawn had seen her sister use many times after she finished slaying, “It’s just a small cut really.”

Standing here with her sister and the monster that was Jasmine made Dawn want to flee the room. She didn’t understand how Buffy couldn’t see what she was seeing, didn’t understand why her sister wasn’t slaying the woman next to her. Nothing about this bizarro world that Dawn had just walked into made any sense, “Dawn, you’re my sister. It’s my job to take care of you.”

“It’s our job to take care of you.” Jasmine said, mouth forming words around the rot and filth of her lips.

“Yes. Jasmine is right let us take care of you.” Buffy implored.

But the person in front of her didn’t feel like Buffy - didn’t act like the Buffy she knew. As Buffy attempted to hold her hand Riley walked in surveying the scene in front of him, “What happened?” He asked.

“Dawn cut her finger and then touched an onion. We’re trying to fix it and she’s being very hard to fix.” Buffy said.

When Buffy said that Dawn pulled her hand away and wiped away the last of her tears, “I just need, I just need a few minutes in my room. Your shirt is still a little bloody. Then I’ll be back to finish this dinner. Ok?”

As she stood there alone - Dawn knew that she would have to be strong. No one would come to rescue her. This wasn’t like with Glory where she knew her sister would come running in to save the day. There was a hole in her heart, at being torn from Jasmine - from what she had thought was paradise. But she would have to be strong about that too. She didn’t want to save the day, but she was the only one who could now. She had grown up with monsters her whole life, it was time she proved that meant something. Buffy’s statement to her before she had leapt to her death rang in Dawn’s ears - be strong. So that’s what Dawn would do. She could find time to cry later, even though everything in her screamed to cry now, “Okay.” Jasmine said, tilting her head and Dawn knew then that she suspected something, “I can’t wait to taste what you’ve made for us.”

Dawn nodded and then slowly, backed out of the room - fleeing for her bedroom and the safety she knew it didn’t offer. In her room she remembered the man who had attacked Jasmine at the park today and wondered just what terrors he had seen in Jasmine’s eyes. Wondered, and then begun to plan. When she had the time to slip away safely she would find out just what was going on. If she didn’t, her life was forfeit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is reading :) I don't say that enough but I mean it deeply.


	48. The Magic Bullet/The Key (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dawn struggles for survival in Jasmine's Sunnydale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter this week. Also a title change from the original title in Angel. It's a pretty significant change but a necessary one. No magic bullets here.

**Time Stamp:** Start of the Episode

Dawn’s breath came sharply. Her whole body was aflame, muscles in pain from running so long. Was this what her sister always felt like when she was being chased by a vampire? Was this… no. Dawn knew the lie in that. Buffy did not run, she did not cower. Her sister would have found an answer to this, and if not Buffy - her friends. Cordelia would have hit the books, Willow would have cast a spell, and Riley would have told a joke. That was what would have happened. But none of that could happen. Cordelia was - Dawn didn’t want to think about what Cordelia was. Her almost lifeless body lying in the basement of Buffy’s house. And Willow, and Buffy, and Riley they were all gone too. Lost somewhere under a spell that Dawn didn’t understand. To a woman who Dawn had thought looked like a goddess. A woman who had beautiful dark brown skin and long hair in ringlets just so. Who had actually been an illusion - maggots eating at her face.

Behind her Dawn could hear them calling her name, could hear the soft lit of Willow’s voice. She wanted to turn around, she really did. It would be so much easier to give in, so much easier to just be taken back and fall under the spell that said that everything was good, and happy, and okay. That the world was harmonious and pure. But then Dawn remembered what her sister had told her so many months ago, as the open portal swirled below them - and Dawn, Dawn was determined to make her sister proud. Even if Buffy wasn’t there.

She ducked around a corner and climbed over a fence. Beyond, beyond there was a door and down the door ladder. She would make for that, and for the safety that the sewers offered. She would find an answer then. She had too.

She’s was the only one left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Dawn so much honestly.


	49. The Magic Bullet/The Key (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dawn continues to struggle alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't usually like to do double POV chapters like this but I felt like this chapter was necessary for later stories.

**Time Stamp:** Mid Episode

It had only been a few days since she had run away from home - away from everyone, and somehow it still felt like a lifetime. Dawn’s fingers touched the handle of the knife she had been given at the bookshop, and she wondered if everyone in this town had gone mad. Dawn had come for a book on hypnotism and walked out with a knife, a yo-yo, and some angry rant about how she would never find the answer no matter how much she looked inside herself. She pulled her hands out her pockets. 

In front of her a demon started blinking at her. He was a small thing - no bigger than four feet, kind of humanoid and fleshy. She hadn’t been looking where she had been going in the sewers and they had literally bumped into each other. Dawn didn’t trust the demon as far as she could throw him - which wasn’t far, but he wasn’t under Jasmine’s control and that was enough to make her want to stick around to see what would happen. Two people were better than one when it came to an attack. The demon cocked its head at her, “Getting kind of cold in here. Could go for a fire, so we can warm food up you know. Been awhile since I’ve had something fresh to eat.”

Dawn squinted at him. He had said he didn’t eat humans but honestly she didn’t believe him. Dawn’s stomach growled, it seemed like she was hungry too, “You don’t live in the sewers?”

“Who would want to live in the sewers little girl?”

She shrugged, “Plenty of demons live in the sewers.”

“You seem to know a lot about demons.”

He flashed his teeth after he spoke and Dawn swallowed. It wouldn’t do for him to find out who her sister was, “No! Nothing. I know nothing about demons.”

The way he cocked his head at her said that he didn’t believe her and he took a step closer, “You sure about that?”

She stepped backwards and instantly regretted it. It showed weakness, but most of all it showed fear. And fear showed off her guilt for the demon’s prying eyes. If she had stood strong and unafraid - he wouldn’t have cause to doubt her words, “I’m sure.”

He sucked his teeth, showing off his rows upon rows of sharp white flesh rippers again. Dawn’s hand returned to her pocket where she found comfort in the hilt of her knife as the demon continued to stalk her - pushing her further backwards, “You know, I had a mate - a demon named Jim and he told me about this girl. This sister of the Slayer. He saw her once while running for his life. You look a lot like the girl he described.”

“I’m sure it’s some other girl you’re looking for.”

A growl came from the demon’s throat, “No I think it’s you. You’ve got that stink about you. The smell of a lie. The smell of fear.” He licked his lips, “And I am oh so hungry you know? It’s been too long since I’ve had a decent meal.”

Dawn’s hold of the knife became tighter as her resolve to see this through grew, “We can talk about this?” She queried but knew it was futile. 

“I’m done debating this with you.” He leapt and Dawn drew the knife from out of her pocket. As she did so she struck out with it clipping the demon in the stomach and he howled, “I knew you couldn’t be trusted little girl. All alone here with a knife, ready to pounce and kill a poor starving demon trying to get his bite.” Dawn didn’t really want to argue with him, instead she let out a bit of a yelp when one of his claws connected with her shoulder and created a raised welt. Gripping the knife harder she lunged at him and the two of them went crashing to the floor, “You killed Jim but you won’t get me! I’m gonna eat you all up and your sister will cry over your bones. Poor little dead slayer sister.”

He attempted to roll them over but pure adrenaline was filling Dawn up, and making her stronger by the second. She brought the knife down through the arm that the demon had attempted to turn them over with and the demon hollered, its arm now flopping uselessly by its side. She pulled it out and then screamed as she stabbed him in the chest again, and again, and again, “Shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up!” She kept stabbing until she was sure he was dead and then rolled off him into a seated position, pulling her knees to her chest.

Dawn stared down to look at what she had done. And a tear slipped out of her eye before she could stifle it. If this had been any other time, in any other circumstance - Dawn knew she would have felt proud of herself. She had just killed a demon without any help after all. Instead, all Dawn felt was lonely. She just wanted her sister back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are not getting easier for Dawn.


	50. The Magic Bullet/The Key (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They find Dawn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spike POV! We haven't had that in awhile.

**Time Stamp:** Mid Episode, post last chapter

They had found Dawn. The Little Bit was slippery Spike had to give her that, but she hadn’t been able to outrun them forever. For her to do so for a little over a week, was impressive enough as it was. But now it was time to put the girl down. Spike watched impassionately as Buffy lunged at her sister and wrapped her hands around her throat. The way his beloved looked stirred something in him. God she was beautiful when she worked. Dawn grunted and kicked out, trying to escape, “Let me go!” She said, but the words were breathy and strained.

A second kick caught the edge of the display case Buffy had her pinned on, and the offending item tipped backwards crashing to the floor - sending glass everywhere. He heard Buffy grunt and Spike stepped forward to help her but Jasmine’s hand stopped him. She was right of course, while he could help Buffy up there was little else he could do. It burned in his gut how helpless he was. Like a newborn kitten he was. Spike watched as Buffy pulled a jagged piece of glass out of her palm and reached out to pull at Dawn’s equally bloody and scratched up leg as her sister attempted to flee. The sight of all the blood made him hungry, “I’m so sorry I have to do this Dawnie.” Buffy told her sister.

“I forgive you.” Jasmine said, even though she didn’t need to.

Everyone knew Jasmine was all forgiving.

Dawn continued to struggle, and kicked out at Buffy’s wrist forcing her sister to let her go, “That was dumb.” Buffy told her, “You know I’m stronger than you. Slayer strength and all that.” She stood and advanced on her sister.

“Buffy please!” Dawn begged as she scampered backwards, only to come up against the rear exit of the shop.

“It’s okay Buffy.” Jasmine’s voice floated over them like a soothing balm, “Everything will be okay.”

Buffy turned back to look at Jasmine with a bright smile on her face, but the smile seemed to freeze in place and then transformed into a look of horror, “No.” She whispered.

Spike squinted and looked at Jasmine as well. He wondered just what Buffy was seeing but couldn’t parse it. Dawn used Buffy’s moment of hesitation to stand up and wrap a bloody hand around the door handle. Spike noticed Dawn getting ready to flee but found himself helpless to do anything about it once more. His head still hurt like a bitch too. No thanks to the chip’s earlier attempt at shocking him when he had been the first person to attack Dawn. It hadn’t worked of course, “Buffy?” Dawn said hesitantly, but ready to escape at any moment, “Buffy what do you see?”

“A monster.” Buffy whispered softly.

There was relief on Dawn’s face and once again Spike couldn’t fathom why. Jasmine wasn’t a monster, she was the most effulgent women he had ever seen. Even more beautiful than Buffy he sometimes thought - and Buffy was the light of his undead life, “Buffy we have to get out of here.” Dawn told her sister, pulling her closer to the door - hands still sticky with blood.

To his dismay Buffy let herself be pulled away from him as Dawn finally fumbled the door open and the two girls slipped through. When they were gone Spike stepped forward, his boots crunching the glass on the floor in front of them, “Care to tell a bloke what’s going on?” He asked Jasmine.

“She's been infected. I'm sorry, William. She's as dead to us as Dawn.”

The idea of no longer being able to be around Buffy should have cause Spike grief but in that moment all he felt was glad that Jasmine was here. She would fill the hole in his heart that Buffy had left. Sex, lust, and love - all those things were so human and so unnecessary. He was a vampire, and he could rise above such things if he wanted to. Or find them in other places, his mind provided. He turned to Jasmine, “I loved her so much.” He walked back over to her, “We need to get you out of here.” He held out his arm for her to take, all the better to be gentlemanly about it.

A slayer down, he lead her outside where they found Riley waiting for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few of Spike's darker shades are shown at the end of this chapter, but I figure it was unavoidable what with the mind control. 
> 
> Thank you to those who are reading.


	51. The Magic Bullet/The Key (4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy tells Dawn the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buffy POV!
> 
> Writing and editing this chapter always makes Hilary Duff’s “Come Clean” play in my head. It’s an old song that maybe shows my age a bit, but it’s the emotion I feel.

**Time Stamp:** Near the End of the Episode

Buffy tried her best to muffle her sobs but was finding it hard to do. She wanted to go back, more than anything. Back to that fake paradise that Jasmine had created for them. It had been so very much like Heaven. To be given a taste of that and then to have it taken away again? Buffy didn’t know if she could do this anymore. She didn’t know if she could keep on going in a world where she felt these brief moments of peace, only to have them constantly torn out from under her.

In front of her the door to the room of the house she and her sister were squatting in opened just a crack. Glancing upwards she watched as her sister slipped into the room and spent a moment to just look at her. Buffy tried to wipe the tears from her eyes - it wouldn’t do any good for Dawn to see her like this, but she knew it was too late. A look of resolve passed over Dawn’s features, and Buffy found herself amazed at Dawn’s fortitude, “Are you okay?” Dawn asked.

Of course Buffy wasn’t okay - Dawn must have known this, but her sister was trying to comfort her and Buffy wasn’t in any sort of mood to fight against it. Jasmine’s spell had worn her down, “I’m fine. No lasting battle scars.” She told Dawn.

“That’s not what I meant.” Dawn said.

And yes, Buffy knew that - but she didn’t know what else to say. How could she bridge this horrible topic? She had let Dawn down by not being there to protect her. She had let Sunnydale down by giving into Jasmine so easily. And she was letting her friends down right now by wallowing in her misery; but it was so hard to climb out of that hole. Buffy had tried so hard to find joy in life after Heaven and when she had finally found it, it had been a lie. An illusion crafted by a woman who wanted to tear the world apart. What little healing she had gone through wasted, as she dealt with the same goddamn thing all over again. However her mind nagged at her - she wasn’t alone this time. Dawn had gone through the same thing, her friends too were going through this right along with her. And somehow Dawn had found a way to be strong. Somehow Dawn - like Buffy, had survived, “I know that’s not what you meant. Dawnie I -”

“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.”

Dawn’s complete understanding made the next words so much easier, so much simpler to say, “I was in Heaven.” The words spilled out from her like a damn finally burst.

“We were all in heaven Buffy. The way Jasmine made you feel, it was as if all your troubles faded away.”

Buffy shook her head, that wasn’t what she had meant and she knew somewhere deep down Dawn knew it, “No. I mean before. When I was gone. I was in Heaven. And then I was here. And everything felt like hell.”

Almost instantly Dawn was on the bed, crawling over to wrap her arms around her sister. And God, Buffy hadn’t known she had needed this - had needed this understanding and strength from her sister until it was happening, “Have you told anyone else?” Dawn asked, laying her head on Buffy’s shoulder.

“Spike.” Buffy answered quietly, hating how soft her voice sounded.

“Spike?” Dawn sounded surprised.

“Yeah. It’s complicated. Ask me again another time?”

“Alright, this is a pressure free zone. This Jasmine thing though, we’re going to have to do something eventually.” Dawn said, and then quieter, “I think my blood is what ended the magic. It mingled with yours during the scuffle back in the bookstore.” Dawn paused, “It’s what pulled you out of paradise.”

“This isn’t your fault.” Buffy said.

And it wasn’t. Buffy didn’t know how Dawn could blame herself for this, of all things, “You died because of me.” Dawn said.

Sitting back Buffy jostled Dawn’s head off her shoulder and grasped Dawn firmly but gently by the arms so they could look at each other, “I’m alive because of you. If you hadn’t saved me when I came back - I would have jumped, and that would have been the end of it. A big Buffy pancake. I’m here with you now because of your blood, because of your resolve. And we are going to kick this things ass.”

And now of course Dawn was crying too, “I’m not a hero like you. I was so scared. Sometimes I would fall asleep and think that Jasmine’s minions would get me in the night. That I would die alone.”

Buffy shook her head, “Not with me here. Not today. I’m going to protect you okay? We’re going to get our friends back. I promise.”

Dawn nodded but she couldn’t stop crying so Buffy gathered her into her arms, reversing their positions from before. Having told someone about Heaven, someone who wasn’t just Spike - it felt like a weight had been lifted from her. It didn’t fix everything but god, for the first time in forever it felt like she could breathe again. A spark reignited inside of her that had been long dead, a desire not just to survive but to live. She had almost forgotten what it felt like, “Can we just stay here for a little longer? Just like this?” Dawn asked.

“Yeah.” Buffy told her.

Eventually they would have to move, sooner rather than later - but for now Buffy was comfortable with just holding her sister. Was happy with finding strength where she had not seen it previously. So that when she rose, and she would rise - there would be joy in her heart and courage in her veins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter marks another huge departure from the show. For those who are worried - I haven't gotten rid of Once More With Feeling - it just serves a very different purpose.


	52. Sacrifice (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riley makes a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like we haven't had Riley POV in awhile. I've also gone back and changed the chapter titles for The Key to reflect the original title of the Angel episode as well.

**Time Stamp:** Near the Start of the Episode

Riley hated himself as much as he loved Jasmine. His eyes were clear now that Dawn’s blood had done its job - he could see how much of a monster his daughter was. However his heart would not let her go. She was all he had left of Cordelia, all he had left of the woman he loved. He was pretty sure that she was killing people. Eating their energy in order to strengthen herself and heal the two of them of their wounds. He didn’t have the strength to stop her. He didn’t have the strength to leave her. Not when letting her die would mean letting go of Cordelia. So Riley hated himself, “Yes. Of course. Drop by anytime. And thank you for calling.” Jasmine hung up the phone she was using and turned to look at him a smile on her face.

“The police lost them hours ago.” Riley said referring to Buffy and his friends, “Let me go after them, let me track them down.” He didn’t know why he was saying these things.

His daughter reached out for him and he went, helplessly and willingly into to her arms, “Soon. Soon my doting father. Soon we will go after them and hunt them down.” She lead him to the couch in Buffy’s living room and they sat there together, “That was the Mayor on the phone. He’s granted me a great gift. The whole of Sunnydale. The time of the politician is over.” She laughed happily but it sounded hollow, “Oh! It's happening. Don't you feel it? This world is about to kneel before me and shed all its avarice, all its woe. I will free them from the loneliness, from the empty horror of their lives. Just as I wish to free you.”

“I am free.” He told his daughter but knew it was a lie.

Jasmine’s hands felt like Cordelia’s hands, but Cordelia’s hands were flaccid. Riley could picture Cordelia’s body - still and almost lifeless as it lay downstairs in Buffy’s basement. Unmoving, and unprotected. Jasmine wanted him to cast her aside but how could he? To do so would be to hollow out his heart, “There is conflict in your heart.” She said, “When you are free of conflict then, and only then will we be kings. We will live in a palace of love and harmony. Where there will be no weeping and no sadness. A family forever more. It will be beautiful.”

“Then let me have her.”

If he could get Jasmine to give him Cordelia, nothing else would matter. He would walk through coals and destroy all friendships if it meant that Cordelia was safe. As much as he loved and hated his daughter he knew she would not protect Cordelia, not in the way that he would. She would take Cordelia and use her as a tool to manipulate him further. No - Cordelia had to be protected. He was the only one who could do it, “If I grant you this boon, no more despair.”

“No more.” He promised her and was taken with a strong desire to reach out and hug.

“Then I will surrender her to you. To do whatever you wish.” She stopped to consider something, “With one amendment.”

“Anything. Anything at all.”

“Allow me to choose her guards. Let me station them at the place of your choosing. So that we may both watch over the mother we love so much. The mother who gave everything to us, so that we could have this better world.”

If he were a blind man Riley knew that her words would have tasted beautiful. Instead they tasted of ash. But this was the best deal he was going to get. The only deal he was going to get. He would sell himself off to his daughter and be done with it. Buffy wouldn’t approve. Maybe no one would ever understand - but when your back was against the wall you sometimes had to go with the unsavory option. It was time for him to descend, “I accept your terms daughter. May your love reign.”

At his words a smile stretched over Jasmine’s face that was terrifying in its ferocity. A maggot crawled out of her eye socket and fell onto the couch, “I’m so proud of you today father. When you move Cordelia - put her out of your mind forever. She will be protected and your turmoil will come to its end. I will let you track your friends down. Bring them to me and we will show them a better world. We will let them have the world they deserve.”

Riley wanted to cry for what he was throwing away - but he kept the scream inside. Instead he nodded - a final blood signature, “Okay.”

There was nothing left for him anymore but the abyss. But maybe that was just fine. He wasn’t alone here in the darkness, “Okay.” Jasmine answered back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Riley. I feel for him here. It's kind of weird because I honestly never felt much sympathy for Connor during this story arc, but Riley I feel pity for. Most likely because I'm writing the story :P
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	53. Sacrifice (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willow and Tara's relationship after the magic wears off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are going to get a little bumpy for these two (as per the TV show) just a bit differently here.

**Time Stamp:** Near the Start of the Episode

They were mostly all here which was - good. It was very good. Okay, Riley wasn’t here because - Willow didn’t really know why. They had stuck him with the needle containing Dawn’s blood so he should have been cured. It had only been a little bit but surely it should have been enough? Honestly Willow hated all of this. She hated how powerless she felt standing here in Angel’s old mausoleum, waiting for the world to end because the most beautiful woman Willow had ever laid eyes on wanted to kill them. And that didn’t sound exactly right when she thought it but god, everything had been so peaceful and perfect under Jasmine and why couldn’t they go back to that? Why did her chest hurt so much?

Across the room Dawn played with the knob of an old radio and yelped when it started playing loudly, “And in an impromptu speech today, the mayor - I really love that guy, don't you? - The mayor declared Sunnydale the first "Citadel of Jasmine", a cradle of civilization which will usher in a new age for all of humanity. In related news, the Sunnydale priesthood has stated to the press that it will remove all false idols from its churches, replacing them with images of she who walks among us. Way to go, Catholic Church. Yes, it's a great day to be alive.”

Ashamed Dawn turned the radio off but it was too late. Willow was just too steamed about this whole thing, “Are we the only ones who aren’t under Jasmine’s creepy thrall now? Is it us against the world? I know we’ve dealt with big things before but this is a whole other level. She controls the media? I hate this!”

Buffy looked up at Willow from where she was seated next to her sister, “And you think we don’t?”

There was judgement in Buffy’s eyes and Willow despised it, “That’s not what I said at all. Stop putting words in my mouth.”

“Maybe this isn’t the time for fighting right now.” Giles said - always trying to be the mediator, “Tensions are high and squabbling isn’t going to fix anything.”

“Then what do you suggest we do mate?” Spike asked, “If you haven’t noticed we’re a bit trapped here.”

Willow thought back to the house and the small bag of magic items she had there. She thought about the books too, books that might hold answers and solutions to their current predicament, “I wish I had access to my magic. I would fix this in a jiffy.”

Her words caused Tara to stand up from where she had been sitting, “No. No magic. That’s what got us into this in the first place. Using magic to fix problems.”

Buffy had filled them in during their escape. On what Xander had told her before everything had gone to hell. About how Jasmine had crawled in on the back of the spell that had brought Buffy back to life. How Jasmine had seen the wave of magic and hitched a ride, incubating inside Cordelia until she was full grown and able to free herself. If Cordelia woke up, when her friend woke up - Willow didn’t know how she would deal with it. Cordelia would have to find a way Willow ruminated to herself, because she would save her friend no matter what. The first step however was fixing this town, “I could help people.” She told Tara.

She hated arguing with her girlfriend. Hated how Tara seemed to find fault with everything she did. There was love there but so much anger too. Willow didn’t know how they had gotten here, “Magic isn’t the answer.” Tara stood firm.

“You seemed fine with magic while we were under Jasmine’s spell.”

The moment the words passed her lips Willow knew she had said the wrong thing. Tara’s whole visage became icy. Of course Willow couldn’t take the words back now and she hated herself for it a little bit. Tara was the woman she loved, the woman she wanted to be with forever. Why had Willow just said such terrible things to her? What prompted her to be so terrible? Willow swallowed, they were all under awful pressure right now. She wanted to find Jasmine and break every bone in her body. Buffy squeezed Dawn’s shoulder and then stood up, “Let’s look for weapons okay? We can start there. Then move on to survivors, if there are any.” She gestured to Willow and Tara, “You can come with me. Dawnie - you go with Spike and Giles. Make sure they don’t kill each other too much.”

And that seemed was that. Willow would have to find a way to apologize to Tara. Would have to find someway to fix the damage she had done. She was good at that - fixing things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always feel like I write Tara and Willow so negatively. I can't really do much about that since they are both sort of always angry at each other, and Willow is in a dark place re: magic. Still - feels bad man.
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


	54. Sacrifice (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy debates how to tell her friends about her relationship with Spike while hunting demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more Buffy POV :)

**Time Stamp:** Mid-Episode

They had found a small group of Buffy and Willow’s High School friends. The group had been hiding in the cave system underneath Sunnydale, and now their merry little band was walking through the caves hunting something one of them had claimed killed his friend.

Spike walked directly next to Buffy, letting their bodies drift as close as they dared. She had recently said that she was ready to tell her friends but she didn’t really know to to breach the subject. It wasn’t like she could just say “Hey remember that vampire who tried to kill us a lot back in the day? I’m dating him and it’s serious!” Although she could picture the look on Giles’s face if she said those exact words, his eyes stuck somewhere between shock and judgement. He wouldn’t be happy about it. Overall Buffy thought Willow and Tara would be fine with it, Dawn would be ecstatic. As for Riley - well, Buffy didn’t want to think about Riley right now.

Despite her uncertainty on how to approach the subject, Buffy’s body still itched to come clean. Each time she and Spike brushed up against each other - not an accident she knew, a spark of something shot through her body. It was a weird combination of warm fuzzies and lust. And Buffy was tired of hiding it. Tired of of acting like what was between them was some sort of dirty secret. Because it wasn’t. It was one of the few things that actually made her happy. And Buffy wanted to be happy. She wasn’t there yet - the knowledge of what she had lost in Heaven and the knowledge of what she had lost when Jasmine’s pull had faded - still lingered. Yet Buffy knew that bellow all that bad, there was a spark. A spark that was ready to make flames again, “Why are we taking these snackables with us on this grand adventure again?” Spike asked.

“Strength in numbers.” Willow reminded him.

Spike glanced down at Buffy and the two of them exchanged a look. His eyes seemed to judge the hell out of Willow’s answer as if to say - I’m a vampire, and Buffy’s the Slayer and how dare you assume we are not strong enough. Buffy snorted and almost gave his arm a pat, but refrained from doing so, “Bloody breakable numbers if you ask me.”

“They just want to fight back.” Dawn shrugged, “I know how they feel.”

Her words unlike Willow’s seemed to reign in his snappier comments. Buffy knew that Spike could never talk back to Dawn when her sister was being reasonable or somewhat understandable. It was another reason why Buffy knew that telling was the right thing to do. Spike was good to Dawn, “Sorry Nibblet.”

It was hard for Buffy to believe the girl in front of her was her sister. She seemed so changed from the girl she had been almost less than a week before, pinned down and almost sucked dry by vampires. It made Buffy want to do everything in her power to make sure that Dawn would be protected and able to grow. They rounded a tall group of rocks and stepped into a small shadowy outcropping. One of the people with them - Matthew came to a stop, “This is where Tommy got taken.”

As they stood Spike sniffed a few times, “Does anyone smell ammonia?” He asked.

“Is that what that is?” Tara followed his question with one of her own.

Before she could answer however there was a scream as another one of their party members was snatched away into a dark corner beside them, “Golden!” The woman with them yelled after her friend as his scream continued down into the shadows.

Undaunted Buffy leapt into the darkness, sword she had gotten from Angel’s mansion out and and already on the downstroke. She and the monster who had taken Golden scruffled for a bit before the two of them returned from where they had come no worse for wear, “Not too shabby if I do say so myself” She told Dawn.

“I just hope there are not any more of those beasties.” Spike agreed.

“Very much so.” Giles agreed.

Buffy took a small breath which was interrupted when Dawn yelled, “Buffy behind you!”

Another creature that looked like the one Buffy had fought before in the shadows, leapt out at her. Its hand wrapped around her arm and the sword that she was holding went flying off somewhere into the cave in front of them. Spike now in game face leapt at the monster and pulled him off Buffy. Together - vampire and demon, went tumbling backwards around the corner they had come and then a little further off. Seeing Spike’s game face Matthew screamed and fled down the cave and out of sight, “Matthew!” Willow called after the fleeing body.

But Buffy didn’t have time to deal with Matthew’s escape. Her eyes followed the path the demon had taken when the monster had dragged her boyfriend away from them, “Dawn did you see where my sword flew off to?” She asked as the sound of fighting grew louder just out of earshot.

“I can’t see it.”

There was the sound of a punch and then a body hitting the floor, and finally silence. A beat passed and Spike didn’t come around the corner. The first thing Buffy felt was fear. But logically she knew there was no way a demon that looked the way these demons did, had any way to kill a vampire. So the next emotion that followed was anger - because clearly whatever it was had dragged Spike away, “We have to go save Matthew.” Tara said.

“You have to go save Matthew. I’m going to track this demon down and kill him.”

“If Matthew reaches the surface -” Giles warned.

“I know.” Buffy said, and boy did she ever - but Spike was important to her and she wasn’t going to just leave him to get taken to god knew where, “But I won’t leave Spike behind. You, Tara, and Willow can handle this.”

A few emotions passed over Giles’s face but eventually her watcher nodded, and Willow smiled “We can.” Willow promised.

“Good. Because these demons are pissing me off, and I’m done being nice Buffy.”

She’d have to find some other way to kill the demon, even if she had to beat it bloody with its own limb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always enjoy writing Buffy's thoughts on Spike just because they vary so heavily from the actual show. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	55. Sacrifice (4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara and Willow's relationship woes continue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First we got Willow POV, and now Tara POV.

**Time Stamp:** Mid Episode

Tara had always wanted to believe the very best in people. But life had taught her that this wasn’t always the case. Looking over at Willow - Tara felt her heart wanting to splinter under her chest. Willow had been good to her. Willow was still good to her. Willow loved her and would do anything for her. But Willow was going down a path Tara wasn’t sure she could follow. Maybe Willow couldn’t feel it but each time Willow cast a spell the magical aura around her became tainted. An underlying magical ooze that leaked everywhere. It terrified Tara because the longer she remained around Willow the more she feared that it would seep into her, making what her parents had told her so long ago a reality. Magic had saved her. But magic was a temperamental mistress.

Both she and Willow came to a stop in the middle of the tunnel that they were in and looked both ways trying to figure out where the person they were chasing had gotten off to. When they had found a group of Willow and Buffy’s old classmates in the tunnels below the town they had originally be ecstatic, but now - now it was turning out to be more of a problem then it was potentially worth, “Matthew? Matthew!” Willow called out but got no answer in return.

Tara looked up at her girlfriend, “Are you sure he went this way Wills? Maybe Giles had the right idea when he went back to check up on your other classmates.”

In front of her Willow nodded, “I swore I heard some splashing.”

“Could have been - ” Tara took a moment to breath, “Could have been one of those creatures that took Spike.”

“I hope not. I don’t really want to deal with any creepy crawlies.”

Honestly Tara agreed. Whatever it had been that had grabbed Spike - it had been big and a little terrifying and honestly not something she wanted to go up against without Buffy’s help, “It could be rats. Although that’s not any better.”

Willow turned to look at her, “Where did this fear of rats suddenly come from?”

“Rat Amy.” Tara told her, “She’s started to look at me all funny. I think she hates me.”

At that Willow smiled softly at her and it made her almost forget what Willow had said to her earlier that day. Or that Tara was still kind of upset with her, “I don’t think Amy is trying to kill you baby. She’s a rat, not some horrible monster.”

Tara knew this of course but it still didn’t make it any easier, “She still gives me major wiggins. I mean, changing yourself into a rat - has to do something to you mentally.” Tara paused and then said, “Are we going to talk about the fight we had?”

Willow shrugged and that stung. After their fight before - Willow had seemed to regret what she had said. But now it seemed that she was over it, “This is taking too long.” Willow said - ignoring the last of what Tara had said.

“What?” Tara asked.

“Finding this kid is taking too long. I just want to get this over with so we can go back to pretending that everything wasn’t better when we were under Jasmine’s control.” Apparently Willow had heard what she had said - and lashed out accordingly.

“You don’t mean that.” Tara told her firmly, although Tara wasn’t sure she didn’t believe it herself.

She and Willow had been happy with each other under Jasmine’s control. It had been a lie but it had felt good to live under that lie. Live in a world where everything was soothing and full of beautiful bright colors. Now she just felt dead inside, “Don’t I?” Willow questioned, “It doesn’t matter anyway. Nothing will matter unless we find this stupid classmate of mine.”

That pissed Tara off, “You might be able to turn your feelings off about this, but I can’t.”

Willow stared at her, “I wouldn’t be out in the tunnels right now if I was turning my feelings off. I could be right there with Riley pretending that everything is okay.”

“Everything isn’t okay.” Tara told her.

“I know!" Willow practically yelled at her, and then said softer, "I know okay. It's all a big mess.” Willow had stopped walking and seemed visibly shaken, “That’s it. I’m finding this man - now.”

“Willow?”

But Willow ignored her and started chanting under her breath, “Aradia, Goddess of the lost. The path is murky, the woods are dense, darkness pervades. I beseech thee... bring the light!”

A small ball of light formed in front of them, and Tara sighed, “It’s like you haven’t heard a single thing I’ve said.”

Somehow it always came back to magic, Tara thought. And god she wanted call a break with Willow - on their whole goddamn relationship, but she loved Willow so goddamn much that she knew that leaving would be akin to tearing out something vital inside of her, “Fight later, follow the light now.”

In front of them the ball of light took off down one of the passageways, “For now. For the sake of the world.”

She started after Willow who smiled, “Thank you.”

It didn’t make her feel any better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, no "forget" spells yet. But I figure being under a spell that makes you happy and placated works almost the same. 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	56. Sacrifice (5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy's journey of honesty continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been looking at and saving a lot of gif sets as I continue to try to nail down character voices.

**Time Stamp:** End of the Episode

Buffy was pissed. Dawn was sure it was because Spike had been taken, but Dawn wasn’t sure why that pissed her sister off so much. However as they marched quietly through the cave system under Sunnydale, angry was what Dawn was sure Buffy was. They turned a corner and heard yelling and the sound of grunting. Buffy’s pace picked up and they walked into a large open room. As they did so Dawn looked at Buffy and watched as her sister’s eyes zeroed in on the demon who had taken Spike. In the silence Dawn swore she almost heard Buffy’s teeth clench. Her firsts sure as hell did, “I’m just a messenger from the ones who love truly.” The demon was saying to Spike who looked generally okay, which pleased Dawn.

“Well then,” Buffy said interrupting the demon, “I’ve got a message for you.” She paused just for a moment, to make sure she had the demon’s attention, “Get the hell away from my boyfriend.” Then she lept at the demon.

Shock colored Spike’s face at Buffy’s words and Dawn was sure it mirrored the shock that was on her own. She had had no clue that Buffy or Spike were seeing each other or that her sister had any feelings for Spike beyond disdain. Buffy had done a good job of hiding it that was for sure. Dawn wondered if it had even registered with her sister, what she had just said. Slowly as the shock wore off Dawn noted that Buffy had managed to break off one of the demon’s arms and was using it to smack him around, “I’m sorry.” Dawn said, “What did you just say?” It sounded a little shrill which - okay yes Dawn was absolutely, one-hundred percent stunned.

Buffy hit the demon with his own arm again, “Sorry - little busy.” As she said this she used the sharp claws of the demon as a weapon and ran the demon through.

As the demon died it whispered something that sounded like “Devourer...this meat...I give...unto thee.” But Dawn didn’t hear it, if it was important at all. Meanwhile Spike had gotten his bearings back, seemingly over Buffy’s little revelation and was talking to Buffy as if she hadn’t said anything out of the ordinary at all, “Think the demon came from a world that Jasmine has already visited. They worshiped her or something. Knocks on my noggin aside - I think we can get there with lovely little trinket.” He held up a blue sphere, “Also, bit more before I forget - seems her true name will mess her up right and good. But since you killed the only one from his realm who may have known it -”

“How do you know any of this?” Buffy asked.

“Demon was a talkative little bugger.”

But that wasn’t what Dawn wanted to talk about. She looked between Spike and Buffy and then cleared her voice, “Sorry but can we get back to the part where you’re dating my sister?”

Both of them turned to look at her and it was clear that while they hadn’t forgotten about her - they were clearly trying to sort of gloss over what Buffy had said before that fight had broken out, “Nibblet -”

Frustration made Dawn’s want to scream - it was very clear that Spike was trying to placate her, “How long?” She asked.

When she asked she watched Buffy make a face and oh, the answer she was about to get was going to be interesting to be sure, “Remember when Drusilla came to town?”

“I’m sorry.” Dawn looked at both of them, “Are you telling me, that this has been going on since before Buffy died?” She paused, “Wait no of course it does. That’s why she told you about Heaven first.”

“Dawnie -”

And now her sister was trying to placate her too, “No - you know what, I’m fine with this. Really. You deserve to be happy for once. Just, please start telling me things okay? You never tell me things.”

“We promise Little Bit, next time -” Spike paused and then looked at Buffy forgetting whatever he was about to say, “I think something is coming. Sounds like -” He leaned forward a bit, “The commando. And your friends. And something that sounds a little less friendly.”

The rest of the conversation would have to wait Dawn realized, “Right - blue orb, end of the world, let’s get all savey.” She quipped.

Buffy handed Dawn the arm she had been using as a weapon and Dawn cringed but - well, what could she do honestly. She would bring down five men with this arm if she had to. She and her sister had way too many conversations they needed to have for her to die now. Buffy glanced at Dawn, “Stay here, try to figure out how the orb works with Spike.” Then her sister was off down the tunnel.

Dawn grabbed the orb from Spike’s hands and handed him the demon arm in return. She turned it around to look at it, “No words, no magic.” She looked up at Spike, “You said it was some sort of key right? A way to another world.”

A nod was his answer as Buffy came back into the room with Willow, Tara, and Giles in tow, “It’s Riley.” Tara said, “He found us.”

Dawn continued to ignore them and continued to look at the orb. Then she looked back at the demon arm, and then down at the orb again and finally at one of her hands, “Key. Blood, portals. Right. Well if it’s not broke don’t fix it?” Unafraid she reached out to cut her thumb on the sharp claw of the demon hand and hissed. Spike watched her as she touched her bleeding thumb to the orb and it lit up. The light grew and a beam shot out from the middle of the orb creating what looked like a glowing portal. A grin split her features. In that moment Dawn felt utterly clever, “Buffy I’ve got it!”

Turning Buffy looked at Dawn, “What are we waiting for then?”

As she spoke Giles shook his head, “Only you should go Buffy.”

“Are you kidding me?” Buffy seemed shocked by Giles’s comment.

But Spike nodded, “Luv, pet - he’s right. Someone has to stay and figure out things topside. Keep the world safe. That’s us.”

Buffy shook her head, “I can’t leave you guys behind.”

“You have to.” Spike stared at her.

Of course now that Dawn knew what she was looking at it was impossible to ignore the signs. She smiled at how almost love-sick they acted together. Standing by Spike, Buffy seemed to hesitate but then breathed in. She looked at Dawn almost as if she was trying to read something there. Was she looking for approval in leaving or in being with Spike? Dawn wasn’t sure but she nodded in Buffy’s direction. The nod was enough and then in front of all her friends Buffy went on tiptoes and kissed Spike - gently. If the orb wasn’t so important Dawn would have dropped it, “I’ll be back, I promise.” She said.

Before anyone could say anything or even react she was walking towards the portal. As she did so Dawn called out to her, “Wait! You might need this.” She threw the orb at Buffy and her sister caught it.

Then Buffy was gone, “Buffy and Spike?” Willow squeaked and Dawn was pretty sure that she had sounded almost the same.

“No time.” Dawn said.

“Let’s fight.” Spike agreed.

Dawn couldn’t have agreed more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I adored writing this chapter because of what happens in it but also because of how it continues to showcase Dawn's growth as a character. Also because I got to use Dawn's status as the Key one more time. Something I thought was woefully underused in Season 6 and 7.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	57. Peace Out/A Place On Earth (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A plan to save Cordelia is hatched and Riley finds his motives questioned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We pick up a little after we left off, and take on another episode title change.

**Time Stamp:** Near the Start of the Episode

Willow glared at Riley as he stood over them where they had been stored downstairs in Buffy’s basement. Tara couldn’t find herself disagreeing with her girlfriend. It had really been their fault they had gotten caught - not able to get to Matthew before Jasmine got him, but to have Riley treat them like this hurt. She looked down at the handcuffs they had been placed in. This was the worst. He turned his backs to them and Tara was sure that was it. But Willow’s voice called out to him angrily, “Riley!” He rounded back on them and Tara stared at his form. Now that she could look at him better she could see how haunted his face was. In his gaunt drawn eyes Tara found a small amount of sympathy. She couldn’t help herself - he seemed almost tortured by the fact that he was doing this, “I just want to know one thing. Tell me when you saw Jasmine’s true face, and don’t lie.”

He looked at them, face filled with shadow, “After. After the injection. She’s my daughter Willow - what do you want me to do? Cordelia is gone. Jasmine is all I have left.”

It was a relief Tara thought, to know that he hadn’t been on Jasmine’s side this whole time - plotting against them. But it didn’t soothe all wounds. He could have come with them, but he hadn’t. He had remained behind, willing to work with Jasmine despite everything, “I can save her. Cordelia.” Willow told him and Tara wondered just what her girlfriend was planning, “But you have to choose.”

“Between my daughter and Cordelia?” He asked, “How can you even ask me that?”

Dawn sat up to glare at him, “People have to make hard choices all the time. You’re not so special.”

Tara put her worries away, “Think about Cordelia. She needs help, medical attention. I mean, who knows what that coma is doing to her?”

“Cordelia is safe.” Riley said but Tara could see that he wasn’t too sure about that.

“Are you sure?” Willow implored, “When was the last time you checked on her?”

“She’s been moved.” Riley answered.

Dawn let out a laugh, which made Riley’s eyes narrow. But Dawn’s laughter sounded bitter to Tara’s ears, hollow. Quietly Dawn said, “I thought I was going to be safe. When we got in the RV. And then Buffy died.”

Her words sounded as loud as a shot and Riley turned to look at her, “Dawn don’t -”

“Don’t what? Moving someone doesn’t keep anyone safe. Willow says she can save Cordelia. I believe her!”

Silence filled the air and then Riley turned to look at Willow, “What do I have to do?”

Willow stared back and answered, “Bring her back here.”

“And then what?” He pried.

“Remember the spell I did to save Tara after Glory messed with her brain? Something like that. But bigger and more energy transfery. It will weaken Jasmine and hopefully awaken Cordelia.”

“Ha. More magic?” Giles said from where he had remained mostly silent during the exchange.

“If anyone has any other ideas I would love to hear them.” Willow shot back at him.

Tara really wanted to argue with Willow too, that magic wasn’t the answer. That this wasn’t the way. But they were out of options and Tara didn’t want Cordelia to be in the state she was in forever. She wanted to save her friend, “Okay. I’m in.” Riley didn’t either it seemed.

“We’ll need to be free for this cokamamy plan to work.” Giles pointed out holding up his tied hands.

Walking forward Riley unlocked their handcuffs, “Don’t do anything stupid.” He told them, “I’ll find someway to convince the men not to come downstairs.”

Tara rubbed her wrists, while Dawn rolled her eyes, “Like we want them to come down here.”

“Just...” Riley paused, “Let’s get this done.” Having said his piece he returned upstairs.

Now alone Willow let out a sigh, the tension in her posture easing slightly, “I’m going to need my magic materials.”

“And just where would those be?” Spike asked reminding everyone of the fact that he was in the same room with them.

“Upstairs. In my room.” Willow admitted begrudgingly.

“And just how the bloody hell do you expect us to get them again?” Spike asked her.

It was true, Tara thought that Willow’s plan was a little half baked. But it had gotten them free hadn’t it? As the two of them locked horns Giles walked over to the bed where Cordelia had been kept before Riley had moved her, “Why do you think it is, that Jasmine hasn’t done away with Cordelia? Seems like a liability.” He asked.

That put a quick stop to the fighting, “Family loyalty? Bugger if I know.” Spike shrugged.

“Quiet helpful.” Giles said and Tara knew he wanted to say more, maybe even about the kiss that Buffy and Spike had shared - but now was not the time, “Thank you for your input.”

“It’s shared blood.” Dawn said finally answering Giles’ question, “It’s always the blood.”

Tara turned to look at Dawn, a little perturbed by what she had said but Giles seemed rather pleased, “A sound hypothesis”

“Deeper maybe.” Dawn said walking over to him, “If Jasmine hurts Cordelia, she hurts herself.” She shrugged.

Tara spoke up afraid for what that said about the whole venture, “What about the spell then? What if we hurt Cordelia while trying to save her?”

Willow stared at Tara in a way that Tara could tell that they were about to start fighting again, “Are you saying that we shouldn’t try?”

Recently Willow had been doing a good job of turning Tara’s words against her and she was beginning to despise it, “I’m not saying that at all. I’m just saying that we should be careful!”

“I’m good with magic. I won’t mess this up. Cordelia is one of my best friends.”

Tara wanted to remind Willow of all the times she had gotten in too deep with magic. She wanted to have a deep and meaningful conversation about it where they figured their shit out. But that was a conversation for later. Now was the time to put aside their differences and come together. Cordelia and Sunnydale needed them, “You’re going to need more power then.” Tara replied, foregoing her own pride.

That caught Willow off guard, “Are you willing to help?”

“However you need me. I’m there.” Tara answered.

Behind them Spike cleared his throat, “Now that you two lovebirds are done harping at each other like actual birds, we still need a plan of attack on getting on upstairs.”

“She’s planning that broadcast thingy right? To spread her word all over the world? The whole world domination play?” Dawn asked and pouted when everyone looked at her like she had grown two heads.

“Yes. Thank you for the reminder.” Giles said.

Dawn crossed her arms and rolled her eyes clearly frustrated, “I’m saying we use it as a distraction. I’m sure it would be easy to slip past the guards then. Everyone loves a party.”

“I never doubted you for a second.” Spike told her and Tara smiled softly.

“Right.” Willow nodded, “What are we waiting for then? Let’s go to work.”

As they set off up the stairs Tara wondered what the outcome of this would be, and felt deep in her bones that the changes would go deeper than the kiss between Buffy and Spike. What she didn’t realize, was how right she would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few twists and turns here compared to the story as it's told in Angel - but I figure Riley isn't Connor, and would make difference choices. It also doesn't serve the narrative to have him go completely off the reserve as his connection to the main character isn't the same - Riley making bad choices isn't going to ruffle Buffy in the same way as say - Dawn making bad choices. So Riley has a bit more flexibility in what he can do as a character. 
> 
> Thank you to all my readers!


	58. Peace Out/A Place On Earth (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't go to a hell dimension without having a fight on your hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not lost on me that Buffy actually goes to a hell dimension in this arc, especially after her friends thinking that's where she might be. Also a good chunk of this fight takes place interspersed with other things, so it's not just mid episode. But that felt the most honest to its placing.

**Time Stamp:** Mid-Episode

Buffy had forgotten. She had forgotten what it felt like to fight for her life, forgotten what it felt like when the blood pumped under her skin - alive and unfettered. Since she had come back from the grave she had felt this feeling only when she was with Spike, only when he was making her smile and laugh. She loved her friends but there had been a pressure there. A pressure to conform to their standards and their desires. It had nearly broken her. Telling Dawn about Heaven had unleashed something in her. Buffy had expected Dawn to be horrified, what she had gotten was understanding. To be held, and held in return while tears had flowed freely had been an awakening. The price for that awakening had been terrible, but she had been given it all the same.

Now she stood in this hellscape, having fought her way to the highest plateau and stared around at the chamber she was in. A huge stone statue of Jasmine lay in front of her tucked into an alcove. Softly lit torches lined the walls - casting the area in uneven shadow. Overall Buffy thought it was rather tacky honestly. A voice spoke out to her from one of the shadows, “A long way to come, dead thing, only to fail. Don't worry. The way down will be much, much quicker.”

Buffy blinked, “Not a vampire. I’m very much alive, blood pumping and everything.”

“I refer not to your status of a living being. But instead on the status of your heart.” The voice said stepping out into torch light.

Cocking her head Buffy tried to figure out what she was staring at. The form looked humanoid enough, save a number of head bumpies. As he walked his robe, dragged behind him on the ground “You’re -” Buffy paused, “Who are you again?”

“High priest, guardian of the word, caretaker of her most blessed temple.” The figure said.

Buffy looked around and then back at the Guardian of the Word, “This is your place? Maybe you should hire a new decorator.”

“This is her holy place! How dare you make a mockery of the temple that guards her light.”

“Seems pretty dark to me.” Buffy shrugged, “Maybe add a few more lights? Ever heard of electricity?”

“All must remain illuminated for her return.”

This guy was absolutely off his rocker Buffy surmised. But she had seen what Jasmine could do so it made sense. She wondered if this hell had always been like this - run down and falling apart or if Jasmine had done that too. She didn’t want Jasmine to stick around in her world long enough to find out, “Hate to break it you bumpy, but she’s not coming back.”

“She will return when she is done with your world.”

Buffy snorted at that, her snort turning into a small laugh, “I don’t think so. Speaking of - what’s her name again?”

“That's why you're here, dead thing. What you've come for. The word. The name.”

Ok - she was done with this. Buffy had honestly had enough of this guy. He talked, and talked, and didn’t stop. She stalked forward and pulled him up by the fabric of his robe so that he dangled just off the ground a little bit and she had to look up to stare him in the eyes, “Sort of tired of you calling me a dead thing. What’s. Her. Name?” She punctuated each word with a pause.

“Fool. You can take away her power, but you've already lost... everything.” Buffy didn’t get why he was being so cagey. Didn’t he see the danger? Didn’t he see his forthcoming doom? Also all the taunting was getting very annoying. Which she supposed was the point of taunting, but it didn’t make her any less frustrated, “I know all about you, dead thing. She who brought us up out of the mud and molded us into what we are has given me sight into the hearts and minds of others. I see you. I know all about heav -”

Before he could get the word out Buffy tossed him across the room. How he knew about her being in Heaven Buffy didn’t know. But somehow he did, and she refused to let that bother her. Refused. She had to find a way to move past it - even if the blow stung, just a little bit, “Then you know that I’m in a hurry. Name please. Now. I won’t ask again.”

Standing up the man weezed, “Keeper!”

“Her real name is Keeper? That can’t be right.”

The demon sighed, body finally standing tall again, “The true name is known only by the keeper of the name.”

Oh. Yeah okay that made sense. But if he wasn’t the keeper of the name then who was? She stared at him, “And that’s not you?”

He smiled at her, and it was a smile that made her want to punch it right off his smug face, “No, I am the guardian of the word!”

“How is that different? Why are all demons so vague? Don’t answer that.”

“I guard the keeper of it.” He told her.

“So you're the keeper's keeper?”

That had to be the most elaborately complicated thing she had heard, “I am the Guardian of the Word!”

Buffy squinted into the darkness trying to see behind The High Priest, “Then where can I find this Keeper?” There was a growling sound from behind The Guardian of the Word and a large, and burly demon stood up and walked into the light. The monster was big and hulky with the muscles, and honestly not what she wanted to be fighting. It’s tightly sewn shut mouth just added to the don’t want to fight it factor, “Oh.”

“The keeper will not be forthcoming. Only with its last breath will it divulge the true name of the blessed devourer.”

“Great. I’m guessing big ugly isn’t going to just give me the name?” Buffy planted her feet on the ground as The Keeper begun walking forward growling, which with the mouth was about all it could do, “I guess the hard way it is.” The demon lunged at her and they begun to fight, “The very hard way.”

As Buffy did her best to fend off the The Keeper, The High Priest continued to talk which was honestly the last thing she wanted, “What do you think you’re fighting for heaven spun daughter? Valor? What you call justice? Your friends are dead... most likely. And how does one fight for the dead truly?”

Dodging the punch that was coming her way Buffy glared up at The High Priest, “I’m trying to save my world.”

Her glance up let The Keeper get a solid punch in that sent her flying backwards into a rock outcropping. As she did the High Priest laughed, “Your world?! The too bright and painful world your friends pulled you into? That world?”

Buffy stood up and blocked the next punch The Keeper sent her way, and felt the weight of the attack on her. The Keeper was big - a huge being of muscle mass that towered over her. Still, she couldn’t give up here. She unleashed a flurry of blows to its midsection as she replied to The High Priest taunting her, “It needs me.”

“That might be what you tell yourself, and maybe you're right, but it's not why you're here.”

The Keeper charged at her, growling and she used it’s momentum to toss it across the room and knock it out on one of the rocks around them, “Ok, you clearly don’t know anything about me.” Buffy told him dusting her hands off.

“Oh?” The High Priest questioned.

“No. Because you keep on taunting me and you know what it’s making me feel?” She tilted her head at him.

“What?”

“Angry. Alive.” She shot back at him.

Behind her she heard growling, the only sound The Keeper could make and turned around frustrated. But she had turned around too late and the Keeper wrapped its arms around her torso attempting to squeeze the life out of her. A few days ago she would have hoped for death, prayed that The Keeper would kill her so she wouldn’t have to come back to the world of the living. She knew she hadn’t been trying her hardest when she fought. Her heart hadn’t been in it. But now she had a sister to protect, a boyfriend she cared about, and friends she really wanted to help see tomorrow.

Jasmine may have planned to break them, but she had done the opposite for Buffy - she had given her the will to fight back. That seemed to piss the High Priest off, hearing her say that, “Alive? In the world where your friends wronged you? Where their selflessness almost broke you? Why do you even bother?”

“I see you have never had friends.” Buffy told him as she pushed The Keeper’s arms off her using the brute strength of her own limbs.

“Friends only serve to hurt you, only serve to bring pain. All friendship is meaningless. Her holiness’s love is enough.”

“Said like a person who has been lonely for far, far too long.”

“They will hurt you again.” The High Priest threatened.

Which, what he said was true. But Buffy had already been hurt by them. Part of friendship was accepting that friends hurt each other sometimes. They didn’t always mean to, but it happened. It was a sucky unavoidable part of life. But so was the healing that came after forgiveness, “It doesn’t matter.” Buffy told him.

“Foolish mort -”

But he didn’t get to finish his sentence. The Keeper swung at Buffy and missed as she ducked under its fist. Instead its powerful attack hit the High Priest and sent him into the wall of spikes that Buffy had been trying her best to avoid thinking about up until that very moment, “Wow. I thought you would never shut up.”

Her quip was interrupted by the feeling of The Keeper lifting and throwing her across the room. She hit the ground and momentarily felt the air knocked out of her. Taking a quick gulp of air Buffy stood up and glared at the demon in front of her. It was time to stop fooling around, she had a world to save and a sister to get back to. This demon was going down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing the dialogue for this was really fun. I enjoyed comparing how Buffy talks to how Angel talked in this episode and finding similarities and differences.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	59. Peace Out/A Place On Earth (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riley and Cordelia in the silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost done with this story arc! It's very long but we're so close to the end.

**Time Stamp:** Mid Episode

Putting on the skin of someone who didn’t care should have been harder - but Riley had always been good at putting up a tactical front. This would be no difference. He parked his car and stepped outside and onto the sidewalk that lead to the house that he shared with Cordelia. Two men stood outside guarding the home, one which Riley knew was a human and the other he knew was a demon - despite the humanoid appearance. He let out a breath, “Men.”

The demon rolled his eyes, “How painfully boring. For the father of Her Light you’re not very interesting you know?”

That stung but he tried to brush it off. It wouldn’t do him any good to get angry at something that sometimes he knew to be painfully true. Something that he knew that the person sleeping inside the house didn’t believe. If Cordelia was here she would have laughed at the demon and then insulted him in such a way that no biting wit could match. But Cordelia wasn’t here and that was the whole issue, “I’ve come to inspect The Mother.” He almost wanted to throw up at Jasmine’s new and improved language for Cordelia’s body.

The human straightened up, trying his best to look imposing, “Sorry, only Jasmine her greatness and her beauty is allowed inside now. Her words, not mine.”

Ah yes - the deal he had made with Jasmine. A deal that he found he couldn’t regret. It had kept Cordelia safe, and it had kept her in an area where she could be recovered. He inhaled and then stuck out - clocking the demon hard across the face, “Well if that’s the way that you are going to be.”

The human made to run but before the demon could recover and stop him, Riley had the human in a choke hold. A moment later the human was asleep in his arms and Riley let him down to the ground softly. A few feet away the demon recovered and charged at Riley fist out. The fist caught him across the cheek and damn the punch stung, “Jasmine said you might do this. That your lust for the woman would drive you to insanity.”

Riley dodged the next punch thrown his way and then delivered an angry punch to the demon’s stomach. The good news about this demon was that while he was stronger than the average human - it wasn’t by nearly as much as a vampire. And drugs or no drugs, that was something that Riley could handle. He still had army training and that wasn’t something that just went away, “It’s not lust you boneheaded monster. It’s love. But I suppose you’ve never heard of that.”

“I love Her Greatness.” The demon snarled and reached out to push Riley away.

He stumbled a bit, but was able to find his balance before he went falling onto the grass, “That’s all in your head. A fairy-tale you cooked up to make yourself feel better.” They circled each other for a moment before the demon lept again.

Riley ducked under his arms and then, just like before wrapped his arm around its neck. The demon struggled for a moment, “She’ll avenge me! She’ll kill you all and purge this worl-” But he never got the last of it out and slumped to the ground.

Dusting off his hands Riley looked down at the mess he had made, “Demons. Never really learn your lesson.” He grunted out.

Now unhindered he walked into Cordelia’s apartment and stared at his girlfriend who lay on the couch surrounded by unlit candles and flowers - all jasmine. His daughter had really gone all out. He wondered how much of it was love and how much of it was Jasmine stroking her own ego. He wanted to believe that there might be some goodness in the woman his daughter had become but knew he was deluding himself. Cordelia was completely still, “I miss you.” He confessed, “But I’m going to make it better. I’m going to fix this, so at least I’ll have fixed something. Willow has this spell - which I know you wouldn’t approve of - but dammit you’re not around and it’s hard and I want you back. It could save you. The idea of you not being in this world - it’s not something I can accept. I refuse to. I love you too much. So I’m going to do this, consequences be damned. I hope you’ll find it in yourself to forgive me.”

Carefully, and with great care Riley picked her up off the bed and carried her across the threshold, then finally outside to where his car waited for them. Now all he could do was pray that Willow could do what she said she could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. Riely's love for Cordelia is something that I adore, no matter how many dumb things he does.
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


	60. Peace Out/A Place On Earth (4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final confrontation with Jasmine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ending this story arc off with Dawn POV.

**Time Stamp:** End of the Episode

It was a miracle - Dawn thought. Cordelia wasn’t awake but she was breathing, and there was a color to her face that hadn’t been there before. Her body rested against Riley’s and he had tears in his eyes. Willow’s spell had worked. Cordelia would make it. She would live. Both Willow and Tara were exhausted, and Tara’s hands shook. Dawn knew that Tara wasn’t used to casting such powerful magic but Dawn couldn’t think about that right now. Couldn’t think about how Tara looked at Willow as if it was the first time she had seen the woman she loved. Willow’s hands gripped tightly onto Dawn’s arm, “We have to tell her. We have to tell Buffy.” Her voice was drained and shook as she spoke.

“I’ll go get water for Cordelia. For when she wakes.” Giles said, not giving Willow a glance and hurrying out of the room.

Outside Dawn could hear screaming - panic. But she nodded, they had to go face whatever it was that was causing those sounds, “What do you think is going on out there?” Spike asked.

“Buffy needs us.” Willow repeated and Dawn helped her up.

Spike didn’t have room to argue so he lent his arm to Tara and she grabbed onto it shakily, “Thanks.”

“It’s nothing luv.” He told her.

Together the two of them helped Willow and Tara downstairs and then outside, leaving Riley to take care of Cordelia when she woke. As she passed by Buffy’s bedroom door Dawn picked up the sword she had left there as they had fought their way up.

Outside Buffy stood in the middle of the street staring down Jasmine. A demon head lay at Buffy’s feet, mouth open as if it had just been screaming. Dawn admired her sister’s strength, how powerful she looked standing there alone. But Buffy wasn’t alone, Dawn thought. Not as long as Dawn was alive, “Jasmine, it's over. You've lost.” Buffy told the woman.

“I've lost? Do you have any idea what you've done?” Jasmine asked Buffy.

“What I had to do.” Buffy replied, “What I always have to do.”

“What you had to do?” Jasmine sneered, “I offered paradise. I offered a freedom from right, from wrong. I gave people a place on earth where they could finally be happy..”

“What you offered was a lie. False happiness at the price of human lives.” Buffy said.

“I gave them Heaven on Earth. Isn’t that what everyone wants?”

“I’ve actually been to Heaven once upon a time.” Buffy told Jasmine and Dawn could hear Willow and Tara audibly gasp next to her, Giles’s shocked gasp followed, “It’s nothing like this.”

“And you don’t you want to go back?” Jasmine asked.

“I do.” Buffy paused, “I did.”

Buffy took a step towards Jasmine causing Jasmine to backup a step, “What changed?”

Shrugging Buffy took another few steps towards Jasmine who continued to try to shuffle backwards, “Me. I changed.”

“No one changes that quickly. Humans are just not that easily moved, anchored things you are.”

Dawn watched her sister laugh at that and the laughter felt real. It reminded her of how Buffy had sounded before Glory, before she had been pulled out of Heaven, “I am. I have to be. Someone has to stand between you and my friends, and the end of the world. Again.”

That made Jasmine’s head turn and now she was looking directly at Dawn, at the five of them huddled together outside Buffy’s home watching this exchange, “And what do your dear friends think?” Jasmine inquired, “Someone had to bring you back. Was it them?”

From where she was slumped against Dawn, Willow whispered, “I didn’t think…” And Dawn could have sworn she heard Giles snort.

Jasmine looked back at Buffy, “And that’s the problem isn’t it. Humans just hurt each other and hurt each other. They never stop to consider the weight of their actions. How utterly senseless.”

“They also love each other. And care for each other. They also don’t eat each other either. So that’s a big plus.”

“The agony goes deeper.” Jasmine shrugged.

And okay now Jasmine was pissing Dawn off, and she spoke to Jasmine across their front yard, “Numerous people are dead because of what you’ve done.”

“And now how many more will die because you stopped me? All of it - war, disease, poverty. How many precious, beautiful lives would've been saved in a handful of years? Yes I murdered, but it was to save billions.” She walked forward now towards Dawn, “This world is doomed to drown in its own blood. It’s own infernal greed.”

“Shouldn’t we get a say in that?” Dawn asked, “If we don’t, what are we?”

“Nothing.” Buffy said, filling in her sister’s words, “We’re nothing. You don’t always get the world that you want, it gets messy sometimes, but that’s living. So we fight to make it better, everyday.”

Dawn nodded, “Be brave. Live. Take care of your friends.”

At that Jasmine moved too close for Dawn’s comfort, “Not everyone has that.”

However before she could overtake her Buffy reached out and yanked Jasmine back. Turning Jasmine snarled at Buffy and backhanded her into the glass of one of the cars further down the street. Buffy struggled to get up and Dawn watched terrified as Jasmine turned back to her sister and begun to walk towards her. When she reached the car Jasmine picked Buffy up and threw her again, further than she had before and into another car - where Buffy landed with a sickening crunch. Buffy struggled up and stood, but Dawn could see even from this distance - how hurt Buffy looked.

The two of them were talking but Dawn couldn’t figure out about what - they were a little to far away for her to hear. Turning she saw that Spike was looking on terrified, afraid of losing the woman that he loved. His posture screamed that he wanted to help, but someone had to watch Willow and Tara. And he had committed himself to the cause. Giles too seemed unsure of what to do. Which meant that only one person was left to help her sister - her, “Giles, protect Willow for me.”

She transferred Willow to Giles and before anyone could say anything, or do anything Dawn was running down the street. The sword in her hand felt heavy. Behind her she thought she heard Giles yelling but it was too late. Her feet hit the pavement and yes, Dawn could admit that she was scared. But Buffy needed her, her sister needed her. Jasmine had Buffy pinned to a car, hand around her throat and Dawn wasn’t going to let her sister die again. Not when she could actually do something about it. As she got closer she could make out what they were saying, “This isn’t my fault!” Buffy punched Jasmine causing the woman’s head to snap backwards, “Go to hell.”

“You first Slayer.” Jasmine said and raised her hand for the killing blow.

“Buffy!”

Dawn’s voice caused Jasmine’s hand to pause mind swing and Buffy took the opportunity to free herself, holding onto the car and kicking Jasmine in the chest. The woman stumbled back into the streets, “Dawn!”

With all her might Dawn threw the sword she had been holding towards her sister. For a moment she feared that her throw hadn’t been strong enough but then Buffy caught the sword by the hilt and twisted it. Jasmine having been knocked back flew at Dawn in a rage. Her hand outstretched to end Dawn’s life, “If you think that some small child is going to stop me me -”

But she never got the words out. As Jasmine’s hands came mere inches away from Dawn’s throat, Buffy brought the sword around and down clean through Jasmine’s neck - decapitating her. With her head gone Jasmine’s body crumpled onto the asphalt and seemed to disintegrate into nothing. Triumphant, Dawn looked down at her, “What was that you were saying?”

Two seconds later there was the sound of a sword clattering to the ground and Buffy’s arms wrapped around her tightly. Dawn felt shock at the hug but when that wore off she allowed herself to lean into it, “It’s over Dawnie. It’s all over. I’m never going to let something like this happen to you again. I promise.”

Dawn sniffled and then buried her head into Buffy’s shoulder, but the tears didn’t come. Instead she was filled with a warm sensation almost like sunlight.

Things were quieter later, but reality could be sobering. Dawn picked up some of the papers Jasmine’s synophants had left strewn around the house. Across from her Buffy handed Tara a plastic cup which the woman threw away into the plastic bag she and Willow had between them, “This house is a mess.” Willow complained.

“It could be worse.” Tara said.

“Riley already left with Cordelia right?” Dawn asked.

Willow nodded, “It’s a lot to process. She says she doesn’t remember anything past --” Willow paused and then said with a voice laced with guilt, “Us bringing your sister back from Heaven.”

“To come back and find that the child you thought you were going to have is gone, I can’t even imagine it.” Tara spoke somberly.

“She’ll be okay right?” Dawn asked the three women in front of her.

“I don’t know Dawnie.” Buffy asked honestly, “Cordelia is strong, but - it might take a little while.”

Dawn sat down on the couch, cleaning forgotten, “Like it took you a little while.”

“Exactly. We just have to give her space.” Buffy said and then sat next to her.

Placing her head on Buffy’s shoulder Dawn wanted a change of subject. Any subject at all. Something to lighten the mood. A thought popped into her head and she grinned, “So - you and Spike? What’s that about?”

The silence that greeted her made it all worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved translating this whole arc into the Buffyverse and giving a few twists on the Buffy comes clean about Heaven to her friends arc. Giving Dawn a little more agency and Key related things was also a bonus. It also allowed me to tackle the - Willow and Tara's relationship under compulsory happy magic story-line, without using the "forget" spell. Although don't think that I've forgotten it completely ;)
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	61. Tabula Rasa (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willow purposes a familiar spell and things between Tara and Willow come to a head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We now return to your regularly scheduled Season 6.
> 
>  **Reminder:** I've started going in episode order! So this takes place directly after A Place on Earth. But what's happened to Once More With Feeling you ask? Well, it's coming.

**Time Stamp:** Start of the Episode

Cordelia’s apartment felt somber. It’s owner had gone out for a walk, claiming that she needed it to feel better and no one had felt like they could tell her no. Now Tara, Willow, and Riley sat around the small table in front of the kitchen sipping tea and waiting for her to get back. None of them spoke and the silence was playing havoc on Tara. Things were not good - she knew this, but they had just defeated some sort of otherworldly being. They should be celebrating shouldn’t they?

Buffy seemed happy enough, although Tara worried it could be a front for greater pain. She was off patrolling, and had been dodging questions about Heaven so no one really had any way to judge her mood. But Buffy was just the tip of the iceberg. The whole thing just made Tara feel crappy. Willow cleared her throat, “Do you think she wore a toga? Like, a toga and a harp and sunshine and flower fields. Or was just a feeling? Just happiness… all the time.” She took a sip of tea, “Sorry. Was just trying to lighten the mood. I think I made it worse.”

Tara smiled at her girlfriend, “It’s okay. I know what you were trying to do.”

“Thanks.” Willow told her smiling, “But I feel like I’m avoiding the big ole’ elephant in the room. Buffy might be struggling, but she’s not the only one.”

Reaching out Tara squeezed Willow’s hand. They weren’t perfect right now but she wanted to pretend that they were - just for a little bit longer. As she squeezed Willow’s hand she looked up at Riley, “How is Cordelia?”

“She seems okay most of the time. She’s reading a lot, which is good and normal but sometimes -” He paused.

“Sometimes?” Willow asked.

“Sometimes I catch her in the room we were going to turn into a nursery. Just… staring.” He paused, “I told her everything that I did for Jasmine and I expected rage or anger, but she just shrugged.”

“She’s dealing.” Tara told him, “You just need to give her space.”

“Our relationship wasn’t exactly built off giving each other space.” Riley admitted.

“Relationships change. People change, but if you work for it sometimes things last.”

Tara wondered just how true that was when everything between her and Willow felt like it was in free fall every day. When she wasn’t sure if today was the day that Willow did something that tipped the scales over too far, too much. She wanted to be the sort of person who could stick it out, but Tara didn’t think she could be. Not if she wanted to be healthy, “I can fix it.” Willow said softly and Tara withdrew her hand like it was on fire, “I know a spell.”

“No!” Tara said, “No more spells.”

Riley looked between them and she could see that while he wasn’t exactly confused, he suddenly wanted to be anywhere but where he was sitting, “Then what? This isn’t something that’s going to be fixed by some hardcore shopping spree. I know I messed up, okay, and ... I wanna fix it.”

“I can't believe that we are talking about this again. You know how powerful magic is, how dangerous. You could hurt someone, you ... you could hurt yourself.” Tara couldn’t believe they were having this conversation, right after she had almost been ready to try to really make it work.

“I know a spell that will make her forget, just a little bit. It will help soothe the pain of what Cordelia went though.”

Tara stood up from the table tea forgotten, because now she really was angry, “God, what is wrong with you?!”

As they begun fighting Riley stood up and picked up his cup to bring it to the sink,”I’m just - I’m going to go to our room. If Cordelia comes back just, please let her know where I am.”

He shuffled away and Tara turned on Willow, “Do you listen to how you sound? Jasmine just took away our free will. And you’re thinking about doing it again?”

“Tara, I'm sorry, I-”

But Tara was at the end of her rope. This stopped now or it was over. It was time she put her foot down, because the only other option was watching Willow self destruct upon herself and she couldn’t stand to see that, “Don't! Just ... don't.” She shook her head, “There's nothing you can say.”

“Tara, I didn't mean to-”

“To what? Sound exactly like Jasmine? Did you hear anything that Buffy said? At all?”

“She said to stand by your friends! That’s what I’m trying to do. I just want to make it better. For both of them.” Willow tried to reach for her but Tara backed away, “I love you.”

“You can’t just use magic to make things easier. Not for you, not for Buffy, and not for Cordelia. You can’t violate them like that. Would you do that to me?”

The thought that Willow would do something like that to her, it made her skin crawl. She was very glad in that moment that Willow never had, or if she had been thinking about it - because clearly she had, she had never gotten the chance, “You know I would never do that baby.”

But the problem was, Tara wasn’t sure if Willow was telling the truth. It was so hard to know if Willow was telling the truth these days when it came to magic. Everything about her girlfriend’s aura said that she thought she was telling the truth but her actions - oh her actions didn’t match up. It was muddled and dangerous and Tara had finally had enough, “Well that’s good because the idea that you’d do that to me - we're in a relationship, we are supposed to get through things together. Without magic.”

At that point panic crept into Willow’s voice, “Okay. I'm ... I realize I - I’m doing it wrong.”

Tara sighed, “You did it the way you're doing everything. When things get rough, you ... you don't even consider the options. You just ... you just do a spell. It's not good for you, Willow. And that’s not what magic is for.”

“But I ... I just wanna help people.”

And maybe that was the problem. Willow’s mind had twisted everything up so badly that the only way she thought she could help people these days was magic. Her girlfriend’s self worth was tied into the spells she could do, and problems she could ease with a flick of a wrist and it was distancing her in a way that maybe she couldn’t see. Because if you could solve all your problems with a thought - was the point of making emotional connections anymore, what was the point of anything when things could be made better so easily, “Maybe that's how it started, but ... you're helping yourself now, fixing things to your liking. Including your friends.”

“Tara, no!”

But it was true, and Tara couldn’t help the tear that snaked down her face, “I don't think this is gonna work.” She wiped the tear away from her cheek.

“Hey. It is, i-it's working.” But Tara didn’t believe her even if she wanted to, “Tara, please. I need you, baby. I need you. I don't need magic, I-I don't, I ... let me prove it to you, okay? I, I will go a month without doing any magic. I won't do a single spell. I swear.”

One last chance Tara decided, because who was she but someone who wanted to try, “Go a week. One week without magic.”

“Fine. Fine, that's easy!”

“Go a week, and then we'll see.” Tara told her.

And then everything fell apart. And Tara knew it was over between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There wasn't too much changed dialogue here but I thought it was just enough that writing it would be interesting. Comparing the spell that Willow preforms to what Jasmine did/does bares interesting results. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	62. Tabula Rasa (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Giles makes the decision to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Reminder:** I've started going in episode order! So this takes place directly after A Place on Earth. But what's happened to Once More With Feeling you ask? Well, it's coming.

**Time Stamp:** Start of the Episode

He could read the frustration in her eyes. Something there that said that she was terrified and pissed off and afraid. But he was making the right choice. He had felt so terribly helpless while Jasmine had invaded Sunnydale. He had helped in small ways, but in the end even that had amounted to very little. Willow’s magic, Dawn’s tenacity, Buffy’s ability to overcome any obstacle - that was what had won them the battle. There wasn’t a need for him anymore. Not when Buffy had become so strong. Not when he was standing in the way to Buffy’s growth into full adulthood, “You’re leaving?” Buffy raised an eyebrow.

“It’s the right thing to do.” He tried to explain away his decision, “You need to learn to be strong.” 

“This isn’t about my strength. Don’t lie to me.” She snapped back at him.

Giles wanted to reach out and sooth his Slayer but he had a feeling that it wouldn’t go as well has hoped it might, “I don’t want to leave -” He started to say.

“Then don’t.” Buffy said simply.

He had known this was going to be hard, goodbyes always were. Especially between people who cared deeply for one another. But Buffy needed to be given a chance to grow on her own, just like all children did, “You don’t need me anymore. That's why I'm going. As long as I stay you'll always turn to me if something comes up that you feel that you can't handle, and I'll step in because, because…” He paused and sighed, “Because I can't bear to see you suffer.” 

Buffy walked over to the couch that he was sitting on and sat next to him. Her hands fell into her lap, and she wrung them rather helplessly. As she looked down at them, refusing to meet his eyes Giles had to contend with seeing her like this. Giles knew being yanked from Heaven had damaged her, but he also knew that she was healing in small increments although how small worried him. He knew that Dawn was doing her best to help her sister not wallow in pain. Yet he worried that him leaving would open another wound that couldn’t be closed as simply, “You should invite Cordelia.” Buffy said eventually. 

“I’m sorry what?” He hadn’t been expecting her to say that.

“You should ask Cordelia to come with you.” Buffy repeated herself, “She could use the break. A big long holiday. I think a trip would be good for her after everything she’s been through.” She shrugged.

“I will consider it.” He told her and wondered if that was what Buffy wanted - a trip so she could escape her responsibilities. 

Despite his musings on Buffy he knew that the suggestion was a good one. While Cordelia seemed okay, maybe a break would do her well. Riley wouldn’t react well to it, but the boy was good at bouncing back quickly even if he didn’t want to admit it. Losing a child wasn’t easy, Giles knew that now. He had lost Buffy once and the idea of losing her again - he couldn’t stomach it. Which is why he had to leave - so Buffy could become strong enough on her own. So he would never have to worry about rescuing her again, “Thanks.” Buffy laughed, “It’s stupid, what she had to go through. But she did, so this could go a little ways to making it better.”

“What about you?” He asked as Buffy leaned her head against his shoulder, “Are you going to be okay?”

“I think so.” She answered and Giles worried at the tone in her voice, “When things get hard I can always go hang out with Spike.” And then promptly had to contend with a second emotion. 

The way she said it was so matter a fact that Giles groaned. He knew she was teasing, mostly - but it still didn’t stop in nearly driving him mad. He didn’t understand what his Slayer saw in the vampire, and honestly he believed the relationship wouldn’t last. It couldn’t. It hadn’t with Angel and this would be no different, “Please don’t remind me.” 

“Got it. No Spike reminders.” Buffy told him, but he could hear the mockery in her tone. 

It wasn’t perfect - but he needed to believe in hope. Hope that they would both survive this world that life had seen fit to throw them in. That Buffy would be okay without him, against the odds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Threw a bit of a curve-ball in there with Cordelia. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	63. Tabula Rasa (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy and Spike engage in some light flirting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we answer the question all Buffy's friends are worried about: Just how is Buffy?

**Time Stamp:** Near the Start of the Episode

Buffy was happy. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt happy like this, but it settled in her belly like a warm hot chocolate. Giles leaving was - something, but not enough to bring her down. She would miss him, but he was right - she needed to learn to stand on her own. She just wished that his excuse for leaving didn’t sound so… excusey. Like he was running away. In her heart Buffy knew she didn’t need him as much as she had a few years ago. He deserved a chance to find himself beyond being her Watcher. 

Buffy twisted a stake between her fingers and thought about all the vampires she was going to kill tonight. She usually wasn’t one to admit that she she enjoyed the fight, but she was lax enough tonight that she was willing to confess to herself that she was looking forward to it. It would be good to get back to basics after Jasmine, after everything. 

Something in the back of her mind tickled that something was approaching and she turned, stake held high. Her attack was cut short when she saw who it was. A small smile broke out over her face. Just who she had been hoping to see, “Spike.” She lowered the stake.

“Pet.” Something about the way he said pet made Buffy feel all fuzzy inside, “You want company?” 

“Depends on the company.” She teased, “If it’s you? The more the merrier.” She started walking again.

Next to her Spike fell into lock step. As they walked she could tell by how quiet he was, that something was on his mind. He wasn’t always the most talkative vampire she had discovered but this was something different, “How are the friends love?” 

Ah. That was it. It had only been a few days since she had kissed him in front of her friends and they hadn’t really had time to talk since then. Buffy had been too busy making sure that Dawn was okay and getting her home back in order. Now that things had quieted down again, the two of them were able to have a proper conversation about it, “Willow and Tara don’t seem to mind, and Dawn is over the moon about it. Giles is being cagey and I haven’t seen Riley or Cordelia long enough to form an opinion.” 

“You don’t regret it?”

Maybe if it had happened last year, she would have. But Spike had been good to her - despite everything. He had been grounding and there for her after she had told him about Heaven. He hadn’t used it to take advantage of her or pressured her to be anything other than what she was. Instead they had spent nights in his crypt while he read to her. Or watching some bad TV show on his way too small television. It had been… nice. Normal almost. Almost. It was impossible for her to not forget what he was or who he was. But their relationship, which had started as a distraction against the fact that Buffy’s life was falling apart had changed, “I told you I wanted to tell them. I just didn’t know that it was going to be then. Or in that very moment. It felt right.”

“All Gone With the Wind, and full of impulsivities.” 

“Good impulses through. You make it sound dirty.” 

“I can be dirty if you want.” 

When he said that Buffy made a face but internally she felt her body flush. They hadn’t actually been able to be intimate since the night she had died. A lot of that had been her. She hadn’t felt ready at all when she had come back. Everything had been too much, and sex was the last thing on her mind. Now though, now she thought she might be ready. But she wasn’t exactly sure how to tell him. Their first time had been an impulse too. The whole basis for this relationship was born of impulse. So just bringing it up seemed… impossible. Instead she said, “Don’t be a pig Spike.”

He laughed at that, and the sound of his laughter was rich and made Buffy smile along with him. The laughter died on her tongue and her hand shot out to pull Spike forward and closer to her. Then she rolled the two of them to the ground as a stake flew overhead and stuck itself into a tree, just a few inches from where Spike had been moments ago. That had been way too close for her comfort. If she had lost the man she… Buffy’s mind stopped and she forced herself to abandon that thought because there was no way it was true. The idea that it could be true - it would hurt to much. What they had now was easy and safe and it didn’t need to be anything else, “Thanks love.” Spike said from under her.

As he spoke they both looked up as the weirdest demon Buffy had ever seen walked into view. He seemed to be mostly human but he had a shark head and he was wearing what had to be the gaudiest suit Buffy had ever laid eyes on. There was no accounting for taste really. He nodded at two vampires flanking him, “Easy, boys. No need to get physical-like.” Buffy rolled off Spike and stood up brushing herself off before offering a hand to Spike and helping him stand next to her, “Just the vampire I’m lookin’ for.” The shark continued.

Buffy glanced up at Spike confused, “You know this guy?” She looked back at the shark.

“Yeah.” Which okay, this didn’t seem like the type of demon Spike would hang out with, “But from a few years back. Didn’t figure he would hunt me down here in sunnyhell.” 

“You know me.” The shark shrugged, “If there’s debt to collect I come calling. That house in Bel Air with the dream swimming pool ain’t going to pay itself. Now about those forty Siamese that you owe me.”

“Sorry. I’m not in that game anymore. Fell in love with a lady, she taught me how to be all proper like. You’ll have to get your kitties elsewhere.” 

Hearing Spike talk about her, and how their relationship had changed him - it felt good. In front of them the demon cocked his head, “Sorry. You gotta pay up, those are the rules.”

And yet - “Kitties?” Buffy looked at Spike because she couldn’t believe what she was hearing, “Like cats? Why can’t demons just use money like everybody else?”

“I wish I could tell you darling.” Spike answered. 

As she stared at her boyfriend Buffy tried to compartmentalize what she was hearing. Clearly this was from a while ago, and clearly this was from before the two of them had started dating. Still, the idea of Spike gambling for cats didn’t sit well with her. But then, a lot of things he had done once upon a time didn’t sit well with her. Since she was determined to do this relationship properly they would have to talk about it - but she was going to try her best to be non judgy even if she wanted to be. He had just said he had changed for her after all, and against all odds Buffy believed him, “She's funny. I like funny in a girl.” The demon said, “But I’ve given you more than enough time to get the goods. Now cough it up.”

He stepped backwards a few feet and the two vampires next to him stepped forward growling. As they did Buffy lept into the air, and grabbed onto one of the branches on the nearby tree, using it to swing forward and kick the vampire in the chest. He landed a few inches away from the shark, “He told you he’s not going to give you what you want. Get the memo please. You should know what that is right?” In front of her Spike punched the other vampire and tossed him at the demon’s feet where he landed on top of the other vampire, “Oh look - A vam-pile.” Buffy snorted at her pun. 

The two vampires scrambled up and looked at the shark demon, “I told you she was the Slayer boss.” 

“Quite unfortunate indeed. And protecting a vampire no less, a bit odd for a slayer honestly.”

Buffy shrugged, “He’s my boyfriend.” 

The demon hummed, “A different approach then.” He signaled to the two vampires, “It was a genuine pleasure. We’ll be back.” 

Buffy watched as they walked away and cocked her head. Spike came to stand in front of her, “Your boyfriend?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Shut up.” 

She reached up cradle his face in her hands before kissing him, kitten business forgotten. For now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A light twisting of history here, clearly the kitten poker betting happened Season 4 - 6 but I pushed it back a little bit further in order to serve the story. This chapter also works as a counter point to the last two chapters where everyone was a little worried about Buffy, turns out she's doing alright. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	64. Tabula Rasa (4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cordelia searches for solace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cordelia POV - finally.

**Time Stamp:** End of Episode

There was a flash and then Cordelia’s memories came back to her. They swept over her like a tide, unrelenting with how they crashed and Cordelia wished desperately that they would go away. Put back into the box from where they had just been moments ago. The start of the spell to bring Buffy back to life, the mounting darkness - and then waking up in Riley's arms and being told that her child was gone. That her baby had been taken over by some unseen evil, and that Buffy had been forced to kill her. She blinked and a tear snaked down her face. Reaching up she quickly wiped it away. It wouldn’t do well to start crying. Instead she leaned her head on Giles’s shoulder and reached out for his hand. 

His hand found hers and, he squeezed it in a gesture of comfort. God this whole thing was so monumentally stupid. Cordelia was stronger than this. She was a fighter and things like this were not supposed to bring her down. And yet all she wanted to do was scream until her lungs were sore, “Does your offer to go to London still stand?” She asked him. 

It felt like admitting defeat. Like running away. But the longer they sat here on the floor of The Magic Box, the more she knew she couldn’t stay in Sunnydale anymore. Not if she wanted to make it out alive. Just a moment ago she had believed that she was Giles’s daughter, and while it had felt good to pretend - that’s all it had been. Wishing for a farce to be true was no way to go through life. It would crush her. And Cordelia didn’t want to be crushed. Wasn’t it her job to do the crushing? To be the person who tore up lives? She snorted but then sobered. Life sucked, “Of course it still stands.” Giles told her.

Cordelia let her hand drop out of Giles’s listlessly, and she stood up to look around The Magic Box. The whole thing was a mess. The fight with the vampires who had come to collect Spike’s debt had really done a number on the place. She wanted to clean it up but didn’t really have the energy needed to do so at the time. A better person would have stayed. Cordelia didn’t feel like a better person right now, “I’m going home.” 

She stepped over the wreckage of the shop and walked outside and into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but I feel like not much more needed to be said. Tabula Rasa was absolutely this sort of episode though. Really funny at first with a rather depressing ending. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	65. Once More With Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In songs - truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many different POVs this chapter. Mostly because that's how it works best. You also get the whole episode this time. 
> 
> If you want to read the songs as I've rewritten them - click each link.

**Buffy** \- _[“Finally Alive”](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1aZZoOQVwKpjhR0HGdbzUJ0LNjwWUHuxzUSNw0Jp1jEg/edit?usp=sharing)_

The day started like any other. Buffy woke up, made Dawn breakfast - pancakes were currently the choice of the month, and then she went to the Magic Box back-room to train. Also to say hi to Tara in an attempt to keep the girl company, after the break up. After training she returned to the front of the shop and she and Tara went out for a late lunch courtesy of The Watchers Council, and Buffy did her best to dodge questions about Heaven as best she could. Of course it still hurt, but Jasmine’s curse and what she had gone through to stop the woman had gone a long way to healing it. Buffy was sick of answering questions about her experiences there. Her insistence on this however didn’t stop the questions, and it didn’t stop everyone from hounding her about it.

Once lunch was done she would either go for a walk around Sunnydale or go home and do chores around the house. Sometimes she would make the journey to Spike’s crypt and spend time with him. If was awake. Now that she had free time, Buffy found that life wasn’t so bad after all. Near the end of the day she would pick Dawn up at school, and after dinner would go out to patrol.

That’s when things got odd.

Buffy wasn’t sure why she started singing. Only that by the time she had finished her song - about how her friends were treating her like some sort of fine breakable china and how she just wanted them to treat her like they did before the whole Heaven debacle - did she realized that maybe, just maybe that something was very wrong.

It wasn’t that she hated her friends, far from it - it was just that if they heard her bad mouthing them like this, well - Buffy didn’t want to deal with that. They were overall good people, and she knew that their questions came from concern.

Something had to be done.

 **Giles** \- [_“I’ve Got a Theory”_](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NJJcaitb9mR6lbijSsCopN-YbzMYsk53sVmm7zvx0TE/edit?usp=sharing)

As everyone filed into The Magic Box one by one Giles became more and more despondent. What he had hoped was an isolated incident of singing was turning out to be more than that. Everyone was being cagey around each other too. Afraid to even open their mouths in case something came out that they didn’t want to say. He also noted, rather quickly that Willow wasn’t there. The girl had been avoiding The Magic Box - and Tara, ever since the two of them had broken up. Giles knew that she would have to deal with her break up with Tara and her own magic addiction sooner or later, but today it seemed would not be that day.

At the table Buffy, Riley, Cordelia, and Tara were chatting about what had caused the singing and Giles walked forward in an attempted to add his own voice to the conversation. However what came out was not words but song.

Instantly he found himself hating the world.

Soon the four others joined him and by the end of the song Giles wondered just what he had done to deserve this. Perhaps just as bothered by the whole thing, Buffy stood up and declared that she was going to see if Spike knew anything.

As Buffy left Tara rather slyly told her to enjoy herself and, unsurprisingly that just made Buffy walk faster. Tara declared not soon after that she would be leaving for lunch and that she would be back in a bit.

 **Tara** \- _[“Our Spell”](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XLAl8yLu6zJKxgc69OfuUIjnNUeZNTFiRIEaU_v96h0/edit?usp=sharing)_

As Tara left The Magic Box she looked up to see Willow staring at her from a distance. Willow had been… distant, since their break up and while Tara didn’t blame her it did make her worry. No one was there to really watch over her, since she had been told that Willow wasn't really speaking to anyone, despite living in the same house as both Buffy and Dawn. Tara approached slowly and watched as Willows eyes got wide. They stood in front of each other and exchanged small pleasantries but it was awkward. The aura of magic buzzed around Willow and it made Tara feel uncomfortable. It was clear that despite everything Willow had still not stopped using magic. As they were no longer together it shouldn’t have bothered Tara - Willow wasn’t her responsibility any more. But it did.

She wished Willow well and the two of them went their own way. As she walked Tara couldn’t help look at all the happy couples and think about what had been, and where she was now. The words to the song came unbidden, filled with longing but also a knowledge that she had done the right thing for now.

By the time the song had ended she found herself back at Buffy’s house, staring at the bed that she and Willow had once shared. Something would have to give, and Tara wondered what it would be.

 **Riley and Cordelia** \- _[“I Love You But…”](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1i9jF1heiEZjzjG0fiNY88JkBRqnrFclw1Umlspalsbg/edit?usp=sharing)_

Riley watched Cordelia as she packed. He wanted to say something, anything to stop her each time she held up a dress and looked at it trying to figure out to bring it or not. England was very different from California and Cordelia was picky about fashion. But every time he opened his mouth the words died on his lips. How could he ask her to stay when he knew how much she ached. How could he ask her to stay when every time he kissed her he saw this pain in her eyes. But he truly believed that they could get through this together. They had already gotten through so much already, why was this the thing that was going to break them? Cordelia was strong - even now she was so unbelievably strong.

He wanted to be angry but there was no place to direct his anger. He couldn’t be angry at Jasmine though god help him he wanted to. He knew now that she wasn’t really his daughter, but some sort of Power that Be - but that didn’t stop him from feeling fatherly toward her. His real daughter was dead and gone, soul taken and replaced somewhere along the way. A baby wouldn’t have worked on the Hellmouth anyway. Not with their line of work. But it didn’t stop him from wishing that one would have.

Cordelia looked up at him and he knew she was going to start singing the moment her eyes met his. The words she said stung, they spoke of love of leaving - of moving on to find peace. In that moment Riley couldn’t stop himself from answering her call, and begged her in his own words to stay. As they sung he took her in his arms and they waltzed around the room to the slow song that no longer slept inside of them.

When they finished he hoped - or perhaps wondered, if his words had reached her. But Cordelia kept packing. Kept putting what remained of their lives in the suitcase in front of her.

 **Spike and Buffy** \- _[“Kiss Me (Sweet Release)”](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1l6GOF6oxaLB9y1Idt20SR9QqNZdSZ7eiAfHKiP5AvTs/edit?usp=sharing)_

The doors to his crypt opened and Buffy strode in as if she owned the place. Having now been with Buffy for almost over a year, Spike found himself rather fond of the sound of his doors banging against the walls behind them. She looked a bit flustered but otherwise okay, as she explained that she had dodged four separate group sings just to get to his place. Having poked his head outside, seen the singing, and then decided it was ultimately not worth it - Spike had to agree with her. Everyone was going ruddy insane with the singing and he decidedly did not want to join along. Flopping on what had become her favorite chair Buffy launched into explaining what was happening and asking him if he had any clue as to what was going on.

Of course, he was just as confused as she was and he let her know. She sighed and seemed to suggest that she had figured but wanted to see him anyway. When she said that Spike couldn’t help but look at her fondly. In all his years of living he would have never imagined not only being in a relationship with a Slayer, but being in a relationship with Buffy where her bloody friends knew about them. When he had confessed his love, he had hoped but had hardly dared. Buffy looked back at him with a quizzical expression on her face, but it wasn’t angry - merely questioning.

Before he could contain himself the words begun to pour out. His feelings for her and how much he enjoyed being with her. To his surprise Buffy’s own voice joined his, and the two of them sung together - walking between the graves and imploring the other to just kiss them. By the time the song was over he had pressed against a tree, their mouths fused together. He wondered rather offhandedly if they would finally shag for the first time after Buffy’s return from Heaven but Buffy quickly put a stop to the idea declaring that she needed to go train so she could be home early to watch over Dawn.

While Spike wasn’t happy with it, he let her go - releasing her to her Slayer duties. The taste and smell of her still lingering as she went.

 **Dawn** -  _[“Dawn's Lament”](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WLQ3Wyv0iUWf8JaMmK3akTMOE0Rl-KUJ7Cl6rhweXnQ/edit?usp=sharing)_

When Dawn got home she was glad to find that only Tara was there. Because Buffy didn’t have a job, save killing vampires - she had been home a lot. It didn’t help that whenever they were together Buffy was checking up on her and hounding her to tell her how she was. Dawn was pretty sure it was leftover from Buffy being worried about her after the whole Jasmine thing but Dawn was sick of it. She had survived for a week without Buffy, without anyone - and while it had been hard at first, now she was rather proud of herself. She was self sufficient. Considering her sister was dealing with people throwing questions about Heaven at her every moment of every day Dawn thought that Buffy would see that she was doing the same thing to her.

Buffy had not seen. So Buffy not being home gave Dawn hope that her sister would not be around to breath down her neck. She checked in with Tara quickly and then went upstairs to finish her homework and get ready for bed. Pulling out a pencil and glancing down at the page of works in front of her, Dawn felt the song come to her before she could force it back down.

The knock on the head, was also something she was unable to stop. Her last thought being something along the line of hating that this would only increase Buffy’s intense watch.

 **Giles**   - _[“Standing/Finally Alive”](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BW63AC_6oGRJ-SmheDY3UtD2OqlqKGxT8QfrVgDfWDI/edit?usp=sharing)_

Giles watched Buffy train and from the way she looked at him he could tell that she wanted to say something but was keeping her mouth shut. But she had been keeping her mouth shut ever since she had found out that he was leaving and it rankled him. It had been her idea to invite Cordelia but he worried that her silence meant that she wasn’t dealing as well as she claimed to be. If her silence about Heaven was to be used as any sort of measuring stick. What he had learned was that when Buffy was upset she clammed up. He didn’t above all - want this to be like that. Her form had been much better as of late, but he also worried that she was pushing herself. Jasmine had made her driven, but Jasmine had almost made her a little paranoid. She was terrified that something would happen to Dawn, and terrified that something else would happen because of her resurrection. He wanted to reassure her but didn’t know how.

Which was when he started ruddy singing. Again. His worries about leaving her, about how he feared she wasn’t ready for the life that she was about to lead without him - but how he knew that he had to leave to let her grow. Every bit of him, every bit of how much he would miss her. The song faded for a moment and then Buffy’s voice answered him in song. Reassuring and soothing, asking him to go. To give her the chance to grow without him. To let her fight her own battles. She wanted him to stay but was okay with him leaving.

The knowledge that she was ready filled an ache in his heart. He would always worry and perhaps that was the onus of all fathers - but his daughter would be okay.

 **Buffy** \- _[“Through the Fire”](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1apd1PNe5uyhxytszbdr3BArIlFSiW7Y-NPG00ulsc2U/edit)_

As they finished training Buffy walked into the main shop and watched as Cordelia walked in with a panicked look on her face. Riley who had arrived earlier, watched Cordelia with a concern on his face that Buffy was sure mirrored her own. Her friend made a beeline to the books and cracked one open. A moment later both Tara and Willow followed, although not together. Before Buffy could ask any of them what was the wrong, the door opened and Spike came through with a puppet in his grip. It would have made Buffy snort if not for what the puppet told her next - Dawn had been taken. That made Buffy’s blood freeze because she had promised herself that such a thing would never, happen again. She had sworn it to Dawn. There was a debate about what to do but eventually Giles confessed to the songversation the two of them had, and implored her to go alone.

As she stood outside watching the chaos of people dancing, and the fires in the street Buffy felt emboldened. Her friends knew her feelings now and they hadn’t turned away. Instead they had felt happy for her. Glad that she had overcome the challenges placed in front of her. As the music swept through her she knew that they would be with her, no matter what and that was enough. She would find peace in that joining and use it to fuel her ability to save Dawn.

At the Bronze she knocked down the door and stormed in. She and the demon stared each other down and for a moment exchanged pleasantries. As they talked her friends arrived and Buffy took comfort in their strength. Despite her earlier words she was better with them there. As a team they would defeat the demon that was forcing people to dance until they died. She could do this she could -

“It’s not your power your sister’s life hangs upon.” The demon said and the words chilled her, “It’s hers.”

And he pointed at Cordelia.

 **Cordelia** \- _[“Something to Sing About”](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NHcvndDQjuAdjqhI6_qREA6BsadBnraZ4h-wiUbj26A/edit) and [“Where Do We Go From Here/Coda”](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FKvZzjE2GcqWNiRPN_kuLgWW6xtEJwaqJy4NnRUh17s/edit?usp=sharing)_

The whole day Cordelia had felt dread. Although that was not a new feeling. She had felt as if everything was on the verge of collapse since she had had woken up from her coma. But she had gotten really good at pretending that things were okay. That a trip to London was going to fix everything, was going to fix the hole in her heart that losing her child had left. And then people had started singing their feelings. Once upon a time Cordelia had wanted to be a star, had wanted to walk into the spotlight and have everyone look at her. But today she had wanted to put her head down and ignore everything. Wanted to get on the plane with Giles and waste her days away in London. And some deeper part of her - wanted to find a place to die away from the rest of the world. Because that was what she had wanted to do when she had realized what had happened to her. She didn’t want to label it as depression, because that would be admitting defeat - but god she was tried. Of everything.

But now the spotlight was on her directly and Cordelia couldn’t help it. Her feet moved without her say so, and she started to dance. And with the dance came song and everything she had tried to keep hidden. It spilled out of her unbidden and as it did Cordelia realized that it was okay. It was okay if she took her bow here, it would be ok if she burned up in this moment because what did she have to go back to?

She danced harder, and harder - and dared the world to take her. And then two hands wrapped around her and stopped her. For a moment she didn’t even register Riley as he sung to her, as he implored her to keep fighting.

It didn’t fix everything but in that moment she knew that she would have to live on. She also knew then, deep in her heart - as she stared up at Riley, that despite everything - she couldn’t stay.

The demon clapping interrupted them and slowly, he was able to get Riley to admit that he had summoned him to try to find a way to convince Cordelia to stay. In some other world, without dead bodies - it would have been romantic. And maybe a little bit of it still was, but Sunnydale felt like poison.

Around her people begun to sing again asking what they should do now - a question Cordelia had no answer to. For a moment Cordelia sang with them. For a moment. Then she pulled away and walked outside.

Outside she wrapped her arms around her body and stared out into the darkness. Alone but only for a moment. As she turned she found Riley staring at her. And in that second she knew that he understood that she planned to leave. That nothing he said would stop her from tearing them apart. But he was Riley and she loved him and he wouldn’t be Riley if he tried just one more time - just one last time to get her to stay, "Wait." 

"You should go back inside… finish singing with the group Get it all out of your system."

"You’re not going to stay are you?"

"No, but I think you know that. I think you’ve known that since I woke up. I want to, but - it just hurts. So much."

"Cordelia..."

"You’re not going to change my mind. I’m not Buffy, my spark isn’t something that can be magically fixed."

"Please." Riley's voice broke.

There was only one way to convince him. And this time the song came easily. As she sung to him, he sung back to her. Their last duet. His hands wrapped around her frame gently in a hug, and he kissed the top of her head. In that silence they enjoyed the possibility of forever. Of frozen time and a never ending moment.

But tomorrow was England. Tomorrow was moving on. Tomorrow was the inevitable sound of time breaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the songs as I rewrote them were not too terrible. Regarding the end of this episode: when I started this fic it was always my plan to have Cordelia bow out here. Please don't hate me too much for it. 
> 
> For anyone who is curious this chapter took about a month to write - writing the songs, and trying to make it work functionally was harder than I thought it would be.
> 
> Thank you for the reads :)


	66. Smashed (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spike accidentally attacks a human, and Buffy attempts to cheer him up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Spike POV since I feel like that's been lacking recently.

**Time Stamp:** Start of the Episode

As the night wore on Spike was becoming more and more convinced that the whole thing was going to be a wash. No vampires, no demons, not even a visit from Buffy. He didn’t expect her to visit every night - she couldn’t - but he felt her absence acutely when she didn’t. He rounded a corner and heard the sound of the Slayer’s voice floating down the alleyway. He leaned into the noise and picked up his pace, “But come on, rush me. It'll be funny.” Finally! Action. He didn’t need it all the time, but god life had been dreadfully boring lately. Although he supposed after Jasmine - everything felt a bit dull. He rushed forward and lept into the fray with a yell, “No!” His fist connected with the man the second he heard Buffy’s yell. 

A headache cracked open inside his skull. He out a scream as he processed the pain. Humans. It wasn’t like Buffy didn’t stop dark wrongdoings by her own kind as well - but it had been a long time. God - he really hated the Initiative. If he didn’t have the chip in his head and he didn’t respect the relationship he had with Buffy he would hunt them down and rip out their bloody throats. Fortunately or unfortunately, he wasn’t sure - he had both. And he wouldn’t have traded them for all the blood baths in the world. As he sat up Buffy walked up to him and helped him stand, “Just what were you thinking?”

“I thought they were demons.” He admitted.

That made her snort and he loved the sound she made when she was amused, “Decidedly of the alive and non-bumpy skin variety.” She told him.

He dusted himself off and straightened his duster, “I could tell pet thanks to the -” He gestured to his head. 

“Killer headache?” 

“Keen observations all around.” He paused, “Remind me to never say keen again.”

She laughed and pushed herself up onto one of the crates in front of her to sit down, “It fits you. Very old timey.”

“So.” He searched for something to say that wouldn’t make him sound like an asshole, “Did the watcher and his mini-me get out of dodge well enough?”

Buffy blinked and then nodded, “Yep. No issues. Plane took off and away they went.”

He tilted his head trying to get a read on her body language. It was one of the few things he was good at - reading her. Or at least had gotten better at over the years, “You okay luv?”

His question prompted a sigh, “As well as you can be when one of your best friends leaves.”

“And the watcher?”

Her lack of voicing anything about him spoke volumes he thought, “I told him to go, so I can’t regret it. But I’m going to miss him. A lot.” 

That sounded about right. He hadn’t been around for all of it - but he knew enough about the slayer to know that her relationship with the watcher had been important. Losing that had to be tough, “I can think of ways to take your mind off it.” He told her with a lear and was rewarded with glare.

“I don’t think that’s going to make it better. But I can think of one thing that will.” 

“What’s that pet?” 

“Riley told me that he’s heard whispers that there’s a big vampire nest held up in one of the Sunnydale Cemetery crypts. He overheard a vampire bragging about it in The Bronze, something vampires desperately need to stop doing.”

“He’s not going to go on a bender now that his girl is gone is he?” 

Spike remembered rather vividly how Riley responded to greif. It was hard to forget a plastic stake to the heart. The boy seemed calm on the surface but there was a little bit of rage in him, a little bit of a need to bury himself in bad things that felt good when he was down on his luck. Spike could relate, which he hated - but he got it. Buffy shook her head, “Nah. No burying of grief. Just a lot of moping. I think he knows that Cordelia had to leave, just like the rest of us did.”

“Good for him.” He hated himself as soon as he said it but it couldn’t be taken back, “Vampires?” He changed the subject as quickly as possible.

Buffy swung off the crate and he extended his arm to her as the two of them walked down the alleyway together, “It’s only a matter of time before he gets over it.” Buffy told him, “He’s got us and when he’s ready to move on he’ll realize that there are other fish in the sea. Or something poetic like that.” She sighed, “Enough talking about Riley. Let’s go kill things.”

“Now you’re speaking my language.”

Maybe tonight would come up Spike after all. A good vampire purge was exactly what he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a lot of changed dialogue in this opening so it was fun to do (you'll see a few more of these re: Spike and Buffy openers later on). There are also some small nods to the old dialogue woven in, but those nods are very very small. 
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


	67. Smashed (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riley, Tara, and Buffy do research.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Riley POV post breakup.

**Time Stamp:** Mid-Episode

Being around Tara and Buffy made Riley feel miserable. Which wasn’t fair to them. For the most part Tara seemed to be dealing well enough with her break-up from Willow, and Buffy was happy off in coupledom with Spike. Which was something that Riley could still hardly believe. Part of him wondered if there was anything he could have done to stop Buffy and Spike from getting together but knew that ship had long sailed. And it wasn’t like anyone had known anything about the two of them until just a few weeks ago. He was trying his best to be supportive because it was what Cordelia would have done. 

In front of him Buffy slammed the book she was reading shut and looked around The Magic Box. She was clearly frustrated with the research they were doing and Riley didn’t blame her at all. They were used to fighting demons but something about an actual freeze ray and a stolen diamond, felt oddly sci-fi in nature. Not in their wheelhouse at all, “We suck.”

Tara looked up from the book that she was reading, “We need new brains. If Cordelia was here -” She paused, “Sorry. That was insensitive of me.” 

If had been anyone other than Tara he would have been angry but as it was, he couldn’t be angry at her. Tara hadn’t meant to hurt him when she had spoken, “It’s okay. The three of us are not exactly the A team when it comes to research.” 

Buffy nodded in agreement, “Willow might be able to figure this out.” Then she paused, “Sorry.”

It seemed that today was the day for faux pauses all around. Riley was very glad to no longer be the only one. Maybe hanging out with Buffy wasn’t so bad. They now shared the same foot in mouth disease so clearly they still had a few things in common, “It’s… it’s okay.” Tara told her, “Willow would be helpful here. It’s too bad she’s not.”

“Off with her new friend.” Riley agreed, “She’s doing better, she’s not crying or cooped up.” 

He said it to try to reassure Tara but from the way she frowned he realized it had done the opposite. Which thinking on it, he realized why, “She’s doing too much magic.” Tara said, “I knew no-longer a rat Amy could be an issue but -” 

“You didn’t know how much.” Buffy filled in the blanks, “I agree that she needs to cool her jets but what can we do?” She shrugged, “She’s Willow - she’ll figure it out.”

Hearing them talk Riley wasn’t sure what to say. He knew Willow well enough but not like Tara or Buffy did. For the most part he had been on the outside of their social group. First with Buffy and then with Cordelia. He had helped out when needed - like with stopping Glory, but this was a whole new ballgame. There was no more barrier between himself and Willow, or himself and Tara. Hell he didn’t even recognize the person his ex-girlfriend was anymore. Eventually he was going to have to figure out how to be around them, as a friend instead of some sort of ancillary, “Buffy’s known Willow the longest so I’m sure she’s right - everything will figure itself out.” He told Tara. 

“I’m still her girlfriend.” Tara told him, and okay that was true, “Ex-girlfriend.” She corrected herself, “I just want her to be healthy. And she’s not.”

“Not now. You’re right - but like I said, what can we do? She’s going to have to figure it out on her own.”

It was a sound plan from Buffy - or at least it sounded like a sound plan, based on Buffy’s own experiences. However, it felt like they were abandoning Willow for some reason. He was sure that wasn’t what Buffy meant of course, but Riley had an insane need to fix things. To make things work - like he hadn’t been able to with Buffy or Cordelia. Which, when he thought about things like that - maybe Buffy was right. But deep in his gut it still didn’t feel right, “It’s like Giles said, she’s using powers she doesn’t understand. Hell that I don’t understand.” Tara said, “Something will happen to snap her out of it. It have to believe it will. That she will get better.”

“Or what?” Riley asked her.

Tara exhaled, “Or things could get bad.”

“And if they get bad?” He pried, because it seemed like all this ignoring and not helping could be disastrous. 

“I don’t know okay.” Tara admitted to him.

“I’ll try to keep an eye on her.” Buffy promised him, “It’s the best I can do.”

There was a lull in the conversation as they went back to reading their books. A moment later the phone rang and Buffy got up to answer it. He watched her cross the room and begin to talk to the person on the other end of the line who turned out to be - Spike? The two of them talked for a little bit and instead of reading he watched her laugh, and smile in such a way that felt almost like staring at sunshine. It was too bright and too much. Next to him Tara watched on as well and he could see that she was in pain too, “It’s hard watching her be happy and knowing that you’re not isn’t it?”

“A little.” Tara admitted with shame in her voice.

Finally Buffy finished up her conversation and came back to the table, “What did Cold Undead want?” Riley asked. 

She glared at him for the nickname but didn’t correct him, “To patrol.” She squirmed around in her seat, “Is talking about this weird for you? It’s a little weird for me. Let’s just do the research. Find whatever is turning these people all icy.”

Having said that Buffy picked up the book, and stuck it as far and as close to her face as possible. End of the conversation indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the show this is a Xander, Anya, Buffy scene. I only mention this because I've found that Tara is having to do a lot more work as a character since Anya currently isn't around. It's giving me a little more time to dig into her character. Also it's not completely obvious here but Cordelia and Giles have passed on The Magic Box to her. I feel like I have to put it as an author's note since I don't think I ever have time to make it completely apparent. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	68. Smashed (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A broken chip leads to conversation, and then flirting, and finally the death of a house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for more Buffy POV. I also earn my M rating in this chapter. Finally.

**Time Stamp:** End of the Episode

Buffy walked down the alley twisting the stake she was holding between her fingers. As she did she was trying her best to put together the puzzle pieces of the frozen museum guard. But honestly she had no idea. The whole thing was so odd. There wasn’t a single demon that either Tara, Riley, or Dawn could find that would do this sort of damage. Tara had been right - if Cordelia was here this would have been a whole hell of a lot easier. Cordelia was good with research. Almost better than Giles sometimes. A shadow passed in front of her and she held up the stake only to lower as quickly as she had raised it, “Spike! You can’t sneak up on me like that.”

He laughed at her and she pouted, “You were being careless luv.”

“Was not.” She had been though, lost a little too deeply in thought, “Okay a little bit.” 

“I really do need to talk to you.” He took up pace beside her.

“So the phone call wasn’t just a late night booty call?” She looked at him.

“This is serious Buffy. I’d like it if you didn’t make light of the situation.” 

There was a hint of panic in his voice which made Buffy stop and take notice. She turned around to look him in the eyes, taking him all in. When he had called earlier he had joked around with her but the underlying concerns had obviously been serious, “I was being flip, sorry.”

He grinned when she said that, “That sounded like something I would say.” 

Sometimes Buffy wondered at how quickly her boyfriend could go from serious to genuine humor. Spike was a man of many talents it seemed, “Veering a wildly off topic.” She told him.

“So. Right.” He was struggling to find the right words to say to her, “The chip.” And okay now he had her attention, “It doesn’t work on you. Anymore.”

The way he lead up to it caused Buffy to bark out a sharp laugh. There was just no way that was possible - at all, “Very funny.”

“It’s true.”

A sort of quiet passed between them while she tried to digest his words. Part of her didn’t want to believe him, because of the implications of what it meant if his chip didn’t work on her. However part of her was also curious, terribly so. Fighting Spike had always been a rush, even if she didn’t always admit it to herself, “Prove it.” 

Buffy should have expected the punch, but it still caught her off guard. His fist smashed into her face and left her reeling. Where she had expected him to cry out in pain there was nothing. She touched her nose as the pain set in, “Your pain. It’s gone.” She said, and then promptly swung her fist out at him. 

He blocked it and then stared at her, “You want a fight Slayer?” He cocked an eyebrow at her.

“Been awhile since Jasmine, haven’t fought something close to my level in a while.” She answered him.

The truth was she wanted to do something - anything, to take her mind off the implications that Spike’s chip didn’t work on her. So far two very bad monsters had crawled into life on the back of the spell that had brought her back from the dead. She didn’t want to be the third. She prayed that she wasn’t. And yeah, okay - she also thought it would be fun to fight with Spike. It was just a bonus of repressing everything really. So when his fist swung towards her she was ready and blocked his next strike with a practiced ease, “It’s been awhile since we’ve danced like this.” He said, countering her punch with a solid blow to her chest.

The words sparked something in Buffy, “We’ve done a little more than dance since then.” 

Was this flirting?

She stood up and attacked him again with a flurry of blows, each meeting their mark. It reminded her of how she and Riley used to spar, only this was something more - primal, Buffy thought. Faith had once told her that Slaying made her honry and hungry and right now, as Buffy lost herself in the fight she couldn’t find it in herself to disagree, “You’re feisty tonight Summers.” Spike smirked at her and Buffy felt her face become warm, “We should do this more often, if this is the results.” 

He stopped her next attack and pushed her backwards, and then shoved her again, and again until her back met a door and she crashed through the rotted wood. Now inside, she went down on the floor again but quickly recovered and punched Spike away from her and into what looked like a dining room table, “We should. I’m finding this very therapeutic.” She grinned at him, breathing a little heavier than normal. 

Spike jumped up onto the table and grabbed the chandelier above him. He swung on it to add momentum to the kick that he delivered to her face, “If that’s what you want to call it.” The kick caused her to fall onto the ground for the third time tonight and Buffy growled as she stood - that was the last time he got the better of her like that, “Oh.” Spike’s lip curled up, “Kitty has claws.” 

The pet name caused the warmth that had started in her face to travel southward where it blossomed. Buffy let out a groan fueled on by the need in her belly. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to do more than kiss him. She wanted to press him against the wall and - Buffy thrust him toward the staircase behind them now, “Come on now, you can do better than this. You’ve hardly caused me to work up a sweat. Where’s the Spike from before? The one who almost defeated me back in High School?” It was dangerous but Buffy wanted to play with fire, spontaneous indeed.

For a moment Buffy worried that she had gone too far but Spike growled back, and yeah okay Buffy couldn’t deny it anymore - she was turned on. His growl had made something inside her twitch with desire, “You want the big bad baby?” He asked - eyes almost molten in their intensity.

He stood up and shook off her attack. Stalking towards her he grabbed her and threw her to the floor for a fourth time, breaking the promise Buffy had made to herself in the process. He leaned over her, pinning her there with a strength she had forgotten he had, “You think I can’t handle him?” Buffy knew she practically begging for it now, but she couldn’t help herself - she was too into this to stop, “You think the big bad scares me?” She leaned forward and whispered in his ear, lips ghosting over his skin, “Think again.” She pushed him off her and then lept at him as he tumbled away from her body. 

Buffy knocked Spike against the wall to the staircase again and he leered at her turning their bodies so that she was pressed against the same wall she had just had him pinned to a moment ago. His body pressed up against hers, and now she couldn’t deny how the fight was making him feel too. “Come on Slayer.” He drawled with a press of hips, “It’s not scared that you feel right now.”

“You think you know what I feel right now?”

But of course he did. Her need was on clear display and there was no way her boyfriend wouldn’t absolutely pick up on it. Her chest heaved as she stared at him, daring him to say anything, “I think I have a pretty good idea pet.” He thrust against her again, and she couldn’t help as she responded in kind. Buffy used his surprise at her action to free herself and sent him smacking into a wall, “That’s playing dirty -” 

But before he could finish what he had said Buffy was on him, kissing him. Spike responded in kind, lips surging forward almost savagely to capture her own. The fight had turned him on just as much as it had her so she wasn’t surprised by the ferocity of his kiss. She reached forward to grab onto something and felt her fist go through the wall. Seeing her dilemma Spike picked her up, and oh that was new. Turning their bodies he slammed her against the wall and not even that could tear her lips from his. Dizzily Buffy realized that this would be the first time the two of them were together in such a way since she had died. And god her mind provided, what a way it was.

The wall behind them slowly gave way so reluctantly Buffy tore her lips away from Spike’s mouth to shove him across the room and onto a studier looking wall. The moment he hit it she was on him again, the two of them continuing to kiss in way that was reminiscent of their fight - violent, but with so much passion behind each desperate press of their mouths. 

Buffy felt Spike pull her up again and she wrapped her legs around his torso, fingers dipping down to find the zipper of his pants. She fumbled for a bit and then pulled it down. At the same time his fingers worked to pull her skirt up and away and then, oh. Oh. Buffy had forgotten how good he felt inside her. It had just been a moment back then, before her death - done quickly because they had both been afraid for the end, but even then - all the pleasure of that moment came cascading back to her. Leaving her breathless. 

She pulled back to look at Spike and he was looking at her too. Both them staring at each other as the lust between them built with each press of Spike inside of her. It was a revelation. Then he was kissing her again, turning her back against the wall in a way that made her push against him harder, needier. Buffy wondered - as she moaned into Spike’s mouth, just who this creature was she had turned into. It terrified her as much as she loved it. She felt unbridled and totally out of control. Buffy wanted more. 

They fell forward, and the floor gave way beneath them. It hardly crossed Buffy’s mind as the house crumbled around them. Instead the fall pushed him further inside, and she groaned. On the lower level now, they moved together and Buffy never wanted it to end. Decided - as Spike fucked up into her, that she would do everything in her power to make sure it didn’t.

After all, the night was still young.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Less morally grey here, still hopefully hot. I had so much fun twisting the dialogue in this chapter and adding in new stuff. I also think this is only the second? Or first? Time I've used the word fuck. I try to match the tone of the fic to the tone of the show when appropriate, and I figured if there was ever a moment to use fuck - now was it. I might use it again later down the line (Season 6 Buffy and Spike are frisky) but we will see.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	69. Wrecked (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy and Spike wake up together after bringing the house down, and things are just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spike POV.

**Time Stamp:** Start of the Episode

Spike woke slowly and blinked up at what had been the ceiling. The floor? He wasn’t sure anymore. The room was bathed in non direct sunlight of the very early morning kind and he groaned. He hurt everywhere. But as the night before came rushing back to him he smiled because never in a million years had he believed that his Slayer could be that wild. Oh he had hoped she might have it in her, but this had been something else. Next to him Buffy shifted and her eyes fluttered open. She looked at him and then buried her head in his neck letting out a nervous giggle, “When? When did the building fall down?”

This was less unexpected, but she was clearly bashful about what had happened between them. Seeing her so embarrassed, well he couldn’t help but tease her, “I don't know.” She groaned into his shoulder, “Must have been sometime between the first time and the, uh... “ 

“Oh god.” Another groan.

“You okay pet?” 

Despite the teasing he wanted to make sure for some dumb reason, that she was okay with what had happened between them. Clearly she didn’t regret the sex - but everything else - well that was a little outside her wheelhouse. He wondered if she had ever done anything like they had last night and figured that she couldn’t have. Angel had only been the one time and the soldier? Forget it, “Yeah.” She mumbled, “I have to go though. I left Dawn at home I’m sure she’s freaking out.”

He wrapped his arm around her and and rolled her on top of him. He begun peppering kisses on her neck, and she let out a breathy moan, “Stay. I'm stuck here.” He spoke into the skin of her neck between kisses, “Sun is coming up.” 

She pulled away from him and sat up so she was straddling his lap staring down at him in all her glory, “I want to. But I can’t, Dawn needs me.” Despite this she continued to grind down on him, the leather of her skirt parting - allowing them to thrust their naked flesh up against each other.

“Nothing I can say to convince you?” He punctuated this with a sharp press upwards and she shuddered.

“Nothing.” She threw her head back, “God. Please.” 

“I’ll make it quick.” He promised.

For a moment he thought she would say no and then he felt her fingers dip down to guide him inside her again. For a moment neither of them said anything as he picked up the pace until her palms came to rest on his chest and she found her pleasure again. He followed not soon after. She flopped down on him and took a few shuddering breaths to get her bearings back and then rolled over, reaching for her shirt and pulling it up over her head and a bra that Spike had to admit he was very fond of, “Now I really need to go.” She told him, “Have you seen my shoes?”

“Or your land legs?”

She smacked him on the chest for that and he figured he deserved it, “Jerk.” Then she stood.

As she searched for her shoes the rest of the events of last night came into sharp focus, which was to say - everything that wasn’t the sex - Spike felt worry seep into him. Because as good as the sex had been - and it had been a bloody second revelation, it had also done a very good job of derailing the very real and very important conversation the two of them had been having before the fists had started flying. And he needed to make sure that Buffy was really okay. Because knowing that the chip wasn’t working on her - and only her - he wondered what sort of things were crawling through that head of hers, “Are we going to talk about it?”

“About what?” She found her shoes and pulled one on.

So she was avoiding it then, because there was no way she didn’t know what he was talking about, “About the thing in my noggin not working on you.”

“Maybe another time.” She pulled on her second shoe.

“Pet, don’t you want to know why?”

“What like I came back wrong? Like it’s just another thing in the messed up story of me?”

Okay, so he hadn't been expecting that reaction. He pulled on his pants, and fastened them as he stood up so they were eye to eye. Partially dressed, he moved close enough that he could almost lean forward and kiss her forehead. He did not. Instead Spike draped his arms across her shoulders gently. It was in invitation to find comfort in a hug, without the pressure. The moment his arms came up around her he heard her sigh, “You didn’t come back wrong.” He insisted.

From the way she didn’t fully learn into him, he could tell that she didn’t believe him - not completely. There was something there - a blockage, “I really have to get home to Dawn.”

“We are going to have to talk about this eventually.”

“Not now.” Her voice was cold and it shouldn’t have hurt but it did.

Things had been going so well between them. After telling her friends he hadn’t exactly expected smooth sailing, but this was something altogether different. He didn’t want his chip to be what broke them up. Him getting it was what had brought them together and he didn’t want its absence to be what hurt them in the end. He stiffened and withdrew, “Best get back to your mates then.”

“Spike.” She paused and seemed to hesitate, “Please.” She said this softer.

And god it was hard for him to stay angry at her when she spoke to him like that. He would let it go for now. It was clearly bothering her, and all he was doing was making it worse by poking at it. They were going to have to talk about it eventually but maybe not right this morning, when things were still fresh, “Don’t keep the little sis waiting.”

“Thank you.”

“See you tonight?”

“Maybe.” And he could see the way her face flushed, “I’ll see what I can do.”

“That’s all I ask pet.” 

She snorted at that, “I don’t like leaving you here though.” She admitted.

“Why?” He glanced around.

“It’s all sunny.”

“It’s got enough shade. I’ll figure out.” This time he leaned down to kiss her on the mouth, lingering when he pulled away, “And now you’re stalling.” 

“Can’t find my underwear.” She admitted face going red.

He cast his eyes around and eventually they landed on a plank of wood, where her panties were hanging almost as if they had been placed there. He pulled them off and handed them to her, “Ta love.” 

“Ta love yourself.”

She jumped over a few piles of wood and before she could leave he called out to her, “Give my love to your little sis will you?”

She turned back to look at him, “Like she’s not going to want all the gory details. Or figure it out just by looking at me. Or -” Buffy paused, “I’ll tell her you said hi.”

And then she turned away and was gone. Sighing Spike went to collect the rest of his clothes, the night seemed so far away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playing with more lines here. And yes, the chip not working is a bit of a hot topic here - just a little bit differently. I didn't feel like I could just sweep it under the rug as much as I wished I could.


	70. Wrecked (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy and Spike search for Dawn and continue that morning's conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buffy POV. I'm a bit proud of the dialog in this chapter.

**Time Stamp:** Near the End of the Episode

Buffy hated knowing Dawn was in trouble because of her. After Jasmine, after learning what Dawn had gone through alone - Buffy had promised herself that she would always be there for her sister. That she would protect her no matter what, no more hell gods, no more Halloween vampire attacks, no more singing goddamn demons, and especially no more rogue Powers That Be. She had already failed once to keep her promise. She wouldn’t fail again. 

Once she got Dawn home safe and sound she was going to lock her in the house somehow - preferably in a padded room. That was the only way to keep her from harm Buffy decided. Under her breath she let out a muffled scream which caused Spike, who was walking next to her to look at her brow furrowed. As he continued to look at her she could tell he was debating talking to her about something. When he opened his mouth she knew that he had decided to go ahead with whatever it was that was bugging him, “You should talk to Tara about my chip. About the this whole bollocky mess.” He said.

Oh, of course that was what he wanted to talk about. He had been trying for a true conversation ever since they had found out that his chip didn’t work on her. But Buffy didn’t want to think about that, and yes she was willing to admit that it was a denial. She couldn’t help the nagging voice in the back of her head that told her that maybe the chip meant something on a larger grander scale about her resurrection. She had already dragged two evil things into the world with her, what was to say she wasn’t the other? Her increased fear that she might be the L word with Spike didn’t help matters either. What they had between them was fun and good which was all it needed to be. All it could be. If those feeling were real - which they weren’t - then maybe she really had been brought back wrong, “I don’t want to talk about your chip right now.”

“Why the bloody hell not? You’ve been cagey since this morning. This changes everything love, aren’t you at least a tad bit curious as to why I can hit you?” He asked.

“Not really no. I mean if we can spar and I can get the practice out of it, what’s the big?” 

She had decided after going home that she was going to be as nonchalant about the whole thing as possible. Especially after she had exploded at him the first time. She didn’t want to do that again. Just like she didn’t want to talk about the chip or how it impacted them, “The big, as you so ruddy put it is that it’s not right. The chip is supposed to stop me from harming humans.” He persisted.

“So you do think that I came back wrong.” 

How could he say that to her after this morning? The more he talked about it the more frustrated Buffy became. Couldn’t they only focus on the good things about this? Like the fact that she had a sparring partner to practice with? Or… well she couldn’t really think of anything else but she was sure that it would come to her in time. She couldn’t believe he was making her think about this again, and so soon. It was infuriating, “You know I don’t. It’s the situation is all.” Spike said.

“I’m a situation now?” 

At that he let out a groan, “Buffy, it’s clearly bothering you. You said it this morning, that you thought you might have come back wrong.”

So he did remember their conversation from before. Buffy wasn’t sure if that made the fact that he was trying to force her to talk about this better or worse. Because clearly he wanted her to address the issue and start to overcome whatever it was he thought was bugging her. But if she didn’t want to talk about it - why was he so hell bent on making her? “What’s bothering me is that my sister has gone missing. Are you sure you haven’t felt anything?”

“Not yet.” 

“I swear to god, if you are drawing this out so we can talk about this chip bollocky mess as you put it-”

“What?” He interrupted her, “You know I care about your little sis. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“I know.” Buffy admitted, she was being stubborn about this whole thing but she couldn’t help it, “Changed man and all that. Can we just… not fight about this right now?”

“And what would you like to talk about love?” Spike inquired after her.

There was a gleam in his eye that told her that he wasn’t planning on dropping the stupid subject of his chip anytime soon, but that he was willing to put it aside for the time being. It wasn’t perfect but as far as things went Buffy was glad to jump at his attempt to change the topic, “We did bring the house down last night. That was fun.”

“It was fun.” Spike agreed, “We should do it more often.”

“The bringing the house down?”

“The fighting, and then the sex.”

At that Buffy shook her head, “You would like that.”

“You brought it up.” 

She had. And she didn’t regret it. Anything was better than talking about the chip and her burgeoning emotions. It also distracted her from the fact that they still hadn’t found Dawn. Together they continued to walk down the street chatting in an attempt to assuage her current fears. 

Then she heard a scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buffy and Spike couldn't be deliriously happy forever. Had to inject a little bit of tension. The chip having issues at the same time Buffy is realizing her true feelings for Spike = a recipe for disaster. 
> 
> Thanks to all the readers out there!


	71. Wrecked (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dawn tries to fight a demon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dawn POV.

**Time Stamp:** End of the Episode

There was something majorly wrong with Willow, although Dawn wasn’t sure what it was yet. She looked over at her sister’s best friend as she staggered down the street, in what Dawn thought reminded her of a drunk person in a movie. A movie - Dawn was quick to remind herself, they had never gotten to. She swallowed - a little nervous about the whole thing, “Willow? I’m going home. I’m serious.”

Willow turned to her and shrugged, “Uch, then go! God, I thought we were gonna hang.”

Yeah - something was majorly wrong because Willow was being majorly mean. Not to mention very un-adult like. In fact if a bunch of vampires were to attack them, Dawn thought she might end up having to be the savior in that situation. She wrapped her fingers tightly around the strap of the bag she had brought with her, “You’re not coming with me?”

“Well, I don't know.” Willow waved her off with a smile on her face, “Maybe I could just, uh, pop you back!”

Yeah that was a no from Dawn. So far magic had only caused her a great deal of grief recently and she wasn’t looking forward to being it’s punching bag again. Like - what if she ended up exploding because something went wrong. No - she was fine with walking. As she thought this she heard a noise and turned sharply around, looking in both directions, “Did you hear that?”

Willow shrugged, “I’m sure it was nothin.”

She heard the sound again - causing the hair on her arms to raise, “I’m getting out of here.”

Walking quickly she moved past Willow who followed her. Reaching into her bag her fingers curled around the handle of the small knife she had brought with her. She was sure that Buffy would disapprove - her sister was doing everything in her power right now to keep Dawn away from anything remotely supernatural, but Dawn didn’t care. This was Sunnydale. The fact that she had never been given anything close to a stake whenever she went out with friends during the night was a huge oversight. And if no one was going to correct it, well she was just going to have to correct it herself. Plus it helped her feel safe and right now she felt anything but, “Aw, Dawnie, don't. It was probably a cat or something like that.”

Dawn turned to roll her eyes at Willow and when she turned back let out a small yell, hand falling out of her bag. A demon stepped in front of her, “Oh, it's okay, he's not real.” Willow waved the demon off. 

“There’s one way to check that.” Dawn told Willow as her flight or fight response kicked in. Having seen her sister do this a few times Dawn curled her fist and punched the demon right in the face. Her fist met flesh and Dawn’s eyes grew wide - she hadn’t actually expected to connect. That and small fact that her punch hadn’t really done anything, “He’s real!” She said moving closer to Willow and away from the demon.

“You summoned me witch.” The demon said stepping closer to both Willow and Dawn.

“I- I didn’t.” Willow insisted, the tone of her voice shifting to something closer to guilt. 

“You did. You summoned me with your magics.” 

Anger curled into Dawn’s gut where it lingered, “Of course you did.”

The moment she turned her head to glare at Willow, the demon lashed out and cut her bloody across the cheek with one of its claws. She screamed and grabbed the wound, feeling it sting. Instantly she felt regret for her actions. Her sister wouldn’t have screamed. Willow stepped in front of her trying to protect her, but Dawn doubted that she could. Not with the way she had been acting all night, “Don't! She has nothing to do with it, it was me!” 

“Ahhhh a confession.” The demon hissed.

A moment later the demon approached them again. This time Dawn was more prepared - knowing that demon was real. She lashed out, kicking him in the stomach. Grabbing Willow’s arm she tugged the woman with her, “Come on!” 

The two of them took off down the street but Dawn could still hear the demon behind them - gaining ground. She tugged harder at Willow’s arm as she navigated the streets how she remembered them from running away from Jasmine’s ever growing reach. But it didn’t matter - because as much as she knew the streets - the demon was still faster. They stopped in an almost empty street and Willow pointed over at a car and together they hustled over to it, “Open!” Willow commanded the doors, “Get in!”

Consciously Dawn knew that getting in the car with Willow was a terrible idea, but at the moment she really didn’t have any other choice if she wanted to get away. Slipping into the passenger's seat she watched as Willow said two more command words sending the car flying down the street. She screeched as the car careened wildly, which made her regret not fighting the demon. It had to be better than being with a Willow who was spinning wildly out of control, “Willow you need to stop! Ten and two alright? Just put your hands on the wheel!”

But Willow wasn’t listening to her. Turning her head she tried to see if the demon was still following them but couldn’t get a clear line of sight. As she looked back at the road she gripped the seat with all her might. Next to her Willow smirked and looked away from the road, “Take that, scuz-”

“Willow!” Dawn tried to get her attention.

But it was too late - Dawn watched with horror as the wall in front of them grew closer still and then they crashed. For a moment Dawn felt nothing and then the world came rushing back to her as the moment faded, “Oh god.” 

Reaching into her purse she finally pulled out the knife and then discarded the bag on the floor. Weapon clutched in hand she pushed open the door and tried to ignore the throbbing pain that shot up her arm as she did so. She grunted once and then stepped outside to survey the damage. Looking at the wreck Dawn found herself glad it just wasn’t worse. Then she shuffled around the car to the other side and pulled open the door to the drivers side where Willow was slumped over the wheel. Before she could figure out what to do the demon lept into her eyesight on the other side of the open door. They stared at each other for a moment before Dawn pushed the door she had just opened forward and slammed it into demon before shutting it again. 

The demon stumbled back and Dawn used the opportunity to flee backwards. As she moved into a more open space the demon reached out for her and Dawn struck out with the knife, cutting the demon’s arm. It screamed and released her allowing her to turn and look at the ugly monster in the face. She was afraid, but running had proved fruitless. There was only one thing left to do, “You want to eat someone? I’m right here!” She shouted at it.

The demon backhanded her and when she landed Dawn felt something in her already hurt arm give way. She wasn’t sure if it was broken but the pain of it caused her to let out scream. As she struggled to get up the demon lept at her. Before she could strike out with the knife again, Buffy appeared out of nowhere tackling the demon to the ground, “Buffy!”

As her sister and the demon fought - Spike, who Dawn had to say she was pleased to see - came to check up on her. He touched her injured arm and she hissed causing him to frown. He tried to touch it in a softer way and Dawn glared at him, “Stop it! It’s damaged alright.”

Fight having reached its zenith Buffy came over to check up on her, “Dawn.” Her eyes narrowed, “And a knife.” 

“This knife saved my life.” 

“What happened?” Buffy asked, entering big sister mode.

“Uh ... He was after Willow, she made the car drive.” Buffy reached out to touch her arm, “No! Don’t. Spike already checked. It’s not great.” She just wanted to be done with everything. Now that her sister was here, she could relax into her emotions wherever they went. 

Buffy nodded, as Willow tried to approach them from where she was standing. “Dawn? Oh god, your arm.” She sounded disturbed and almost broken, her voice shaking - Dawn hated it. 

How dare she act like she cared after what she had just put Dawn though?

Next to Dawn, her sister ignored Willow’s attempts at conversation and stared up at Spike, “We need to get her to a hospital.”

“Is she okay? Is she okay?” Willow asked close to mania, and Dawn’s anger continued to fester. 

All three of them turned, “Back off, Will, I got her.” Buffy told Willow.

Dawn let Spike sequester her softly into his side and was very happy that Buffy had a boyfriend who was big with the physical affection. Neither Riley or Angel had been good at comforting her. Angel had liked to pat her back awkwardly and Riley was fond of buying her things. Spike - Spike got it. As the adrenaline of what had happened started to wear off she became even more thankful for his presence. Willow had almost killed her, someone she trusted - someone she cared about. As much as she wanted to be tough - it was hard sometimes. Right now she just wanted a cuddly blanket, and for Willow to leave her the hell alone, “Dawnie -” Willow tried to reach out towards her and Dawn felt anger bubble up to the surface inside of her.

“I mean it, stay away from her!” Buffy told Willow trying to shelter Dawn from her. 

However Willow wouldn’t listen. Instead she seemed ever more determined get Dawn’s attention. Undaunted, Willow shuffled around so they could face each other and Dawn glared at her - couldn’t she see she wasn’t wanted right now? All Dawn wanted was to get away from here, away from Willow and what she had done to her. She didn’t didn’t hate Willow, but she didn’t like who Willow was right now. What the magic was turning her sister's friend into. At first the magic had been cool, but she had been burned by it too many times to think of it that way anymore, “Dawnie! Dawnie, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry, it was an accident! I didn't see, I'm so, so sorry.”

And now Dawn was really irritated because apparently Willow couldn’t read her face or her mood - or anything, “Get away from me.” She hissed.

As Willow began to cry the three of them finally started to walk away, “Dawnie, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…” And Dawn really didn’t want to hear it but they couldn’t just leave Willow like this as much as it killed her, “I'm sorry! I'm sorry…” Willow had almost broken down into incoherence. 

She looked at her sister and the two of them shared a bit of wordless conversation before Spike begun leading her away, Willow’s cries of anguish following them down the street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notable changes here, for notable reason. The biggest one being the knife that Dawn uses.
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


	72. Gone (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy's morning goes from dull to very lively very fast. At least Spike is there?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Buffy POV! 
> 
> For anyone wondering, I'm still doing timestamps on the off chance I do more than one or two snippets in the same areas of the fic that run mostly congruent with each other. Also some of the chapters are new scenes.

**Time Stamp:** Start of the Episode

The morning was quiet, but Buffy understood why. She putzed around the kitchen, pulling out a bowl and a box of cereal and wondered how she had gotten here. To a place of quiet dissatisfaction. Jasmine had been a big one, but other things - like Willow, she didn’t know what to do. And it wasn’t just Willow, it was Spike’s stupid chip too. His stupid, didn’t work on her - Buffy might be a monster - chip. She didn’t want to think that she was somehow wrong but it was the only thing that could explain her changing emotions for the vampire. 

When she had died her emotions for him had been - fond. And now they were... well they were. And where they would stay. She couldn’t let them grow, because that would be too dangerous, “Dawn, come on, you gotta eat breakfast! Riley’s gonna be here any second.” There was the sound of clatter that told her that at least Dawn was hearing her. Turning she looked at Willow who was hunkered over a pan of eggs, “She's gonna be late for school again.” Then when Willow didn’t say anything, “How are you doing?”

Willow picked up a cutting board and a knife, stirred in small cuts of ham, “I'm okay. Not 'ready to head back to classes, face the world' okay, but ... the shakiness is only semi now. I thought I'd spend the day fishing the net, for more on the, uh, stolen diamond.”

Ah yes - the other thing that Buffy continued to not understand. The frozen man, the stolen diamond, the everything about the small strange crimes that they were dealing with. It didn’t seem supernatural, but it didn’t seem exactly not supernatural either. It was Schrodinger's supernatural conundrums. As she pondered this Dawn entered her arm in a sling. She smiled at Buffy but her face went icy when she saw Willow. Buffy eyed the bag that Dawn was holding, “No knives in there?”

Dawn rolled her eyes, “Good morning to you too.”

She pulled a cup out of one the cupboards and then filled it with orange juice, “Hey Dawnie, uh, I'm making you a nice omelet.” Willow said holding up her pan.

“Not hungry. ” Dawn told her coldly and then took a sip of her juice. 

“You should try to eat something before school.” Buffy said.

It wouldn’t do for Dawn to starve just because she was angry at Willow. Sighing Dawn’s shoulders dropped a little bit, “I’ll get Riley to buy me something, on the road.” When she finished speaking she picked up her cup and wandered out of the room.

“Do you think she’ll ever forgive me? I really messed up.” Willow asked her.

“That’s not for me to decide. You can’t force these things.”

“I just - I see her cast and all I can think is -”

“You were drowning. My best friend. I was too wrapped up in my own dumb life to even notice.” 

Willow looked like she wanted to say something to what Buffy had said but they were interrupted by the sound of the door opening, and slamming shut. The figure who had entered threw off his blanket and Buffy cocked an eyebrow at her current boyfriend, “Good morning.”

He stared at her, “Good morning.”

“What are you doing here?” 

He rarely came to her house unless it was for some very, very late night nookie. Most of their - she didn’t want to call them dates, but that’s basically what they were - happened at his crypt, “Found myself in your neck of the woods. Can’t a man come to call on his lady?” He smiled at her but she could see the leer in it. 

Buffy rolled her eyes, but felt her face heat up just a little, “It’s sunny.” She said for lack of saying anything better, “You couldn't find a less flammable time of day to come see me?”

He shrugged, “Thought it would be interesting to come to you for a change.”

“It’s nice.” Buffy admitted.

“I'm, uh, gonna head back to my room, get dressed.”

Buffy turned to implore her friend to stay, “Oh I…” But it was too late. Signing she turned to look at her suitor come to call, “Why are you here. Really?”

“Breakfast is a pretty pleasant time of day. Thought maybe we could talk.” 

Oh. Oh. That was why he was here. This wasn’t a playful visit at all. He was here to talk about, “If the word chip is the next thing out of your mouth we’re done here.”

The pestering would never end it seemed. She wasn’t going to talk about it. She was never going to talk about it. She just wanted to go back in time to before he had accidentally punched her. Things were cleaner then. She was fond of him and he was in love with her, and there wasn’t anything bad or wrong or morally bankrupt about her feelings for him. Before she knew that she might be unclean, “Pet -”

But she was done talking about it and if he wouldn’t shut up about it then well… Buffy could think of other things they could do. She sauntered up to him, “I can think of other fun things to do anyway.”

His hands gripped her hips and then one of them trailed up her side, “Alright.” He was very easy to distract, it was cute, “Whatever you want sweetheart.” His hand that was no longer attached to her hip started to play with her hair, “My Goldilocks. You know I love this hair. The way it bounces around when you-” He trailed off.

Buffy leaned up to kiss him, and then bit his lip, “When I what?”

His eyes sparkled, “Oh naughty.” He kissed her, turning them around so her back was pressed up against the sink counter, “How about we go upstairs and I show you.” His hand, the one on her hip slowly crept downward and Buffy shivered as it uncovered skin.

“Sounds fun.” She teased him.

There was the sound of someone making gagging noises, “My eyes! It’s too early in the morning for this. You do know that it’s not even eight in the morning right? Please keep the kitchen touch to a minimum.” 

Buffy peaked over Spike’s shoulder to see Riley staring at them and felt her face flush - this time in embarrassment. Was there anything worse than your ex flame catching you making out with your current flame? Probably not. She buried her head in Spike’s shoulder and groaned, “We should... We should go fetch Dawn.” She mumbled into the jacket Spike was wearing, “Don’t leave?” Terribly embarrassed she untangled herself from under Spike and nudged Riley as the two of them walked into the foyer, “Dawn! Riley is here.”

There was more sound and Dawn came down the stairs, “Here! Ready to get this party on the road.”

Buffy went through the checklist of duties in her head in an attempt to get the last five minutes out of it, “Okay, you have everything you need?”

“Yup.”

“And after school, you-”

Here sister gave her a look that said that she was tired of Buffy’s questions, but Buffy had to make sure that Dawn was going to be okay and she hoped her sister got that, “Yes, yes.” She looked up at Riley, “Let’s go Riley.”

She walked towards the door and Buffy followed them, “You’ll come straight home?”

“Yes!” And okay Dawn was clearly a little annoyed, “And go straight to my room, and never leave.” The sarcasm wasn’t needed but Buffy finally got the picture. 

Dawn opened the door and Buffy was greeted by the sight of a stout older woman with a haircut that made Buffy shudder. She tried to understand what she was looking at, “Oh, good morning. You must be Dawn.” Dawn nodded clearly just as confused as Buffy.

“Can I help you?” Dawn asked.

“I'm Doris Kroger, from Social Services.” She displayed her ID badge, “I have an appointment with your sister?”

Oh. Hells. Buffy had actually completely forgotten. Which wasn’t her fault exactly. She had been busy with slaying and saving the world, and her friends lives falling apart. If she was honest hers a little too. But this woman clearly had the worst timing, “Oh. That was today wasn’t it.”

“Today is Wednesday is it not?”

Buffy nodded, and then scrambled to fix what was clearly already a disaster of a situation, “Right! Well ... Dawn, you better…”

Her sister moved around the woman, doing her best not to knock against her and Riley followed, “And Riley, you’ll drive safely?”

“I’ll make sure of it!” Dawn yelled back at her their small spat forgotten.

When they were gone the social worker turned and entered the foyer, “Little bit on the tardy side, isn't she?”

“Yeah, well, uh, it's been one of those mornings, you know.” She noticed that the woman had already entered her living room - rude, “Hey, come on in.” She closed the door and followed.

The living room was a bit of a mess from their attempts to clean out Willow’s magic items. It wasn’t exactly what she wanted the woman who was here to see if she deserved her sister or not, to gander at, “Sorry about the mess, you know, doing a little house-cleaning.”

As the social worker looked around the room Spike entered from the kitchen, reminding Buffy that she had indeed asked him to stay and that it might backfire on her spectacular in this very moment. Her friends understood Spike for the most part but she knew that some woman from the government would not, “Sorry pet, got tired of waiting in the kitch…” He paused, “You have company.”

She looked up at him and smiled but she was sure that her smile showed off her extreme discomfort, “I do. Now's not really a good time to continue. From before.” She clarified.

“I can wait?” He gestured back to the kitchen.

But it was a little too late, “Um, Miss Summers, if you and your boyfriend would like to-”

“I’m not her -” Spike started to say and Buffy became very glad that he was able to read the room, “Which is to say that I’m… oh bloody hell.”

Of course he was still Spike and Buffy was sure that the bloody hell didn’t help matters, “This nice woman is from social services.” She offered as way of explanation.

“Oh.” He said and then walked to stand next to her, “Well Buffy’s a great mom.” She knew he was trying to help but Buffy could see that the social worker was not impressed, “She takes good care of her little sis. Like after the car crash, Buffy was right supportive.”

Buffy touched his arm and he looked down at her, she knew he was trying to help but this was not the time to remind anyone of why Dawn was wearing a cast, “A car crash?” The woman said eyebrow raised.

“She wasn’t driving!” Buffy was quick to say, “She in the passenger's seat.” She looked over at Spike, “Shouldn’t you um, go upstairs to wait. For a little while.”

“Um.” He was just as awkward about this as she was and Buffy was very glad to not be alone, “I’ll just… upstairs. Your bedroom.”

He shuffled upstairs and Buffy watched him go. When she turned back to the social worker she was eyeing her with disdain, “I thought you said he wasn’t your boyfriend.”

“He’s not! He just uh, sometimes stays here. So he knows the layout. Of the house.”

From upstairs she heard Willow call down, “Buffy, I'm not feeling hot, so uh, I'm gonna take a quick nap, okay?”

“Okay Will!” She turned flustered, this was not going well at all, “That’s Willow. She does actually kind of live here.”

“Oh, so you live with another woman.”

“Oh! Oh, it's not a, a gay thing, you know, I mean, well... “

The rest of the conversation went in a blur and by the end of it Buffy was sure that the woman thought she was a weed smoking, terrible deviant. Upset she walked upstairs to find Spike in her room sitting on her bed. She flopped down next to him and let out a large sigh, “Didn’t go well huh?”

She shook her head almost close to tears - but damn if she would let that woman make her cry, “She’s awful. I hate her.”

“Hate is a strong word pet.”

The idea of having sex completely driven from her mind she looked up at the ceiling, “Read to me?”

“What you want pet?”

“How about Little Women?”

“Sounds perfect.”

Spike walked over to her bookshelf and pulled down the book she had requested. Then he walked back over to her to rejoin her on the bed. She cuddled up to him and his voice washed over her. In that moment Buffy saw herself as Jo and wondered just what sort of sacrifice she could make for her sister. Jo had cut her hair to save her family - maybe that was what Buffy needed to do. It wouldn’t be the same but maybe it could grant her just a little luck. She could use the change anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buffy cutting her hair is actually rather important to the plot of this episode so I had a bit of fun coming up with a reason for her to cut it that wasn't just her being upset at Spike. It's always been a bit of story canon for me that Spike reads stories to Buffy while they hang out and that seemed like a good enough excuse.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	73. Gone (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara and Riley talk about romantic prospects, and then Buffy shows up - invisible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of Tara POV. It's been awhile.

**Time Stamp** : Mid Episode

Tara finished putting the last item on the shelf and then looked down at the clipboard she was holding. Pulling a pen out of her skirt pocket she checked off the item there and then turned to stare at Riley who was using a crystal ball as a top, twirling it on the table. She cleared her throat and he looked up at her before catching the crystal ball mid spin. He awkwardly put the ball back on the pedestal that was in the middle of the table and then sighed, “I think I’m ready.” He told her.

“Ready for what?” 

Tara walked over and put the clipboard on the store checkout counter. No one was in the store right now so she didn’t see the need to keep up the appearance of working. Giles and Cordelia had done it all the time, so she didn’t see the harm in it. The shop was hers' now after all, “A date. A real one. With kissing.”

“Congratulations.”

Riley had always been good at moving on. From Buffy onto Cordelia - from the army - he was a man who always had to be in motion. She wanted to be bitter, because she was having a hard time moving on from Willow - but she couldn’t be. Riley deserved happiness, he deserved to try to find love again. Plus, she was pretty sure that they were becoming pretty good friends. And you were supposed to cheer on friends, “Thanks.” He said, “Any forward momentum on the you and Willow front?”

She shook her head and walked over to the table but didn’t sit down, “No. I’m motionless. Sorry, that sounded less sad in my head.” She didn’t know why she was apologizing, “Why the sudden readiness?” 

“I’m just sick of wallowing in it. I need the change or I think I’m going to go nuts.”

That Tara understood, “I hope your foray into the dating scene is successful.”

A voice cut into their conversation, “Dating? Who’s dating?”

Tara glanced around the room but couldn’t locate the source of the voice. A voice she had been sure was Buffy. But no matter how hard she looked - a Buffy was not to be found, “Buffy?” Riley asked, “Where… where are you?”

“Missing out on hearing all the good gossip, it seems.” The Buffy voice said.

“Like the only thing we can do is hear you.” Riley told her.

Tara wondered if they were talking to a ghost or an abjuration. It would be very easy for a evil creature to be invisible and pretend to be Buffy. She was considering checking one of the magical tomes that Giles had left behind, when the voice said again, “Don't strain yourself looking. I'm invisible girl. It’s no big so far.”

In that moment Tara decided to trust her ears. After all - she was no stranger to invisibility. She remembered her blotched spell to hide all demons rather well, “Do you want us to hit the books?” Tara asked, “See if we can figure this thing out? Could be a spell.”

“Maybe Willow did it.” Riley accused making Tara’s belly do flips; she didn’t know what she would do if Willow had fallen off the wagon again and so quickly.

“A spell? Maybe. But if it was a spell, I don’t think it was Willow. All I know is that I left Main Street after getting my haircut, and-”

It was good to hear that Buffy didn’t think it was Willow. Faith in friends was important. Still, Tara worried and made a note to check in with Willow about Buffy’s current predicament later, “You cut your hair?” Riley asked interrupting her thought process.

“Yeah!” Buffy told him.

“How short?” Tara asked, might as well join the conversation.

“Um, about up to here ... well, if you could see my hand, it's kind of above my shoulders.”

That made Tara laugh because the absurdity of what was happening was impossible for her to really not laugh about. Realizing her gaf she stopped as quickly as she had started, “Not laughing at you. I’m sure it’s very cute. I could never cut mine, I’m too attached the length.”

“I just realized how wildly off topic we’ve gotten.” Riley said, “Can we get back to inviso Buffy? This is serious.”

It was true. But the laughter had been nice. Tara hadn’t had much to laugh about recently. Finding joy in small things was good, “Is it?” Buffy asked, “Feels half serious. Like the day I’ve had.” She walked over to the table and picked up the crystal ball that Riley had been spinning earlier and tossed it between her hands as she walked around the room, “I mean Willow is still a wreck, and this social service lady put me through the wringer without knowing me! But Spike stopped by and that was nice-ish - and Dawn seems happy enough.” She paused, “You know I could give the social service woman a ring.”

She stopped tossing the ball and then placed it on a counter where Tara had to watch as it came very close to rolling off and shattering on the floor. It didn’t, but she could almost picture it as it was happening. Buffy then picked up two other items on the counter that were stones painted to look like eyes and held them up, at what Tara thought must have been eye height and scanned the room with them, “Did you see anyone suspicious when you left the hair salon?” Riley questioned her.

Buffy swung the eyes so they looked at him, “Nope, didn't see nothin'.” She laughed, “See what I did there, with the eyeballs?” Tara heard Buffy’s footsteps walkaway.

“What I can’t figure out is why anyone would want to make you invisible.” Tara said, “An invisible slayer seems pretty deadly to me.” 

The eyes turned to look at her and watching them move about was starting to creep Tara out. It just seemed a little unnatural,”Maybe.” Riley agreed, “But we still have to find a cure. Being invisible forever seems like it’d be miserable.”

As he said this a skull appeared next to his head and Riley jumped a little in his seat, “'Saright!” Buffy said.

“Can we focus please?” Tara asked because she was starting to agree with Riley, it might seem funny now - but they really should be working on figuring out what was going on and how to reverse it.

“Sorry.” Buffy said, “It’s just sort of fun.”

Tara didn’t doubt that it was - but in their line of work something that seemed fun sometimes came with teeth, “We should do a little digging. See if we can get to the bottom of this.”

“I could go check the spot where Buffy disappeared. Scan for clues.” Riley said.

“I’ll talk to Willow. I doubt it’s her but - someone should let her know at least.” 

The idea of talking to Willow made something in her stomach knot. But Tara knew it would be good for her - to see how Willow was doing. If she didn’t the not knowing would eat at her and eat at her. Willow had been dodging The Magic Box whenever she was around, which was often considering Tara owned it now. It had made running into Willow naturally difficult, “Well while you get all researchy I’m going to go on a walk. If you find anything let me know.” Buffy said.

“A walk?” Riley asked.

“You know. To clear my head. Stretch my legs. Never know where you’ll end up.

 

There was the sound of the door opening and then closing. As it did Tara smiled softly, “You think she’s going to go see Spike?”

Riley turned to look at her eyes narrowed, “Why did you have to put that in my head.”

She just laughed. Time to get to the bottom of this it seemed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I get to write a scene with almost completely different characters I get a real kick out if it. These three especially!


	74. Gone (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willow and Tara talk. Willow finally gets out of the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Willow POV. This is a short one and not a scene that exists in the show!

**Time Stamp:** Mid-Episode

There was a knock at the door and Willow really wished in that moment that Buffy was home. She didn’t want to deal with people. She didn’t want to deal with anything. She just wanted to mope. But moping hadn’t done her any good so far, and then there was the sound of another knock. Shuffling downstairs she pulled open the door and wanted to close it almost instantly when she did. Tara stood in front of her, looking just as awkward as Willow felt. It wasn’t that she didn’t still love Tara - because she did, but staring at her ex-girlfriend was a reminder of just how terribly she had messed everything up, “Hi.”

“Hi.” Tara paused, “You weren’t messing with any invisibility magicks were you?”

Right to the point then. It hurt that Tara would make that assumption, but Willow didn’t doubt that Tara meant well by it, “No! Call me cold turkey because I’m on ice. Is someone invisible?”

“A little. I didn’t think that you had… by the way. It’s Buffy. She’s a walking voice.”

Hearing that her friend had disappeared, and that Tara hadn’t actually assumed she had been using magics cheered Willow up. It also made her want to do something to help her friend. She had been sitting in here feeling sorry for herself while one of the few people who still cared about her had gotten in trouble, “I’ll help!” She said with a little too much enthusiasm, “What can I do?”

“Are you sure you’re up for it?” 

Willow admired Tara’s attempts to check in with her, but the longer she stayed cooped up doing nothing the more she was starting to realize she would lose herself in moping. She needed to get out, and do things. Without magic. She had been able to do it the past, so it was time for her to buckle up and do the work, “It will help. With the everything.” She needed to prove to Tara and herself that she could do it. 

“If it will help.” Tara sounded unsure, “Riley is going to the salon where Buffy went all now you see me. On main street?” 

“I’ll join him!” 

Willow grabbed her sweater jacket off the hook it was on and stepped out the door and around Tara, “Oh. Okay. You’re going now.” Tara seemed a little shocked. 

“Yep! No time like the present. Detective Willow is on the case!”

Life was hard but Willow had to find purpose in it again. No matter what came her way. And, as a bonus - she could almost see Tara smile softly as she walked out of the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing scenes that don't exist w/in the show's canon in any way is always fun for me. This one was pretty short but I'm rather fond of it. I don't always feel like I get Tara's voice but I can hear it pretty clearly in this.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	75. Gone (4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riley interrupts Buffy and Spike in the middle of... something, a second time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spike POV despite the summary.

**Time Stamp:** Mid Episode

God - the Slayer was warm around him. Spike wished he could see her right now. See the way her face looked while they were together like this, see her eyes bright with passion. But this was fun too. There was something illicit about doing it with someone he couldn’t see. About being with Buffy while she was invisible. And after their morning together how could he say no? He heard Buffy moan softly under him and he kissed along where her neck would have been. Spike had once said he was drowning in Buffy - but now he didn’t mind because what a way to go. Lit up from the inside by her burning beautiful light. He felt teeth scrape against his neck and couldn’t help the growl that slipped out. 

He picked up the pace inside of her, and a voice broke through his concentration, “Spike! Spike?” Turning he looked over his shoulder and squinted at the person in front of him, “What are you doing?” Riley asked.

For a brief moment he considered continuing on with Buffy but he knew that would be ungentlemanly. Instead his brain stalled on an excuse and utterly failed him, the amazing thing that it was, “What am I ... What does it look like I'm doing?” He sputtered indignantly, “You’ve got eye right?”

This was the wrong thing to say because he could see Riley’s mind quickly putting the pieces together. He was a smart one - the boy, “Oh my god.” He turned away like some sort of prude, “Why do I always catch the two of you in the most compromising positions?”

Spike rolled over and and he heard Buffy let out a sigh of disappointment bellow him. He sat up, taking some of the covers with him, “It’s not like you can see anything.” He felt a small smack against his arm, “Ow.” He turned to glare at where he was sure Buffy was.

“Pig.” A voice said out of thin air and then, “I’m guessing that you are not here for Spike.” 

Next to Buffy Spike snorted, “Of course he’s not here for me.” He looked up at Riley, “What are you here for?”

Riley still remained turned away from them, which Spike didn’t understand, “Is Buffy covered?”

Ah yes - that was why, “Did you miss the part where you can’t see her?”

Despite what he had said he saw blankets bunching up until they formed the semi-shape of Buffy’s body, “I’m covered.” Buffy told him.

Finally Riley turned around to face him, and Spike had to watch as he gained his composure. They were not on the worst terms anymore - but he had to admit that he got some sort of pleasure watching him try to stop acting like he wasn’t sure what to do with his eyes, “I know I can’t see you but this just feels better.” He admitted.

The blanket next to him shifted, “Enough with the babble. You came here to say something?”

“I'm trying to. Tara and I ran some tests, we think whatever made you invisible is slowly killing you.”

There was a pause where Spike knew that Buffy was trying to digest what she had been told, “What?” She said softly.

“If we don't ... if this isn't reversed, you're gonna ... well, dissolve, or ... fade ... into nothing.”

“No. I just got over being dead. That’s not going to happen.” 

Riley smiled, “I thought you would say that. Tara is at the magic box waiting for us - we should head there, do some research.” 

“I’ll meet you outside.” 

Riley coughed and then dipped out of the room. Next to Spike the sheet fell onto the bed and Spike wished, more than anything that he could see Buffy in that moment. There was no way to judge her mood beyond the sound of her voice and it had been eerily calm. He wanted to wrap her up in his arms but didn’t know where she was. It frustrated the hell out of him. And this thing about her dying? He didn’t want to even consider it for a second. Buffy was his now dammit - and he didn’t want to lose her again - not when they had just made an ounce of ruddy progress in their relationship. An ounce he was terrified was slipping away, but an ounce he was willing to fight for, “You okay luv?”

“Just, peachy!” A voice said off to the side, “It’s not like I’m dying or anything. You know, I didn't ask for this to happen to me.”

There was the sound of rustling clothing - also invisible, “Of course you ruddy didn’t. Whoever did this to you, I hope you kick their ass.”

“Oh, you can count on it. They want to make me invisible? I’ll make them free of life.” 

Softer than before, because he could hear a slight lit of mania to Buffy’s tone, “If there is anything I can do?”

“If things go sideways - take care of Dawn. You’re the only one I can trust to do right by her.” 

He heard her voice crack, finally betraying her mood, “You’re not going to die. You’re going to find the cure and beat this thing.” 

“How do you know? What if I just melt? Like the witch in The Wizard of Oz. I’d be puddle Buffy.”

“Because it’s you pet. And I know you. You’re gonna be fine.”

“I thought being invisible was going to be fun. Go anywhere you want. Do anything you want. What a big ole’ lie that was.”

“Breathe.” He told her, “Your chums are gonna work out a way to bring you back to living color. You and your stupid bloody haircut.”

Buffy laughed, “My haircut is not stupid. And Thank you.” 

The voice came from in front of him now, and a hand reached out to softly touch him. He stared upwards at where he thought Buffy would be, and waited on baited breath for what would happen. Then the hand trailed down his cheek and a soft kiss was placed where the ghost sensation had been, leaving behind the feeling a tingling sensation. He touched the spot where Buffy had kissed him, “I love you.” He told her.

“I’ll be back, later.” 

There was shuffling and then steps as Buffy left his crypt basement. As she left him all Spike could think about was what had been said and what had been unsaid. How somehow he felt ever so deeply, that Buffy was avoiding something. Avoiding a feeling, and widening a gap that Spike was powerless to cross.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I love you." - "I'll be back, later" - oof! Not the most romantic thing to say. Also - as much as I love Riley I do love putting him in awkward situations like this. He's a champion.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	76. Gone (5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy and Willow commiserate their issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Willow POV. Some comfort, some angst.

**Time Stamp:** End of the Episode

Willow had a killer headache. A deep sort of ache that throbbed all over, but spoke of accomplishment. Quitting magic had been hard - was still hard, but after what had happened to Dawn - well Willow knew it was the only thing she could do. For herself and everyone around her. She had always prided herself on being smart and gosh darn it she was going to try to live by her brains again. Without Cordelia or Giles they were down a research person and Willow knew if she worked hard it could be her. Hell she had kinda cracked this whole thing wide open without magic. And okay yes, it was sort of hard to do without the resources of The Magic Box, but she was trying to be a supportive ex. Let Tara set the pace, like their conversation today.

The invisible ray - courtesy of their new nerdly nemesis, felt heavy in her hands. She wanted to bust it open and get a look at what their current not-so-crack villain team had done. A villain team Willow was pretty sure was also responsible for the diamond heist and a few other misadventures they’d had recently, “Pretty neat, you finding the van.” Buffy told her, “So ... how did you manage to ... do it exactly? I mean, to locate it?”

“The hard way. The spell-free way. The oh-my-god-my-head's-gonna-fall-off my-feet-are-killing-me way.” She grimaced when she finished speaking - the throb over taking her. Putting the gun down on the sidewalk she followed it, sitting down on the curb. She wanted to be stronger but really everything hurt really bad right now, and she was running on fumes. There was only so far end of battle high could take her, and she had reached the end of the rope. Buffy joined her a moment later and Willow took comfort in her best friend sitting next to her, “I don't know how I got through this day.”

“Well, the important thing is that you did. It's a ... good first step.” Buffy told her.

“How are you doing, post-invisibleness?” She pried for lack of anything better to say.

“It was okay. Fun actually. But I sort of got lost in it, no worries no cares. The whole taking-a-vacation-from-everything thing didn't work out so well.”

“Tell me about it.” Willow told her.

“The fading away thing - I sort of figured you guys would save me, but -” Buffy trailed off.

“But?” 

Willow didn’t want Buffy to be afraid to say what she wanted to say, “Spike’s chip doesn’t work on me. For a little while it was nice to pretend to sort of, not be Buffy.” 

That gave Willow pause, “Spike’s chip - doesn’t work on you? Does it work on other people?”

“Yep. It’s a Buffy problem. Do you think the spell brought me back wrong too?”

Hearing that tore at Willow, because this whole thing was her stupid fault. First the demon, then Jasmine, and now to hear Buffy was worried about coming back wrong? God - she had royally made a mess of things with her magic. It just convinced her to go even harder cold turkey if that was even possible, “No!” She insisted, “You should… you should ask Tara to give you a magical diagnosis. A baby step.” 

Buffy lay her head on Willow’s shoulder, “Yay for us.” But Willow could hear the worry in it - could see how Buffy had sidestepped telling her that she would talk to Tara. 

“Yay.” Willow echoed but her voice was faint. 

As the night gathered in around them Willow wondered when the sun would come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Willow and Buffy's friendship, so getting to return to it a little bit in this chapter felt really significant. They are at last count, the last two remaining characters from Season 1 currently in this story. 
> 
> Nothing's really solved by the end of this chapter, but it still feels nice to come back to them. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	77. Dead Things (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spike continues to contemplate his complicated relationship with Buffy. Progress is both made and unmade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually thought about changing the name of this episode - but honestly couldn't find one that fit. Spike POV!

**Time Stamp:** Start of the Episode

Pleasure like nothing he had ever felt flashed behind his eyes, it seared down into the heart of him and god it was good. Having Buffy when she was invisible had been fun but nothing topped the real thing. Nothing compared to seeing her eyes while in the grip of lust. As he tried to get his bearings back he wondered if any of her friends knew how kinky she could be. How untamed. But clearly none of them knew. There was something in her that didn’t mind getting down and dirty with him, and he was glad he had discovered it back at the house. He would never say those things aloud though because he had a feeling that his relationship with Buffy was tethered on a string. Finding out the chip hadn’t worked on her had woken something up inside of her. Something skittish like a newborn colt. He didn’t know how much longer they could go on like this. She pulled the rug up and over them to cover their bodies and then looked around the room “Uh ... we missed the bed again.”

He looked around his very trashed crypt and his eyes settled on the bed, “Lucky for the bed.”

She smiled at him and then glanced down at the very heavy item that was hiding their nudity away from the rest of the world, “Is this a new rug?” 

“Mm...no. Just looks different when you're under it.” 

Buffy shimmed closer to him and snuggled their bodies together. This felt - nice. Almost normal like. Which Spike wasn’t used to. He wondered if that bothered Buffy, if she was starting to realize how normal they had almost become. If the thought of normal with him terrified her. He reckoned it did, “You know, this place is okay for a hole in the ground. You fixed it up.”

He was chuffed that she had noticed. It had been little things at first. And then bigger things - more chairs, nicer sheets, a place where Buffy could keep her things when she visited. He had done it for her of course, to make her feel more at ease with his crypt - more at home with his little hovel in the ground. If he told her these things he got the feeling she would balk, “Well, I ate a decorator once. Maybe something stuck.” 

“I've been thinking about doing something to my room.” She admitted to him.

“Yeah?”

It was the fear of not knowing where this was going that held him on edge as she begun speaking, “Would be nice for you to have some space.”

“A nice proper relationship then. Just without the… you know.”

She stared at him and there was the look that told him that he had gone too far. He sighed, “Without the what?” She asked him.

“I love you pet, you know that.”

Buffy’s body became just a little more frigid under him after he said that. She didn’t untangle their bodies, but he got the feeling that she knew what he meant. It was pretty clear to him that she loved him. That somewhere along the lines her feelings had changed. But she wouldn’t say it. A force inside of her caught her tongue and locked her mouth whenever she tried. Whenever she thought about being honest. Maybe she was afraid of what it meant to love a vampire without a soul. He didn’t know. He feared he would never know. That she would never say it back to him in return. He was a bloody fool, “Can we… can we not talk about that?” She asked.

“Then we could talk about the chip.” He said a little sarcastically.

“I’ll talk to Tara okay? Will that get you to stop bugging me about it?”

“It’s a start.” He told her.

This was the most progress they had ever made but he could still hear the hesitation in her voice, “Well… good. I told Willow and she said I should.” Her voice was small against his shoulder.

“Willow is pretty wise when she’s not all hopped up on magic.” He commented.

“Yeah.” And then, “This was nice.”

“You were amazing.” He whispered to her and brushed some of her hair out of her face.

“I was just trying to keep up with you!” She told him, “Being with you is like…” She paused, “It’s like nothing I’ve ever done before I feel…”

“Unhinged.” He supplied for her. 

“Wild.” She answered back, “Monstrous.” 

“Like you’re not yourself.” She nodded in agreement, “You’re not a monster.” He tried to assuage her. 

“Who knows.” She snorted.

But he knew. He had seen her do amazing things. Had seen her defeat gods and beyond. Buffy could never be a monster. Oh there were things in her that had a yen for the darkness but those things were small and nothing like the beast that raged on inside of him. The thing that clawed at him daily to do the wrong thing every single time. And maybe someday he would, but it wouldn’t be today, “You’re not.” He insisted again, “I know you don’t…” He couldn’t say it either, “I know you like me.”

“Sometimes” She agreed.

“But I think we’re pretty good together.” He could feel her smile against his skin, and was proud that he had been able to turn her mood around. Seeing her somewhat happy was a joy for him. With that said he did want to see how far he could push their current bed games and he wasn’t completely done for tonight. He pulled out a pair of handcuffs, “Do you trust me?”

The glint of the metal made her eyes go wide, but he could see the hunger there, “Enough.” She answered.

He grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did they make progress? I'm not completely sure. But the episode must go on. 
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


	78. Dead Things (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Cute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man I've been excited to post this chapter for, forever. Riley POV.

**Time Stamp:** Near the Start of the Episode

The bell to the art shop that Riley worked at dinged and a woman walked into the store. Normally this wouldn’t be such a big deal but the woman who had just walked in was actually kind of adorable. Riley knew that he was still missing Cordelia but he had never been good at being alone. Going from one relationship with Buffy and then directly into the one with Cordelia had helped fostering this inside of him. He wasn’t blind to his own faults. But like he had told Tara - he was ready to move on. It was time. The woman looked at a few art pieces and then came up to his work station completely ignoring the person at the front desk, “You’re an attractive man.” She told him staring him dead in the eyes and also frightening him a little bit, “You will do I think.”

He cocked an eyebrow at her, “The front desk is over there.” He gestured to the woman at the main service counter who waved in their direction, “I’m sure that they can help you.”

She nodded, short blonde hair dancing around her face in an almost hypnotic pattern, “I’m sure she could. But I want your help.” She told him matter-a-fact.

Riley looked over at the person at the desk, “Do you mind if I take this one Gina?”

The woman, Gina shrugged, “Go ahead. It’s not like we’ve been busy today.”

Stepping around his post at the far back deck he smiled at the person in front of him, “I’m all yours. Whatever you need.”

“Good.” That seemed to please this mystery woman, “Show me which painting you like the best so I may purchase it.”

Her words made Riley think. He may have been working in an art shop but he didn’t really know art very well. Or at all. It was a continuous mystery to him. Looking around the room his mind settled on one painting and he took her over to it, “This one is my favorite.” He said.

“Why?” She asked him.

“It’s a deep lush jungle.” He conceded, “I like the colors. All the different shades of green and brown that make up the trees. How it feels like they are concealing a secret from you. If you just pushed them aside - you would find something hidden. Good or bad.”

She tilted her head, “I like it. I’ll buy it.” She looked up at him again, “You’re the man I ran into a few days ago. Near the hair salon?”

He stared at her and then it hit him suddenly, where he had recognized her from. Her hair had been longer yesterday, which made sense considering where they had run into each other, “I am.”

She bobbed her head, “I knew it. I’m good at that sort of thing.” 

“It does seem like you are. Do you want me to take the painting down for you? So you don’t have to carry it over?”

She looked him over and he could tell that she was judging him, “You’re muscles look adequate. Thank you, that would be very helpful.”

The way she spoke about him so casually made him flush in embarrassment. But it also made him want to know more. This woman wasn’t afraid to say what was on her mind. She reminded him a little bit of Cordelia in that way. Only Cordelia wielded tact like a weapon, putting it away when it wasn’t needed. This woman was blunt, almost comically so. Pulling the painting down off it’s place on the wall they walked over to the register, “What are you in town for? People don’t usually just come to live in Sunnydale. Not unless they have to.”

She shrugged, “I used to live here. I tried leaving for a few years, it didn’t work out. So I came back to see what sort of business I could find.” 

It was a familiar story. It was easy to avoid Sunnydale, hard to leave. He almost envied those who could leave and not look back. Almost, “We should have coffee.” He told her.

Riley wasn’t sure why he was asking someone he had only just met out for coffee but, “Okay. But I get to pick the place. A lot of the coffee here tastes like sewer water.” 

Oh. He hadn’t been expecting her to say yes, “I’ll give you my home phone number.” He told her, “You can call me and set it up.”

She smiled up at him and Riley felt like this was the start of something. He wasn’t sure what, but it felt good, “That’s just how I like it.” She told him.

Very good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Riley has no idea what he's getting into. 
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	79. Dead Things (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willow and Dawn make-up, but other relationships are a bit more rocky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was on vacation but I'm back!
> 
> This is just a short little thing from Willow's POV.

**Time Stamp:** Mid-Episode

Willow pulled Dawn in close and the two of them twirled around each other while Riley watched on, eyebrow raised but not saying anything. The beats were hot and this felt amazing. It felt almost as good magic. Almost. But it was still really good. Dawn was talking to her again so Willow thought that had to be some sort of progress. Dawn shimmed up to her and Willow let herself go with abandon. Not even the sound as the door as it opened, Buffy’s voice, and footsteps into the room could break her stride - nope this was free Willow with no more burdens or cares. A throat cleared and Dawn stopped dancing, “What did I miss?” Buffy asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Turning Willow danced over to where Buffy was, “Celebratory friendship dancing.” She didn’t stop her groove.

“Willow and I made up.” Dawn filled in, “The pancakes for dinner were too good.” 

Willow put her hand out and Buffy took it. A moment later Willow twirled her around the room, until she twirled right to the couch and sat down next to Riley. Dawn laughed at her from where she was standing, “That was quite the spin.” 

“I think it made me a little ill.”

That made Willow feel a smidge bad so she finally stopped her dancing and came to flop herself between both Riley and Buffy. With little hesitation Buffy rested her head on Willow’s shoulder and let out what Willow thought was a pretty intense long suffering sigh. She gave Buffy’s head a friendly pat, “Rough night?”

“Vampires are stupid.” 

Willow could name one vampire that Buffy didn’t think was stupid, but figured now was not the time to bring it up. Her friend had been testy about Spike lately and she didn’t want to be the one to stir the pot to destruction, “You’ve been working yourself to the bone.” Riley said, “I know you get paid for this but even the Slayer needs a break now and then.”

“Everyone needs a break now and then.” Dawn commented, “Body breaks. Mind breaks.”

That made Willow have a thought. Because Dawn and Riley were right. Things had been a little hard lately. Not Jasmine taking over the world hard but just, hard hard. Like things had been a little too much all the time. They seemed happy enough but things were frayed. If they kept going like this she thought they might just fall apart, “We should go keep this dance party going, head to The Bronze. Get all unwindy.” 

“A night out is just what the doctor ordered.” Riley agreed, “Plus I’ve got news.”

Buffy took her head off Willow’s shoulder, “No, thanks. I think I'll stay here with Dawn.” Dawn shook her head at that, “What - why are you shaking your head? Is that a no?”

Oh boy. Willow could tell the two sisters were about to have an unpleasant conversation in front of them. At least it wasn’t her Dawn was about to chew into, “I’m planning to sleep over at Janice's.” She shrugged.

Now Buffy was off the couch and walking over to where Dawn stood, “No. You’re not going. It’s dangerous out there.”

This had the chance of getting bad pretty fast, “Her mom is picking me up. We’ve already made the plans.” Dawn crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“Dawn…”

But Dawn wouldn’t be stopped, “You can’t keep me here at night forever.”

That seemed to soften Buffy up a little bit because her next words were a bit softer in tone, “Okay fine. But you have a stake on your right? And your holy water? And your knife?” As she asked each question even Willow could see that it was getting out of hand.

“Yes!” Dawn glared, “Her mom's cooking Mexican. But yeah sure, I’m prepared in case she sprouts horns and a tail.”

The sound of a horn honking interrupted them and Dawn picked her backpack up with far more force than Willow thought was necessary. Without much of a backward glance she stomped out of the room in a pretty dramatic fashion. Turning Buffy looked at her with resignation in her eyes, “Frosty nectar. Now please.” 

And Willow was all too happy to oblige.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter feels very much the calm before the storm, because wow we are about to go places. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	80. Dead Things (4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Truth sometimes comes with a price.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was probably one of the hardest chapters to write. 
> 
> This takes up almost the whole last act of the episode. Buffy POV - it could only be Buffy POV.

**Time Stamp:** End of the Episode

Tara’s spell didn’t matter anymore. That was what Buffy tried to tell herself as she marched to the police station. Clearly she had come back wrong. She hadn’t known it at first of course - she had been too caught up in stopping Jasmine, in Cordelia leaving, in everything. Sure parts of her felt right - she was protecting Dawn after all, but there was something deeply wrong with her. Because the truth was, the idea that she could - that her feelings for Spike were that - it was impossible. At first he had been a distraction from Glory and then her mother’s death. And then yes she had told her friends about them but that had been - it had been the right thing to do. Her fondness couldn’t bear fruit. Not if it was this new emotion. She refused to believe it.

And it wasn’t like Willow’s spell had been clean. Something about magic mistakes coming in threes. And now having killed that girl - well, there had to be something wrong with her. There had to be. At first the fear had been a small one, but this - everything that had happened recently proved it to her. She knew what Tara’s spell would say, “What do you think you’re doing?” A voice called out to her.

“What needs to be done.” She turned to look at Spike.

He walked up to her, “You don’t have to do that luv.”

“I have to tell them what happened. What I did.”

This was exactly why lo- her feelings for Spike were bad. She should have seen this a long time ago. But she had wanted the escape and then she had wanted normal, and Spike wasn’t normal and why had she expected anything different. He was a vampire - with a soul no less. And she had ignored this far to many times because he what - he made her happy?, “Nothing happened.”

And there he was being so understanding again, she didn’t get it. It didn’t make any sort of sense at all. This thing between them shouldn’t work, it shouldn’t be working and yet for almost a year it had held strong. Buffy didn’t understand it at all, ergo - something being wrong, “I killed that girl.” She insisted.

“Demons in the woods? Time going wonky? This is Sunnyhell, and you don’t have it in you.”

She was on the verge of crying now because how could he be so good for her when she was so wrong, when they were so wrong, “I'll show them.”

He shook his head, “Show them what?”

“The body.” 

And oh great here came the waterworks, “I took care of it.”

And the anger, “You took care of it?”

“Stored her in my crypt. Until we got this whole thing sussed out.”

Oh. Well, the anger was gone but she was still crying. As she stared across at him, a mess of a person a voice cut through their conversation, “Missing person report?” It was a policeman.

“Yeah. Brown hair, brown eyes, female - just got called in. Person seemed hysterical on the other end.”

She choked out a sob and Spike tried to move to comfort her but she yanked her body away from his, “I have to tell them.”

“There still isn't anything to connect this to you.” He said with urgency.

“It doesn’t matter.”

Couldn’t he see that? Couldn’t he see that she just wanted to put an end to this? To them? The conflict of it all was slowly killing her, “It wasn’t your fault!” He insisted.

“I-I killed her!”

“You did no such thing. I bet my bloody unlife on it.”

“Maybe you should.”

That had been uncalled for. She knew it was uncalled for the moment she said it but it was too late to take it back. Spike looked - stricken? But he wasn’t backing down and Buffy didn’t understand that - she didn’t understand how he could continue to believe in her so much. Not when he didn’t have a soul to guide him, “You’re not going in there.”

“I have to do this. Just let me go.” 

The break up with me was implied because for some godforsaken reasons Buffy couldn’t do it. She couldn’t break up with him when it would feel like she was ripping her heart out. She didn’t have the courage, “I can’t.” He insisted, “I love you.”

She let out a heaving sob, and how pathetic was that, “How? It’s impossible.” But Buffy knew it wasn’t.

“You don’t mean that.” 

And of course she didn’t, “I know.” She admitted softly.

“You are not throwing your life away over this.”

But he didn’t get a say in that, “It's not your choice.” 

“Why are you doing this to yourself?”

There were so many answers to that but only one that didn’t leave her emotionally vulnerable, not like she wasn’t sobbing already, “A girl is dead because of me.”

“And how many ruddy times do I have to tell you, no she isn’t. You save people, you wouldn’t do this.”

“Are you sure?” She looked at him through her tears, emotions drained. In that moment she was blank - a void, “I got that darkness in me.”

“Buffy - “

In that moment he reached out to sooth her and she knocked his hand away, “You can't understand why this is killing me, can you?”

He reached out to try to soothe her again, “Why don’t you explain it to me?”

But she didn’t want to explain it to him. The words she feared to speak caught in her throat. To give herself up would just be so much easier. She smacked his hand away again, “Don’t touch me.”

“Is that how it’s going to be then?” 

“How what is going to be?”

“I’m not going to let you bloody walk all over me. Not after what we’ve been through. I don’t think this is the end for us but you’re clearly going through something pet. Until then…” He trailed off and his words felt like a slap.

“Until then what?” She struggled to get out.

“Well I’ve never been able to say no to you or turn down helping you but I’m not your lap dog. Figure out what you need to figure out but don’t expect me to be all lovey dovey until you do.”

“You’re letting me go?” She couldn’t believe it - it had been what she had wanted but somehow it hurt more than she was expecting it too.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” He moved out of her way and sarcastically gestured out of the alleyway, “I’m not going to bloody come to blows on this.”

Buffy stood there stunned. She had always believed that he would never give up on her. But then - hadn’t she forced his hand? Hadn’t she? Hadn’t she? The moment she realized what had happened she wanted to go back and reverse everything. But Spike was staring at her expectantly and she walked past him, almost on autopilot. She had broken them hadn’t she? 

Inside the police station Buffy realized that for the most part what he had said was true. Officers rushed around her and she walked up to the desk where the person on the phone was chatting away, “Are you sure? That’s the name? Sounds a bit posh for a local.”

She cleared her throat, “Excuse me I need to -” 

The officer looked up at her and held up a finger, “Give me just a second.”

He pushed the button for another phone line, “Listen I’ve got someone on the other end can this wait? Okay. Good.” He switched back over to the person he was talking too, “This city - never a dull moment huh? Odd bites, weird Halloweens, and missing people. What did you say the name was again?” He grabbed a pen and pad of paper nearby and started talking, “Katrina ... Silber. S-i-l-b-e-r.”

The name triggered a memory in her and suddenly Buffy understood with perfect clarity that Spike was right. Katrina had been the name of the girl Warren - one of the three pains in her ass - had been obsessed with. And she knew his group of nuisances had been working to destroy and cause havoc in Buffy’s life in anyway they could. With the memory came clarity, and with the clarity came despair. Because how hard should it have really been to say three little words. Three little words she may never get a chance to ever say. 

The next day Buffy felt dead. As she stared at the demon picture that Anya held out in front of her all she could think was - what have I done? What have I done? The death hadn’t been her fault. None of it. The only thing that had been her fault was the look on Spike’s face when he had given up on trying to save her. Neither of them were willing to come to blows so what could he do but let her walk away? She had given him no other option, “So that's it. These things just made you think you killed her.” Willow said.

“She was probably dead long before you stumbled across her.” Riley agreed. 

“It wasn't the demons. It was Warren. He knew Katrina. He had something to do with it, I know it.” She told them and felt a spark of anger at what he had done and was glad to know that she wasn’t completely dead inside.

But that feeling was quickly smothered, “How can you be sure?” Willow asked.

And wasn’t that obvious? “You always hurt the one you love.” She answered.

“What are you talking about?” Dawn asked worry in her voice, “Did something happen with Spike?”

“Oh Dawn, I think I messed up.” She confessed to her sister trying to stop her voice from breaking. 

Even later Buffy sat on the sofa looking at Tara across from her and couldn’t stop a tear from tracking down the side of her face. She was trying to comprehend what Tara had told her. What she had known deep down - that she was normal as normal could be. But she had been so afraid, so terrified of what it would mean if she had come back wrong. Like Cordelia had. Her horor about her feelings for Spike mixing with her fear of being wrong, had created the perfect storm. It had shoved a wedge between them, a wedge she had created. Maybe she had been looking for an excuse. Things between them had been going so well after all. Too well, “Why do I feel like this?” She asked Tara, “Why did I say those things to him?”

Tara stared at her and Buffy could read the concern in her eyes, the love, “Do you love him?” Tara asked her.

And wasn’t that the million dollar question. When they had started this thing all the way back before Buffy had died, Buffy had promised herself she wouldn’t fall in love. She had told herself it was impossible. Spike was soulless, Spike was a monster, Spike had done all these terrible things before and even during the time they had known each other. But she had wanted something different, something new - so she had decided to go for it. After all - as long as she reminded herself day in and day out just what Spike was and what he had done, she would be okay. She would be able to protect her heart. But time as they said, made the heart grow fonder and sometimes armor failed, “Is it - is it wrong if I do?” She searched Tara’s eyes desperate for an answer. 

“No.” Tar told her with so much honesty in her voice, “Of course not.”

“I shouldn’t.” It was the truth, “He's everything that ... I'm supposed to be against. Everything that I’m supposed to hate.” But she couldn’t, not anymore - it hurt too much when she did, she couldn’t deny the truth any longer, “But he makes me so happy Tara. So complete.”

“I-it’s okay if you do. He’s done a lot of good recently. And he loves you. But you can’t keep it from him, it’s cruel.”

“What if it’s too late?” 

Because that’s what it felt like. Like she had waved the moment goodbye. That it would never come again. Spike had said that he would accept her back with open arms if she got her act together but what if that was a lie? What if the time alone let him realize what a mess she was? What big mistake getting back together with her would be? She didn’t know what she would do if it was, “It’s never too late.”

“But…” She choked out and couldn’t finish what she was trying to say.

“Not when there’s a chance.”

Buffy felt her tears grow, “I hurt him Tara. I thought I my feelings made me a monster and I - I was so terrible to him.”

“It’s not that simple.” Tara told her and of course she was right but Buffy’s heart hurt.

Buffy buried her head in Tara’s lap, “I’m in love with him.” She admitted as she continued to cry, “I think I’m in love with Spike. Oh god.” She couldn’t stop crying now, “I love him so, so, much it hurts.” 

It should have been a release, but she had been so cold to him. She had pushed all his attempts at communication away, rebuffing him until he had given up. And he hadn’t even done anything wrong, just moved the body until they could understand the cause of death. What was it they said? If you thought you were a monster, sometimes you became one? A self-fulling prophecy. She wanted to make it up to him, wanted to come clean and heal his wounded heart with her own. She wanted to fight for them, but she had no idea how to mend the broken rift that had grown between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very different outcome than the show of course - and with much less violence, but this chapter felt so very necessary as I wrote it. Buffy's denial and then realization feels very real to me. She didn't plan to fall in love - and promised herself she wouldn't, but sometimes the heart wants what it wants. And in this case Buffy's heart wanted Spike - it just took a lot of pain and suffering for her to get to a place where she could be open with herself about it. Like I said, this chapter was very hard to write because her feelings and emotions felt so very real and writing them hurt because I love what I've built up between them. However in this instance I think tearing it down had to happen for Buffy to finally climb out of her hole of denial.
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	81. Older and Far Away/The Waning Youth (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gifts and revelations. It's Buffy's birthday alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After some thought I've decided to do this chapter in 2 chapters of 3 segments because it kind of got away from me in terms of length. Also - episode title change for this one. 
> 
> Tara POV, Dawn POV, Riley POV.

**Time Stamp:** Start of Episode to End of Early Episode

Tara walked through The Magic Box picking up items and then placing them back on the shelves as she did so. Each time she did she would glance down at the clipboard in front of her and check it off the list. Inventory was dreadfully dull, but there wasn’t anything to be done about it. Someone had to make sure they had enough pixie dust or lavender wart. Cordelia found this sort of thing interesting but staring at the items just made Tara want to use them. Nothing big of course - but it was fun to occasionally see if one could make the room sparkle with magic. Across the room Riley was picking candles up - smelling them, and then putting them down. Finally he turned to her, “Buffy’s birthday was easier to figure out when I was dating her.” 

She turned to look at him, and raised her eyebrow, “What did you get her last year? I’m sure you can think of something.”

“I don’t actually remember.” That wasn’t good, “The less said about that the better.”

In hindsight it said a lot about the relationship that Riley and Buffy had shared that he didn’t remember. Tara knew what she wanted to get Buffy, but magic wouldn’t heal the emotional rift between Buffy and Spike, so she was stuck lamely giving a gift that she was sure wasn’t what Buffy really wanted, “Maybe someplace to store her weapons? That’s impersonal right?” 

It wasn’t fancy but she was sure that Buffy would appreciate it. Buffy could always use more weapons and a good place to store them. She was in danger constantly. Which gave Tara a new idea for a gift. A much better gift than her original idea. Tara had been struggling with what to get Buffy too but the conversation with Riley had opened her eyes a little bit. She picked up some rose water and pocketed it, making a note on her clipboard to pay the store back, “You are a lifesaver!” He paused, “You know Willow is going to be at the party.”

Of course she had but it still made her feel warm when she thought about it. Things were starting to be good between them again, “I know.” She smiled softly at the thought.

“I really want things to work out between the two of you.”

Tara was glad that she had Riley as a cheerleader. He was good at it. Good at making her feel good. If she wasn’t so pro-women only she would consider giving him a go but as it was - she snort laughed to herself - very much no. The lady only rule was unbreakable,“Thank you.” 

The moment the words were out of her mouth the bell rang and Dawn walked in holding a large fold of thick cloth. Tara and Riley shared a look of confusion but she didn’t seem to notice, “Hey!”

“Hey Dawnie.” Tara greated her, “What’s the big blanket for?”

“Do you plan to smother a vampire to death or something?” Riley followed up.

In front of them Dawn rolled her eyes, “I’m here to buy a sword.” Tara wasn’t sure why Dawn would need a sword, “For Buffy.” She clarified.

Ah. The birthday present seemed a little strange coming from Dawn but Tara wasn’t going to tell her no. A sword was a good gift and if Dawn was willing to pay for it, Tara didn’t have it in her to turn her down, “Your sister still out patrolling?”

At Riley’s question Dawn scowled and Tara could tell that the question had upset her. In fact anything that had to do with Buffy and fighting and Dawn’s lack of inclusion seemed to upset Dawn. Tara understood that Buffy wanted to protect her sister but she also wondered if Dawn was starting to feel over-restricted, “Without me.” She groused, “Thus the birthday present shopping.”

“Well, what sort of sword do you want? We have a few pretty shiny options. Some rather cheep.” Tara walked over behind the counter and pulled a few down from the wall mount.

“Your swordiest sword.” Dawn told her and then glanced over at Riley, “How are you dealing with the whole birthday bash?”

He stared at her caught off guard by Dawn’s question. For a moment he didn’t say anything and then he cleared his voice, “I’m bringing my new date.” He eventually admitted.

For a moment Tara ingested the information but when it really hit her she smiled. Riley had been rather secretive about his current partner, and Tara thought it was about time that they all got to meet her, “I-I can’t wait to meet her.” She told him, “To put a face to your stories. I’m happy for you.”

Dawn pulled herself up to sit on the counter of the shop so she could see him better. Also Tara imagined Dawn thought it made her look somewhat cavalier, “Is she cute?” Dawn asked.

“Yeah.” Riley told them.

“Good for you.” Dawn said and picked up a short sword to examine it, “Now the moping can stop.” She waved the sword around in front of her a few times.

“Dawn!” Tara scolded her but Dawn only shrugged, “I’m sure she’s lovely.”

“Thanks.” 

Dawn slid off the counter and then put the sword she was holding in the place where she had just been sitting, “I’ll take this one please.” 

Tara nodded and begun to wrap it up. But her mind was on the party now - because things were shaping up to be pretty interesting. She was excited for tomorrow, all things considering. 

\----

Riley looked at the woman standing next to him and took her hand. It was a bit terrifying introducing your new girlfriend to your friends, he realized. He hoped that they would like her as much as he did. She was a bit odd, he knew but there was just something so good about her underneath it all. She made him laugh in a way that he thought he was never going to again after Cordelia had left. Reaching up he knocked on the door in front of him and waited. A second later Dawn opened it a grin on her face, “Riley! And this your girlfriend. Finally.” She stuck out her hand, “I’m Dawn.” 

The two of them shook hands before Dawn opened the door the rest of the way to give Riley and his girlfriend room to step inside. As soon as they did Buffy came out from wherever she had been hiding, with a smile on her face. The second she saw him the smile dropped and an almost chilly silence followed. He wondered what he had done. Had Buffy judged his girlfriend after seeing her just once? That didn’t seem fair. Next to him his girlfriend let go of his hand and let out a huff, “Shit.” A pause, “These are your friends?” She looked at him. 

He didn’t see what the big deal was, “Buffy, Anya. Anya, Buffy.”

“I know who she is.” Buffy said and okay that wasn’t what he had been expecting.

“I’m sorry.” Anya said sarcastically, “I wouldn’t have come if I knew exactly whose house I was going to.” 

“It’s not your fault.” Buffy said looking pointedly at Riley, “Can I speak to you? For a moment? In the kitchen?”

Before he could really protest Buffy had grabbed his arm and dragged him down the hall and into the empty kitchen. He looked around trying to find a friend but there was nothing. Just him, Buffy and the cold countertops. Somehow he knew he was in for a lecture, instead Buffy only said a few words, “Ex-Vengeance Demon.” 

That made him pause, “I’m sorry what?”

She gestured back into the room where Anya was standing alone awkwardly, “Your new girlfriend.” 

Huh. Riley felt like he should have seen this coming. When it came to women life hadn’t been too kind to him recently. This was just another bump in that road it seemed, “Oh.” He said unsure of what to say next.

As Buffy rolled her eyes and walked away Riley had to wonder just what he was getting himself into. He would have to talk to Anya about this new development that was for sure. He just didn’t know when he would have the time - this party was shaping up to be something else. 

\---

Dawn watched as her sister pulled Riley away and into the kitchen. Finding herself in the hallway and alone with Riley’s new girlfriend Dawn swallowed and then grabbed onto her arm to drag her into the living room. The woman looked at her rather askance but Dawn didn’t know what to do. Clearly there was a tension here but Dawn didn’t know exactly what. Once inside the room Anya flopped down in one of the chairs, with a scowl on her face. Dawn stood awkwardly unsure if she should sit or stand or what have you. In the end she moved to stand across from Anya and sat on the arm of the sofa, “So you’re Riley’s new girlfriend? The one we’ve heard so much about?” 

Anya looked at her and Dawn felt like she was being put under a microscope. Anya was very different from Cordelia. Oh Cordelia could judge you of course but Cordelia was also one of her sister’s best friends, and had never been anything but kind to Dawn. Anya felt - different. Not unkind per-say but Dawn got the feeling that Anya wasn’t afraid to do anything openly - no matter what that thing was, “You’re overly perky aren’t you?” 

She was - but she was trying to be nice. Maybe Anya didn’t respond the way most people did to nice? What did Riley’s new girlfriend think was nice anyway? She didn’t want to judge but staring at this new unknown made her miss Cordelia. Cordelia who was fond of showing Dawn all the gruesome images in the books she read about demons. Who always had a new story to tell her, or bit of research to share, “Sorry for trying to be nice.” She crossed her arms.

“Well clearly now you’re upset at what I said.”

Maybe Anya was just bad at social interaction? She seemed almost shocked by how Dawn had reacted. Taking a deep breath Dawn decided that she would try again. Because she really didn’t want to get off on the wrong foot with this woman. Buffy clearly already had and Anya deserved the benefit of the doubt. Riley could be an awful boyfriend sometimes but he had good taste in girlfriends, “Sorry.” She paused, “I shouldn’t have - it’s very nice to meet you.” She uncrossed her arms.

That made Anya shrug and roll her eyes but eventually she smiled, “You too.”

“So.” Now that they had gotten their not so nice pleasantries out of the way, “How did you and Riley meet? I want to know all the details. Don’t leave anything out.”

Riley had been very cagey about the whole thing. The most she had needled out of him was that he had met someone and that sometimes they went on coffee dates. But then she was pretty sure Riley didn’t think that any more information was relevant. It wasn’t like he meant to withhold - that was just who he was, “Outside the hair salon.”

Oh. Oh! That must have been the day when Buffy turned invisible, “Cute.” 

“I liked his muscles.”

That seemed overly share happy but Dawn had to remind herself about what she had previously assumed re: Anya not being good at social cues. A moment later Willow and Tara entered smiling at each other and that made Dawn smile back at them, “Did the two of you have a good talk?”

Willow nodded and sat down in the seat next to Anya’s, “Very nice.” She paused, “What did we miss?”

Dawn gestured across from her, “This is Anya. Riley’s new girlfriend.”

Tara sat down on the floor in front of Willow, which Dawn thought could only mean good things, “We’ve met before” She Willow said rather icely and Dawn still didn’t get the reception.

“I’m Tara.” Tara told her from the ground. 

Buffy and Riley followed close on their heels. As they did Anya shimmed off the chair and onto the floor, giving Riley a place to sit. He gave her a tight smile - which seemed odd but Dawn wasn’t going to really look to much into it, and then he took the seat she had been in. Once they were all seated Dawn looked at her sister, “We should do presents.” 

“Not until Spike is here.”

“What do you think he got you?”

Dawn knew that her sister and Spike had, had a really awful argument but he was at the party wasn’t he? Despite everything. So clearly he wanted them to work it out. Like a genie being called from the lamp the moment they mentioned him Spike walked in. He smiled at her and nodded tightly at Buffy, who had found a seat on the couch and moved over for him. For a moment he paused and then sat next to her - but there was space enough between them for another person, and Clem the demon friend Spike had invited - leapt at the chance, “I love birthdays. I love the gifts and the presents, there’s something so nice about receiving things. It’s just a really great day for smiles and joy isn’t it?” He prattled on unaware of the tension on either side of him. 

Finally after a bit of getting sorted out, they settled themselves and started opening gifts. Willow presented her’s first and Buffy tore into the packaging. When the item was unearthed she stared at it for a few moments a little unsure of what she was looking at. Dawn thought it looked naughty. It had to be naughty right? It was kind of hard to tell - but she was pretty sure that it at least had a buzz setting, maybe three, “Uh…”

She agreed. Her sister fidgeted while Willow beamed on, “ See? i-it's a battery-operated back massager. And it's portable so you can take it with you on patrol.” Willow tried to explain. 

“I see.” Buffy arched an eye at her friend.

“It's like, instant gratification for all your little acheys.” She continued.

“Among other things.” 

The moment she said it she shot Spike a look across the couch and he choked on the beer he was drinking. He swallowed and then glared at her. Well - at least Buffy was trying to make amends too? Buffy had the good grace to look unashamed but then Spike shook his head and Dawn watched as her face fell. Ouch, “Open mine!” Dawn said in an attempt to distract her sister.

She reached next to the couch and pulled out the sword she had bought Buffy. It had cost her a lot of money so she was very hopeful that her sister loved it. And, maybe that her sister would take it as the glaring hint that it was. She was getting very tired of her sister’s attempts to baby her. It felt like it was never going to end. Dawn knew she didn’t have magic super powers but she deserved a chance to learn how to fight and protect herself. Especially after everything that had happened to her recently. At some point her sister was going to have to see that. Right? The guidance counselor at school had seemed to think so. Or at least, had seemed to agree with Dawn. Actually the counselor had seemed a little pushy and overly agreeable on the subject. But that was neither here nor there.

Her sister pulled the messy wrapping job she done away and then stared at the long lump of cloth in her hands. That too she discarded. Until there it was - the most expensive thing Dawn had ever bought. It was actually a pretty lovely sword. It had a simple silver handle with a few fancy swirls, and the blade was polished until it shone. She was proud of her pick. Buffy held the sword and turned it over in her hands. She looked enamored, “Dawn.”

“Do you like it?” She asked.

“It’s beautiful.”

“I was thinking you could train me with it.”

That was the other part of the gift. The hope that maybe seeing it would cause her sister to relent. But the moment she said it Buffy scowled and Dawn knew she had said the wrong thing. Was her sister ever going to get the message? Dawn was fifteen - she was around the same age Buffy had been when she had been called. She deserved the chance to prove herself didn’t she? It was so frustrating, “A big fat no to that Dawn.”

“Can you at least consider it? Please? For me?”

Before her sister could even say anything Riley - who had disappeared a few minutes prior - interrupted them, “Happy birthday Buffy.”

They turned to see him wheeling in a large wooden rack. It even had that new wood smell. It had semi-flower patterns carved and burned into it. And would hold so very many weapons, “Oh my god!” She stood up sword in hand, “Where did you get this?”

“It’s what some security places use. A buddy of mine suggested it. But I figured metal wasn’t your style. So I got the wooden one.” 

“I helped him pick it out.” Tara said from the floor standing up.

“I love it!” She told them and gave Riley an awkward half hug. 

“I-I have one more thing.” Tara told her, “Actually.”

She pulled a very small drawstring bag out of her pocket and handed it to Buffy. Her sister opened the bag delicately and then pulled out a necklace. It had a purple stone on the bottom and it sparkled in the dim light of the room, “Wow.” 

Dawn couldn’t agree more, “It’s charmed with a small blessing. Nothing big, just a little - good luck.”

“It’s perfect.”

And it was. If anyone could use the good luck right now it was her sister. Because it was becoming very apparent that Spike hadn’t gotten her anything. Not that Dawn expected him to - but his cold shoulder extended further than she had expected. It seemed out of character for him, but that was how the cookie crumbled she supposed. All Dawn really wanted was for them to make up. Her sister without Spike was sad and love-sick and Dawn just needed it to end. 

There was a knock at the door and everyone turned to it confused. They were at full party capacity weren’t they? For a moment no one moved and then Buffy walked over to the door and opened it. Dawn watched her and was even more confused when there was no one at the door. Her sister looked around once and twice and tilted her head, “There’s no one here.” She started to close the door but her eye caught something on the ground, “There is a card though. Which is giving me the wiggins.” 

“Bring it in and open it!” Anya yelled at her, “Maybe it’s money. There’s a good demon that does that you know - delivers money for birthdays.”

That seemed an odd thing to say but Dawn ignored it. Her sister picked up the card and shut the door bringing it into the living room with her. She opened it, “Happy Birthday.” She read aloud, “I hope that your birthday will be an enchanted one, filled with merriment and youthful endeavors.”

She looked up at their group, “That seems like a very weird thing to write on a card.” Willow said. 

“Very weird is right. It almost seems like a threat?” Riley agreed.

“Exactly like a threat.” 

Buffy told him and put the card on the living room table, “I thought it sounded nice.” Anya said, and then “What?” When everyone looked at her.

“Nothing. Not a thing.” Willow told her.

Dawn stepped forward and picked up the card turning it over in her hands. When nothing was forthcoming she shook it. That also did nothing. She didn’t know why she had expected anything different. Well there was only one thing to do with it now really, “I’ll throw it out. The card seems harmless on it’s own and I’d rather not have it staring us the whole party.” 

“Very good idea.” Buffy agreed.

She walked out of the living room and past their door. If she had glanced out of their dining room window she might have seen the shadow lurking, but as it was she didn’t. Instead she entered the kitchen and threw the offending item into the trash - unaware of the meaning of the card - or how it related to the conversation that had taken place between her and her guidance counselor that morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dawn being the only one who doesn't know who Anya is and being confused by her is my new aesthetic. 
> 
> This episode is really interesting because in terms of ideas/tone I feel it's relatively the same - but in terms of what the episode actually accomplishes and the story it tells - I feel it is very very different (for example Spike and Buffy are in a very different place where he's the cold one, and she's the one trying to fix things). The rest you'll see later on.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	82. Older and Far Away/The Waning Youth (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy's birthday continues, with a bit of a twist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a long one, and one of the reasons I rarely do full episodes (I think the chapters would get too long). However if you liked the style I did these two chapters in - let me know and I might consider switching over. 
> 
> Even more POVs. Spike POV, another Riley POV, and a Buffy POV.

Spike wasn’t sure what he was doing here. After the argument in the alley he should have been far far away. But he was in love with Buffy dammit and his brain had never truly functioned properly when it came to the stupidity of love. His blood always screamed the loudest when Buffy was around. So when Dawn had called him, the sound of begging in her voice - almost as if she was pleading with him to come - he hadn’t been able to say no. It was torture being here and being around Buffy though. Because the more he was around her the more he wanted to take his words back and he couldn't do that. He had to stand his ground or she would keep on walking all over him. And something in their relationship had to give. Something he didn’t want to be him. But he also refused to give up on them, and so had decided that they weren’t done until Buffy said so. His heart wouldn’t let them be. Bloody dumb thing that it was. 

He walked into the hall connected to the living room and saw Buffy talking to Clem about god knew what. But the moment he entered her eyes shifted over to him and there was that look again. She had been staring at him in this odd way ever since he had arrived. And her gaze held something he wasn’t sure he could name. There was confidence, and trepidation, those he recognized but the other eluded him. It was an emotion in her gaze he had never seen before. Part of him hoped for what it was but he refused to get his hopes up. Not after last time. Not after the alleyway. 

She shooed Clem off and then approached him slowly. Softly. With hesitation. It was a new look on her. She stood awkwardly in front of him, so unsure it blew his mind, “Hi. Thanks for coming. To my party I mean. You didn’t have to.”

He shrugged, “Dawn called me.”

That put her off kilter, he could see it in the way she nodded, “Well. If Dawn calls you, of course you’d come.”

“I like the kid.” 

But she already knew that. Just as well as she knew that him coming here was an excuse to see her too. To know where they stood. Not that Spike would ever admit it to himself. He was too proud, “Can we - can we talk? About what happened between us?”

The way she said it go this hackles up. He knew that it shouldn’t have but it did. She was being more open than she normally was but he really didn’t want to commiserate about what had happened. What he wanted was for her to say sorry and for them to move on. But he didn’t know if he would even get that out of her. It was starting to sound like she wanted to make excuses. He was done with excuses and denial. He crossed his arms, “What do you want to talk about?” He leaned against the wall.

“I just wanted to -” She said at the same time Tara came into the hallway, “Buffy! There you are!”

Both of them stared at her, “I’m interrupting.” She said realizing what she had walked into, “Anya and Clem can wait.”

“Anya and Clem?” Buffy arched an eyebrow.

“They’re arguing. About something? I thought you might be able to break it up.”

Spike could tell that Buffy wanted to stay but honestly he was tired and not ready to talk about whatever they needed to talk about. He didn’t do talks. Well okay he did - but he did action and simple words just as well, and right now he wanted to get out of this ruddy hallway and away from Buffy. They could have it out later. Tara had provided him the perfect opportunity, “You should go. Get it all sorted between the ex-demon bird and Clem.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.”

She seemed a little despaired that he had let her go but she acknowledged his comment to her, and then left with Tara. As she went Spike let out a sigh. That could have gone better and he knew it. Eventually he would have to find a way to get over what had happened between them so they could talk like adults or something. He had promised her that he would be around once she figured herself out and it seemed like she had. 

Later he really did wish that the two of them had talked. It was just impossible to take Buffy completely seriously when she was ten-years-old. It also sparked something fiercely protective in him, now that she couldn’t protect herself. He could have left of course, but both Buffy and Dawn seemed unable to leave the house for some reason that no one could explain. The demon in the walls was the cherry on top of their bloody awful pie. 

Magic was very very stupid. 

\---

As they sat upstairs in Willow’s room Riley tried to compartmentalize what had happened today. First - his girlfriend was an ex-demon. Second, for some wild reason that didn’t completely make him want to run away in a terror. Third - Buffy was a child and both she and Dawn were trapped in this house with a demon that could walk through walls, and might have come from the sword Buffy had brought home. Fourth, and most importantly - Anya was being truly helpful. She had left the house to make a run for spell books and magic items at The Magic Box, and had actually had come back - with donuts - despite everyone’s insistence that she would head for the hills the second she stepped out the door. It was clear to him that Anya was terrified, but she was persisting anyway. He was almost proud. Sure he was still a little miffed about the ex-demon thing but that didn’t change the fact that he was still very attracted to the woman in front of him. 

He finished bandaging her arm, and hoped that it would be enough to get by until they could get Buffy and Dawn out of here, “I can’t believe you used to be an ex-demon.” He said.

“I can’t believe that you’re friends with the Slayer.” Anya shot back.

Touché, Riley thought. Today had been equally surprising for both of them he supposed. This was not how he had imagined introducing his girlfriend to his best friends. But he supposed that it wouldn’t have happened any other way, not knowing the life he lived. As he contemplated this he heard a creaking in the walls, and looked up at Anya, “Did you hear that?” He asked.

Clearly she had because her eyes were moving as she glanced around the room, following the sound, “We’re all going to die in this dumb house.”

“We’re not going to die.” He told her.

“No?” Anya focused her attention on him, “The Slayer is a little kid, and the one witch who could save us can’t do magic.”

“These things have a way of working themselves out.” He squeezed her hand.

“Not always.” The walls around them creaked again, louder this time and he heard Anya swallow, “Are the walls closing in around us?” She asked.

Riley changed his tactics and turned her hands around so he could rub soothing circles into her open palm, “Listen to me.” He said in a soft voice, “The walls are not coming closer. You’re just a little scared. We are going to figure this out, and make it out alive.” 

“But - “ She started.

“No buts.” He looked out into the upstairs hallway behind them, “Would you feel more comfortable if I went out and checked?”

She nodded. Standing he left the imagined safety of their small room and wandered down the hallway. Finding nothing he crept down the stairs, as the creaking continued. Inside the foyer he could hear talking in the kitchen, but ignored it. Just as he was becoming more confident that it was nothing, and not the demon who had attacked Anya - a large arm pulled him backwards. He yelled loudly and felt himself thrown against one of the walls in the foyer. A sword was pushed under his neck and he grabbed at the demonic arm that held it. The two of them struggled in opposition and Riley had an image of the sword cutting of his head. 

Just when he thought all hope was lost Spike appeared next to them. However even together they were not strong enough to pull the demon’s sword away from his neck. Frustrated, Spike punched the demon in the gut and that was enough. The demon elbowed Spike and then threw Riley across the room. As he landed with a thud he heard the sound of running feet and looked up to see Anya who must have ran downstairs when she heard his scream, “Grab the sword!” Buffy shouted from where she stood, unable to really do anything.

At her command Spike stood and again, and attacked the demon more directly. The two tussled, and eventually Riley stood up to help him. In the end their combined attack was enough to drive the demon away but not defeat it. When the battle was done Riley watched as Buffy walked over to Spike and touched his leg, “Are you okay?” She asked him. 

He stared down at her softer than he had all night and nodded, “I’ll be fine pet.”

It would have been cute if Buffy didn’t look ten-years old. Instead it looked a little creepy. He wasn’t sure how to feel about the whole thing. As Buffy fussed over Spike, Anya had already started fussing over him - checking him for any sort of wound that would tell her that he wasn’t doing well, “Anya.”

She looked up at him, “I wanted to make sure he didn’t damage the goods.” She told him.

“I’m fine.” He promised her.

It was true. He was visibly shaken to be sure, but overall he was okay. He just had to keep on believing what he had told Anya - they would get through this, and they would figure out why Buffy was suddenly a child. There wasn’t any other option. 

\---

Buffy followed Dawn into her room, her small feet hardly making any sound. Inside Dawn had thrown herself on her bed and was laying face down, her head pressed into a pillow. As Buffy came in Dawn looked over at her and let out a long suffering sigh, “Dawnie?” Buffy asked and hated how young her voice sounded.

Her sister looked at her, “Buffy.” 

When Dawn spoke her voice was closed off and stilted, and that was the moment when Buffy knew that something was wrong, “Did you do something?”

Dawn pressed her face back into the pillow and muffled a response to her sister, “Maybe.” 

“Can you repeat that? I couldn’t hear you.”

Turning around Dawn sat up and let her legs dangle over the edge of the bed. She looked across at Buffy and Buffy realized that situated this way - with Dawn sitting on the bed and Buffy standing - Dawn actually met Buffy’s gaze. Compared to last night, and the morning where Dawn had looked down at Buffy, this was much better. Being ten really sucked, “I didn’t mean too.” Dawn admitted.

“You know you can tell me.” Buffy said, “I’m not going to judge you, you know that.” She crossed her arms. As she did so Dawn laughed in a way that sounded more like a giggle, “What?”

“It’s… it’s hard to take you seriously when you look like you’re ten years old.”

That made Buffy cross, but her arms were already folded so she settled for a scowl instead. She knew how silly she looked, she didn’t need her sister to rub it in. It didn’t help that she felt completely powerless. Even in her weaker moments she had never felt like this, not since Giles’s dumb slayer test back in High School. But this was honestly worse, “Well you’re going to have to take me seriously. You snuck off Dawn, that’s little sister speak for guilty.”

In front of her Dawn pulled the pillow into her lap and looked down at it, head hung in what looked like shame, “It’s just, at school. There was this woman? I don’t know I may have said a few things. A lot of things. A whole bucket load of things.” 

“Listen, it's okay, Dawnie. Whatever you did, I’m not gonna be mad -” Buffy tried to not pressure her sister.

“It’s not my fault. Really.”

And okay now Dawn was dancing around the subject, which kind of pissed Buffy off. If she was taller and older she would be able to lord over her sister to get it out of her, but as she was Buffy could do none of those things. This stupid spell was stopping her from doing her job and she hated it. There had been a few times in her life when she had wished that she wasn’t the Slayer yes - but each and every time it happened life proved to her how much it sucked when she wasn’t, “Dawn, I’m trying to be understanding here but you are making it very hard right now. We’re just trying to figure out what is going on. Let me protect you.”

Dawn tossed the pillow back on the bed, “That’s the problem.”

“What?” Buffy asked, because okay now she was very confused.

“That’s the problem. I was there for Jasmine too, it wasn’t just you. I survived a whole week, by myself. And it was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life -”

“That’s why I want to protect you.” Buffy interrupted, why couldn’t Dawn see that? “First it’s vampires on Halloween, and then Jasmine, and then the song demon, and then god even Willow. I’m trying to keep you safe!”

“Let me finish.” The anger at which Dawn spoke caused Buffy to pause; she had heard Dawn angry before but somehow this felt - personal, “I was afraid. But knowing I could survive on my own made me feel good. Strong. I’m tired of you protecting me all the time. I just wanted -” she stopped to consider her words carefully, “I wanted you to know how I felt all the time.” 

“Like a little kid.” Buffy filled in the blanks, “Who isn’t allowed to grow up.” 

Now that they had talked, Buffy understood. Buffy had friends who she could rely on, but she knew deep down that it would always come back to her. That was what being the Slayer meant. That when the world was in danger, she had to step up - no matter what. It was part of the job. But because of that she had ignored the fact that just protecting people wasn’t enough, because protected people couldn’t grow. And Buffy was stifling her sister’s potential to grow, “Being your sister is hard sometimes. Because of who you are Buffy people are never going to stop attacking us. You can’t just hide me in a room and hope that I’m safe. You tried that with Glory and it didn’t work out. Sometimes I’m going to get hurt. You can’t be the hero all the time.” 

“You’re right.” Buffy said causing Dawn’s eyes to go wide, and Buffy bet her sister hadn’t been expecting that, “But right now we have a demon to defeat.” Downstairs she could still hear everyone arguing, and pointing fingers as they tried to work through what had happened. 

“We?” Dawn asked.

Buffy gestured to herself, “I can’t exactly fight like this now can I? So yes, we.”

“You can depend on me.” Dawn said standing up.

“I’m counting on it.” Buffy told her.

Walking quickly over to one of the chests across the room Dawn pulled out a sword she had stolen from The Magic Box. At Buffy’s glare she shrugged, “Never know when you’re going to need one.” 

More in sync then they had been before - Buffy and Dawn walked downstairs together and found everyone in the middle of an argument. Spike was glaring at Anya - but Buffy was pretty sure that Anya was innocent. As soon as they came down the steps all eyes came to rest on them, “Look - so it sort of might be Dawn’s fault. But it’s not. It’s not Dawn’s fault at all.” Buffy stated. 

“There was a guidance counselor, or someone pretending to be a guidance counselor, and I made a wish.” Dawn admitted.

Anya stared at her, and Buffy could see the wheels turning in her head, “Guidance counselor? You made a wish to someone you've never seen before?”

Dawn nodded, “Yeah.”

“Did she wear a pendant with a, with a dark blue stone?”

“With red little flecks!” Dawn finished.

It was then that Buffy realized that Anya might actually know the potential vengeance demon that Buffy was starting to realize they might be dealing with. She didn’t want to be thankful for Riley’s current choice in girlfriends but she couldn’t help it - Anya was about to crack this case wide open and hopefully - if everything went well - get Buffy her body back. A body that she desperately missed, “Uhh, for crying out loud.” Anya yelled into the air, “Halfrek!” Then turned to Dawn, “It's Halfrek, a vengeance demon. You made a wish to a vengeance demon.”

Bingo, “She didn’t know.” Buffy defend her sister - because after that moment upstairs she had to right? 

“Only a vengeance demon can break her own vengeance spell. Nothing else will work. She's the only one who can get us out of here.” Anya continued to explain before looking up at the air again, “Hallie, get your ass down here!”

There was a puff of smoke and suddenly a woman was staring at them, “You rang?”

The was a beat and then a sword was shoved through Halfrek’s chest. Buffy didn’t have time to react - instead she let out a little scream as Dawn moved her aside and lept at the demon. At the same time, Halfrek collapsed and Buffy prayed that she wasn’t dead and that her chance to get her body back hadn’t disappeared. A moment later Buffy heard her sister cry out as she was smacked across the room. She turned to watch as the demon charged at her. 

Unsure of what to do she scampered backwards but wasn’t fast enough. The demon picked her up and would have throw her across the room too if not for Spike coming up behind him and punching him with all of his might, “Let the lady go will you?”

The demon dropped her and turned to look at Buffy’s boyfriend while Buffy scampered backwards. The two of them engaged in combat as Buffy watched unable to do anything and hating it. Spike was doing well enough but things could change so quickly in combat and Buffy worried that it would change for him. As he fought the demon, Dawn leapt onto the demon’s back. Together they struggled against the brute but Dawn was eventually tossed of the demon’s back and towards Buffy. She landed and groaned, “Dawn!” 

Her sister brushed her off and in that moment Buffy was stunned, and proud. Standing Dawn charged forward again for the third time, and Buffy could only watch as both her sister and Spike defeated the demon with a little help from Anya who seemed hell bent on getting revenge for Riley. When it was sealed back in its sword Anya, glanced at Buffy, “ Her pendant! Get her pendant!”

Scrambling forward Buffy yanked the pendant off Halfrek but felt the demon’s hands wrap around her wrist. She glared at the woman, “Now, now. Give that back. It’s rude to steal.” Instead of giving it back Buffy’s hands curled around the offending item even stronger. She wasn’t strong enough to break it but she sure as hell could hold onto it as tightly as possible. She tried to fight back tears as Halfrek stood, holding her and turned to face Buffy’s friends - hand still wrapped tightly around Buffy’s wrist, “What?” She laughed, “Did you think I'd be stopped by a sword in the chest?”

“Let my sister go!” Dawn yelled at her.

“Not until she gives what belongs to me back.” She tightened her wrist again and Buffy knew any tighter and her wrist really would break.

“Let her go Hallie. If you value our friendship you’ll stop this nonsense.” Any told her.

“I just go where I -” She paused to look at Spike and Buffy wondered what she was seeing, “William?”

“Hey, wait a minute.” Spike blinked.

Buffy wasn’t sure what was going on but she decided to use the distraction to try to free herself, “You two know each other?” She asked as she wiggled but to no avail.

“Ish.” Halfrek put a stop to her wiggles, “Now none of that.”

“Please.” Dawn begged.

“And just why should I listen to you? This is what you wanted wasn’t it?”

“This isn’t what I wanted at all.” Dawn said, and Buffy smiled at her, “How about a trade? End the spell and you get your amulet back.” 

“Oh?” Halfrek seemed to consider what Dawn was saying.

“You want me to become strong? Or whatever. I can’t do that without my sister. So that’s the deal. My sister for the amulet.”

“Fine.” There was a pause and a flash of light, “It’s done.”

The second it happened Buffy yanked her arm free - blessed strength finally returned to her, and turned to punch Halfrek in the face. The demon seemed shocked and Buffy glared at her. She really wanted to do more - but she had a feeling that Halfrek could make things rather bad for them if she did. Instead she tossed the almuet at her, “A peace offering.”

“How sweet.” 

There was another flash of light and then Halfrek was gone. As she disappeared Tara cleared her throat, “I thought vengeance demons only punished men who wronged women.”

Anya snorted, “That was sort of my thing. Hallie had a thing for bad parents. Daddy issues or something.” 

Now that the smoke had cleared Buffy smiled at her sister and then turned her gaze Spike-ward. He had taken part in the battle too and she wanted to make sure he was alright. They stared at each other for a moment and then she smiled at him and he smiled back. Dawn came to stand next to her and gave her a little shove forward with her shoulder. Maybe seeing this for what it was Riley cleared his throat, “We should go. Now.”

“We should.” Anya agreed, “I can’t wait for our next date. This was exciting.” 

The two of them shuffled out the door leaving their group on the smaller side. Tara was quick to leave next, and Willow hurried up the steps to retreat into her room. Suddenly it was just the three of them, “I’m sorry.” She told Spike, “For everything.” She hoped he understood what she meant.

He scratched the back of his head, “I’m sorry too. It was your birthday and I was being a right berk.”

“Everyone has been right berks. Whatever that means. Are we all okay?” Dawn asked. 

“I think so nibblet.” Spike told her and the way he looked at Dawn filled Buffy’s heart with warmth.

The past week or so without him had been hard. Harder than she had really expected, which had just served to convince Buffy of how deeply she loved him. They had all been struggling. But right now the room felt cleaner and clearer than anything had been in a while - despite the mess from the fight around them, “Who’s up for a nap?” Buffy asked.

“Oh! Me!” Dawn answered. 

Before they could make it upstairs there was the sound of clunking and crashing. A moment later Clem walked down the hall and stopped in front of them. He blinked for a moment and they stared at him, as they all tried to process what they were seeing together. Finally he spoke, “What did I miss?”

Buffy shared a look with Dawn and Spike, and then quirked an eyebrow before both she and Dawn descended into laughter. What a birthday it had been indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is slowly making up with everyone! Drinks all around. This episode also marks the start of a very interesting story for Dawn that I'm excited to continue to share with you. 
> 
> In other news: Summer hours have started at work and it’s thrown me off my posting game but I swear I haven’t gone anywhere.
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


	83. As You Were/As We Are (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya learns something new about Riley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will soon see, I love writing Anya POV.
> 
> Another title change, this time a very small one (sometimes they are larger). I think the first one spoke to a soft reset of the characters, which doesn't wholly fit the themes of this episode.

**Time Stamp:** Start of the Episode

Anya wasn’t wholly sure about this but Riley had promised her that it would be okay and she sort of trusted him. Trusted him more than she trusted most men at least. And they were having good sex - so that had to count for something. She took a sip of her drink and bit her lip as she thought about what to say in reply to what Riley had just said. He was doing a good job of finding things that they didn’t have in common and Anya wanted to get him back with a good one. Just didn’t want to scare him off. Humans like him tended to be sort of weird in how they saw demons - ex-demons. It didn’t really matter. Although he was trying, which was more than she could say for most people or any of his friends really. She sighed, the sex really was great though, “Never have I ever gone to college.” She smiled when he put a finger down, “Ha.” Then slouched, “I don’t like this game. It favors the short lived.”

He laughed and she hoped it wasn’t at her, “It’s not the best game to play with an ex-vengeance demon is it. You’ve done done your fairshare while alive.”

God had she. Last time she had been in Egypt had been a beautiful experience, and she smiled remembering it fondly. There were a great number of women who felt slighted there. Although there were a great number of women who felt slighted everywhere, and Egypt wasn’t really special. Mostly she had enjoyed the food. Egyptians knew their way around a kitchen, “Well it’s your turn. Unless we are done with this game and are going to do something more pleasurable like dancing.”

“If that’s what you would like to do.” He told her.

“It’s not what you would like to do.” He looked a bit despondent and she didn’t know how to comfort him, human emotions were weird like that, “You want to get to know me.”

There was a shout and both of them turned to look at Willow and Dawn, the latter who was waving at them with a cup in her hand. The two of them walked over to the table and climbed into seats next to them. This was not how Anya had wanted to spend her date with Riley. She had hoped, like the dates she had seen in movies - that it would have just been the two of them and maybe a cute kiss after. And sex. This was the problem with having friends she groused internally, “Hey Riley, Anya.” Dawn put her cup on the table, “How’s the date going?”

“Okay. I hope.” Riley answered her.

“We are playing a terrible human game called ‘Never Have I Ever’.” Anya told her.

“I love that game!” Dawn said excitedly, and of course she did.

“Speaking of love.” Riley looked slyly at Willow who shrugged.

“You know me. Wheeling and dealing Willow. We’re getting there. Speaking again. Speaking a lot. So, progress.”

Anya let out a long suffering sigh, this was getting very dull very quickly. She didn’t need to hear about the witch or her problems. In front of her Dawn seemed to be thinking, and turned to Riley, “Well if you’re trying to get to know each other - have you told her yet?”

That got Anya’s attention, “Told me what?”

“About the government? The whole demon hunting gig? Bag em and tag em.” Dawn took a sip out of her drink and then muched far to loudly on a chip for Anya’s liking.

Hearing the small girl say that however, Anya felt her heart stutter - because no, he hadn’t told her yet. She wondered when he planned to. They hadn’t know each other for very long, but he already knew her biggest secret so why had he chosen to hide this from her. Was he ashamed? Because he was already friends with the Slayer so clearly he already had a history of killing demons. She looked up at her boyfriend, “We need to talk. Please follow me so we are far enough away from people.” She stood up and didn’t look back to see if he was going to come after her.

Behind her she heard him say something to Dawn followed by the girl saying, “Oops.”

Then he was beside her and they were through the crowd and out into the alleyway. Apparently they had things they needed to talk about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dawn and her big mouth.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	84. As You Were/As We Are (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the outside looking in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters today!
> 
> This is one of those chapters that I don't think I had to write but felt like I would be doing a disservice to the POV nature of the story if I didn't write. I had a blast writing it honestly.

**Time Stamp:** Mid Episode

It felt strange to be back in Sunnydale. But maybe that was just because Sunnydale was strange. He didn’t know. What he did know was that working with Riley felt as easy as breathing. The two of them had always worked in tandem well, and this was not an exception. Sure Riley had picked up a few unnecessary habits from Buffy but he was still a good fighter, still a powerful ally. Their fight against the demon he and his wife had been tracking proved that. Now they were on their way to Buffy’s home for a debrief. He would have rather the three of them do this alone, but Riley was insistent that whatever Graham told him Buffy had to know too. They turned a corner and walked down the street approaching Buffy’s house. 

It looked warm. Inviting even. Graham thought it was a good house, sturdy and strong. Riley stopped at the door and knocked a few times. There was noise from the inside and then the door swung open. A tall teenager stood in front of them head titled, “Hi Riley.” She looked at Graham and crossed her arms, “What’s with the gang? And the army gear? We going on a hunt?”

“Can we come in?” 

She nodded and swung the door open and moved back, “I’m trusting you’re not a vampire.” She quipped.

They stepped inside and Graham looked around. The house hadn’t changed much from the time they had come in to hunt the Queller demon. But it was nice to see it when it wasn’t in the dark and they were not under attack. The girl - he still didn’t know who she was, walked into the living room and they followed, “Where’s Buffy?” He asked.

“On a date.” The girl flopped onto the couch.

“Will she be back soon?” Graham inquired.

They were on a timeline and they couldn’t wait for Buffy to get back. If he and Sam had to go after the demon eggs by themselves they would. They had to. Maybe Riley had gotten used to this sort of easy demon hunting but Graham couldn’t afford it. He wondered what else had changed. How this new life had transformed the man he thought was one of his best friends. The girl stared at him, and Graham found her gaze unnerving. It was pretty clear she had a low opinion of him. Impressive considering she didn’t know him at all, “Eventually.”

Their commotion must have been louder than he assumed because another one of Buffy’s friends came into the room. He was pretty sure that this was Willow, “Oh! Guests.”

“Willow, Graham. Graham, Dawn.” Riley introduced him.

“And this is my wife - Sam.” He finished.

“Nice to meet you.”

At least Willow seemed more open for conversation. It was better than dealing with a sullen teenager who judged him on the jump, “There’s a demon situation.” Riley explained to her, “We’re waiting for Buffy.”

Willow nodded, “Well if you need help you can count me in.” 

Dawn shrugged almost noncommittally, “I can do research if you need it. More interesting than homework at least.”

How old was she? Thinking about it Graham thought she couldn’t have been any older than sixteen. Was Buffy raising teen soldiers? How could she be okay with showing a child the sort of things she saw on a daily basis? Clearly things had changed while he was away. And yes he only had Riley’s anecdotal stories to go off of, and the few run-ins with Buffy - but he had this impression of her based on that and this wasn’t it. This was something very different. 

The sound of a door opening and slamming caught him off guard and then laughter. It grew and suddenly there she was - the woman Riley had dragged them to see. But she wasn’t alone. Not by a long shot. For a moment Graham had to do a double take because clearly he wasn’t seeing what he was seeing, because the idea of it was too absurd and too insane that clearly it was wrong. After all Buffy was the slayer wasn’t she? And based on when he had last been in Sunnydale - it was just… impossible, “Why is the the Slayer with Hostile 17?” He asked Riley, “And why isn’t Hostile 17 dead?”

There was a pause, “I think a better question is why there are soldiers in my house.” Buffy shot back at him.

“He’s sort of a good guy now now.” Riley explained, “And Buffy’s boyfriend. So no staking allowed.”

“Oi!” Spike interjected.

As the drama ramped up Graham noted that Dawn had started to sit up straighter, and now she was grinning. Was she enjoying his humiliation? Graham had no idea but clearly he stepped into bizarro world. He knew the slayer had dated a vampire, that was in her file - but that file also said that the vampire had a soul. This was something else entirely. What made it worse was the fact that Riley seemed to - not care? Which implied that he had accepted the relationship at face value. And that didn’t seem like Riley at all. Didn’t Riley hate Hostile 17? Just what exactly had he missed leaving Sunnydale? In front of him Dawn continued to smile, “So.” She paused, “You said something about demon hunting?”

Less daunted by the whole thing and more on mission now that Graham’s mind had taken a vacation, Sam answered Dawn’s question, “Graham and I have been tracking a Suvolte demon through Central America. Killing machine. Nearly mature.”

Thank god his wife had her life together. He would have to get over his own issues and quick. The mission was more important and he could grill Riley later, “It’s three months old and growing fast.” He filled in. 

“These things start to kill the minute they're hatched. And leave a real clear trail.” Sam continued.

This was why he didn’t have time to sit around and worry about Riley and his current poor life choices, “Yeah. Just follow the villages with nothing in them but body parts.” 

These demons had the potential to be a real menace if they didn’t find the eggs. One was bad - a couple dozen could be world ending. Or at least town ending before a clean up crew could get on the scene, “Are we sure we should be talking about this in front of the teenager?” Sam asked Buffy - remembering that they had a guest. 

“This teenager helped save the world.” Dawn shrugged, “I’m good if you are.”

Well. That was a lot to process. It was also hard to imagine. Dawn thankfully didn’t seem too phased by Sam’s question so at least she liked one of them. That was better than he could have hoped for, “Nibblet is a bloody badass.” Spike said.

His words seemed to cheer the teenager up and Graham could still hardly believe what he was seeing. But they were here and had to make the best of the situation. As much as he hated to admit it, they would be able to get more done as a larger group than if it was just himself and Sam, “Is the demon in Sunnydale?” Willow asked, “We can help track it down.”

“No. It came here to the Hellmouth to, to spawn.” Sam sighed, “But we think it already hatched its eggs somewhere.”

“And the plan was to track it. Let the demon take us to its nest.” Graham said looking pointedly at Riley.

“So now they are going to spawn a bunch of nasty little baby beasties.” Spike followed their train of thought.

“Unless we stop it.” Riley said.

Graham got the impression that Riley was really talking to his group of friends and not him. That his words were more of a rallying cry for everyone around him, and less of something that Graham needed to hear, “An evil baby army. Great that’s just what we need right now.” Buffy said and everyone turned to look at her, “What. It’s true.”

“So I get to tracking the demon, Mr. and Ms. Army kill it oh so very dead, and then they leave.” Spike said, “That sounds like a nice little plan where everyone wins. Especially the part where they leave.” 

Buffy gave Spike a look but that didn’t say anything which told Graham that while she wanted to chastise him, she seemed to agree. Which - he couldn’t find it in himself to disagree, “We can't track the demon.” Riley admitted, “I killed it.” His friends stared at him, “To be fair I didn’t know.” 

“Good job Finn.” Spike snarked.

“Thanks.” Riley snarked back.

See this is what he was talking about - this seemed more familiar to him regarding Riley’s feelings, and yet their words didn’t feel half as aggressive as he was expecting them to, “It was going to kill us. You did the right thing. Made the right call.” He told Riley, “This is why I miss you.”

“What?” Riley seemed confused.

“Out on the field. Watching my back. You’re a good operative. Not many of those left.” He reached over and took Sam’s hand in his, “Thank god I found one of them though. A good one.”

“Graham - ” Sam scolded him but he could see the start of blush on her face.

Maybe he could ask Riley to come back? It didn’t seem like he and Buffy were together anymore and Cordelia was out of the picture. So far all Riley had told him was that he was in the very beginning of a relationship. It would be easier for him to leave if he wasn’t attached at the hip to anyone. Riley always had a bad habit of following his heart over his brain. Of course that was half of the reason he was so good on the field - but Graham would never tell him that, “So, demon eggs. Any timetable on when they're gonna hatch?” Buffy asked.

“Hatching is not the problem.” Graham said.

“We think they're gonna be sold on the black market for way to much money. There are some foreign military powers that would love to have their own Suvolte. You could never train it, but drop it on an urban population…” Sam trailed off.

“And it cleanses the area.” He finished.

“Is that a nice way of saying it kills people?” Dawn asked.

“Lots of 'em. Money's been exchanged. There's a dealer in town, calls himself the, The Doctor. Willow, you think you can help with a little locating spell?” Sam turned to look at Willow.

Softly Willow said, “I can't do the magicks.”

That was weird - the last time Riley and Graham had spoken Riley had reported that Willow was getting pretty strong, “The files say you’re a powerful Wicca.” Sam contended.

“I got addicted. The way addicts do.” Willow said with a little force in her voice. 

That was unfortunate. Having said her piece she stood up and walked out of the living room. Graham watched her go with interest, while Sam frowned and he could see that she was worried she had said something wrong. Buffy sighed as Willow left and that was how they knew they had said something wrong. He wondered just what it was, “Two teams. No civilians. Sam and I will go out and look for our Doctor. You and Riley find that nest.” He pushed on post awkwardness. 

“Three teams.” Buffy corrected him.

“What? Who is the third?” 

“Spike’s got contacts. He can hit the streets. That ok with you?”

It wasn’t exactly what he was hoping for, but he couldn’t complain. This was Buffy’s town and he wasn’t looking to get into a fight with her about if her boyfriend could tag along or not. Who knew, he could be The Doctor they were looking for. But Buffy seemed to trust him and it wasn’t worth the hassle, “Three teams then.”

“So that’s a no then to me then?” Dawn asked.

“Do your homework.” Buffy told her causing Dawn to frown.

“Go team.” Dawn said enthusiastically. 

Dawn pushed herself off the couch seemingly signaling the end of the conversation. He glanced over at Sam who still seemed to be looking out after where Willow had left. He hoped his wife had time to speak to her before they left and determined that he would make time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so so much fun writing Graham POV. I admit this chapter gets a little meta in parts but that's the fun of writing an outsider, you get to point out things you normally wouldn't. Dawn also makes me laugh the most in this chapter, she's so ornery. Clearly if the episode was airing I think people might find her a little annoying but I loved it (this also might showcase the difference between viewer and writer).
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	85. As You Were/As We Are (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riley defends his girlfriend, the culprit is discovered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Riley POV.

**Time Stamp:** Mid Episode

They found Anya outside dress shop looking longingly at a dress she probably couldn’t afford. As they approached she must have seen them coming in the glass, because she turned around to smile at him. The way Anya smiled made Riley’s heart do little flips. She wasn’t Cordelia, but there was something honest in the way she looked at him. Each glance was stripped bare of any sort of lie. But that was what he liked about her. It was one of the things he had liked about Cordelia too, “This is a surprise.” She said.

“Did you do it?” Buffy asked her jumping straight to the point and making Riley wish that people trusted his girlfriend in the same way he did.

“Do what?” Anya asked, “If you’re going to accuse me of something at least be more forthcoming.”

Riley could see that Buffy wanted to hurl another accusation at his girlfriend so he spoke before she could get there, “There’s someone trying to see demon eggs on the black market. They’re said to fetch a pretty penny. And I.” He put as much stress on the word I as possible, “Was wondering if you knew anyone who would want to sell something like that.”

His attempt to mitigate the situation went mostly nowhere, because he could see the gears turning in Anya’s head as she put both his words and Buffy’s together. There was a moment when everything clicked and she glared at Buffy, “Just because I like money you think I had something to do with this?”

Buffy shrugged, “You’re a demon, it’s what you do.”

Riley clenched his teeth, he needed to put a stop to this before Buffy ruined his chances with Anya entirely by association. He had already narrowly dodged a breakup after their disastrous date at the Bronze, “Ex. Ex demon.” Anya continued to glare daggers, “And what if I’m a little hard on for cash? What girl isn’t these days.”

“Exactly.” Riley jumped in, “She didn’t do this Buffy. And it’s not like you can judge, what with the dating Spike and everything.”

That got a rise out of Buffy - but he could also see her shoulders slump in defeat. Which was all that he could ask for really in this situation. In front of them Anya smiled happily now that she could see that Riley was clearly on her side in this argument, “Plus, demons eggs are beneath me.”

In the end that was what caused Buffy to see the light. She quirked an eyebrow, “Beneath you?”

Anya nodded, “Demon eggs are messy and gross. Far too much work if you ask me. When they hatch the egg shells get everywhere. Which not to say anything about the silme. Perfect for demons that like that thing though.”

Letting out a sigh Buffy stuck her hands in her jean pockets, letting her defenses drop. It wasn’t perfect but it was a start. It made Riley wonder if Buffy and Anya would ever get along at all, “Then who do you think took them?” Buffy asked.

“You think I know?” Anya said, “I don’t get invited to the fun demon parties anymore.”

When she finished speaking the walkie-talkie Riley had clipped to his commando suit crackled to life. Unclipping it he held it in front of him as Graham’s voice came over the speaker loud and clear, “I think I’ve figured out who has these blasted eggs. Over.”

Ah yes, Riley had forgotten how annoying talking over a walkie-talkie was when one was in the army, “Give us your location and we will be on our way. Over.”

“I’m sending it to you now on your phone. Over.” Graham replied.

Riley held the talk button as he fished his phone out of his pant pocket, “Thanks I just got -” He hadn’t even finished getting his sentence out when he noticed Spike sauntering over to their small group.

“I’ve found the Doc.” Spike told them, sticking his hands in his pockets mirroring Buffy, “I can take you there if you want.”

Buffy moved to stand next to her boyfriend and laughed, “Graham beat you by just a few seconds.”

In front of them Riley watched as frustration clouded Spike’s features and he enjoyed it. Sure he didn’t hate the vampire anymore, but it was still nice to see him knocked down every now and then. Kept him humble. Despite his clear annoyance at being beaten to the punch Spike only said, “Well then what in the bloody hell are we are standing around for? Come on, let’s get a move on.”

“Can I come?” Anya asked.

“The more the merrier.” Riley told her.

In truth he had said it because he knew Buffy didn’t want her to come. But he had also said it in hopes that if Buffy saw Anya in action, or just saw a little bit of what he saw - maybe they could find common ground. His girlfriend deserved that much after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter acts more as a bridge for the next two, but I like the very small character progression in it.


	86. As You Were/As We Are (4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy confesses something to Spike.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buffy POV.

**Time Stamp:** Near the End of the Episode

They stood together looking at the remains of Clem’s home and Buffy knew that it must have taken Spike a great deal of strength to turn on his friend like he had. She didn’t blame Clem either, from what she knew he was a mostly peaceful demon. This had been desperation. Still, what he had been doing was wrong and it had been her job to stop him. It didn’t matter if he needed the money. Mostly she was happy that it hadn’t been Anya, despite their earlier confrontation. If it had been Anya she was pretty sure that Riley’s heart would have been broken. He had needed the win. The ex-vengeance demon loved money but it was clear that she wasn’t an idiot when it came to making it.

Buffy wondered how demons and vampires even made money but she was sure that they all had some way. Spike gambled she knew that, but she didn’t begrudge him for it. Buffy was pretty sure he would be broke otherwise, and it wasn’t like he could get hired for more traditional jobs. She slipped her hand into Spike’s, “That took a lot of guts, what you did for me.”

He shrugged and the two of them started to walk through the graveyard, “He was my mate but the eggs were going to hurt people when they hatched, we’re the bloody good guys or something right?”

She laughed and the joy of it made her face feel warm. She wasn’t sure what she had done to deserve someone like Spike. He wasn’t perfect, but he loved her. He had forgiven her for everything she had done after she had discovered his chip hadn’t worked on her, even though Buffy wasn’t sure what she had done to warrant it, “We are. You are. One of the good guys.”

“I know I’m a monster.” He said, and his words called up the memory of the moment they had shared on her stairs, the night she had leapt to her death, “But you make me want to be a better man.”

That was the thing though, “You are a better man.”

He snorted at that, “Semantics pet.”

That made her stop and Buffy pulled her hand out of his. He turned to her clearly confused at her reaction, “I’m not trying to be jokey Buffy. It’s who you are William.” Buffy said trying to convince him of her words.

Hearing his human name said aloud, she could see that it had thrown him off kilter, “What is this Slayer? What are you trying to tell me?”

Maybe it was time Buffy thought, time to put an end to her continued denial. She had hurt him enough. Had lied to him for far too long about her feelings, “I love you.” She said simply, “It’s not right, but it doesn’t change what I want. What I feel.”

When she finished speaking, Buffy knew that it had been the correct thing to say. The way Spike looked at her - it was as if she had broken him open, “Say it again.” He pressed her.

“I love you.” Buffy said again, stronger, “It’s selfish, but I don’t care. I’m tired of pretending I don’t.”

He stepped closer to her, “Again.”

The way he moved when he walked close to her, it felt like she was his prey - caught beneath his hot gaze, “I love you.” She said for a third time.

And okay, where had the wall of the mausoleum come from? He placed his hands on either side of her body, caging her. But instead of threatened all she felt was safe, and so incredibly turned on, “Buffy - love -”

Before he could finish she leaned up to meet his lips and then they were kissing. It felt very much like the time they had spent in the house, but there was something else here between them now. Lust, love - the combination of it was heady. She spread her legs and let him settle between them, press against her and then help him by wrapping her legs around him. Then his fingers drifted down to her jeans and pulled the zipper. In her head Buffy wanted to tell him to stop, that she didn’t want their first time after she had just confessed to him that she loved him to be in a graveyard against some dead guy’s overly large stone mausoleum. Something stopped her though, and she kept it to herself.

Somehow this felt right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The decision to place the blame on Clem was a hard one, but one that I felt overall I could make fit. It couldn't be Spike for obvious reasons and it also couldn't be Anya for other obvious reasons - but I felt that the person who did it had to be a known character for it to have any sort of impact. As you can see (and you'll see later) people are a little more forgiving of Clem for what he did. I think that's the best I can do for him. If you love Clem I'm very, very sorry. Just know I love him too. 
> 
> Beyond that this moment was so joyous to write. It's very much the inverse of what happens in the TV episode, and I had fun putting parts of Buffy's break up speech into her I love you speech. 
> 
> I made a graphic for the moment between Spike and Buffy that you can find [here](https://forwardwithoutseeing.tumblr.com/post/168472078112/i-love-you-she-said-simply-its-not-right). There's a comic quote in that graphic if you read the comics. 
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


	87. As You Were/As We Are (5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riley and Buffy hash everything out and find acceptance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going up early, but if I don't post it now I won't have time to post today.
> 
> Riley POV.

**Time Stamp:** End of the Episode

Riley found Buffy outside sitting on her porch. Her body was lose and she seemed content just to stare out into the shadows of her backyard. He was sure she had heard him but she didn’t turn around. Instead he sat down next to to her and for a moment silence was king. Finally Buffy addressed him, “I told Spike I loved him tonight.” 

The words would have shocked him a year ago, but no longer. They had been long in coming he thought. He had never been enough for Buffy, he knew that now - and had made peace with it best he could. But maybe, if he was honest with himself - Buffy hadn’t been enough for him either. They both had different things that they wanted, different ways to approaching a relationship. There was something in Buffy, that needed her men to have an edge in them. Needed men who could keep up with her on the battlefield - in the bedroom. That wasn’t him. It had never been him. And that was okay. He was content with who he was. Even if that person wasn’t with Buffy anymore, “Are you dealing?”

She nodded, “Major dealage. I’m a little scared - but I couldn’t deny it any longer. You’re the first person I’ve told. Believe it or not.” 

“I believe you.”

There was a quiet honesty between them now too. Something that had been missing when they had been together. Their relationship had started on a lie and ended on a lie. This was better, “Thanks.” She sighed and a small smile crossed her face - a smile he knew Spike had put there some way or another.

That was the other thing, the Riley of two or even one year ago wouldn’t have approved of this relationship. But he had made his own mistakes - had his own bloody Jasmine behind him. Hands stained red. He couldn’t judge. Not when Buffy was so clearly happy. And that was all he had ever really wanted for her. For her to be happy, “Buffy -” 

She looked up at him, finally - eyes full of warmth, “Yeah?”

“Thanks.” He said.

“For what?” She tilted her head.

“For inspiring me.” He told her, “For allowing my continued existence, even when I didn’t deserve it.” 

She blinked at him and then rolled her eyes, “You’re being a dope.” 

He knew that she was trying to lighten the mood but, “I’m trying to be serious Buffy. Anya and I - that’s because of you.”

That caused Buffy to make a face, “Don’t put your questionable choice on me.” And ok that hurt a little bit, and it must have showed because Buffy’s face sobered, “Sorry. She makes you really happy doesn’t she?”

“She does. She’s different that anyone I’ve ever dated but she’s good for me. Really good for me.” 

“So how is this my fault again?” Buffy teased him.

“She’s an ex-demon. Big on the ex part, but the demon history part hasn’t just gone away. I figured if you and Spike could make it work I owed it to Anya to try.”

“Oh. That’s not so bad.” 

It wasn’t. After they had gotten home, after Buffy had stopped being a ten-year-old girl - Riley had wanted to break up with Anya. Despite Anya seemingly wanting to give it a real go. But he had looked at her, and in a rare moment - decided to sleep on it. And then he had slept on it again. And again. And by the fourth night he had realized that he hadn’t really wanted to break up with Anya at all. Instead he wanted to give it a chance. If Buffy and Spike were together, who was the world to say that he couldn’t find happiness with Anya? He liked her, a lot and she deserved at the very least a chance, “Not too bad at all.” 

Next to him Buffy let out a breath, “I’m glad we’re friends Riley. I’m glad you stuck around. Even if it wasn’t for me.” 

Now that shocked him, because he had never considered that Buffy would consider him a friend. An acquaintance that she didn’t mind hanging out with at best, but not a friend. Not with their history. But Buffy had spent her whole life surprising him, and he was glad she hadn’t stopped now, “I’m glad we’re friends too. And, if it means anything - I hope it works out, you and the bloodsucker.”

That made Buffy laugh, “I hope it works out for both of us.” 

From inside the house Spike’s voice called out to them, “I’m heading to bed pet. I’m knackered, I’ll be waiting for you upstairs, come when you’re ready.” 

Buffy yelled back at him, “Give me a few minutes! I’m almost done out here.” 

“You should go.” Riley told her, “I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?” She asked. 

“Absolutely.” 

She nodded and stood. As she did her hand brushed up against his shoulder and Riley was surprised to feel nothing at all. At the door Buffy paused, “Goodnight Riley.”

“Goodnight Buffy.” 

Then she was gone. Riley sat on the steps for a few minutes more, soaking up the quiet. Then he rose and and walked across the yard. He had a girlfriend waiting for him at home. It was time he returned to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing this part of Riley and Buffy's relationship. They didn't fully work as a couple but there's something so sweet and honestly just really good about exploring them platonically. Being able to allow them to still be friends is so rewarding. They dated so there is still that history, but they've found a way to overcome it. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	88. Seeing Red (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riley catches up Tara, and other morning activities in the Summers house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a very conscious decision to skip Normal Again. It still exists in universe, but I couldn't find enough to change in that episode to really justify writing it. Some of it is changed of course, but just not enough. Instead we are going right into Seeing Red. 
> 
> Riley POV.

**Time Stamp:** Start of the Episode

Riley came outside holding a large plate full of pancakes and sat down next to Tara whose eyes were glued to the backyard of Buffy’s house. Riley transferred a few of his pancakes to Tara’s empty plate and then followed Tara’s line of sight. Both Dawn and Buffy stood across from each other holding swords. It was an odd sight but a more common one over the past few weeks. Ever since Buffy had become a child her instance on trying to train Dawn had grown. A little bit of it was on account of Dawn asking for it but other bits - Riley thought that Buffy was realizing that Dawn needed to be able to protect herself. It was strange to say but things were starting to go back to normal. He knew that Willow had a lot to work on with her magic and with Tara, but things felt good. The two of them weren’t back together - not yet, but they could be around each other now and Riley thought that they just might figure things out, “How long have they been at this again?” He asked Tara.

Tara cut into her pancake, and put the small bite in her mouth, “A little while. I arrived to the sound of grunts and thought I might as well come over and see what the noise was about.”

In front of them Dawn lunged and Buffy blocked her sword stroke, “You have to look for openings Dawn. You’re not going to defeat your opponent by just charging.” Buffy told her.

Dawn let out a large grunt, “That’s what you do!”

Riley turned his attention back to Tara as she finished chewing another bite, “So you and Willow?” 

Finishing eating what was in her mouth Tara swallowed, “We have a date. Today, actually. Sort of a test. If it goes well, well - we will see.” 

“That’s great!” He smiled at her, “I don’t see why it won’t go well.”

Tara smiled at him, “I’m nervous.” She admitted.

“You shouldn’t be.” He did his best to comfort her.

Another grunt interrupted them and they both looked up to see Dawn on her back. Tara laughed as Dawn stood up and brushed herself off, “That was better.” Buffy said, “But you really do leave yourself open a lot of the time. You’re small so you should use your size to your advantage.”

“I’m not you. I don’t have super strength.” Dawn complained.

“You don’t have to be me.” Buffy shrugged, “You have to find your own way of fighting.” 

Dawn growled, “Well that’s not very helpful.” 

“Never said it was.” Buffy told her.

Dawn looked pretty tired so Riley yelled out to them, “The pancakes are done. I figure it’s time for a break.”

He watched as Dawn’s eyes lit up and then she came almost bounding across the yard to them. She sat next to Tara and ripped off a small section of the woman’s pancakes for herself, “Thanks. I was getting all sweaty and gross out there. You’re a lifesaver.” 

Buffy followed her sister but a bit slower. When she got there she leaned her sword against the porch, “Dawn those are Tara’s pancakes. Did you ask?”

Looking up at Buffy, Riley wasn’t surprised to watch Dawn roll her eyes at her sister. Tara came to the rescue when she spoke up, “It’s - It’s okay. We can always make more. So, any plans for today?”

At her words Buffy let out a frustrated stream of air that made her hair flip, “Find out more about our nerdly trio? Spike says that the one or two demon contacts he has may have an idea as to where they are. We’ve got an almost location, so we’re getting there.” 

“Have I mentioned how glad I am that you two made up?” Dawn said smiling at her sister.

“I’m glad we made up too Dawnie.” Buffy said, and then looked at Tara, “It seems everyone is making up recently. A big make up party.”

“I’ll bring the lipstick.” Dawn quipped causing Riley and pretty much everyone else to look at her, “What? Makeup? It’s a joke.”

“A bad joke.” Buffy said.

“I love you too.” Dawn shot back and then the two of them dissolved into giggles. 

“I don’t think I will ever understand the two of you.” Riley said, “Have you thought about using a spell to find the trio of terror?” He looked at Tara when he said it.

For a moment Tara seemed to consider him but then shook her head in disagreement, “If I want things to work out with Willow I think being magic lite is the way to go. Buffy is right. Hitting the streets, using Spike’s contacts - that’s the way to do this.”

Buffy nodded in agreement, “We’ll figure this out. It’s just a bunch of nerdy boys - what could possibly go wrong?” 

“Don’t say that!” Dawn said and then stood up and picked up her sword, “Let’s go again. We’ve got a few more minutes before Riley has to drag me to school, don’t wanna waste them.”

As Riley watched the two of them walk back into the center of the backyard he thought about what Buffy had said. Things seemed to really be looking up. If they found the nerd trio, even better. It was time that things started to go their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something a little light to start us of! I'm starting Dawn's training early because I see no reason why I can't. It also allows for me to do some fun story stuff with her in Season 7 that would otherwise be impossible otherwise (I guess that's a tease for Season 7). 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	89. Seeing Red (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willow and Tara reconcile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is honestly just a very mean chapter if you've seen the show and know what's coming. But it felt necessary. 
> 
> Willow POV.

**Time Stamp:** Near the Start of the Episode

God. Tara was - she was beautiful. The way she looked, the way her hair framed her face. Just - beautiful. There wasn’t a more perfect woman in the world. Willow was honestly convinced that Tara was her soulmate. She didn’t think she would find anyone else in the world who got her - flaws and all, like Tara did. Who would stay with her through thick and thin like Tara would. If marriage between girls was legal she was pretty sure she would marry Tara. Massachusetts was working on it, but slowly. In front of her Tara smiled and it made everything look brighter and more beautiful, “Sounds like you were quite the hero.”

Willow dismissed her because she really hadn’t been, “If you call getting kidnapped by the three angry nerds a hero.” 

“When you tell the story again you could embellish.” 

Tara took a sip of her coffee and looking at her Willow felt empowered. Being without magic was hard but if she got to see Tara everyday then well, that wasn’t a hard sacrifice to make at all. In fact it seemed like the easiest thing in the world. Tara was more important than magic. Tara seemed more important than anything. She would do whatever it took to hold onto that, “With who? Someone would check me. I’d be a laughing stock.”

“I’m sure you could impress some cute girl.”

Willow didn’t like the sound of that. The sound of being with someone who wasn’t Tara. She was pretty sure that Tara was joking but she knew that Tara used to feel unstable in their relationship and she hated Tara thinking that Willow would ever move on, “There will never be anyone else but you.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She paused, “Oh and remember Clem? From Buffy’s birthday?”

“I liked him.”

So had Willow, at least for a demon. Which made the truth hurt even more. At least it hadn’t been Anya or Spike. She was pretty sure her friends would have been devastated. That was still an awful thing to think but it was true. Plus she was pretty sure that if Clem was to return Buffy would be be pretty forgiving - since he was friends with Spike, “Demon eggs.” She told Tara, “He was calling himself Doc.”

“Oh no!” Tara looked put out, “Not Clem. He seemed so floppy and harmless at the party. Like a lost dog or something.”

God she was right. Willow hadn’t thought about it that way but now that she did - well Clem did feel like a big dog. Maybe that explained the demon egg thing. Dogs were prone to wanting to collect things that they shouldn’t. A big demon dog. That was what Clem was. She missed him and hoped he came back to Sunnydale at some point, even if it was just for a short stay, “Speaking of things that seem harmless but are really big pains in Buffy’s butt…” She trailed off.

“Still haven’t caught them I’m hearing. Riley is fond of regaling me with all sorts of stories.”

That was right - Willow sometimes forgot that Riley and Tara were good friends now. Something about having their love lives fall apart at the same time did that to you. Willow still hated herself for that but she was glad that Tara had someone to lean on. It was an unlikely partnership but Willow wasn’t surprised that they had found each other. Tara deserved to make real friends in their small little group. She had been on the fringe too long, “I could use your help. With the research.”

Tara raised an eyebrow, “Just with the research?” 

This was her chance, “And other things. If you’re up for it.”

“I’m always up for other things. I happen to love other things.” 

Of course, now Willow had to ask because she was terrible at speaking at code and if she and Tara were back back she thought she might combust in joy, “And by other things you mean relationship things.”

Tara laughed, “Of course I mean relationship things.” Her hand crossed the table to squeeze Willow’s and it felt like coming home, “I never stopped you know.”

“Me too.”

They didn’t need to say love. That would cheapen it somehow. But Willow knew exactly what Tara meant. Because the idea that she could stop loving Tara? It was impossible. Tara was her everything. Her moon and her sun. Her reason for getting up and for fighting. She hoped that Tara would know that someday - that the two of them would blur so completely that she wouldn’t know where Willow begun and Tara ended. It was stupid but that’s what she wanted, “Come back home Tara. I miss you.”

“All you had to do was ask.”

It seemed far to easy - but then, sometimes - couldn’t life be easy? They deserved that. An easy love. A simple love. But this was the hellmouth. So Willow would content herself with this moment. With this small oasis in the world that was Tara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be the cutest I've ever written them. Just some good old fashion fluff. 
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	90. Seeing Red (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy and Spike spar, and Buffy lets off some stress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buffy POV.

Buffy was sick of this. Sick of hunting after the three little geeky pains in her ass. The trip to their lair had been semi-fruitful what with getting the disk and all - but Buffy was tired of half fruit. She wanted the whole apple. The whole mango. The ripe pear so to speak. Chasing them around was proving to be frustrating. She knew that Tara and Willow were working on it together but she wanted results now. Why couldn’t she just summon their location to her? They were just three stupid boys. Boys with magic but - boys. 

A fist came flying at her face and landed a solid strike across her cheek. Ow. And rude, “No fair.” She told Spike.

They were in his crypt on the top floor. All his chairs and furniture pushed out of the way. He shrugged and stuck two more times, “Life’s not fair.” He quipped back.

His next two blows she was able to block and she kicked him in the chest sending him tumbling over his sarcophagus. She followed jumping onto the top of the stone box, “You don’t have to tell me.”

On the floor Spike rolled his eyes and she cocked her head wondering what he was going to do. She had the high ground, and if he stood up she would just punch him in the nose. That always worked. She grinned down at him and he grinned up at her. For a moment nothing happened and then he kicked out at lip of the lid that she was standing on. It shook and she tumbled to the ground after him, “You want to talk about it?” He asked her, “Clearly got your mind elsewhere.”

She rolled over so they were side-by side and stared at the ceiling of his crypt, “I just want this whole thing to be over.”

Buffy was pretty sure they were done fighting. Instead they lay on the floor of his crypt breathing heavily and staring up at nothing in particular. It was - nice. She had used sparing with her boyfriends to get her frustrations out before but she got the feeling that none of them really understood it like Spike did. It was one of the reasons she loved him, “You’ll get em pet. No one escapes your clutches, not forever. You know that.”

“What if they do?” She asked him, “What if they keep running and running and I can’t keep up?”

“They are humans pet. You’re faster than them. Plus you’ve got better friends. Willow’s got her dark half I admit but she’s a bloody computer wizard.”

It felt good to hear him say this because it was what she needed to hear. The pep talk she had been craving. And yet part of her still doubted. There were still storm clouds on the horizon. Dark stormy things she couldn’t wave away, “Humans can be dangerous too. The longer they are out of my grasp, the more harm they can do.”

“Cast a wider sea net.” He shrugged.

“They’re slippery.”

Like some sort of oil. Fighting them was different than fighting anything else she had fought. Most things she fought didn’t run. These three were human though and knew they couldn’t take her in a one-on-one. It lead to a lot of fleeing instead of combat. Less them coming to her and more her coming to them. Ugh. It was the worst. She wasn’t saying she wanted any of her ex-nemesis back but some sort of villian-to-her consistency would have been nice, “You’ll dry em out.”

She quirked her eyebrow, “Dry em out?”

He sat up using the back of the stone sarcophagus to lean against. She shimmed up to rest between his open legs, so they were sitting entwined with each other, “Yeah. So you can catch them? When they aren’t wet anymore?” She laughed at his explanation.

“You’re making this sound naughty and I don’t like it.”

“What you don’t want to think of them all wet and sopping?” She made a noise, “All dripping with some unknown substance?” Okay he was taking this too far “All -”

“Please stop.” She told him, “I really don’t.”

“What do you want to do instead?” He asked.

She could think of tons of things she wanted to do instead. She wiggled in his lap, “You know.”

He let out a little puff of air and she giggled, “Don’t play with fire pet.”

“I like fire.”

She turned around to look at him and kissed him softly, “You only like it?”

She kissed him again, “I love fire.” His hands crawled up to rest on her hips, “I love how it burns. I love how it sparks. I love how it protects me.” 

He started to press up against her and released her mouth to kiss along the side of her neck, “I’ll be your fire Buffy.” Hearing him say her name like that was so rare - she let out a little gasp before claiming his mouth with her own, “If you’ll be mine. Wanna burn out with you.”

That sounded romantic but, “I want this to last.” She told him seriously, “No burning out. Eternal flame us.” She paused, “We can keep the wild and dangerous part though.”

**Time Stamp:** Early to Mid Episode

She wanted the wild parts of the flame - but she also wanted the warm parts. The parts that made a home cozy when you started a fire in the cold winter weather. It was silly but it was what she desired. She felt like they could do that - despite everything. She was willing to work on them to make sure that they got that. There wasn’t a curse between them, or fragility. They could be strong if they wanted to be, “I can do that.” He told her seriously, pulling back to look at her, “I want this to last as well. It’s not just you pet.” 

She started at him and saw the honesty in his eyes. This thing that had started between them wasn’t just a passing fad to her anymore. And she knew that it had never been to him either, but to hear him say it - it felt good. It felt like a stamp, “I love you.” 

That just caused him to smile at her in this soft way that Buffy though was only reserved for her, “I love you too pet. With all my undead heart.”

It was hard for her to believe that this was her life, “I know.” Kissed him one more time before rolling off him, “The crazy part is how much.”

Denial was a thing of the past. This was her here and her now. It felt solid. Or as solid as it could be with the life that she lived. Things were fleeting with her. A whole shipyard. A navy of fleeting things. For now, and for as long as it lasted - she wanted Spike to be her harbor. And god, wasn’t that cheesy? To cheesy, “What can I do to help take your mind off the thorns in your side?” He asked her, “Beyond the obvious of course.” 

“Drinks and a shitty B movie” She answered him.

“Yeah?” 

She nodded. Buffy had rituals with all her boyfriends and all of them had been different. With Spike it was fighting and sex, but also bad movies and drinks and him reading her stories he had grown up with. Some she had as well. Parts of it were traditional, but there were parts of it that were not. And maybe that was what she had needed all along, some strange middle ground, “Ask me again.” She told him, “Ask me again why I’ll always love you.”

“Why do you love me?”

There was the aw in his eyes again, “Because something this good could never be wrong.” 

And nothing felt more like the truth to her in that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene was originally a lot smuttier but I thought it got a little too dirty? This is my counter to THAT scene in Seeing Red, so some of the language is the same although there used to be more of it. It's hard for "make you feel it" to not get super dirty in a sexy context so I had to scrub some of it. RIP. 
> 
> That's what I get for trying to make the way the show treats sex and the way my fic treats sex the same.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	91. Seeing Red (4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riley heads to Buffy's house after a beating, and the gang finds information about the nerd trio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Riley POV.

**Time Stamp:** Mid to Late Episode

Riley’s whole face hurt. But it wasn’t just his face that hurt. Getting punched and then defeated by a man he should have been able to beat hurt his ego. It shouldn’t have, but that didn’t change the fact that he had lost. And that if he hadn’t lost - Buffy’s current nightmare would have been over. Warren had to be using some sort of magic. There was no other explanation. It was impossible. Warren was large in frame in some ways but he also looked like he could be defeated by a solid right hook. Man was doughy and leafy. Not made for battle. 

He opened the door to Buffy’s house and Anya stepped in behind him. The house seemed - quiet? The two of them looked around for any sign of life but Riley couldn’t hear anything. Dawn’s jacket lay on the banister so she at least had to be home. Anya stepped around him and looked around, “I’m going to go get you some ice.” She commented and then walked towards Buffy’s kitchen. 

Riley nodded and then walked around the house. There was nothing, nothing, nothing and then he heard what sounded like a soft groan. He backtracked a few steps and then stopped in front of the basement door. He put his ear on it, listening. There was another noise - louder this time. He opened the door and prayed that it wasn’t Buffy and Spike. He was getting very tired of walking in on them. Sure it was only twice but twice was two times too many. His eyes and his livelihood deserved better than that, “I’m coming downstairs!” He yelled.

“That’s fine!” Dawn’s voice floated up to great him.

With far less trepidation now that he knew Dawn was in the basement he walked downstairs to find Buffy sitting cross legged on the small wall cot, as Dawn stood in front of her - mats on the floor. Another part of her training he assumed. But this was pretty elaborate. He was impressed, “I found Warren.” He told her, “Well his fist found my face, but I think that’s the same thing.” 

Dawn dropped out of her defense position to look at him, “It looks like you had a fight with something big and lost.”

“I don't know. I think the wounds are kind of sexy.” 

Anya stepped around him and handed him an ice pack and cloth. He cleaned up the blood the best that he could and then pressed the ice pack to his forehead. Ah - sweet throbbing release, “What are you guys doing down here?”

“Perfecting my killer moves.” 

Dawn gave a few kicks and punches and Riley had to admit her form was getting there. She seemed pretty dedicated to her declaration to get strong to fight evil. It seemed a far cry from the girl he had gotten ice cream last year. Something about having to survive alone against Jasmine had shifted something in Dawn. He imagined that Buffy was pretty proud, if not wholly terrified that her sister was growing up and now had an interest in killing monsters, “You’re leaving yourself open for attack.”

“Same as this morning.” Buffy agreed.

The steps creaked as Willow came down the stairs rather loudly, “Hey, I think we finally have something-” She stopped to look at them and raised an eyebrow, “You look terrible.” She told Riley.

“Sexy.” Anya insisted.

Buffy walked toward Willow ignoring Anya. But Anya’s declarations continued to do a lot to soothe his pride. He was going to have to work on that. Getting his pride wounded. Anya deserved better. And it had always been a weakness. Until then - well he wouldn’t say no to Anya’s words, “Thanks honey.”

Later the five of them sat around the table, Dawn munching on a pretty large sandwich. Save the small spot Dawn had cleared for her sandwich plate the table looked like a paper explosion. But then that was the cost of solving things without magic. No easy answers - tons of research. It was a happy sight. Especially since he wasn’t the one doing the work. It reminded him of many late nights with Cordelia. Coming home from the art shop and finding her neck deep in papers and translations. He was surprised that thinking about it didn’t cause him any pain but a deep nostalgia. 

Another happy sight was seeing Tara there. Something told him that the date had gone well. Very well in fact. Tara deserved the reconciliation. She had been too mopey and too lovelorn - it was time for his friend to be happy again. Like he was with Anya. Willow held up a number of papers, “We were able to decipher pretty much everything except these.” 

“It isn't written in any ancient language we could identify.” Tara nodded.

“Maybe it’s secret nerd language?” Anya suggested, “Some code that they use to send each other stupid little notes.”

“Okay.” Buffy shook her head, “What do you have for me that isn’t in elvish.”

“Um.” Tara searched the table for what she was looking for, “This.”

She pulled out the disk that Buffy had rescued from the exploding lair. As she showed it to them Willow dug around the table and pulled out a number of papers, “It was filled with encoded blueprints and schematics.” She handed them to Buffy.

“To what?” Buffy asked.

“Um, banks, armored car routes, corporate vaults ... This is big.”

It sounded like a over eager fan’s wet dream Riley thought. The plan of someone who read to many spy novels or watched to many heist films. But it was also very human. No ending the world, no trying to end humanity as they knew it, or sucking them into a hell dimension. Money - that was a very human desire. Sure some demon gigs lead to money, but that was usually just part of the plan. Here it seemed like money was the plan. The whole thing. It was small scale, but they still had to stop it, “They're looking to score some serious dinero. We don't think they're planning just one job.”

“A spree.” Riley clarified.

“I, I can't cover all of these at once.” Buffy admitted. 

If she needed him to cover one of them for her he could, he wanted to get some of his own back, “You don't have to. We think there's one they may hit tonight.” Willow told her.

There went that plan, “It's time sensitive.” Tara continued.

“Be careful.” Riley told her, “I think Warren is packing magic heat.”

Buffy smiled at that, “Good. Then I won't have to hold back.”

Riley hoped that she gave them what for. They deserved it quite honestly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been trying to drop mentions of the nerds here and there - but this is the first time I've had to confront them head on. This scene works to replace another one that deals with the aftermath of THAT moment in Seeing Red which clearly, as per last chapter - doesn't exist in this universe. Instead we get to do a little character building with Dawn. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	92. Seeing Red (5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A romantic interlu -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spike POV

**Time Stamp:** End of the Episode

Moonlight filtered into Buffy’s backyard painting her body so she almost looked like she was glowing. For a moment Spike stopped to stare because how could a woman so beautiful - have chosen him? Buffy stopped nibbling on the sandwich she was eating and their eyes met. There was a moment shared between them, unsaid - before he walked forward to sit next to her. For a moment neither of them said anything. Finally Spike cleared his throat, “Is it a good sandwich?” 

She laughed at what he had said, “It’s a celebratory sandwich.”

“Finally caught the buggers?” He asked about the nerds that had made her life hell the past few months.

“Two of them.” She answered and took another bite.

“One of them get away?”

She swallowed, “Yeah. Ran with his tail between his legs.” She sighed.

“You’ll get him pet.” He tried to assure his girlfriend, “You always do.”

“Thanks.” She put the sandwich on the plate next to her, “Things are just… good right now. I don’t want anything to ruin it.”

She was right of course. After the drama with Jasmine and then Cordelia leaving, and finally the bloody highs and lows of the past few weeks - things had seemingly calmed down. The witches had gotten back together so he had heard, and his relationship with Buffy couldn’t have been in a better place. Hell even him and the soldier were almost getting along. It felt almost - normal. Perhaps too normal, “Don’t jinx it pet.”

“I didn’t mean too.” He could see her face flush a little under the moonlight and he realized in that moment that he would do anything to protect her.

“Love the way your cheeks turn red when you're embarrassed pet.” He said.

Of course that made her blush harder - which had been his intended desire, “It’s dark out here! How can you see that?” She asked.

“Vampire. In case you’ve forgotten.”

“I never forget.” She said and then leaned forward to kiss him, “I love you.”

“Love you too Slayer.”

They kissed for a moment and then he pulled away to stare into her eyes and found himself enchanted by what he saw there. Like a man pulled under a spell that he couldn’t have fought against even if he tried. He went back for a second, slower kiss that she responded to in kind before they untangled for a second time, “Who knew.” Buffy almost whispered, “You and I huh.”

He sure as hell would have never guessed. But sometimes things worked out he thought, “I didn’t think it possible but I -” He stopped and looked over his shoulder his blood going cold at the sight in front of him, “Buffy behind you.”

She turned and both of them stared at one of the nerds - Spike thought it might have been the one called Warren, that stood in front of them holding a gun. Standing Spike could see the insanity in his gaze, the way that his eyes seemed a little too wide and full of rage. He glanced at Buffy who had stood with him, and was reminded of how squishy she was - how human. He didn’t know what he would do if she was hurt in this moment. Under his skin his blood stirred, “You think you can just do that to me? You think I'd let you get away with that?” Warren laughed his voice full of madness, “Think again.”

He raised the gun and shot once. As he did Spike placed his body between Buffy and the bullet. He felt the bullet enter his shoulder and then, without his say so - pass through him. He knew he could take a shot or two but - there was the sound of a gasp behind him and he turned to watch Buffy crumple to the ground. The blood that he had felt stirring in him boiled over into a red haze and he felt his face shift before he fully understood what he was doing, “You’re going to regret that boy.” 

A second shot went wide as his body overcame Warren’s and he bit down. In the back of his brain the chip fired - white hot pain lacing through him like a firecracker - but he ignored it, too far gone into the blood rage he had sunk into. Liquid filled his mouth and he pulled. As he did he heard a voice calling out to him, screaming at him to stop. He drank another gulp of blood, the strength of it working to clear his head. The voice screamed again and he blinked pulling back from the body he was holding. Warren stumbled backwards holding his neck as Spike looked at Buffy and the terror in her eyes.

A terror that he begun to watch fade as her body finally was overcome by the damage caused by her wound. Behind him Warren limped off but Spike hardly noticed. Instead, he felt himself burdened with the horror of his actions. At the him that had surfaced - a him that he had thought long buried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I'm so sorry. This is one of those necessary chapters. Things have been going a little too well so SOMETHING had to happen. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	93. Villains (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What about Tara?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dawn POV.

**Time Stamp:** Start of the Episode

Dawn heard two screams, both at the same time and had a moment - standing in her room to make up her mind which to answer. In the end she chose the closer one and ran into Willow’s room. What she saw stopped her blood cold. Willow sat in the middle of her room, clutching Tara to her chest. A bullet wound sat at the upper part of Tara’s shoulder, and was bleeding profusely. She quickly moved over to where Willow was, and as she made to get closer to them Willow looked up at her eyes already red from crying, mind clearly someplace else, “Don’t touch her!”

Not listening to Willow Dawn knelt down and reached out to try to offer her help in anyway way that she could, “Willow I can help you. Let me help you.”

“She’s dead Dawnie.” Willow told her.

Dawn shook her head. She didn’t want to believe it, refused to believe it. She reached out again, “Willow - please.” 

Willow knocked her hand away, eyes dark as storm clouds - magic brewing behind them, “I’m going to bring her back to life Dawnie. I’m going to fix this.”

That made Dawn’s heart pound in her chest, “And have her go through everything that Buffy did? That’s not fair and you know it.” She paused, “I won’t let you.” 

“And who will stop me? I’m stronger than you Dawnie. I’ve always been stronger than you.”

Starring Willow down Dawn wanted to be terrified, but she had been through so much this year that the only thing she felt was brave, “I’m not afraid of you. You want to try to bring her back, you’ll have to fight me first.” She told Willow. 

They stared each other down and Dawn could see that Willow didn’t want to hurt her. And yet - “Get away from me!” Willow screamed.

A burst of magic came from Willow’s mouth, slamming Dawn backwards. Her back hit the foot of the bed behind them with a crack, and she grimaced. That would leave a nasty bruise. Glaring she looked at Willow who had just realized what she had done, “Let me help.” She said again her teeth clenched, fighting off the pain.

Ashamed, and yet clearly still angry at her circumstance - Willow gave Tara’s body over to Dawn who clutched the limp form to her chest, “You take her then.” Willow’s voice seemed lost, but there was a hint of purpose there.

“Willow?” Dawn pried.

“I have to go. Things to fix.” 

Dawn watched as Willow stood up and then looked down at the body in her arms. Pulling Tara’s hair back Dawn put her fingers on Tara’s neck and was surprised when she felt a pulse. It was faint, hardly detectable at all - but there. From the way that Willow had been speaking Dawn was sure that Tara had been dead. Maybe Willow had just assumed? There was a chance here still, “Willow! Tara’s not dead, her heart's still beating.” But when Dawn looked up Willow was already gone.

Frustration ate at her but Dawn collected herself and then grabbed a scarf off the bedroom drawer in front of her. Wrapping it around her hand she pressed it to the bleeding wound in an attempt to stop Tara from bleeding out any further. She held the scarf there - Tara’s pulse getting fainter, and fainter until she heard the sound of paramedics outside. Checking Tara’s pulse once more she confirmed that the woman was still alive and then yelled downstairs. A moment later Spike came upstairs covered in blood, “Buffy?” She said at the same time that Spike said, “Is she?”

They stopped and Dawn looked at him, “She’s alive. Barely. Willow is gone. She thinks that Tara is dead.”

Spike swallowed and she had never seen him this shaken up, “I told Willow -” He stopped and seemed to collect himself, “Buffy… we have to go the hospital.”

“Tara too.” Dawn told him.

Spike yelled downstairs and more paramedics came up the stairs. They took Tara away from her and loaded Tara onto the gurney they had brought with them. As they did all Dawn felt was dread. She didn’t want to lose her sister again. Couldn’t. And Tara - god everything was a mess now. On autopilot she glanced up at Spike and noticed a smear of blood on the side of his mouth. She pointed to her own mouth and said, “You have something. There.”

He reached down and wiped it away. Then together they followed the workers downstairs and out into the warm evening. As they got into the ambulance Dawn put her head on Spike’s lap and refused to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dawn is so strong y'all. I know I'm writing the story but I love her in this chapter so much. She's one of my favorite characters to write for in this story.


	94. Villains (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seriously. What about Tara?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buffy POV

**Time Stamp:** Early to Mid Episode 

Buffy was becoming increasingly more tired as the night wore on. Never-mind almost dying again. Willow had led her and Spike on a wild goose chase that had lead nowhere - and then taken off. She worried deeply for her friend’s state of mind as well. Willow was grieving, which Buffy got. From Buffy had been able to discern from Willow - Tara was dead - and Warren the cause. She was lucky. Lucky to survive, lucky to have Spike who had taken the brunt of the bullet for her. Speaking of Spike he trailed behind her as she opened the door to the hospital and stalked inside. Spike had insisted they return, so here she was although she still didn’t know why. She walked down the hall and as she turned a corner saw both Anya and Riley stand up. Both of them looked grim, “Riley! Anya.” She came closer, “What are you doing here?”

She was starting to come to the conclusion that she was very out of the loop, that there was something that wasn’t quite right. A story that wasn’t being told, “Dawn called us. She didn’t want to be alone while Tara fought for her life.” Riley told her.

Buffy blinked, “Tara’s alive?” 

Spike snorted, “That’s what I was bloody trying to tell Willow but bint was mad with it and wouldn’t listen. Tara died for a bit something about flat-lining and all that, but she’s still fighting for it.” 

The news cheered her, but also sobered her. They had to find Willow. They had to let her know before she did something that she would regret. Something that would push her over an edge that would be hard to come back from, “Where’s Dawn now?” Buffy asked. 

“I sent her off to get a soda.” Anya said, “I heard that drinking helps humans with grief.” 

“And that was very kind of you.” Riley told her causing Anya to beam. 

“Have you heard any updates from the doctor?” Buffy inquired.

Riley shook his head, “None yet. Only that they haven’t given up on her.” 

“Good. That’s good.” 

Next to her Spike cleared his throat, “Pet.” She looked up at him, “Do you mind if we talk? Not here.” 

“Sure.”

But the way he had said ‘do you mind if we talk’ reminded her of when he had told her about the chip not working. There was a tone of foreboding there in his tone and it made her want to flee into another room. But she refused to. Running away from her Spike problems never seemed to fix them. Instead she let him guide her down the hall. As they walked she couldn’t help but look into the rooms that they passed. Death followed them. Buffy hated hospitals. 

Finally they came to a stop in a small nook tucked a little out of the way, “Talk.” She told him and crossed her arms doing her best to find comfort in them.

“I’m leaving.” He told her.

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. One of the reasons that they worked together so well was because he was the one who didn’t leave. The one who never gave up. Not even when she had, “Excuse me?” She looked up at him.

“I almost killed Warren.” He continued, “And I was listening - to what you told Willow about having a choice. Doing the right thing.”

“You were protecting me!” She said a little louder than she had originally intended.

“I was angry pet.” He corrected her and okay yes - what he was saying was true - but she hated it. She hated that he was right and that she didn’t care.

“The chip will stop you next time.” She insisted, “Or my voice. Or something. You’re better than that. I know you’re better than that.”

“It’s not just about you.” Why was he saying these things to her? Couldn’t he see that he was hurting her? “What if you can’t stop me next time? If the chip fails? You were hurt and I saw red.” 

All the things he was saying she knew were very true. But she refused to let him walk out on her. She hadn’t fought for Angel, and she had given in for Riley - even when it had been the right thing, so she would be damned if she was going to let what might just be the love of her goddamn life walk out, “I knew what you were when I said I love you. I knew exactly what this relationship would be. So don’t just tell me you’re leaving.” She was angry now.

“I thought I knew too.” He told her, voice still infuriatingly soft, “But I didn’t. I thought I could be the right sort of person for you but I can’t - not like I am. The person who attacked Warren - you deserve better.” It all sounded so very much like what Angel had told her.

“Are you going to come back?” She had to know if this was good-bye forever.

“Cross my bloody heart.” He told her, “Just gotta find a way to be the person you need.” 

Her anger was starting to dissipate, replaced by longing, “Promise me.” 

“I promise.” He dug into his coat pocket and pulled out something silver and shiny. Buffy remembered it as the ring he had proposed to her with - back when they had been fake in love. Back when the thought of loving him had disgusted her. He held it out to her and pressed it into her hands, “Take care of it.”

She closed her hand around it and then leaned in as he kissed her. There was nothing tentative about it, about how they came together. But it didn’t feel like goodbye. It felt like a see you again. As she pulled away she allowed herself to let him go. Because she knew - this wasn’t just for her, this was for him too. He need to do this. To prove something to himself. His hand lingered, cupping her cheek and then he turned and stalked away. As he disappeared around one corner Dawn appeared around the other soda in hand, “Where is he going?” 

“To be a better man.” Buffy told her and shoved the ring into her pocket. 

Dawn stared at her for a moment, “Will he come back?” 

“I think so.” Buffy told her, “Come on, Riley and Anya are waiting for us.” 

Together the two of them walked back to where Anya and Riley were sitting, her head resting against his shoulder. Her hand was held in his, and she was looking down at it with warmth in her eyes. Jealousy crawled up Buffy’s spine but she forced it down. Anya and Riley were happy and had nothing to do with her and Spike, “Where’s Spike?” Anya asked.

“Gone.” Buffy told them, “He had things he had to do.”

“I got soda.” Dawn told them shaking the can at them.

“Maclay?” A voice asked them.

They turned to see a doctor standing near them, clipboard in hand. He was looking at them expectantly and Buffy squared her shoulders. This was it she supposed, “Yes?”

“I’m here to update you on your friends condition. You are her primary care correct?”

Buffy nodded, “At the moment, yes.” 

He nodded along with her, and Buffy just wanted him to get on with it. To rip the band-aid off, and expose the wound, “She’s okay. There was a moment where she flatlined a second time and we thought we had lost her, but she’s stable and awake now. She’s going to make it.” And Buffy felt shock. 

This didn’t happen to them. They didn’t get wins like this. People who were hurt went to hospitals and they died. That was her history with hospitals and yet, “She’s going to be okay?” Riley asked.

“She’s awake.” The doctor filled them in, “However when she was shot the bullet hit something inside of her, and we don’t know if she’ll walk again.”

There it was. There was the sort of double handed slap life loved to give them. It felt familiar. Despite her dread at what the doctor had told them Buffy tried to cling onto the positive. Tara was alive. Tara was living and breathing, and was going to find a way to survive this. Someone really needed to tell Willow, “Thank you.” Buffy let the doctor know as earnestly as possible.

“When you’re ready, you can come down to her room. She’s asking for someone named Willow.”

Having said his piece the doctor departed them with a curt nod, “Tara’s alive.” Dawn said almost as shell shocked as Buffy felt.

“Someone needs to tell Willow.” Buffy told them, shock wearing off - going directly into Slayer save the day mode, “Warren's going to get what he deserves. But I will not let Willow destroy herself.”

“Where do we go?” Riley asked, “Sort of had to track down a witch.”

“The Magic Box?” Anya suggested, “Maybe she needs needs to refuel again after chasing Warren?”

“Let’s go then!” Dawn said and then pouted when Buffy looked at her, “What. I’m coming with you!”

As much as Buffy wanted to let Dawn come with her, she didn’t think Dawn’s training was quiet there yet. And she didn’t want to put her sister in the direct line of fire, when it came to Willow. She had promised Dawn that she would be more open to letting her come along but this was not one of those times, “No. You’re going to stay here and take care of Tara.”

“But I can help!” Dawn complained, “You know I can.”

“I know. But not with this okay?” 

“Fine. But please don’t go alone?” Dawn asked, “It’s dangerous.”

“I’ll go with you.” Riley volunteered, “Maybe I can be of some help.”

“Is Riley coming with me okay?” Buffy asked her sister.

She could see Dawn debating it for a moment but then Dawn nodded, “He’s fine. Just… remember, it’s Willow. And she needs us.”

“She does. And you'll help her. Lots. Okay? But first we have to get her home in one piece.”

“Okay.” 

It was good to have Dawn on her side. It was good to have a Dawn that was willing to listen, “You’re helping Willow right now. Someone has to make sure Tara is okay. For Willow. When she’s better.”

Dawn rolled her eyes, which told Buffy she had gone one step too far. But the action made her smile fondly, “I get it.” She said.

“I’ll stay with her.” Anya volunteered.

“You sure you don’t want to come where all the fighting is?” Riley asked.

“And miss all this hot hospital action? I don’t think so.” Anya answered, “You’ve got one of those cellular devices. Call me if you need me.”

“We should go.” Buffy told Riley and he nodded as they took off down the hall.

“Be safe!” Anya yelled after them. 

A little further out of earshot Riley looked at her, “So what’s the plan? Do we even have a plan?”

Buffy shook her head, other than the very vague plan of saving Willow she didn’t really have much of an idea, “Nope. We’ll think of something on the way. Winging it is sort of what we do these days.”

“That sounds about right. Talk before we punch right?”

“It’s Willow.” Buffy told him, “If we get to the punching part - let’s just not get there okay.”

She opened the door of the hospital and walked into the darkness of the night. As the moon shone down on them Buffy did her best to push everything else out of her mind. Moping over Spike could wait. They had a friend to save.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. So. Tara's alive. Bit of a departure from Season 6 but one I found necessary. Now let's get this show on the road and see how it shakes out.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	95. Villains (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riley falls back into old ways in tracking down Willow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Riley POV.

**Time Stamp:** End of the Episode

The Magic Box was a small mess. Riley moved around it picking up books that had been thrown around spine down, and placing them closed on the table. In front of him Buffy stood with her hands on her hips surveying the shop. She looked flustered, but he didn’t blame her. Willow was her oldest friend and while Riley didn’t know Willow as well as Buffy he still felt indebted to her. She had saved Cordelia at the cost of falling further down the rabbit hole. He knew this wasn’t completely his fault but he also shared some of the blame. They all did, “I don’t think she’s here.”

Buffy shot him a look, “Thank you Captain Obvious.” She paused, “That was uncalled for.”

He shrugged, “We’re all very stressed right now. I don’t blame you.”

“I guess the search didn’t take enough out of her.” Buffy sighed, “This sucks majorly.”

“Well Willow is out for blood.” He picked up a few more books, “You any good at locator spells? I’m sure one of these books has one.” He waved the book at her.

“Nope. Buffy and magic do not mix. That’s why we left it to Willow. Which, was part of the problem.”

Riley tried to think about what Spike would say. Which - that sparked something in his mind, “Where did Spike go? He’s good at tracking people. Bet he could find Willow in a jiffy.”

He finished tidying up to watch as Buffy picked up a silver chain and held it in front of her face. She seemed to be happy with whatever she saw because a moment later she pulled a small ring out of her pocket and threaded it through the chain. For a moment Riley thought he recognized the ring but surely not? Then she put the necklace around her neck and the ring under her shirt - and sighed, “Spike is out of commission for the remainder. We can’t depend on him, we’re on our own.”

“He didn’t seem out of commission at the hospital.” 

“Well he is.” She snapped and clearly something had happened between them, “We’ll think of something.” 

“I’d be open for any sort of ideas.” 

“What did The Initiative do to track the supernatural?” She asked.

They did many things but he doubted that any of them would be very helpful. The technology they had then was much better than the technology they had now. However there was one thing he could do - although it was a little dependant on Willow herself, “We could track her phone.” He suggested.

“Her phone?”

“If she has one.” He looked at her, “If you’ve got a better idea I’m all ears.”

“Nope.” Buffy sighed, “Phone it is.”

He walked over to the table where the laptop Anya had been on before Willow had stormed the place, lay discarded. He opened it and pulled up the website the The Initiative had been fond of using once upon a time. He prayed that The Initiative hadn’t cut off his credentials and groaned when he was denied, “It’s not like I’m one of them any more but I had hoped.” Closing the computer he pulled out his own phone and dialed a number, “Hello.” He paused to give the person time to talk, “I’m calling about my daughter. It’s urgent. She’s in trouble, ran off with some guy who I think I might be dangerous. I need to find her.” He paused again, “I know you don’t always give out locations but I fear she might be dead. I’m begging you.” And again, “Yes I’ll call the police right away. You have no idea how grateful I am for this. You are going to save a life tonight.”

He wrote something down on a piece of paper, “You got it?” Buffy asked.

“Yeah. And I think I know where the location is too.”

“Tell me about it on the way there.”

They walked outside to where the car he owned with Anya was parked. Buffy got into the passenger's side while he got into the driver's seat, “We’re going to find her Buffy, I promise.” He told her as he turned the key.

“We better.”

Less than thirty minutes later they did. But Riley wondered if finding her had been the right decision. The hanging skinned body of Warren would never leave his mind for some time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately Riley gets to deal with the brunt of stressed Buffy and missing Spike Buffy. This chapter mostly works as a bridge. And yes Riley - that ring is exactly what you think it is.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	96. Two to Go (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya puts her life on the line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anya POV. 
> 
> Anya chapters always seem to be longer than other POV chapters.

**Time Stamp:** Near the Start of the Episode

This was bad. This was end of the world bad. And yet here she was trying to save two stupid children because Buffy had asked it of her and she had told Riley that he could depend on her. Her life with Riley sure as hell wasn’t boring - but she did sometimes wish for someone to hit the breaks. Anya understood Willow’s need for vengeance but it did have to be when she was around? Did it have to be now? Did she really have to stop it? Anya had never considered herself a hero but maybe that’s what she had to be now. All the old books from her early years said heroes died at the end, which didn’t seem like a good deal. Hopefully she was exempt, “I’m here.” She told Buffy and closed her phone.

She wandered into the police station. What was it that Buffy had asked her to do again? Oh right - create a distraction. As if she was bait to dangle in front of one very pissed off witch. Had she ruminated on the fact that this sucked already? Because this absoutly sucked. She pulled the doors back and walked inside. Oh good - she had beaten Willow. Small miracles. The police inside stared down at her, “How can I help you?”

He was very dull Anya decided. But most humans who had no idea about the supernatural were. And even then some of those were too. She stared up at him, “I need to see two of your prisoners. Two lanky idiots. You know the ones.”

He blinked slowly, “I’m sorry we can’t do that.” 

She sighed and shook her head. If she was a vengeance demon she would have been able to blink right inside the jail. Alas, “How much money?”

“What?”

“How much will I have to pay you to see them? I -”

There was the sound of something happening outside and before Anya could finish speaking the cop she was talking too looked at her, “Stay right here.”

He left her where she was standing and Anya watched him go before ducking behind the counter, and attempting to walk like she was meant to be there. Most of the cops at the front had followed what’s his face in order to confront what Anya had a creeping suspicion was Willow. There really wasn't time to think about that though. No one stopped her as she walked through the jailhouse, maybe too preoccupied by the fight outside. Thankfully Anya was able to slip into the back where she found the two boys fighting, “Get off!” One of them said, and Anya didn’t care who.

“Make me!” Said the other.

She couldn’t believe that this was who she had to save. If Anya had her way she would have left them for Willow, but that wasn’t an option. Not if she wanted to stay with Riley and not if she wanted to continue her human education. Which Riley said was very important, “There you two are.”

They turned to look at her, “Who the hell are you?”

Surely they knew who she was - they kept up with Buffy’s life enough. But maybe not. Maybe it really didn’t matter. All that mattered was that she was here and she had to find some way to hold off Willow so they didn’t die. All of which was impossible, “Listen to me. We have to get you out of here or you'll both be killed.” 

“What's going on?” The short one asked.

“Willow.” She answered them.

“Willow?” Their eyes grew as wide as dinner plates, “How can we trust you? What if you’re working for her? That would be uncool.” The tall one said.

“I’m sure she’s not working for Willow. Right?” The other one said, “Break this down for us a little.”

God. They were not going to be helpful at all. To make matters worse their endless nattering was giving her a headache. Anya hated this, “Warren shot Buffy. Warren shot Tara. They are both alive. Willow thinks Tara is dead, and being the most powerful Wicca in the western hemisphere, has decided to get payback. With interest.” 

“Wh-what about Warren?” 

It really didn’t matter which one was talking - they all sounded the same, “She killed him. Made him dead as a doornail. Whatever that means. Now she's coming here and the two of you are next.”

“Oh my god ... Warren.”

Was Warren really all they could think about? Warren was scum as far as Anya could see. If she ran into a woman who had wanted vengeance done upon him Anya would have gladly obliged. Some people just didn’t deserve to live. And the way these two seemed so closely knit with him, well - maybe they didn’t deserve to live either. But they hadn’t tried to kill Tara or Buffy and because of that she had to put up with the fact that maybe, just maybe they deserved a shot at living. Even if it was behind bars, “Oh my god ... me.” The other said to counter and then paused, “Guard!”

“Stop that.” She told him.

Guards were not going to help them here. And they would drag Anya away - very not helpful for their predicament, “Guard!!” 

Anya heard the sound of feet approaching, “All right, all right, what do you... “ He paused seeing Anya, “Who are you?”

“Something's coming. Something bad. Please let these idiots out or there will be all sorts of hell to pay. Something about a woman scorned and all that.”

She didn’t have time to play with him right now, “We’ve sent our men to deal with it.” The officer told her.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Police always thought they had things under control. Police were idiots, “You think you have it under control? You are not prepared to deal with it.” 

He scoffed at her, “That a fact?”

Kill her now please. She took everything back she said about wanting to make it through this. Dealing with people like this man made her want to kill herself. Just end it all, “Yes. And we're running out of time. So just believe me when I tell you these things are real. They're dangerous. And they're coming.” How could she convince him? How could she make this dunderhead see? But there really was nothing she could do. She was helpless and so very utterly human. Oh she could still cast a spell or two, but that wasn’t really applicable here. And humans of all sorts cast spells. Not all well, but they did it, “Please, stop looking at me like it's your first trip to the circus and do your job. Let them out!”

He could hear the sounds outside getting louder and looked at them, and then the sound, and back at them. Finally he said, “You three stay here.”

Which was not what Anya had wanted to hear, “Oh, like we have a choice!” One of nerds yelled at him.

Despite not really liking the two of them much Anya had to agree. It wasn’t like this was their fault, “Don't move. You'll be safe here.”

Then he took off and Anya could have strangled him for all the help had been. But at least she wasn’t behind bars for breaking and entering so that had to be something at least, “Are you even listening?! This is the one place they won't be safe! “ She yelled after him as he ran off.

In front of her the two boys began to panic and Anya didn't blame them. Willow was on her way and they were all trapped here like rats. Where was Buffy when you needed her? Surly she had to almost be here by now, “Stop it, just stop!” He was speaking to his friend, “Why is she doing this? Tell her, we didn't do anything.”

“Yes we did. We signed on, we teamed up, we wanted to see where our plans would take us, well take a look.” 

At least one of them was starting to see at least a little bit of sense, “Maybe this is it.”

“Maybe for you.” 

And the other one seemed to be in denial which was fun. One of them looked at her with fear in his eyes, “You have to have some sort of plan right? We’re not trapped here.”

She shook her head and swallowed, because she didn’t want to die with them, but she couldn’t just leave them here either, “Sorry. No such luck here I’m afraid.” She told them both. 

“Oh god.” One of them seemed to have realized his predicament and Anya agreed, “HELP!” 

The moment he screamed it a door slammed open and there she was. Anya blinked unsure if she was really looking at Buffy - but no, she was there and she was a blessing. Buffy stormed forward and bent open the bars and ushered the nerds through. She gave Anya a look that screamed her thanks and Anya smiled back. With little to no talking they all exited as quickly as they could, “Aah! What is that sound? God, it kills.” One of two asked.

But Buffy wasn’t really paying attention, “We have to make a run for it.”

They peaked around the corner to look at the cops and Anya very much did not want to have to run through them. Not like she could. She was pretty sure they would arrest her on the spot, “Are you kidding? She's like some comic book supervillain up there! You expect us just to outrun her?” One of the still nameless nerds said.

“Pretty much.” Buffy told him. 

Anya prepared to launch her body forward when a car came screeching around the bend and pulled up behind them. The passenger side door opened and for the first time that night Anya felt her heart flutter a bit because there behind the wheel was Riley and he looked like the perfect action hero. Very chiseled, very posided, and very much her savior, “Get in.” He said.

Without needing to be told she hurried into the front seat and leaned across the way to kiss him, which he returned in kind. Behind them, Buffy and the two others loaded in as well. Once they were all buckled in Anya smiled at Riley, “I knew you would save us.” She hadn’t but it felt like the right thing to say.

In the backseat Buffy leaned forward to talk to them, “Is she coming?”

“I don’t see anything.” Riley told her checking the mirror - they had started driving down the road and away from the jailhouse. 

Buffy let out a breath and turned to look at Anya, “Thank you for what you did.”

Anya didn’t feel like she had done much but she wasn’t going to turn down Buffy thanking her. It was too rare a thing to turn down, “You’re welcome.”

“Where are you talking us?” She asked.

“We'll find someplace safe and we'll keep them there until we can stop Willow. “ Buffy answered.

There didn’t seem like there was any place that was safe but she wasn’t going to tell Buffy that, “Run and hide, that's your brilliant plan?” One of the two whined.

“I don't believe this.” The other agreed.

“Knock it off.” Riley told them, “Any more of your complaining and you can get out and walk.”

He was fibbing Anya realized. A great big fib, because of course they wouldn’t do all of this and then just let the boys go free. That wouldn’t make any sense. But they didn’t know that, and they wouldn’t figure it out. They were not that bright. Which begged the question why it had taken their crack team so long to defeat them, “I don't get it. Willow's a witch. Why doesn't she just, you know, wave her arms and make us dead?”

“Because she doesn't want you dead. She wants to kill you personally.” Buffy explained to them.

“But we didn't do anything.” 

Buffy punched one of them in the shoulder lightly, “Ow.”

Anya laughed but she couldn’t help but find truth in what he had said, “I hate to admit it, but this child may have a point. Why isn't she right here right now?” She said.

“Maybe she's just getting her mojo up and running. Or maybe she hasn't figured out exactly how much power she really has yet.” Buffy paused, “Neither have we.”

“Gotta keep moving then.” Riley said.

“I still can't believe that was Willow. I mean, I've known her almost as long as you guys. Willow was ... you know. She packed her own lunches and wore floods and was always... just Willow.” The short boy commented.

Before any of them could say anything the car shook. Riley looked in the mirror as the two boys started to panic again, “Geez it!” 

“What was that?”

“Just Willow.” Riley told them.

A truck was behind them and gaining speed. It had ramed them once and looked like it was going to do it again. Anya put her hands up on to the top of the car roof to brace herself for a second impact. She trusted Riley, she really did - but she didn’t want to go through the windshield. She wouldn’t be a very useful girlfriend if she was just paste on the ground. 

The truck rammed them again, this time at a greater speed and Anya swallowed, “Any ideas?”

“Drive faster.” Buffy answered her.

Which wasn’t helpful in the slightest. Anya could see that Riley’s foot was as far down on the gas as it could go. She swallowed again and then the truck hit their car for a third time and for just a brief moment Anya was pretty sure they were going to spin out. But Riley’s hand was true and he was able to get their car under control. She let out a breath, “This is as fast as it goes.” Riley told Buffy.

“She knows you're in this car too, right?” One of the two asked, “Right?!”

Anya was beginning to think it didn’t matter to Willow anymore. Anyone who got in the way of her wrongly directed vengeance was going to get theirs. It didn’t matter if it was Riley, or her, or Buffy. They were all roadblocks to Willow’s increasingly intense desire for vengeance. Anya thought her mentor would be proud. In fact, Anya thought that vengeance Anya would be proud. But she wasn’t - just afraid that she was going to die. It was a sobering thought, “She's draining.” The shorter one said.

“She’s what?” Riley asked.

“Just keep going.” He continued.

Rolling the window down Anya looked back and sure enough, Willow seemed to be struggling. Whatever magic had been charging her battery was running dry. It seemed too lucky to be true. But it was happening and Anya blessed whatever goddess that was watching over them. Clearly the world was trying to give them a break. Inside the car the driver seemed to get control of his truck back and hit the breaks. She let out a sigh of relief, “Cool.” The taller one said.

Anya agreed. Now they just had to get somewhere safe. Preferably with weapons. She looked at Riley and suddenly had an idea. She knew the perfect place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not once does Anya call them Jonathan or Andrew. This is purposeful and makes me laugh. 
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


	97. Two to Go (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara, now awake - does a little sleuthing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tara POV.

**Time Stamp:** Mid Episode

Tara knew that the her that had existed before getting shot was dead. She wasn’t exactly sure who she was now - but part of her felt changed. It was hard to not feel strong once you had defeated death. There had been two moments where she had slipped into a coma and things hadn’t looked good. Brain dead twice for exactly 30 seconds total, as per her medical record. The doctors hadn’t know if she was going to make it. But she had. So Tara was determined to cling onto the emotions she felt now. How they acted like a motor inside of her, filling her with courage and determination.She didn’t know how long the feelings would last but she hoped that they would last for at least as long as it took her to see Willow again. 

In front of her Dawn sat silently staring, “Do you want something to eat? I could make a run for the food court.” She tipped her chair backwards and Tara was afraid she would accidentally topple to the floor. 

“I’m okay Dawnie, thank you. I don’t think I could eat right now anyway.” She admitted.

It was true, she was too keyed up to eat, “That’s fine, that’s fine. We could play a game of cards then?”

Tara didn’t want to play cards either. If she was honest what she really wanted was Willow. She had been told that Willow was resting, because she had been by her side while she had gone into cardiac arrest and was exhausted - but surely her girlfriend would want to see her? “Do you know if Willow is awake yet?” She asked Dawn.

Dawn shook her head, “She’s still sleeping. You know how Willow can get.”

She did, but the whole thing sounded fishy. It smelled fishy too. Like she was standing in the middle of a boatyard. Tara didn’t like it at all, “I really want to see her. Do you think we could wake her up?”

The face Dawn made told her exactly what Dawn thought of that plan, “It just took a lot out of her. Maybe in an hour or so. Let’s just play cards.” Dawn stooped down to pick up a bag that was laying on the floor.

“I’m not really feeling up for playing cards.” She finally admitted.

“Then what are you up for? Whatever you need, I’m your gal.” Dawn flashed her a smile.

Somehow Tara didn’t believe her, “What I need is my girlfriend.” She said again.

“Well you can’t see her.” Dawn admitted finally.

Now they were getting somewhere. Tara wondered if Willow was dead and the thought struck her terribly somewhere in her heart. She had to know, even if the answer would destroy her, “Is she dead? Did she get shot too?”

That made Dawn shake her head with some urgency, “No! She’s very much still of the living.”

Well that was good. Alive was better than dead, “Dawnie.” She pried.

“What?” Dawn asked.

“Where is Willow? Tell me the truth. I won’t be mad.”

“Can’t we just pretend that she’s asleep?” 

It was true then, they had been hiding something from her. And if it wasn’t the fact that Willow was dead, then it had to be something else that would upset her. The only other thing she could think of was magic, and Tara wondered just how bad it had to be that everyone thought that they should keep it from her, “I need to know the truth. Please.” 

Dawn let out a breath, “Willow is… Willow is kind of very bad. Right now.” 

God. Tara had hoped beyond hope that wasn’t the case. But the truth of it had nagged at her. The way that everyone had tried to walk on eggshells around her. But she wasn’t helpless, she had gone through her own trauma too and didn’t she deserve to know what had happened to the woman she loved? The woman she had shared her bed with? She looked at Dawn, and tried to not appear upset, “What happened?” She asked.

“Willow thought you were dead and went a little nuts with the magic. Buffy, Riley, and Anya are trying to save her.” 

Of course. She used her hands to push herself into a stronger seated position and grimaced at the pain, “Take me to her.”

Dawn looked at her like she was crazy, “This is exactly why no one wanted to tell you.”

“She’s my girlfriend Dawn. I deserve to see her.”

“It’s not about seeing her!” Dawn told her sternly, “You’re hurt.” She said softer.

“I am hurt.” She admitted, “But I can’t just sit here and do nothing while Willow is in pain.”

“My sister won’t fail.” Dawn said with confidence.

Which is what Tara feared. If they couldn’t save Willow then what? Buffy was strong and would always do what needed to be done - no matter what. That thought scared her, “Are you saying I can’t help?”

“I’m saying that you’re hurt! And I don’t want to see anymore people hurt.”

That sounded like the truth, “I’ll be fine.” She tried to reassure Dawn.

“You were on the floor bleeding, and all I could do was press as hard as I could to stop the blood. And there was so much blood. I was so scared I was going to lose you.”

The confession left Tara blindsided. She had been out cold at the time so she couldn’t have known of course, but to hear that Dawn was the one who had saved her - who had been forced to deal with maybe being unable to save someone - she had never wanted that for Dawn. She didn’t think Buffy had either, but this was their reality now as hard as it was to stomach, “As long as you are with me. I’ll be safe.” 

“You can’t promise that.” Dawn said.

“Don’t doubt yourself. I believe in you.”

Dawn seemed to consider what she had said, “Okay. But you’re not going to be able to just walk out of here. No way the nurses just let you go. Also - legs.”

“What do you suggest then?”

Dawn smiled at her, “How do you feel about disguises and wheelchairs?”

The way Dawn suggested it made Tara laugh. Laughter made everything hurt - just a little bit, but Tara didn’t mind. She was going to see Willow, whatever version of Willow there was to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't lie to your friends folks!
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	98. Two to Go (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willow deals, and Buffy tries to reach her friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Willow POV.

**Time Stamp:** End of the Episode 

She needed - she needed more. She was so hungry. So weak. So terribly weak and unable to save the one person she had loved most of all. The people in the waiting room hadn’t been enough. But this - this felt like heaven. Like she had tapped into a beautiful magical reservoir that took her higher and closer to nirvana. He was screaming but Willow paid him no mind. She continued to drain him while he babbled under her, “You don’t want to do this.”

Willow didn’t understand why he was saying that when she absolutely wanted to do this, “Of course I do.” She told him, “I need your power to get my revenge.”

“Do you now?“ He asked, voice hoarse from screaming.

She let him go and he collapsed to the floor out of breath, “It empowers me. Fills me all up with the magics.”

“You’re going to kill me.” 

She blinked because of course she was going to kill him. She knew she didn’t have to, but she knew that he was scum and wasn’t she doing the world a favor by getting rid of him? Just like she had done the world a favor by getting rid of Warren, like she would get rid of the two other little boys who had helped feed Warren’s ego. “It would be an improvement.”

Rack was just a magic dealing junkie with no remorse, “It would be murder.” 

Murder was turning out to be easier than Willow had anticipated. Once you went under it was so nice to just stay there. Free of thoughts and full of power, “Like you are one to talk.” She told him.

“I never killed anyone.” 

Lies. She opened up the magical connection between them and pulled out a heady dose, “That’s what they all say.” 

She was going to get justice. She was going to kill anyone who stood in her way - anyone who had wronged her - who had hurt her. Buffy was too soft. Buffy had always been too soft, “Did that feel good?” 

“Oh don’t be like that. There’s no need for sarcasm here. No one you need to impress.”

“I bet it felt good. You always were my favorite -”

She drained him, stronger this time and he let out another scream. As if she was going to let him finish what he was going to say. As if the two of them were even remotely the same, as if he understood her pain at all. No - he was just a repugnant man who prayed on the weak, “Shut up.” 

“Did I hit a nerve? What caused you to lash out like this? Why stop the fun?”

“This isn’t fun.”

This was retribution, and the sooner people saw that the sooner they would step aside and let her finish what she was planning on finishing, “A little fun.”

She stormed forward and placed both hands on his head, it was time that she ended this - he had said his piece. Tried to barter for his life. She wouldn’t let him. She wouldn’t let anyone stop her from doing what she had to do, “Is this fun?”

He screamed again, louder and full of anguish. But then he laughed, “Yes. You’re so beautiful - so full of wild and untapped magic. It’s like riding a rocket.” 

“This rocket is only going one place.” She told him.

“Into the sun?” He asked, “Where it’s burning and bright. The heart of magic and the storm.”

His voice was growing weaker as Willow felt herself begin to grow stronger and stronger still. And as much as she hated it - he was right - it felt like a storm. Some sort of wild and untapped magic that flamed inside of her, “Wanna go back? End the pain? You'll be happier. I'll be happier. I won’t have to listening to your constant whinging.”

“Yes.” He whispered.

“Then go. Go back to where you will never hurt another person again. No more tickery. No more tears.” 

He slumped forward onto the ground but god the magic he had given her was a rush. It was like being drunk. As her body adjusted to the energies coursing around inside her she heard a door slam backwards and she turned to blink at the guest who had interrupted her, who had come to ruin her party, “I heard it’s not great to eat magic men. They give you digestion.” Buffy quipped.

And of course it was Buffy. Willow wasn’t surprised. Her friend was good and kind, and just wanted everyone to hold hands and sing songs. But Buffy was also self-righteous and believed that it was her way or the highway. That because she was the Slayer, that she knew best. But she didn’t. She hadn’t looked into Warren’s eyes and seen the evil there, “You need to back down a minute and think, Will.”

She looked over at Rack’s crumpled body, “He’s already mostly dead. You’re a little too late.” She shrugged.

“I’m not talking about him.” Buffy told her.

“Get out of my way.” 

Magic spun through her body like a lit fuse and slammed into Buffy, throwing her to the side where she hit a wall. Quickly Willow made to leave but Buffy was quicker, standing up and blocking her path out, “You're attacking the people who love you now?”

“Only the ones in my way.”

“That's not ... You need help.”

“I'm doing fine on my own, thanks.”

She stormed forward but paused when she head the sound of tearing metal, and then Buffy dropped the handle of the door on the ground in front of her. And didn’t her friend think she was clever, “Now it’s just you and me. No way out.”

“You’d lock me up like a monster?” 

Willow raised her eyebrow at Buffy, “Willow, I know what you want to do, but you have to listen to me. The forces inside you are incredibly powerful. They're strong ... but you're stronger. You have to remember - you're still Willow.”

And wasn’t that a laugh, “Let me tell you something about Willow.” She advanced towards Buffy, “She's a loser. And she always has been. People picked on Willow in junior high school, high school, up until college. With her stupid mousy ways. And now? Willow's powerful.”

Couldn’t her friends see that Willow was better now? Stronger? That like this Willow could help people like she could never help them before? The magic inside her was beautiful and good and strong, and the best thing that had ever happened to her. It had given her power beyond her imagining, “This isn’t what Tara would want.”

How dare she? How dare Buffy use Tara’s name against her - as if Tara was some sort of bargaining chip to be played between them. Tara was dead and Buffy was trying to stop Willow from doing the one thing she could to make sure that Tara hadn’t died in vain, “You would use her against me?” She stared at Buffy askance, “Tara was wonderful, she would look at me and everything would be okay. But Tara is dead. And that will never happen again.”

Buffy shook her head and it was sweet that she seemed to care so much, “I know this hurts. Bad. But Willow - Tara is alive. She’s not dead. Don’t count her out yet.”

That gave Willow pause, and then she started to laugh because she had felt Tara’s life slip away. She had been holding Tara as she had died and there was nothing Willow had been able to do, “Don’t lie to me.” She told Buffy her anger only growing, “Don’t tell me something you know isn’t true.”

“I’m not.”

She only laughed harder because the idea that Buffy would sink to this sort of trickery, oh - it boiled something deep down inside of her. For Buffy to use Tara against her had to be the lowest her friend had ever sunk, “What proof do you have?”

In front of her Buffy sputtered, “She’s alive. I don’t know what else you need me to say. Stop before you do something you regret”

Willow snorted, “Oh, please! This is your pitch? I felt her die in my arms. Just be honest about it.”

“That’s not true.” Buffy insisted.

“You're trying to sell me on my world.” Couldn’t Buffy see how terrible she was being? But her friend was trying to save her soul or something - trying to save the world. And it was why Willow had it in her to forgive her. To forgive everyone for the ills they had committed against her. They just had to step aside first. She gathered magic around her, it was time to end this farce, “The one where you lie to your friends just to try to save them. Where unborn children are lost. Where love is ripped from us so casually. This world? Buffy, it's me. This world is a mess and this is the only way to save it. Just like you were saved from death. When Willow brought you back. You know, with magic?”

The world around them shifted and Willow watched as Buffy blinked trying to get her bearings, “Oh. Sorry, the trip can be kind of rough…” Willow cast her eyes about The Magic Box, “..if you're, you know, not me.” 

“What the hell?”

Buffy seemed confused and Willow didn’t blame her. But she also knew that Buffy would get over it. Instead she turned around to smile at the two people she had been wanting to see, “Jonathan. Andrew. You boys like magic, don't you?” She begun summoning magic around her - ready to lash out, “Abracadabra.”

Her revenge couldn’t come soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of those chapters that felt necessary. I just wanted to get into Dark Willow's head and see what was going on inside there. To get an idea of how deep down into denial she was. I think she wants to believe Buffy but she's gone too far and the idea that Buffy could be telling the truth would hurt too much, so she has to keep going. 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	99. Grave (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Giles and Buffy catch up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure if I was going to do 3 chapters this week but then I decided - why not?
> 
> Giles POV.

**Time Stamp:** Near the Start of the Episode

Giles felt almost out of place in The Magic Box. A few months away in the English countryside had already shifted his perspective, on who he was and where his place in the world was. Staring at Willow though he wondered if he should have left. Buffy had been in an okay place when he had decided to leave but he hadn’t considered her friends, his other children. The whole thing was a big bloody mess and he blamed himself as much as he could. He walked over to where Willow was floating in midair and watched as she glared at him, “I'm very sorry about Tara.”

There was this look that Willow got after he spoke, like his words had confirmed something for her, “I knew Buffy was lying.” She smirked at him, “This won’t hold me forever.”

The way she spoke with such confidence alarmed him, but he also knew that Willow was speaking the truth. He was powerful right now, but the tide could change at any moment. Turning he walked away and back to Buffy who was sitting at the counter. Her eyes looked stricken too, and he wondered just what he had said that had caused this sort of alarm, “I came as soon as I heard.” He told her.

“So Tara is really dead? She was stable and alive when I left her at the hospital.” Buffy paused, “Dawn’s there. God I can’t believe I left her there to watch.”

Giles nodded solemnly, “I’m sorry, I wish you hadn’t heard it from me. There is an extremely powerful coven in Devon. They sensed the rise of a dangerous magical force here in Sunnydale. A dark force, fueled by grief.”

Buffy nodded, “Willow.”

“I'd so hoped it wasn't her.” He paused, “And then a seer in the coven told me about Tara. That's when the coven ... imbued me with their powers.”

“And then they sent you here to bring Willow down.”

He didn’t exactly like the way Buffy phrased it. Like it was something that he enjoyed doing instead of something that he had to do, “What happened here?” He asked.

Buffy snorted and the sound of her laughter was a soothing balm for his ears. His Slayer had done a great deal of growing after Jasmine, and it seemed like she had only found her footing more since he had left. At least one person had been able to ground themselves. He glanced over to where Riley and Anya were and decided it was better not to ask, “God I don’t even know where to start.” Buffy told him.

“Well, Willow's clearly been abusing the magics.”

“She has.” Buffy paused, “Everything here was so good before Tara -” Buffy paused again and Giles could see that she was struggling to talk about Tara’s passing, “Before. Riley had moved on with Anya, I’d started training Dawn, Tara and Willow were on the mend, and hell I’d even told Spike I loved him.” 

That shocked him. He hadn’t expected that from Buffy. In all honesty one of the reasons he had accepted the relationship at first was because he hadn’t expected it to last. Buffy seemed happy, so he was willing to allow her that since there seemed to be no harm in a relationship built to crumble at her feet. He could see that whatever face he had made was causing Buffy to panic and so he tried to dial down his feelings about her relationship, “Sorry.” He looked around, “And just where is Spike?”

His words caused Buffy’s face to fall, “He, he left.” She said quietly, and touched something under her shirt that he couldn’t see. 

“He left.” Giles said raising an eyebrow, that didn’t sound like Spike at all.

“Tara wasn’t the only one shot, I was too. Spike was there and he went a little nuts about it. He bit Warren, Giles - and it was hard to reach him. He even ignored the chip.” She sighed, “So he left. To try to find a solution. I didn’t want him to go at first but, he was right. Idiot.” She dropped her hand. 

Giles wanted to lay into Buffy for her choices re: her dating partners but now really wasn’t the time. Because of course Spike had. Buffy’s lack of care seemed dangerous but he didn’t want to get into that either, “Cordelia sends her love. Was sorry that she couldn’t come but she’s doing research that cannot be interrupted at all costs.” 

“That sounds like her.” Buffy nodded, “Who knew - Cordelia, watcher in training. I can’t really picture her in all the tweed.”

“I tried to get her to wear a tie a few weeks ago.” Giles said.

They both stopped to picture Cordelia in a tie and then exploded in laughter. A little while later Giles did his best to try to corral his humor, “Can you forgive me?” He asked more seriously.

“For what?” Buffy answered his question with a question.

“For leaving?” 

She smiled at him, “I told you before that I was ready for you to leave. It’s not your fault we were so wrapped up in our own lives to consider that it wasn’t me who needed the help.”

“I never should have abandoned her.” 

Glancing over at Willow the guilt ate at him, “You couldn’t have known.” Buffy said, “She was actually getting better. Before this.”

“Getting better or seemed like she was getting better?” He knew that they were two very separate things.

“Actually getting better.” Buffy replied, “I don’t think Tara would have gotten back with her if that wasn’t the case. They were so happy a few days ago. I just, I can’t believe Tara is gone. She was fighting so hard at the hospital. I really thought she was going to make it you know? I can’t believe that Dawn hasn’t contacted us about it either. But maybe she’s grieving.”

“She’s grown up a lot.” Giles said fondly.

“She has. You should see her with a sword - she really kicks ass. Too much ass sometimes.” Buffy looked over at Willow and then back at Giles, “Right. What's gonna happen to Willow?” 

Giles allowed himself to be drawn back into the confrontation at hand, “Well, the coven is working on a ... way to extract her powers without ... killing her. And, uh, should she survive, you ought to know, Buffy, that there's no guarantee she'll ... be as she was. Willow has killed a human being. How will she be able to live with herself?”

“I wouldn’t worry about that.” Willow said. Both of them turned back to look at Anya as her body crumpled in front of the doorway of The Magic Box to reveal Willow behind her. How Willow had escaped so quickly Giles didn’t know. The two of them had just looked away for a moment, “Willow doesn’t live here anymore.”

Much later, when Giles was staring at a very alive - and very wheelchair bound Tara, he would know exactly when things started to go wrong. And he would vow to himself that he would help Tara fix it. Whatever it took.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the worst game of telephone ever! What the coven felt was the second time that Tara flat-lined so they just assumed she died. This is why jumping the gun is bad people. Don't do it! Also there is a very small bit of set up for an episode much further out in the future. But just a little. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	100. Grave (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riley tries to protect Andrew and Jonathan, meanwhile they spot a familiar face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new POV this chapter as I get ready to move into Season 7.

**Time Stamp:** Mid-Episode

If there was a reward for the worst day ever Andrew was sure that he was about to win the prize. First Warren had done something very stupid and killed Willow’s girlfriend, creating one pissed off witch. And now Andrew was pretty sure that Warren was dead and that broke his heart. To make things even worse - he was on the run from Willow under the protection of Riley, who was very boring. Although there were some things to admire. Like how strong Riley looked. He looked like he could kill a man with his legs. And Andrew thought that seemed pretty impressive. Not impressive enough that it distracted him from the fact that Warren was dead and he was pretty sure that he was going to die, but still pretty impressive. 

They were walking along the outskirts of a graveyard which Andrew thought was pretty fitting since he was going to be buried in one very soon, “Where are we going?” He asked Riley.

“Somewhere else.”

Well that wasn’t great. How could they depend on Riley to save them when he clearly had no idea what he was doing. Or where he was taking them. Away sounded good - but it seemed like Willow had the power to teleport now, which meant that all of this was really for nothing. It was stupid. This whole thing was very very stupid and he was very very dead. Andrew liked to imagine how alive they would be if he were more powerful but he was not. Someday, “What?” Jonathan asked.

“I just need to get the two of you away from Willow. So that’s what I’m doing.” 

“Yes. Because that’s a solid plan.” Jonathan commented sarcastically.

They stopped and Andrew was pretty sure that Riley was about to tear into Jonathan when his eyes grew two sizes and the words dried up. Instead he said, “I can’t believe it.”

Andrew turned around in tandem with Jonathan and they both watched as Dawn approached pushing a wheelchair. But it wasn’t the wheelchair that was the shock - it was who was in the wheelchair. Because right in front of them, for their own two eyes to behold was Tara. And she had a very alive, very determined look on her face, “Why are we starting? Do I have something on my face? Do I look bad?”

“You’re alive.” Andrew told her.

“And off to see Willow. I can’t believe you tried to hide what was happening from me!”

She sounded angry and Andrew didn’t blame her. People keeping secrets were the worst. Just terrible people in general. He felt for her. Not enough to really care, but just enough to know that it sucked massively, “You should hurry.” Riley told her, “You might be the only thing that can snap her out of her righteous fury.” 

“That bad?” Dawn asked.

“Worse. But we really don’t have time for idle talk. They are fighting it out at The Magic Box. Or they were when we left.”

As they talked Andrew imagened sprouting wings like Angel in the X-Men and flying away from this. From their circumstance. Then he imagined turning into Dark Phoenix and killing Willow. Evil personality against evil personality. He doubted even Willow could stand up to the cosmic power of Dark Phoenix, “I’ll push her as quick as I can push.” Dawn said.

Was Tara Professor Xavier now? Andrew’s fantasy grew until Jonathan elbowed him, “Ow.” He rubbed shoulder.

“They’re gone and we’re about to move again. What were you thinking about?”

He blinked at him, “Who do you think would win in a fight? Dark Phoenix or Willow?”

“Dark Phoenix.” Jonathan thought for a second again, “Unless… does Willow have prep time?”

“No.”

“Dark Phoenix then.”

Andrew was glad he and Jonathan were on the same page. Before he could debate the idea of a comic where Dark Phoenix was Willow - Riley snapped at them, “Come on. Let’s go. We have places to be.”

They followed him into the graveyard and found a crypt pretty close to the front. As they stood in front of it, it became clear that Riley had decided that this was where they would stay. He kicked at the door a few times, trying to get it open and Andrew really did admire his legs, “Open! Up!” He commanded.

“Okay new question.” Andrew told Jonathan as they watched him.

“Go on.” 

“Why are we still here?”

“Watching this?” 

“Yeah. I mean it’s two against one.” 

He didn’t think they could over power Riley but he was starting to think that they they could maybe just get away because of numbers. The thought had occurred to him when he had realized that Professor Xavier teamed up with Willow could potentially beat Dark Phoenix if the laws of both worlds were applied. He wanted to write a thesis on the subject but he could only do that if they got away. And it was becoming clear to him that it would only work if he and Jonathan worked together as a team, “But he’s so big. He was a super soldier! Even Wolverine could kick our asses without the superpowers.” 

This was true, “We won’t know if we don’t try.”

Mid kick Riley turned around to look at them and quirked an eyebrow, “I can still hear you, you know.” 

“Unfortunate.” Jonathan said.

“I’m just letting you know that planning an escape when I can hear you is a bad idea.”

Andrew was really interested in hearing more about how he was good at making bad ideas, but he could see something red streaking through the sky right at them. It was big and flamey and Andrew knew he was going to die in a graveyard, “Uhhhh.”

“Uh what?” Riley asked.

“Behind us.”

They watched it approach and a voice - the Slayer’s called out to them, “ Get out of there!” They really should, “Move!”

Riley ducked for cover at the same time Buffy’s body collided with theirs, tugging them to the ground. They hit the deck and then there was an explosion. Some of the graves impacted and rock went everywhere. Riley groaned and Buffy sprung up to check up on him. In that moment, as Buffy checked on Riley Andrew tugged on Jonathan's clothes. This was their chance. The fireball had been a good distraction. Jonathan nodded at him and the two of them snuck away as quietly as possible. 

As Andrew left behind Buffy and Riley he really did hope that they saved their friend, but he was very glad that he wasn’t going to stick around in case they didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100 chapters! I have no idea how I got here. The next chapter will be the last chapter of Season 6! And then it's onward to Season 7. 
> 
> For anyone who has a tumblr - I have a tumblr dedicated to this fic with the same name ([forwardwithoutseeing](https://forwardwithoutseeing.tumblr.com)) where I will be posting tons of other things related to Season 7 once it starts - press summaries, a sneak peak into season 7, and more behind the scenes notes. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	101. Grave (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three separate battles all with the same goal, protecting that which they love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three POVs - Buffy, Tara, and Dawn.

**Time Stamp:** End of the Episode

**Buffy:**

A voice rung out inside Buffy’s head that sounded very much like Willow, “The earth wants you back.”

A moment later the pavement in front of The Magic Shop cracked and the earth started to shake viciously. Buffy did her best to steady herself but the shaking of the ground brought her to her knees and she grunted. After a little while the shaking stopped but Buffy could hear a faint growling coming from the cracks in front of them. Something was coming. A number of somethings. She stood and worked on getting her bearings back. Allowing herself a small amount of time to collect herself. She had been right to come back here after saving Riley. There was work to be done and people to protect.

Walking over to the rubble of The Magic Box, and past both Anya and Giles - who looked worse for wear she cast her eyes over the wreckage. A moment later her eyes saw the gleam of what she was looking for and she walked over to pull a sword from its hiding spot. Holding it in her hands she turned back to her sister and the very alive Tara, and made a snap decision - one that she knew would have ever lasting consequences. “Someone has to take Tara to Willow.” She held out the sword for Dawn to take.

Buffy watched as Dawn looked down at the sword and realization split her sister’s features open. Dawn’s hand reached out reverently to take the weapon from her, and by doing so Buffy knew they was turning over another page in their relationship as sisters, “Buffy?” Dawn asked, shocked by the turn of events.

“Things have sucked recently I admit, but it’s slowly changing - and I want you to be there when it does. Everything feels like it’s falling apart I know, but I want to see my friends happy again. I want to see you continue to grow-up.” She paused, “The woman you're becoming… I’m so proud of her... She's so beautiful.” Buffy could see how her words had moved her sister and so she kept talking undaunted, “She’s so powerful. I tried to shelter you from the world but I got that so wrong. I don't want to protect you from the world - I want to show it to you. But I can’t do that if we all get sucked into hell.”

Nodding Dawn took the sword from her hands and Buffy felt so proud of her sister. As Dawn gripped the sword Buffy could see her conviction grow, “I’ll protect her. I promise.” She turned to look at Tara, “Come on.”

Then the two of them turned down the street, away from the large rends in the earth that had grown so close to The Magic Box. Watching them go Buffy twisted back around to look at the location of the growls that came from the depth of the earth. Growls that grew louder and louder. Then a hand rose from the ground, and another, and another. Soon many monsters pulled themselves from the cracks and began to shamble towards her. “Oh! I’ve seen monsters like this before.” Anya exclaimed behind her, “Earth elementals, very deadly. I think Willow means to kill you with them.”

“Thank you Anya for that beautiful bit of information.” Giles quipped at her.

Ignoring them Buffy focused on the creatures and tried to calm her quickly beating heart, there were only what - ten of them? Maybe less? She had fought larger numbers than this before. Of course she had been at full strength then, but a fight like this should be easy. She was the Slayer after all. They surrounded her and then lept. She was able to take down two but one of them backhanded - backbranched? Her to the ground leaving her winded. Seeing her prone one of them lept but was quickly decapitated.

A hand shot down and for a moment Buffy let herself pretend it was Spike. But it wasn’t and she knew that it wouldn’t be, “Need a hand there Buffy?” Riley asked her.

“Riley!” Anya yelled excited and then turned back to look at Giles when he started coughing, “Giles? Giles. Don't die. Not yet you idiot.” Focusing her attention back on Riley and Buffy she said, “Giles is getting worse, please hurry up with your killing and saving the day. That is your job right?”

Buffy saw Riley nod at his girlfriend and then he turned to look at the monsters that had surrounded them, “I know I’m not who you want by your side right now. I know I’m not as powerful as Spike or as fast as him, but I want to help you. If you’d accept it.”

As he spoke Buffy snorted, because god men could be so dense sometimes. How was it that he still felt inferior? She didn’t have time to coddle him but a little reassurance went a long way, “You’re my friend Riley. Of course I’m going to accept your help.” This is why they had broke up she thought.

Next to her Riley smiled, “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” Buffy told him.

Then the two of them got to work cutting down earth monster after earth monster. However for each one they cut down another took its place. Fighting her way through the creatures Buffy thought of Dawn, and prayed that she had made the right choice. Hoped that her sister would be okay. Knew that somehow Dawn, in all of her resilient beauty - would be. Then everything went quiet and the monsters exploded into dirt, “What happened?” Riley asked.

“It’s over.” Buffy told him, “Whatever it is. It’s over.”

Behind them Giles who had gone oddly silent started coughing again and Anya cried out happily, “Giles! You're not dead.” She looked up at both Buffy and Riley, “He’s not dead!”

Giles squinted at her and then at both Buffy and Riley, “It seems not. Pity. However, I am still in quite some pain.”

At his words Anya smacked his chest and Buffy laughed as Giles gave a small grunt of pain, “Don’t joke about that. And why aren’t you dead? Why aren’t we dead?”

“The threat is gone. Willow's been stopped.” Riley told his girlfriend.

“You mean she's--?” Anya asked with a small bite of panic in her voice.

Giles shook his head and then coughed again, “She's alive. The magic she took from me, it did what I hoped it would…”

At that Buffy understood exactly what he was saying, “You dosed her. You knew she was going to take your powers all along.”

The way Giles looked at her with pride, at how she had understood him made Buffy preen a little. Even if she had grown up, for Giles to acknowledge her like an intellectual equal gave her a small thrill, “W-well, I knew there was a possibility. The gift I was given by the coven was the true essence of Magic. Which comes, in all its purity, from the Earth itself. Willow's magic came from a place of rage and power.”

“Oh, and vengeance. Don't forget vengeance.” Anya added making Buffy roll her eyes.

“How... could I? In any case, the magic she took from me tapped into the spark of humanity she had left. Allowed her to feel again... Giving Tara the opportunity to reach her.”

Buffy smiled but then frowned, “Do you think that Dawn is?”

“I’m sure she’s fine.” Riley told her, “She’s got Summers’s blood.”

Buffy knew that Riley was right. She couldn’t worry about that right now though. She had her ex-watcher to get to the hospital. A breath of relief filled uher and she couldn’t stop the tear that snaked down her face. Anya looked at her, “Are you happy crying? Is this happy crying?” She asked.

“Yeah. Happy crying. We survived. Somehow.”

“That we did.” Giles told her, “Well my dignity is a bit damaged but that’s neither here nor there.”

Which reminded her that he was hurt. Twisting around and drying her tears she looked at him, “Let’s get you someplace safe.” Buffy said.

**Tara:**

Tara stood on the edge of the end of the world, and she had to admit she was terrified. The bullet hole in her shoulder still throbbed. Only a few inches away from her heart the doctor had said. Only a few millimeters away from death. If Dawn hadn’t applied pressure she would have died. If Giles hadn’t given her what little magic he still had, she might have never really recovered from the wound. Both of these things had happened, a true magical miracle. And now she had the whispers of people inside her. Magic filling her wholly and fully, almost to bursting. The tangible power of it reminded her of the spell she and Willow had cast to save Cordelia’s life. The raw unbridled power of it all. She had been afraid of it then and she was afraid of it now. But the world needed her. Willow needed her. She stepped in front of Willow blocking her attempts to fill the effigy in front of her with magic, “Hey there Will.” She spoke, “It’s time to come home.”

In front of her Willow blinked and then seemed shocked at what she was seeing, disbelief clouding her features, “You’re dead.” She insisted, “I saw you die.”

Tara shook her head, “Not dead. If Glory couldn’t separate us, a bullet sure as hell won’t. It’s me Will.”

There was a spark of recognition in Willow’s eyes but Tara could still see the struggle Willow was under. Her girlfriend wanted to believe her words, but something in her rejected what was in front of her in this very moment, “You’re a trick, an illusion sent by Giles to stop this. Get out of my way.” As Willow said this she cast a powerful spell at Tara’s which Tara deflected with a wave of her hand. Willow wasn’t the only one who was magically charged right now.

A second spell however sent Tara to the ground and her body crackled with the power Willow had used against her. Undaunted Tara struggled to her feet and once more stood in the way of Willow as she attempted to send the world to hell. Could hear all the voices crying out in pain, and struggled to keep her grip on her own emotions. Thing was - she could understand why Willow was doing what she was doing, but Tara was determined to save the woman she loved, “You can’t stop this.” Willow told her.

And maybe in the end that was just fine Tara thought. If she was going to die, she was glad that it would be here with Willow. However she wasn’t done fighting, she hadn’t be able to stop Willow from giving in to magic before but right now, well - she sure as hell wasn’t going to give up. Not without a fight, “Maybe I can’t. Maybe this is it and this is how it ends. But you’re my girlfriend Willow, and I’m not giving up on you. I’m not giving up on us ever again.” Tara told her.

The awareness that this might be real continued to grow in Willow, but just as it begun to claw its way to the surface it was smothered, “That’s your plan Giles?” Willow asked, “Putting words in mouth of my dead girlfriend? I’m ashamed of you.”

“I’m not Giles. I’m real. Flesh and blood, standing right in front of you. It’s me Willow.” Tara insisted.

Just how was she supposed to get through to Willow? No matter what Tara did it seemed Willow refused to listen. Denial was easier than admitting the truth. It made her heart ache to see Willow in so much pain. Pain that Tara understood all too well, for Giles’s magic ran through her veins too. It connected them, bound their pain together until Tara wasn’t sure where Willow’s anguish begun and her’s ended. But if life had taught Tara anything, it was that under all that pain was so much beautiful love. So much hope, so much goodness, “Still insisting that you’re real.” Willow shook her head.

“Because I am.” Tara told her, “You’re in so much agony. I can feel it inside of me, the desire to just end everything.” She touched her heart, “So if you’re going to end the world there isn’t anywhere I’d rather be but right here with you. You’re the love of my life Willow. No matter what happens.”

Willow’s eyes narrowed but there was something in her eyes that said that she was truly starting to believe it was Tara who was talking to her, a breakthrough of emotions, “Don’t call me that.” Willow spoke, but her voice wavered.

“Remember when the town lost the ability to speak? When we were trapped in that room, and believed we were going to die? You were trying so hard to move that stupid drink machine, but you couldn’t do it alone. I took your hand and it flew across the room. And just like that I knew you were the one - whatever our futures were. The truth is I’ll always be soft for you. It doesn’t matter if it’s drink machine Willow, or black magic going to destroy the world Willow. I love you, and that will never change. You want to destroy the world? I get it. I can feel their pain too, and it’s so goddamn much. But you’ll have to take me with you. Because I’m done being separated from you.”

Tara’s voice had never been stronger. There had always been moments in her life where her speech had stumbled and fallen in on itself. But that was not now. Not this time. In that moment Tara knew that Willow understood that it was her. But the idea that it could be Tara, that Willow had done all this vengeance in Tara’s name - and that she was still here breathing and alive was too much. Tears lingered in the corners of Willow’s eyes, “You think I won’t?” She asked, but there was no heat in it - only pain.

Tara stepped forward hand extended, “It doesn’t matter. I’ll still love you.”

The tears turned into anger, Willow’s emotions having no place to go anymore, “Shut up.” She lashed out with magic cutting a deep gash in Tara’s cheek.

But Tara understood Willow now, because what Willow - what her girlfriend - was pleading for, was help. What Willow was really feeling was anger at herself, for what she had done and for the pain and destruction that she had caused. For giving into magic again. Willow didn’t understand how Tara could still love her, how Tara could stand here and say these things. But Tara would love Willow forever. If she died and never came back she would die loving Willow, and that was just fine, “I love you.” She said again - and extended her hand once more.

Willow lashed out again, and a second larger gash appeared - tearing through the sleeve on Tara’s shirt and cutting into the upper part of her arm. But the pain felt like nothing. Not compared to the emotional distress that looped between her and Willow, “I love -”

Her words were cut off as Willow blasted her again. But Tara deflected the blast, more confident in herself now. A tear streaked down Willow’s cheek and she was openly crying now, as she stared at Tara, “Shut up.” Willow tried to attack her again but all of the magical power she had wielded so powerfully sparked in her hands and fizzled into nothing.

Walking forward now, Tara grimaced through her pain, “I love you Willow.” Willow tried to attack her but the magic, and all her rage was gone.

As Tara reached her girlfriend Willow began to openly cry, tears streaming down her face. In horror for what she had done but also, Tara thought because she was truly realizing the truth - Tara was here. They were alive and together and nothing, not even a stupid bullet was going to tear them apart. Tara reached out and took Willow’s hands, fingers entwined. The second palm met palm Willow collapsed against her and begun to wail in grief, “Tara? Baby?” Willow managed to get out between her tears.

From where her head was tucked against Willow’s body Tara nodded and then finally let herself cry as well. For how close the two of them had come to dying, for Willow’s dying rage, and for finally having her girlfriend back. As they sat there Willow’s black hair finally begun to fade into its fiery red, the need for vengeance gone.

**Dawn:**

Dawn watched as Tara walked up the hill and away from her to where Willow was. Swallowing Dawn looked at the ground and readied her sword. There was another quake and then a hand popped out of the ground, followed by another. The hands reached forward to grip the ground and a body pulled itself free. Holding her sword as tightly as she could Dawn took a breath. Buffy had given her this task. Her sister had said she was ready for this task. She was all that stood between Tara and Willow, and the forces of evil. She wouldn’t allow herself to be overcome. The creature attacked her and she parried with her sword, ducked under the arm that swung at her and stabbed upward to defeat it.

As soon as she did however another creature came from the earth. For each monster she defeated another took its place. What felt like waves upon waves of them trying to get past her and to Tara. To kill her before she could talk Willow out of whatever Willow was trying to do. She wondered if Willow even knew what Dawn was doing - thought that she might. Undaunted but also worried that she would fail, Dawn continued on. As the minutes passed her arms begun to become overworked. She had never held a sword for this long, and swords were heavy. They seemed so light in the movies Dawn thought. But movies were fond of lying.

One of the creatures got the better of her, and a swift attack on her arm caused Dawn to gasp and drop the sword on the ground. Seeing that she was unarmed the monster lunged and Dawn ducked out of the way. However now the monster was between her and and her sword. Under her ground shook again, putting both her and the creature off kilter. Taking the opening for what it was, Dawn rolled under its attempt to swing at her and grabbed the hilt of her sword. Then she righted her body, stood and swung at the dirt and wood apparition and cut it through its midsection.

Heaving to try to get breath back into her body Dawn screamed when this time two creatures begun to pull themselves free from the earth at the same time, “Are you kidding me?”

But she didn’t have time to complain because she had put herself in this position. Had wanted this. Buck up Dawn - she chastised herself. It was go time. If she died her sister would never forgive her. Not ever. And she wouldn’t forgive herself.

The monsters climbed from the earth and then just - stopped. For a moment Dawn wondered just what had happened and then they crumbled into dust. Letting out a whoop Dawn looked up at the hill, where Tara must have set out to do what she had said she would. Standing Dawn ran up the hill as fast as she could. Here she found Tara and Willow wrapped up in each other, supporting each other as they stood. Tear tracks were visible on their faces but they were both smiling. Letting out a breath that she hadn’t known she had been holding Dawn ran up to meet them, “You did it. The world is still here.”

Tara laughed at what she said, “Sorry to disappoint you.” She joked.

Dawn laughed too, glad to be able to finally joke after everything, “Is this the fabled happy ending?”

“Dawnie I’m -” Willow tried to say but Dawn interrupted her.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be angry at you later.” It was said mostly to ease tensions, but Dawn realized she would probably would be angry at Willow later. At that Willow nodded and Dawn walked over to them to help them down the hill, “Are we going to be alright?” Dawn asked more seriously this time.

“I think so.” Tara answered.

As they walked away from the darkness - Buffy’s words rang in Dawn’s ears. Things were going to change, it was inevitable. But It was brave new world, and Dawn couldn’t wait to see what that future held.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is - the last chapter of Season 6! When I started writing this season I had a few goals - play around with Dawn's story, transplant Jasmine into Buffy (and have Cordelia survive it), and find away to make the last three episodes work without killing Tara (since she seemed the most logical choice to save Willow at the end without Xander around). This last chapter is the result of at least two of those stories. There isn't any mention of Spike getting his soul in any of the chapters for the last three episodes because I felt that this was a foregone conclusion and as I imagined it, the chapter would break up the flow of the story I was currently trying to tell (which was much more focused on the struggle against Willow). This isn't to say I won't explore it. Just - later.
> 
> Season 7 is next and I cannot wait to get there.
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


	102. Lessons (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dawn fights a vampire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buffy POV.
> 
> It's Season 7 time!

**Time Stamp:** Start of the Episode

Buffy walked around the grave and stared across at Dawn who was standing a few feet away from her. They were both watching it with interest, waiting for the vampire to pop out. But that wasn’t the only reason they were here. In order to take her mind off the fact that Spike hadn’t come back from wherever he had disappeared off to Buffy had thrown herself into training her sister. Dawn had been ecstatic of course, but the summer was winding down and soon she would be in school again. It would be harder then and both of them realized this, ergo - Buffy stepping up the lessons, “It's about power. Who's got it. Who knows how to use it. So...” She told Dawn and threw her sister a stake, “Who's got the power, Dawn?”

Dawn caught the item and took a breath, “Vampire. Despite the weaponage.”

At the start of the summer Dawn had been pretty insistent that she had the power because of the stake but Buffy had drilled that out of her, “Good. Why is that?”

In front of her Dawn rolled her eyes, but only because Buffy had asked her this many many times. She knew it drove her sister mad, but Buffy also knew that the stronger her sister got the less she would worry about this in high stress fights. So Buffy wanted her to never forget it. One slip up could be the difference between life and death, “Big bumpies. He always has his weapon on hand. If I drop mine, the power is gone.”

That was a lesson she had learned from Spike, and a lesson she intended to pass on. She missed him. But she couldn’t think about it too long or she would go mad, he had promised he would return - so Buffy would hold him to that promise, “Tell me again - who has the power.”

With more conviction Dawn said, “He does.”

“Never forget it. No matter how many weapons you have, he’ll always be stronger. You’re still a little girl.”

“Woman.” Dawn told her.

Oh yes this was another thing that Dawn was trying to get to her agree to. But what Dawn didn’t understand was that she would always be Buffy’s little sister. Like it or not. And what was a sister if she didn’t tease, “Little woman.”

“I’m taller than you.”

Ugh. Her sister was right in that regard. Who had given her the right to grow up like she had? Buffy would find them and end them. In front of them there was a grunt that caused her to look down, “Excuse me. I think I'm stuck.”

Oh. Of course this would happen, “You’re stuck?”

Half in and half out of the grave - the vampire nodded, “My foot's caught on a root or something, and... I don't even know how I got down there. If you girls could just give me a hand…”

Dawn stared at her and Buffy could almost read her thoughts. Which she didn’t have to thankfully do because Dawn was fine with saying them aloud, “Hm. So, he's got the power?”

“Zip it.”

She reached down and pulled the vampire out of his grave by the lapels of his very, very ugly jacket, “I really appreciate it. It's just it's so dark, and I don't even know what I'm doing here.” He told her as she continued to pull him upward until he was standing up right on both feet, “Whoa. Ooh. Thanks. That was a help. Unfortunately it was the last -” She grabbed him by the throat, “-thing you'll ever do.”

Why did vampires ever try to grandstand? It never worked well for any of them. Ever, “Listen up. I'm the slayer. You don't want to get into it with me. You want blood? You can have hers.” She released the vampire on her sister who let out a little yelp, “Power. He's got it. He's going to use it. You don't have it, so -” The vampire chased after Dawn and Dawn used its charge at her to flip it over onto its back, “-use that. Perfect.” 

Dawn brought the stake down but Buffy could tell that her attack hadn’t been on target. She was knocked away and the stake went flying. The vampire jumped to pin her to the ground but Dawn rolled to the side, kicking out at the vampire’s legs as she did so. The vampire went down again and Dawn reached out to grab at the lose branch on the ground near her. Her hand curled around it as the vampire flipped up. He growled and stomped forward. Buffy took a step forward but the look on Dawn’s eyes stopped her. Instead she watched as the vampire pulled the branch from her sister’s hands. He pinned her on the ground again, one hand around her neck and then suddenly was ash. 

As the ash cleared Dawn threw the smaller branch she had been concealing onto the dirt, “Thanks for not intervening.” 

Vampire dead, Buffy walked forward, “You did a good job. Let me see.”

Dawn lifted her neck and Buffy inspected the bruises. Dawn would have to wear makeup over them when she returned to school tomorrow. She sighed, “It's nothing, it's just a scrape. Plus, my plan worked.” Dawn told her.

“I would have stepped in if it got worse.” 

“I know.” Dawn said softly, “I wanted to be trained though.”

“You did.”

It was hard sometimes training her sister. She hadn’t been there to see exactly what it was her sister fought while Tara rescued Willow and Dawn had refused to tell her, so watching her baby sister fight off vampires was hard. She wanted Dawn to be strong but she also didn’t want Dawn to be dead. It was the conundrum of real life simulations. It was also the only way Dawn would get better, “You did pretty well.” She admitted.

“I did?” Hearing that made Dawn perk right up.

“You killed him. So I think you get the gold star.” 

“Alright!” Dawn did a little shimmy, “I can’t wait to tell Tara when she gets back from witch camp.”

Buffy laughed, “She won’t be back for another week or so. Think of how good you can get in those few weeks.”

The two of them started walking home, “I’ll be a vampire killing machine. A lone vampire hunter.” 

That made Buffy snort, “That’s a big no from me. Vampire slaying happens only with Buffy supervision. I just wish that was all we had to worry about. Vampires, demons... they're nothing compared to what's coming.”

Her sister pouted but Buffy knew that she got what she meant, “I know. I just can't believe it's back.”

“Believe me, I thought I was long past it. I guess you never are. Just a few more days 'til it starts. Then we'll never know what's coming next.”

Dawn groaned, “School is the worst.” 

The two of them trudged forward, and Buffy found she couldn’t agree more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Staring this season off with a few differences ie: Dawn being further into her training then she was in the opening of Season 7. It's going to let me play around with some stuff later on down the line since she's already a bit more competent.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	103. Lessons (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riley comes to pick the Summer sisters up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Riley POV.

**Time Stamp:** Near the Star of the Episode

Riley checked his watch and then sighed before knocking again. He could hear movement inside so clearly his first knock had been heard. Both Buffy and Dawn must have still been in the process of getting ready then. Which was typical of the Summer sisters he was discovering. They were never quite on time. Being directly on time and on schedule was something that he hadn’t been able to completely drill out of himself from his army days. So he sighed again. A moment later the door swung open and he found himself staring at Buffy who smiled up at him cheerfully, “Good morning.” He told her.

He stepped inside as Buffy yelled out to Dawn who wasn’t in the room with them, “Well, you gotta eat something. I made cereal.”

“Fine!” Dawn yelled back.

Made wasn’t exactly the right word for cereal but Riley knew that Buffy tried her best. Last year she had attempted to get better at cooking since she had so much free time, what being paid by the council and all - but it hadn’t exactly worked out. Sometimes she managed a batch, but there were only so many burned pancakes that one person could take. Riley couldn’t wait for Tara to get back, she was the cook of the group and the undisputed queen of breakfast. However until that time came Dawn was stuck with cereal and he was down his best friend, “You seem rather jaunty.” Buffy told him.

She walked into the kitchen and he followed her, “First day checking out the rig at the school.” He told her.

The art shop that he usually worked at was under construction, so he had been looking for side work for a while. Finally the company he worked for had called him to let him know about a security job, and while the location hadn’t exactly been his dream he had been excited to take on the project anyway. Work was work, and he needed the money both to support himself and Anya who didn’t have a job. At the kitchen counter Buffy held up a box of cereal, “Want something? I’ve got the little o’s and the stuff that turns milk to chocolate.”

“I ate.” Anya had made muffins that hadn’t been too bad actually and the two of them had shared a morning coffee, “I’m fine. How are you?”

“My sister's about to go to the same high school that tried to kill me for three years. She’s all gung ho about fighting the big evil which is terrifying, but I can't begin to prepare her for what could possibly come out of there. So, peachy with a side of keen, that would be me.”

As she spoke Riley watched her hand went to play with the necklace under her shirt. It was something she did when she was nervous, he had slowly started to realize. He wondered if touching the ring Spike had given her helped her calm down of if it just made her miss his grounding presence more. Maybe a little of both, “Well then, just call me good news.”

He waved the long tube he was holding at her, and that made Buffy drop her hand, “You got it.” She said happily. 

He walked into the dinning room and she followed. Once inside he pulled out the two large rolls of paper and laid them on the table. He really shouldn’t have made copies but Buffy had asked - and really, if he was going to work security for the new Sunnydale High then he thought that he was owed these. Especially since he knew the slayer and especially since they were trying to protect the world from whatever came out from the hellmouth bellow. If they knew what it looked like, maybe they could avoid a doomsday situation like last time, “Feast your eyes.”

Buffy leaned over the plans at the same time that Dawn came into the room. She leaned over Buffy and glanced at what they were staring at, “Ooo. High School layout.”

“Not for your eyes.” Buffy told her.

Despite Dawn’s increased training it was still pretty clear that Buffy wanted to protect her sister as much as possible. She talked a big game, but she was still soft at heart when it came to Dawn. It was one of the things that Riley admired about her, and admired about the relationship between the two girls. They loved each other so much, “Doing security pays off.” He said, “A friend of mine did the camera installations around the school. Principal's orders. If anything happens we’ll know about it. It’s as safe as safe can be.” 

“Nothing creepy? Strange? From beyond?” Buffy asked.

He shook his head as Dawn squinted at the floor plans, “What about the basement?”

“That’s where things get interesting actually.” He pulled the other map he had brought across the table, “When we were installing they gave us the old map of Sunnydale High. You remember where the hellmouth was?” 

He put the two plans over each other and then flipped back and forth between them, “Under the library.” Buffy said watching the pages flip between each other. 

“Exactly. So when I lined up the two plans and compared, guess where it is now. No hints.”

“Principal's office.”

Buffy had put the pieces together pretty quickly looking at what he was showing them, “My Principal's evil?” Dawn quirked an eyebrow.

“Or in a boatload of danger.” Buffy told her.

“Anya told me the last two got eaten. Not a job I’d really want. No security.” 

Buffy nodded, “Guts everywhere.” Then she paused, “Ooh, we have to leave though. You have everything? Books, lunch, weaponage?” She asked Dawn.

“Checked thrice.” Dawn told her.

“What about the…” 

“No - I was saving it.” Buffy told him cutting him off.

The two of them had talked in length about what would help Dawn out the most at school, and after the whole Willow fiasco had come to a pretty easy conclusion about what to get her, “What is it?” Dawn asked.

“Back to school gift.” Buffy said.

“A new knife?” Dawn asked excitedly.

“Nah, you’ve got plenty of those.” 

Buffy handed her sister the present and Riley watched as Dawn unwrapped it and took out what was inside. As her face lit up he knew that he and Buffy had made the right call. It wasn’t exactly a weapon, but in some ways it was better. After all, if it had tracked down Willow - there was nothing it couldn’t do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene is one of those very similar but different enough in tone and conversation ones, I like to post them just because I enjoy looking at how this group functions compared to the Dawn, Xander, Buffy group.


	104. Lessons (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya and Halfrek catch up, the merits of good verses evil are discussed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anya POV.

**Time Stamp:** Near the Start of the Episode

Anya took a sip of her coffee and wondered just what she was doing here. Sure Riley had kissed her this morning and told her to have a fun time, but she also felt like she was betraying - something. She didn’t know what. And the feeling nibbled away at her like a sewer rat. Or a bunny eating a carrot. She shuddered. Truthfully there was nothing wrong with this - she knew that Spike used to have demon friends he hung out with, and Buffy never seemed to mind. She put the cup down as the singer behind them warbled on and slightly out of tune. All coffee shop singers were bad though, this was something that was as true now as it was years ago, “God, they suck don’t they.”

Halfrek gave her agreeance, “Dreadful. Makes me want to pull my ears out.”

That idea while interesting to picture seemed a little lacking in foresight. To not be able to hear - how could one tell if they wanted to slap the man across from them? No, Anya prefered to hear all the world's ills even if they made her sick on occasion, “Don’t be dramatic.”

“That’s the problem isn’t it.”

That wasn’t a question and Anya had no idea what her friend meant, “Explain yourself.”

Halfrek took a slow sip of her tea and that was how Anya knew that Halfrek was about to tell her something that neither of them was going to find delightful, “They are calling me “Miss Softserve." After the fiasco with The Slayer’s birthday. I shouldn’t have saved that brat.”

“You did the right thing.” 

The moment she said it Anya wasn’t sure where it had come from. Was Riley’s holiness about doing the right thing finally rubbing off on her? It seemed impossible and yet here she was standing up for Buffy who rarely stood up for her. Well, that wasn’t wholly fair. Buffy had saved her when Willow had tried to sic the earth creatures on her. And at the jail. But that was Buffy’s job. And Giles had been there, “The right thing? I’ve grown weak. It’s awful. I looked up to you, you know. You were the single-most hard-core vengeance demon on the roster, and everybody knew it.”

The sip of tea had been right. Anya didn’t want to hear this. She wanted to pretend that things between her and Halfrek were the same as they had always been. Anya deserved that she thought. She deserved a friend outside of Buffy’s little group of people, “Well that was then.” 

But it couldn’t be ignored, “And then you lost your powers. I’m starting to think someone has to cover for you.”

Anya didn’t want anyone covering for her. There was enough death and destruction everywhere else. Plus, Anya’s type of vengeance was messy. If Halfrek got into doing vengeance like Anya once had, Buffy would be forced to come after her. And Anya didn’t want to lose her friend over something stupid like that. It would be senseless, and Anya had always prided herself on having at least a little bit of sense, “Don’t do that for me.” She told Halfrek.

“Then come back.” Halfrek implored her, “I’m sure if you beg D'hoffryn will relent.”

That sounded good but in truth Anya didn’t want to go back. She liked Riley. He made her happy, and the idea of returning to vengeance was absurd. She had gotten into vengeance to punish bad men, and Riley was helping her see that not all men were absolutely garbage. Some, oh some were - but Riley was okay, and Anya didn’t want to disappoint him, “I can’t Hallie.”

“Boring. So very boring Anyanka.”

Halfrek’s words stung and Halfrek had to know it, “I wish I could. But I’m happy. He makes me happy. He makes me want to be better.” 

Her friend looked her over and sighed, “He doesn’t hurt you?”

How could Halfrek think that? But maybe this was a friends thing - where you wanted to protect them. A - I will rip out their innards if they hurt you, sort of thing. It was nice to know that Halfrek was thinking of her like that, “He gives me much pleasure.” 

Halfrek reached across the table to pat her arm, “Then I must warn you, because you are a dear friend, something's rising. Something older than the old ones, and everybody's tail is twitching. This is a bad time to be a good guy.”

Great. More deep evil. Just what Anya needed in a time like this. However she appreciated the warning for what it was, a friend looking out for a friend, “I am grateful for the warning. You are a good friend Hallie.”

Across from her Halfrek laughed, “Of course I am dear.”

After that their conversation dissolved back to inane chatter but Anya couldn’t stop the creeping feeling that something bad was coming, and that she would be helpless to stop it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty short but I've extended Halfrek's role in Season 7, which you will see later and this works to push that. Anya's role in Season 7 is also moderately changed so this works as the start of that as well. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	105. Lessons (4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy goes to rescue Dawn in the school basement and discovers something she hadn't intended to find.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buffy POV.

**Time Stamp:** Mid Episode

Buffy was pretty sure Dawn was going to be fine. About seventy percent sure. But her sister had called her, and had sounded a bit worried so now Buffy was worried too. All the training in the world wouldn’t always protect her. And Dawn’s training wasn’t exactly what one would say - aimed at teaching her how to protect other people. It was always harder when you were protecting other people. Not that Buffy didn’t like protecting others. But things got messy when you weren’t fighting just for yourself. Now. What was behind door number three? She hoped it was Dawn. She had heard people so it would make sense right? She grabbed the handle, “Dawnie, we have to get o -” She paused and felt her heart almost stop beating, “Spike? Are you real?”

For a moment she didn’t believe it. Couldn’t. She had been waiting for him to come back to her, and here he was in the basement of her rebuilt High School. There was something feral about how he looked. Hair out of place, gel gone, clothing askew and ripped. His hand reached out to cup her cheek and he sure as hell felt real. The touch was cold, but kind - just as she remembered it being. Yet something about it was off. This whole thing was off and Buffy hated that she didn’t know why, “Pet, duck.”

That wasn’t what she had been expecting him to say. No I miss you, no sorry I’ve been gone, no I love you. No hugs or kissing. Just Buffy, duck, “What? Duck? There's a duck?”

Something swung out and hit her over the head. Oh. That was what he had meant. It had been a warning. She went sprawling to the ground and Spike moved away from the fight, almost curling in on himself, “No visitors today. Terribly busy.” 

Now she was sure that there was something wrong with him, because this was not the man she knew. Something had happened and when Buffy found the person who had done this to him - well she would kill them with her bare hands. First though she had a dead nerd to fight off, “Told you to get out.” The apparition said.

She put her leg out tripping him and used his stumble to give her time to stand up. The whatever-he-was shook it off and charged but Buffy slammed the door into his face, before he could get to her and then pulled it closed tightly, sealing him away in the other room. It wouldn’t hold him forever she was sure, but now she and Spike were safe from whatever it was, “He'll probably show up in a sec.”

“Nobody comes in here. It's just the three of us.” 

Three? Buffy looked around but there was no one there but the two of them. She walked closer to him, and noted that he shied away from her when she did, “I’m looking for Dawn.” She told him, “Help me. She might be in trouble.”

“Dawn’s not here. She’s not anywhere.” He answered, “Went for the long drop and the blood all ran. Pain on pain.” He laughed, “Should’ve seen that coming.”

He continued to back away from her, and as he shifted away she noticed the cuts on his chest. They looked like claw marks, gouged and matted with blood. Was were those the marks of the thing that had done this to him? The marks of the monster that had driven him into what looked like insanity? When Spike had left he had been so confident that he was going to go someplace that would make him a better man. This clearly wasn’t it. She reached out to try to pull back his shirt to get a better look and he flinched away from her touch. Almost as if she had burned him, Buffy pulled her hand back. Not touching it seemed, “Who did this to you?”

“I tried... I... tried to cut it out.”

He had done this to himself. That idea seemed - absurd. But Spike had never lied to her. Not even at his lowest. The truth was a better weapon. God, she had to get him out of here. She had to save him, because it was clear that he was hurting. Even if she didn’t know why - that much was clear. As she contemplated how to save him her phone rang and the sound of it caused Spike to jump, “Dawn?”

“Buffy, where are you?”

“I…” Spike was picking at the wound and she wanted to still his hands, “Where are you?”

“I don't know. In a room by the furnace. Near where we fell in. They dragged us in here, and then they disappeared.” Dawn answered.

“Yeah, they came after me too.”

At this very moment Buffy did not want to deal with some evil ghost things in the basement. Spike was more important. But her sister was in trouble and everything was happening at the worst possible moments, “Well, what do they want?”

“So far, to piss me off.” Butty said.

“Please, tell me it's working.”

Her sister knew her far too well. And yes it was working. She was going to kill these pissants and then get Spike out of here, “Oh, I'm damage-bound. I just can't figure them. Ghosts can't touch you and zombies can't disappear, so I don't know what -”

“Not ghosts.” Spike interrupted her conversation.

“Who was that?” Dawn asked.

“Hold on.” She didn’t want to tell Dawn about Spike yet because didn’t want to worry her sister anymore than Buffy was already worried, “You know what they are?” She asked Spike.

“Manifest spirits controlled by a talisman, raised to seek vengeance. A 4-year-old could figure it.”

That sounded more like him, so maybe the man she loved really was still there buried under all of whatever had happened to him. It gave her hope that with enough care, things could slowly get back to normal, “Hang tight. I'll find you. These things can hurt you. You can hurt them too. Find a weapon. I'll come for you.” She shut the phone, “Come with me. Please.” She begged. 

Her voice strained when she said please. Buffy couldn’t touch him, he was too flighty for that right now - but if she could convince him to come with her - Spike shook his head, “This is my home. I belong here. Unclean and sullied. Cheers for stopping by.”

Buffy could cry. She wanted to, but right now she had to be strong. The way he said he belonged here like he was part of the underbelly of the school - she hated it. As she stared at him she determined that she would do whatever it took to help him. He had been there for her after she had come back from Heaven. It was time for her to return the favor, “You don’t belong here.” She told him.

“Do.” He replied and then turned away from her.

The fact that he wouldn’t let her touch him danced around her in Buffy’s head. She couldn’t just drag him along with her. She was pretty sure he would fight her the whole way. And Buffy wasn’t about to force Spike to do anything. That wasn’t helpful for any sort of healthy relationship. If they even had a relationship at all anymore. When he was better - Buffy promised herself. When she had gotten to the bottom of this, “I’ll come back for you.” She promised him, “I love you.” 

Turning she kicked down the door from where she had come from and stormed outside. As she did she could hear Spike mumbling to himself, “Right. Right. Everyone going. That’s the way it’s gotta be. Ships passing in the night.”

His words felt like a slap but she blocked them out, she pulled out her cell phone, “Riley?”

She was pretty sure she remembered seeing the talisman, but she was down here. So it was up to Riley to do the saving. As she left Spike behind all she could do was hope that he would be okay. That everything would work out.

Later, when she returned - he was nowhere to be found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just angst. A lot of angst. I'm so sorry.
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	106. Lessons (5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dawn and Buffy fight the non vampiric undead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dawn POV.

**Time Stamp:** End of the Episode

Dawn was not a happy camper. She had really wanted her first week back at school to be normal. Sure they had rebuilt her high school right on top of the Hellmouth. But surely life had some sort of I owe you system, and Dawn thought she was due. Not yet it seemed. She looked around the room they were trapped in and began to formulate a plan. Buffy was coming - but she couldn’t depend on her sister right now. Not when there were other people with her that she needed to protect. She racked her brain and recalled the first lesson her sister had taught her - find a weapon. Well the first one had really been run if you didn’t think you could win, but find a weapon had been a close second. She begun to search the room while her two new - friends? She wasn’t sure what to call them, watched on, “It’s times like this you really miss your trusty knife.” She joked mostly to herself.

“What? A knife? What?” Carlos asked.

“Ignore that.” Dawn told him.

Finally she spotted a wooden broom and walked over to it. She picked it up and stepped down on the end of it, breaking it off from the handle. She swung her makeshift weapon a few times - it would have to do. She hadn’t gone over quarterstaves with her sister yet - so far they were very much still in the sword and stake part of her training, but honestly - how hard could it be? She would just have to improvise. And then insist on learning how to use a staff next time. Better that than an ax. Who really used axes these days anyway? “Do you think they are going to come back?” Kit asked.

“Think they're gonna come back? We never left. We'll always be here. Just like you.” A voice answered.

Kit screamed as the ghost - zombie - dead girl, appeared in front of her. She stumbled backwards towards Dawn, “No.”

The dead girl advanced on her, “Why do you think we picked you? The ones no one will miss. The ones that don't belong. You spend all your time trying to get out of high school, and now you'll never ever leave.”

The girl’s speech made Dawn roll her eyes. Because clearly they didn’t know her sister. Which - speaking of, Dawn hoped she got here soon. However she couldn’t wait on Buffy to come save the day. There were butts to be kicked and she had the only weapon. She stepped in front of Kit, who had backed up into one of the room’s corners and swung at the dead girl as hard as possible. Her weapon hit with a crack and sent the girl stumbling - but didn’t down her. It wasn’t like Dawn had been expecting it too, but it still would have been nice. 

Dead girl screeched at that and charged Dawn. Dawn put the staff between her and the dead creature and the girl’s hands wrapped around it and pushed Dawn backwards until Dawn was pinned to the wall. She let out a scream of frustration and kicked the girl in the stomach using the wall to brace herself. The girl stumbled and Dawn stepped away from the wall and went to give cover to her two friends again. As she did another dead monster appeared, holding a metal pipe, “You can thank your sister for this.” He said.

The two of them advanced on Dawn but before they could get closer the door to the room was kicked open and Buffy marched in. The two dead creatures looked at each other and Dawn could see them come to silent agreement. The dead - Dawn thought it was a janitor, attacked Buffy while the girl flew at Dawn in a rage. Buffy fought the janitor off while Dawn smacked the girl away with the staff she was holding, “Just in time.” She told her sister.

“We just need to keep them at bay.” Buffy told her.

That sounded - not impossible. But not easy either. This wasn’t like the earth elementals she had fought to protect Tara or the vampire she had fought yesterday. There would be no turning to dust here. Dawn kicked out at the dead girl and sent her some distance away. As she did so she felt something jump on her back and pin her to the ground, her staff going flying, “My staff!”

She looked up to find herself staring at the very angry eyes of a dead nerdy looking guy, and struggled to free herself. Hands went around her throat and she wished she had a hidden branch, but no branch was to be found. Before the breath left her the dead body was smacked off her and Buffy’s hand reached out to help her up. Her sister was holding her discarded staff and handed it back to her. It was as her sister had told her countless times, the second Dawn had lost her weapon the fight had been over, “You think you can still keep this up?” 

Dawn nodded and felt how sore her throat was when she did, “No problem. Could do this all day.”

That made her sister snort but Dawn thought that was what they needed right now. A little bit of levity. Together she and her sister worked to fight off the the dead creatures, and while Dawn didn’t have super strength like her sister did she was pretty proud of her ability to keep up. She wasn’t sure how long the fight lasted but one moment the dead people were there and the next moment they were gone. It seemed almost anti-climatic, “Are they gone?” Carlos asked.

“Yeah. The talisman must have been destroyed.” Buffy told him.

“How'd you know it was a talisman?” Dawn inquired.

“I’ll tell you later. I promise.” Buffy told her, and then said, “The real question is who put it there. C'mon, you guys, let's go find a way upstairs, assuming there is one.”

Dawn wondered at what her sister meant but clearly it was something that she didn’t want to share right now. And not in front of a few high school students. Dawn could deal with that, “You really weren't kidding about this place. I guess it hasn't changed.” She told her sister.

“I don't know. Seems smaller.” Buffy quipped and caused Dawn to laugh.

Later in the hallway of the school Buffy gave them a small lecture that Dawn really didn’t want to sit through but tried to take to heart, “You guys are gonna be OK. School is intense, but you'll do alright as long as you're careful. And you might want to think about sticking together.” 

“Thank you.” Kit said hugging Buffy.

When the two of them had pulled back Buffy looked at Dawn for a moment, “You did good down there.” She said, “I’m proud of you.”

Dawn felt her cheeks heat up. Buffy rarely complimented her so to hear it said gave her a rush of pride, and a rush of embarrassment, “Oh my god.” She nudged Carlos, “Come on, we still have a few more classes to live through.”

The three of them left Buffy then but Dawn couldn’t get the words her sister had said to her out of her head. They made her want to train and work even harder. It wasn’t just herself that she wanted to get better for anymore - she wanted to protect people too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing this rapport between Buffy and Dawn. There is just something so great about them fighting side by side. Dawn is very much coming into her own.
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	107. Beneath You (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara's back, and gets right into the thick of things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tara POV. 
> 
> The first Tara POV of Season 7 :) many more to come, and very happy and excited to write them.

**Time Stamp:** Near the Mid Point of the Episode

She had been back for no less than a few hours and Tara wasn’t surprised at how her day had turned out. The witch’s convention had been nice but she was glad to be back home, even if it meant getting back into danger. Behind her the woman they were helping - Nancy, seemed shaken but trying to overcome it. Tara didn’t blame her. Being attacked by some monster that could tunnel underground was not her idea of a good time, “Boy, I still can't believe this is happening. I mean even with this town's reputation for, you know, unexplained weirdness.” Nancy said her voice only wavering slightly. 

“Makes you wonder why we live here. Sunnydale really wants to eat us up. With the killing.” Tara laughed, she did hope that Buffy and Spike had some success in their hunt. 

They reached Nancy’s house and waited Nancy unlocked the door and then held it open for her, “Makes you wonder indeed. Well... Thanks.” She cleared her throat, “And that's a couple of levels of lameness right there, me saying "thanks" after everything you've done for me tonight.”

Tara waved her off. It really was nothing, it was part of the whole - save the world thing she had signed up for since dating Willow. She didn’t mind it, honest. Still, “I accept tea as a bribe. If it’s soothing I’ll drink it.”

Nancy nodded, “Got it. So, um, you think I might give you a call sometime?”

That made Tara pause because she hadn’t made any friends outside of Buffy’s gang in awhile and it might do her some good to have an outside person to hang out with. Especially while she waited for Willow to come back, “I could always use the friend.”

The look on Nancy’s face told her that somehow that wasn’t what Nancy had meant, “No, actually, I'm hitting on you.”

Ah. That explained it then. That wasn’t exactly what Tara had been expecting. But then, Tara wondered if she was giving off a vibe. A - my girlfriend and I are no longer together sort of vibe. Or a - I’m single sort of vibe. Although she supposed that it was most likely just due to the massive lack of any sort of evidence that she was dating someone. At least Nancy had picked up on the lesbian thing? She didn’t know where she was going with this, “I’m sort of seeing someone. Right now. But the girl thing. Dead on.” She clarified and knew that she had somehow made things awkward anyway. 

“Oh.” Yep, Tara had made things very awkward, “Sorry. You just sort of gave off a vibe.” 

Why did having that confirmed for her make things worse? As she contemplated this - the ground under them started to rumble, “Um, Nancy?” Nancy looked up at her, “We should run.”

The moment she said that the glass door that they were standing in front of shattered inward and they scrambled up the steps and further into the building. Upstairs they ran down a hallway as a worm like monster burst from the ground and attacked them. They dodged it’s attempts to bite them with its mouth full of sharp pointy teeth and escaped to the very end of the hall. Nancy fell to the floor and scrambled backward until her back hit a wall. Turning Tara faced the monster and uttered a spell command, “Murus incendere.” A short wall of fire sprung up between them and the creature. For a moment the monster stared at the wall, trying to decide whether to charge through but eventually turned tail and left them alone. When it disappeared Tara dismissed the flame and then turned to look at Nancy, “Are you okay?”

“I just…” She seemed rattled and Tara didn’t blame her.

“Sorry, I-I mean - are you hurt or injured.”

“I don't think so. I just - I don't think I can take any more of this.”

Tara sat down next to her, as Nancy wrapped her arms around her legs and brought them up to her chest, “That’s two attacks in one night. It doesn’t seem like a coincidence anymore.”

Nancy turned to look at her, “Oh, sure. Why not? A monster trying to kill me. It's just the thing that was missing to make my life absolutely perfect. Uhh! Ronnie would love this. Jerk!”

Tara blinked, “Who’s Ronnie?”

“Oh, um, only my psycho ex-girlfriend that I've been trying to get rid of for the past few weeks. I almost prefer the monster. Veronica was, um... trouble.”

That sounded familiar and sent off chimes in Tara’s head, “I-I don’t mean to pry, but what kind of trouble? Did Veronica ever seem like she knew any sort of magic? Fond of hiding large candles from you?”

Nancy shook her head, “Veronica? Magic? God no. She just... "she was an abusive asshole" is the catchy headline. And she'd just show up, even after... you know the feeling that you get when your ex is constantly ruining every part of your life, and it just doesn't stop?”

Tara did, boy did she ever - but Willow had never been truly abusive. And Tara sometimes thought that made all the difference. It had hurt to love her last year, but the break they had taken had proven that time could and would heal. Despite the end of the world thing, which Tara decidedly did not count on the fact that Willow had thought her dead. Willow’s reaction hadn’t been justified, but Tara understood it. Because she understood grief. Had felt Willow’s just as plainly as it had been her own, “Sometimes.” She admitted.

“And you get so tired of feeling helpless that all you can do is just wish that it would stop?” 

The chimes turned into full on large scale church bells, “Wish?” 

This was absolutely familiar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing people flirting with Tara. It's just something that's very fun to do since the show never did it that often and the one time it does happen (Once More With Feeling) I removed. I think it gives her just a little self confidence boost :)
> 
> It should be noted that Ronnie is male in the TV Show and for this adaptation I've made Ronnie into Veronica and female. It much better suits the narrative of this episode to do so. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	108. Beneath You (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spike is trying his hardest to hold it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spike POV. 
> 
> The cadence and writing of this chapter is a little different than most - but I wanted to reflect Spike's current thought process in the writing for him, so I hope that's shown off here.

**Time Stamp:** Near the Mid Point of the Episode

He - he wanted to tell her. Wanted to explain where he had been but his brain was on fire, and the words were stuck in his throat. For now it was better to pretend. To act okay. He could do that. For Buffy and for his own sanity, for his own peace of mind. His mind. Mind. Mind. Mind. He had to think - had to clear space so he could think - dust off the cobwebs and be normal for Buffy. So they could get back on track, so he could get back to loving her the way she deserved to be loved. Wholly and unbroken. Like his mind wasn’t fractured and he hadn’t fractured their love, thrown the bathwater out and turned it to ice on the ground, “You're awfully quiet.” Buffy told him.

“Wouldn't know what to say.”

Their not a fight, but absolutely a fight before they had left Buffy’s house chewed on his brain like a rat. Gnawed a hole in it. Buffy had been right - he wasn’t, wasn’t all there. Had left her. But he was going to be better, was going to do right by her. Protect her, and make no mistakes. No more slip-ups. No more biting the boy, no more biting period, “Spike…” She stopped walking to look at him.

He stopped too but didn’t quite meet her eyes. She’d see. See the spark inside of him, “Don’t worry.” He tried to sooth her, “I got the earful. But I’m here now.” He could be here, being here was easy, “Lil sis has grown up a lot. Looks to be getting pretty strong.”

Talking about Dawn was easy. Talking about Dawn didn’t hurt so much. Didn’t remind him of the way that Buffy’s eyes looked before she collapsed on the lawn of her yard bleeding out. Bleeding - the blood. Warren’s blood. It had been a mistake. He hadn’t meant to be bad. Hadn’t meant to hurt the boy. Get it together, “What are you doing?”

He turned so they were facing each other, “What? I told you straight up, I’d be back. I’m keeping my promise is all.” That made her smile and that was good. He could do this. He really could. If he just held on. If he just kept holding bloody on he could be right in the head, “Think this here is our spot?” He looked down at the sidewalk and the broken earth around the spot he was staring at.

“How'd you guess?” She asked.

“I don't fancy sticking my head in there.”

“Well, if something bites it off, that'd be a clue.” She quipped back. Guess that meant he was going to be doing the digging. That was fine. He was fine. He knelt down and shined a light down the hole in front of them, “So, what happened to you?” Buffy continued.

For one brief moment he considered telling the truth. But then he stopped, “When you saw me. Those ghostly types in the school basement got in my head. Made me flat-out, bug-shaggin' crazy. And I'm not exactly braggin' about it, but they were stronger than I was. Made me see things, do things.” He paused, “And how come you never told anyone that you saw me?”

Like a ghost. An echo floating in space, “I told Dawn. But I guess… it almost didn’t feel real. One moment you were there and the next -”

“I’m here now.” He said softly.

“I know you are.” She said back just as soft.

See - he could do this. He could quell the voice in his head. He could stop the bad rude man and be here. Just like this. So easy. Easy as pie. He wanted to laugh at that but kept it in. Wouldn’t do to bring out the spooks, “Hold the torch, would you?” He asked her.

She took it from him and as she held it, it cast a light in her eyes and all he could see was blood. All he could hear was it rushing as he drank and drank and god her eyes as she looked at him in terror - in horror at what he had done. The liquid staining his mouth and his face and what a monster he was, to make the woman he loved look at him like she had forgotten - like they had both forgotten. He could never forget. He tried to shake it off as Buffy smiled at him, “Look, this... us working together like an old married couple. I missed this.” She paused, “Are you okay?”

Had she seen him flinch away? He had tried his best to not do that. Didn't want her touch to burn. Didn’t want to remember. Couldn’t have it both ways, “All good.” Couldn’t go worrying her now, “Just a little jumpy cause of the -” He gestured at the hole in front of them.

“It’s not going to eat you.” She shrugged, “Plus I’d bop it in the nose if it tried. Whatever it is.”

“Seemed to have the bird at the house all up in a fuss. What if it has no nose?”

See? See? He was improving. That thing before - that was a fluke. This was the real him - the true him. The him that could be here, with her and didn’t look at her eyes and see how horrible he was and how ruined, “Everything can be punched.”

“Well, that's something.”

He saw her hand move but then she reached down to hold her wrist in place. Had she been trying to touch him? Was he so far gone that the girl couldn’t touch him anymore? If she touched him Spike was pretty sure his skin would scream in agony, “I know it’s stupid, but I missed you. Everyday. I kept hoping that you would come back to me. And here you are, and yet - I know there's something you're not telling me.” She sighed.

“You're right. There is.” He could at least admit that, “But I’m not ready to tell you yet. I’ll be ready someday I’m sure but right now - right now this is good. I’m good.” A lie. He stood up, “Anyway, there's nothing here. Just a bit of slime. Mounds of displaced dirt and such. Whatever our beastie is, he's gone.”

He saw how disappointed she was. She wore it in her body. But he wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready.

Until he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've made Spike touch adverse here rather purposefully. He's a very tactile person so it allows me to play with the idea that he's a little harder to touch and a little more skittish. In the show between Buffy and Spike it was very much the opposite, but since Buffy isn't as damaged I thought it would be fun to pass some of that on to Spike to see how Buffy would react and help him through it.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	109. Beneath You (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya continues to grapple with humanity, and her desire to do the right thing grows roots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anya POV.
> 
> Continuing the tradition of long Anya chapters.

**Time Stamp:** Near the end of the episode

The Bronze was hopping when they arrived and Anya scanned the crowd hoping to see who she believed the culprit was. There was the sound of loud pearl like laughter and she followed the sound until she came face to face with the vengeance demon she was looking for. In that tiny moment Anya prayed that she was wrong. Because the idea that she would have to fight one of her best friends - she couldn’t stand it. She tugged Nancy forward so that the two of them could see face to face, “Is this the one you talked to?” Nancy nodded. 

Dammit. 

Halfrek sighed while talking to the woman in front of her, “Sorry about this. It seems we’re about to be interrupted. Very unfortunate don’t you think? Why don’t you run off and I’ll be back with you in a shake of a rabbit’s tail.” Anya shuddered. Ugh, Hallie could be very mean when she wanted to be. Still Halfrek would kill a man with her bare hands for Anya and that had to count for something right? She turned to look at Anya as Spike and Buffy caught up, “Can you not see that I’m working?”

Buffy stepped forward - ever the hero and crossed her arms, “We noticed.”

“That’s why we’re here.” Spike added.

Anya ignored them and spoke to Halfrek crossly, “Did you turn this rather average woman’s girlfriend into a worm monster?” 

She already knew the answer but Halfrek’s smile nailed the point home, “Of course.” She laughed.

Ugh. This was very much not what Anya wanted to deal with today. And yet - here they were. She would have to do something to protect her friend from the sharp end of Buffy’s stick. That sort of friendship killing was inexcusable in her book. And yes ok, Halfrek had done a few bad things but hadn’t everyone? Why couldn’t Hallie get a few chances to get it right? Next to her Nancy looked shocked, “No way. Are you saying that thing was Ronnie?”

Halfrek nodded enthusiastically, “I didn’t always just do jilted women, but I’m trying to pick up the slack.” 

Which meant that Halfrek was doing this for her. Well, she had told Anya that she was planning to but Anya had thought that it was just a joke. Her vengeance had always been crueler than Halfrek’s too. Her friend had always been fond of saying that she didn’t have the taste for it. It was too bloody, too much, too everything. Oh she could stand looking at the messes afterwards but the actual vengeance doing? Not so much, “I don’t do vengeance on women.” Anya said at the same time that Buffy said, “You wished your ex was a worm?”

Anya’s comment went mostly ignored and instead Nancy shrugged, “Well, we were just talking.”

This woman was rather dumb Anya thought. Although Nancy hadn’t known she was talking to vengeance demon so Anya tried to not be too mad, “That’s how vengeance wishes work.” She informed the befuddled woman.

“I told you, I’m trying to pick up the slack.” Halfrek defended herself.

Nancy suddenly looked like she might puke, and Anya just hoped it wasn’t on her, “I think I'm gonna be sick.”

“Hallie that thing you created burst through solid pavement and ate her dog.” Anya told her.

That made Halfrek frown so at least they were getting somewhere, “Oh no. A puppy?”

Buffy didn’t seem to think so though, “Wait that gets the sad noise? The puppy dying? Not the people who are potentially dying?”

Halfrek turned to look at Anya, “They never understood us darling.”

“You should undo the spell.” Anya said after a pause and that got Hallie’s attention.

It had been hard to say but it was the right thing to do. Anya hadn’t always been about doing the right thing it was true, but being with Riley made her want to be a better person - despite all the messy things that came with it, “Undo the spell?” Halfrek said in a tone that implied she could hardly believe what she was hearing.

“Anya, who is this woman?” Nancy asked as the two of them stared each other down. 

“She’s one of my best friends.” Anya admitted and now Nancy was looking at her like she wanted to be sick.

As Nancy stared at her Anya wished she didn’t feel so judged. Like she was a bad person for hanging out with Halfrek. But the human emotion Riley called guilt ate at her and she hated it, “Oh.” There was hurt in Nancy’s voice.

“That’s just how it is.” Halfrek told her.

Having said her piece Halfrek made to stand up and leave. Which Anya knew couldn’t happen. But it wasn’t like she had the physical strength to make her stay. Being human could be so frustrating. The good news was that she didn’t have to stop Halfrek, because there were stronger people who could do it for her. Spike reached out to stop Halfrek, “Ah, ah, ah…” He tisked her.

She turned to glare at him, “Hey, hands off the merchandise. This isn’t the 1880’s and the answer is still no.”

Anya had no idea what they were talking about, “Please. I’m very much over you. Sorry to ruin your fun.” Spike answered.

No goddamn idea at all. Was this a before her thing? Or a they had met before thing? She didn’t know. Thankfully Nancy was just as confused as she was, “I thought you were Anya’s best friend?”

Halfrek shrugged and yanked her arm out of Spike’s hand, “I am.” She said. 

“Then what the hell was that exchange about?” Buffy inquired.

“Old history.” Halfrek said.

“Not important.” Spike agreed.

“Because you’re with Buffy now?” Nancy looked for clarification.

“Yes.” Buffy answered.

“Sums it up.” Spike agreed.

This whole revisiting old history was driving Anya nuts. They were very much getting away from the point at hand which was the fact that Halfrek was doing vengeance in her name and needed to stop, “Is there anyone here that hasn't wanted to be together?” Nancy asked.

Despite her earlier rant Anya thought that was a very good question. She glanced over at Spike to find that he was looking at her and quickly looked away. Nope. She would never, ever, go there - no thank you. He was hot and all but he also stunk of his love for Buffy and that was too much for Anya, “Did you not hear me? I’d never sleep with William here. He’s beneath me. Just like your wormy girlfriend.” Halfrek huffed.

Spike growled at her and the sound of his growl shocked Anya. There was some history there to be sure. Not history that she wanted to go digging up, because she was sure the story would bore her to tears - but, history, “One.” Buffy started, “Don’t say that to him. Two - can we focus here? She wasn't a worm.” She tried to size a worm with her fingers, “Worms are like this big.” Her hands got wider as she spoke, “This thing was like -”

“Sluggoth demon. Am I right?” Spike asked Halfrek.

Halfrek rolled her eyes, “Maybe.”

Nancy glanced between them all panic in her voice, “Wait, I didn't wish for that. I mean, I don't even know what this whatchamacallit demon thing is.”

“Sluggoth demon. It's a very large, very nasty, natural predator who died around the crusades.” Spike explained to her.

“Same phylum. It's not cheating, I just embellished.” Halfrek shrugged.

“Well un-embellish. Undo the spell.” Anya commanded her.

“Did you not hear me? I’m doing this for you!” She seemed upset, “I’m trying to help you Anyanka. You’ve gotten so human.”

Before Anya could say or do anything Spike was in Halfrek’s face, as close as could be, “Leave the lady alone.” Aw he was defending her, it was sweet but not needed, “Now, you're gonna turn the spell around like a good little vengeance demon or I - what?” Halfrek was looking at him oddly.

“Oh my god.”

Spike took a small step back, “What are you staring at?”

“Oh my god!” Halfrek said a second time which cleared up nothing.

“Right, let’s go.” Spike said clearly just as annoyed as Anya felt.

He made to move away from her but Halfrek reached out to grab his wrist, “How did you do it?”

“Spike what is she talking about?” Buffy asked, maybe they would get some answers.

“I can see you.” Halfrek stared at him completely enthralled.

“Let go of me. Got some worm hunting to do.” He told her.

This was honestly riveting. If Anya had popcorn she would have eaten it. She hoped that the outcome provided an answer to Halfrek’s outburst, “How did you do it?” Halfrek asked again.

“Shut up.” Spike growled.

“An terrible bore like you, shouldn’t have been allowed to.”

“Shut your mouth!” Spike continued to growl and Anya could see that he was nearing some sort of edge.

“I mean, how did you get it?” Halfrek was like a broken record at this point.

She stepped forward to put a stop to whatever was going on, but was just on the edge of too late. Spike reached out and punched Halfrek in the face, his warning growls having been for naught, “I said you shut up!”

As the fight begun Halfrek grinned and Anya realized there would be no forthcoming answer. Halfrek kicked Spike across the room, and his body landed on a pool table. In the chaos Anya watched Nancy leave and let out a groan of frustration. Halfrek stalked forward, demon face out as Spike worked to right himself, “I am going to make you regret that.” She told him.

Finally up Spike shook out his limbs losely. As Halfrek gained on him Buffy reached out to grab at Halfrek’s arm causing her to stop mid stride, “Maybe pick on someone your own size?” 

That made Halfrek laugh and she backhanded Buffy across the room and turned to find Spike right in front of her face again. The two of them started to fight as Anya continued to become more and more exacerbated, “Hey!” She shouted at them.

“Not now.” Spike told her.

“Nancy is gone you idiots.” She addressed Buffy as she finally re-joined them, “And the worm is going to eat her.”

Spike ducked under a punch that Halfrek sent his way and then grabbed her and threw her across the room, “Spike and I will go find her. Stay here and get your demon friend to reverse the spell.” Buffy told her. 

Both of them were striding across the floor of The Bronze and away from Anya before she could say anything. Still she felt like calling after them, “And how do you expect me to do that?” But no answer was forthcoming. 

Walking over to where Halfrek was on the floor Anya helped her up. Halfrek stared at her and Anya could see that despite everything, her friend was hurting, “What do you want me to do?” Halfrek asked her.

“I told you what I want you to do.”

“It’s not that easy Anya.” Halfrek finally admitted.

“Yeah well, it’s the right thing to do.” 

“It’s not the spell part. D'Hoffryn is not pleased with my work. There’s something bothering him. If I reverse it he’ll be very angry. You know how he is angry.”

Anya sighed, “I never hurt women.”

“So if I grant wishes just against men it will be okay? You’ll just leave me alone? Everything will be fine? Hardly Anyanka. What happened to you?”

That was such a loaded question. She had suffered a lot as a human at first. And just when she had considered getting back in the game she had met Riley and that had changed things. Human emotions were stupid. He had made her life feel good. He had made her feel wanted. In a way she hadn’t felt since her transformation into a vengeance demon. And the better he made her feel the more she wanted to do good things. And the more she did good things, the more she found she liked doing good things. And how awful was that? She let out a noise, “I met a man.” Because that was the only way to really explain it.

“And you like it? Humanity? Feelings?” 

“Sometimes. It isn’t always bad. You should try it.” She admitted, “Please undo the spell? For me?”

Halfrek snapped her fingers and then stared at Anya. She didn’t say anything but Anya could see it in her face how hard undoing the spell had been. She held out her hand but Halfrek slapped it away. Instead she stood and walked outside and Anya followed behind slowly. In the alleyway everything was a mess. Veronica was worm free but she had a pipe stuck through her, and Spike was nowhere to be found. Buffy looked - not broken, but devastated. So did Nancy. However, Anya was glad to see that Riley had finally caught up to them. Tara, who had come with him was with Veronica - and her hands were glowing with a soft white light. 

Upon seeing Halfrek come out Nancy turned to her in a rage, “You. You did this. What are you?”

But the rage died quickly. Nearly in tears Nancy turned away from them and walked over to where Veronica was. Buffy, who was slowly getting over - something - Anya wasn’t sure took off her jacket and knelt down next to the wounded woman and put her jacket under Veronica’s head like a pillow. Meanwhile Anya walked over to Riley who rubbed her arms and made Halfrek give them a look, “Is this him? The man?”

“This is him.” Anya told her.

Riley smiled but Anya could see that it wasn’t the full smile that she was used to, “Help is on the way. Right now Tara has her stabilized with magic.” He told her. 

Buffy stood and wiped off her pants, “I’m going after Spike.” She said with little amplom. 

Having said that she took off down the street not bothering to really see if they had heard her, which Anya thought was a little rude. Halfrek stared at the woman as Buffy left them and Anya did her best to reassure her, “You did the right thing.”

“I hate it.”

“I hated it too. At first. But it gets easier. And better.” 

“I shouldn’t be here.”

“Hallie wait -”

But her words came too late. There was a snap and then Halfrek was gone. As she stared at the spot where her friend used to be Anya wondered if she had done more harm than good. Demons were not really supposed to catch emotions - and she worried what D'Hoffryn would do. It was a little too late to take it back however, and all she could do was hope for the best. Hope that she hadn’t dirtied things up in a way that couldn’t be fixed. 

Humanity was stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter continues a shifting of Anya's story in Season 7 where she's not the one doing vengeance and instead it the biggest force in trying to stop it. She's still conflicted about her humanity but in a very different way. I find idea of an Anya who is actively trying to do good out of a desire to grow into a better person really interesting. 
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


	110. Beneath You (4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy finds out what's wrong with Spike.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buffy POV.
> 
> Also - angst! The chapter.

**Time Stamp:** End of the Episode 

The church was dark when Buffy entered it. Moonlight streamed through the windows and she glanced around searching for the vampire she had felt. The mess that Spike had left behind - the woman with the pipe sticking through her, she didn’t want to think about it. But she couldn’t stop. The monster that the woman had been had attacked her, and Spike had attacked back trying to protect her. It had been the wrong thing to do, but he had only been doing it to try to save her life. Yet - the devastation on his face when the spell had lifted had been palpable and Buffy couldn’t contain her own form of sickness at what had happened. It almost felt like Warren all over again, and hadn’t that been the whole reason he had left her? To make sure this exact situation wouldn’t happen? It all seemed so surreal. 

She stopped in the entrance and glanced down the pew rows, until her eyes found the blonde head that she was looking for. He had stripped, bloody shirt beside him and she walked over to him and sat down next to where he was. Spike’s eyes were downcast - staring at his hands and the blood that was starting to dry on them, “It didn’t work.” He commented. 

“What do you mean?” 

She wanted him to open up to her. Seeing him like this - a former shell of himself, it broke her heart. He didn’t deserve this. Not for Warren, and not for this women. She didn’t care what other people thought - she knew him. She knew the warmth and love that lay inside of him - she knew that he could be a better man. Next to her he held his hands up into the pale moonlight, and they shook as he stared at them, “It didn’t work. I still hurt the girl. Still made a mess.”

“If you would tell me what’s on your mind -” She trailed off - she didn’t know how to help him and she hated it.

“It’s all empty. No more mind.” He put his hands on his lap.

Whatever he had gone through - it had been bad. That was the only reason that he was acting like this. It had to be. Staring at him Buffy felt weak, and helpless, and small. She was slowly starting to realize that this wasn’t something she could fix with a magic wand. Or with punches and kicks. But she had to try. Even if words were her only weapons. Tentatively she reached out to try to touch him. He hadn’t be the most receptive of it in the High School basement but maybe, “Please.” She begged, “Just let me help you.”

He flinched away from her touch and Buffy had to hold her tears in, because this wasn’t what she wanted at all, “Hey, hey, hey! No touching.” He stood up and walked away from her, “Hurts. Flame on flame. Spark on spark. Solid throughout. I can be solid.” He started pacing in the pews until he came to stand in the center aisle, “Can be the man she needs. Strong. Not a murder.”

Buffy stood up to join him where he stood and as much as she wanted to reach out, she kept her hands by her side - terrified that if she tried to touch him again he would flee, “How can you think that?” She asked him.

He looked up at her blinking - seeing her but not really seeing her, “Keep on making mistakes. Blood. The blood is everywhere. Gotta be the spark. There’s no spark.”

She didn’t understand what he was saying at all. Couldn’t parse it together, “You can be whatever you want.” She tried to promise him.

He looked at her and it seemed like he might finally be seeing her, but something in his gaze was off, “Not true pet. Where've you been all night?”

Maybe she was making progress in reaching him at least? With a small bit of hope, Buffy pushed onward, “With you. Just like you’ve been with me.” She told him.

“We have been standing side by side.” He shrugged.

Okay - okay this was good. It wasn’t much but it was good. She had to believe that, because she was teetering on the edge of something and clinging to it in an attempt to not fall over, to not break down, “Good. That’s good. I'm listening. Tell me what happened.”

“I tried to find it, of course.” He said.

“Find what?”

“The spark. The missing... the piece that fit. That would make me fit. To be a better man.” At that Buffy swore she saw one tear in the corner of his eye and no - that wasn’t where she wanted this to go at all, “Couldn’t be a killer. Needed to be good for you.” He walked over to a window and stared out of it and Buffy felt the edge inch closer, “I dreamed of killing him for you. Drenched in the blood.” 

He stared down at his hand. Hearing him say something like that - Buffy felt fear crawl up her spine. She knew of course - that Spike had hated what he had done to Warren but there was no denying that the monster in him - the monster in him would have continued to scream for retribution. She didn’t know what it said about her that she loved him anyway. Under her hand the wood of the pew broke off into a sharp object that reminded her of a stake and she threw it away, refusing to even consider the possibility of staking him, “But they were only dreams. Weak. I was weak. Couldn’t control. Couldn’t stop the hunger. Angel—he should've warned me. He makes a good show of forgetting, but it's here, in me, all the time.” He walked back over to her, “The spark. I wanted to give you what you deserve, and I got it. They put the spark in me and now all it does is burn.” As he stared at her she could see the tear tracks on his face.

In that moment Buffy understood, and with the understanding came horror. And then compassion. A tear left her, and then another. The walls between them broken down, and the edge long leapt off of, “Your soul.” She tried to wipe away her tears but found that they could be contained no longer.

Spike laughed, “Bit worse for lack of use.”

“I can’t…” But she could, “How?”

“It’s what you needed.” He paused, “What I needed, to be good for you.” He started walking toward the altar and Buffy watched him, felt glued to the floor, “And - and now everybody's in here, talking. Everything I did...everyone I - and him... and it... the other, the thing beneath - beneath you. It's here too. Everybody. They all just tell me go... go…” He looked back at her, “to hell”.

“Don’t listen to them.” She begged but it was such a silly thing to ask - because how could he not?

“Buffy, shame on you.” And he was right of course, “Why does a man do what he mustn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man who would nev -” He looked away from her, “to be a kind of man.” He started walking again, further and closer to the front of the church and she followed - helplessly, as if they were tethered together by an unseen string, “And she will see strength and absolution. And the blood will wash away. The sins will wash away.” He was next to the crucifix and staring at it like it was some sort of holy relic, “So everything's OK, right?”

He draped himself over and and for a moment burned. The smell of smoke and flesh filled her nose and without even thinking Buffy hurried forward to pull him off. He struggled but once and then went still. Slowly she lowered him to the ground where she held him draped over her lap like some terrible mockery of a holy image that she refused to dare name. As they sat there Spike looked up into her eyes, and touched her cheek, “Can - can we rest now? Buffy...can we rest?”

She nodded and took comfort in their closeness, even as she held him - unsure of what to do - or how to even go about fixing the terrible thing that had happened to the vampire that she loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was very important to me that the final image of the episode be different and that this conversation be different, because the situation of the relationship is very different. There's a lot more understanding and angst/horror from Buffy's end here because she's coming at this moment from a much more loving view point. The person she loves is hurting and she's helpless. It's a hard situation to be in. Buffy's reaction to the soul is beyond this is going to be an interesting one to be sure. 
> 
> Their final "embrace" if you want to call it that, very much is meant to mirror the 'The Pieta'. It's a little cliche but I couldn't help it.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	111. Same Time, Same Place (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willow is missing, Spike is a little mad. Just a typical day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spike POV.
> 
> More disjointed POV :)

**Time Stamp:** Mid-Episode

He stared at the witch in front of him as he paced. Why did everyone with problems come to him? Couldn’t they see that he wasn’t quite right in the head? He wasn’t their therapist. He wasn’t anything. Just dust in the wind. His skin felt stretched too tight. Like hooks had been dug into it and pulled taut. He paused in front of Willow and cocked his head - people were coming. No - two people. A larger man and - Buffy. He touched where she had held him and felt the phantom pain of her hand, “Little light of mine.” He sing-songed as Buffy came into view.

The witch looked at him like he was crazy but she was the crazy one. The one with no sanity. She had flayed a man alive. What was his excuse? Buffy approached him with purpose and he took two steps back. Did she think she could touch him now? Did she think that all his ills were gone because he had knelt down in supplication and confessed his sins? That wasn’t how prayer worked, “You ran away.” She told him, “I haven’t seen you since -”

“It burned.” He told her, “The touch it burned and I had to go before the sun got me.”

If the sun got to him then he really would be ash, “We need your help Spike.”

It must have killed the boy to say that. He stared at Riley, “Tragedy.” 

In front of him he could see Willow look around - and he wondered what she thought of him. No good Spike. Last time she saw him he had been good. That was before the blood, before the pounding in his ears, “I needed to go, but I'm back now. And I found... There's a body.” She told him continuing their conversation from before. 

“Is there blood?” He asked her.

“Uh, I, Yeah, and I can't find Buffy or Tara or Dawn. And there's this thing killing people. And the victim was... skinned. What could do that?” She wondered aloud.

She could do it. She could skin a man and leave not a trace. She was just like him. Broken. But she didn’t shy away from touch because she didn’t see the eyes. Didn’t see the screaming and the horror and the terror, in the eyes of one who loved her. Only gentle things. Only wonder. But there was no wonder for him. No goodness. Only a touch that burned, “He knows. He must have seen the body.” Riley said behind him.

“You did it once. I heard about it.” He told Willow.

Something here was wrong. Something didn’t seem right. But he couldn’t put his finger on it. His mind splintered into glass as he tried to figure it out. Like a mouse chasing after cheese that was just out of reach. Until the cook caught him and cut off his tail as punishment, tossed him out into the alley for the cats to eat, “Spike… who did this?” Buffy’s voice was soft.

He turned to look at her, “Look at you... glowing. Why are you here glowing? Sun suits you better.”

“I wanted to know…” Buffy trailed off.

There was something in her voice. If he was okay? He wasn’t okay. He might never be okay again. Might never be the same. The him that she loved was dead. Buried in the dirt with the dead things. All things had to end. Couldn’t touch, couldn’t feel - just what was he? A riddle. Something that couldn’t be loved. Solve for A. Occam's Razor, “I-I-I should hide. Hide from you. Hide my face. You know what I did.”

“He’s not going to help us.” Riley told Buffy.

“Please shut up.” Buffy whispered to him.

As they talked things started to snap. Started to come into focus. A moment of sanity, “What you did? You didn't do anything... did you?” Willow asked him but it meant very little.

“Everyone's talking to me. No one's talking to each other.” 

He looked between Willow, Buffy, and Riley. They were all there and he wasn’t all there but - they - they were all there and alone. At least he had company. But they didn’t. Something was wrong. They were wrong, and for the first time he was right. It was a small moment - the clarity, but it filled his lungs like cigarette smoke, “We should go.” Riley told Buffy.

“Spike, please try to listen to me.” Willow implored at the same time. 

But now he had the full picture. The whole thing. As the smoke came in and collapsed his lungs the sanity died, but the knowledge was there rattling around in his brain, “Someone isn't here. Button, button... who's got the button? My money's on…” He looked at Willow, “the witch.” Riley was leading Buffy out but the moment he spoke Buffy stopped and turned to look at him, “Red's a bad girl.”

“You’re talking about Willow.” She implored him.

Riley shook his head, “He’s not going to help us Buffy. Let’s go.”

“One of them thinks you did it. The slayer or her soldier. Think you took the skin.” He told Willow.

She had the guts to look horrified. But she had skinned a man alive. Had ripped away at the surface to leave the truth under it all. They were all skin. All bag and bones. All of them human and so breakable, “Is there something here? Something that killed?” Riley asked him.

“Riley stop.” Buffy had clearly had enough of his chatter.

Spike had enough of the chatter too. He felt - oddly sane. For the first time ever. He wasn’t sure how long it would last. But he had to treasure it. Had to find a way to bottle this feeling, “I have to go. There are things here without permission. I have to check their slips. Make sure they have authorization.” He told Riley.

That wasn’t sanity. But it was close. Maybe there was hope for him yet. Hope in the dark places.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to tackle this scene as a challenge to myself. I hope that it's mostly easy to understand. And the angst city between Buffy and Spike continues. Whew. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.


End file.
